Story Title: Allter Ego Secrets
Story Link: Clickeu

Author: Zining

Reviewer: kittyxluvlee

Title -5/5

Wow. The title blew me away (as always). It definitely tied in with the story nicely, and it caught the reader's attention from the get-go, making them wondering what the secrets may be. I do think that it sounds nice but a little awkward? Secrets of an Alter Ego would work. But then again, I love how you always keep your titles nice and short; it just has that nice, poetic, mysterious, vague feel. Great job!

Description/Foreword  -13/15

Was the description and foreword interesting? Did it help lure the reader in further? Is it nicely designed?

Yes, it was definitely interesting, BUT...I feel like you could've made it shorter instead of asking some unnecessary questions.

WOULD YOU RATHER LISTEN TO YOUR ALTER EGO OR YOU? 

First sentence is all good.

YOUR ALTER EGO IS JUST ANOTHER PART OF YOU.

Hm...feels a little unnecessary there. Maybe if you included a dictionary definition in the foreword. I just feel like a sudden declarative sentence breaks the poetic flow in here.

WOULD YOU RATHER LISTEN TO YOUR LOVE OR YOUR HEART?

Pretty Good. I don't really get how it ties in with the story. Maybe in one little part, but it's not  a big central part of the plot in my opinion.

ARE THEY BOTH THE SAME THING?

Too many questions. Try to keep it short without asking too many questions or else it detract from the reader's initial curiosity.

DID YOU REMEMBER TO PUT ON MAKE-UP AND PAINT ON YOUR FACADE?  

I know your old title had to do with makeup, but in my opinion, I think if you remain more focused on the 'alter ego' thing, it would sound much better. Emphasizing has its effects. For example:

Your alter ego is everything.

It hides the truth.

It hides emotions.

It hides you.

THEY HIDE TRUTH.

THEY HIDE EMOTIONS.

THEY HIDE YOU.  

I LOVE your last three sentences! They're perfect. Ends off on just the right note.

Character Development/Showcasing -14/20

Since this story is all about alter egos, it showcases two sides of CL: CL and Chaerin. I like it, but I feel that you were unclear on which side you were writing about at some times. I got a little confused while I reading this. I feel like you fluctuate a bit too much between the sides, making the reader feel lost and confused about who it is. Instead of using 'she', more use of CL and Chaerin would definitely clear up. Or like put CL in italics and Chaerin in regular font. You did do that occasionally, but it was still a little difficult. O maybe you did, and I was just not smart enough to understand it. O.o Because there are some parts where Chaerin seems more like CL than Chaerin.

Also, I felt like you could elaborate more on how different the two sides were, especially on their feelings. Just to show how different and polar opposites they are because that's what the whole story is. I did feel confused about Dara's personality about this. Care to elaborate more on Jiyong, her, and CL?

Appearance -4.5/5

Love the minimalistic theme. Definitely fits the story. Having no poster doesn't really make a difference to me, so....Formatting was all good, though as I stated above, having a way to distinguish between CL's POV and Chaerin's POV would really help the reader out.

Originality -19/20

Wow. I loved the plot. It's really original, and I'm just the type of person who enjoys analyzing the different faces and sides of people. These type of plots are extremely rare in AFF, so I applaud you! I love how it's kind of like a war between the two sides for dominance. Haha, maybe I'm over-analyzing it, but it's just so creative! And I love how in the end, you showed how CL ended up winning in the end. Perfect. Props for the great originality. Though I did dock off a point because it wasn't very suspenseful. It didn't keep you guessing which side of CL/Chaerin would end up winning. And the little affair with JiYong being kept a secret. Haha, Plot twist: CL ends up telling everyone XD But overall, great job!

Flow -4/5

It was a little too short and rushed. I felt like you could've taken more time to elaborate on both egos and small details like Dara and JiYong. Like what was the deal with that? I was kind of confused there. Just a little more elaboration and in-depth explanation would make the story a captivating read. And the changes from CL to Chaerin was kind of confusing...

Grammar/Spelling -23/25

Nope :) Well, not that much. I did spot some missing commas, unneeded commas, and the like. You have great grammar, I just think you should take the time to read everything over. Also, there were some awkwardly-worded sentences.

General Enjoyment/Last Comments -4/5

Did I, as a reader, personally enjoy reading your story? Why or why not? Any comments for improvement? My overall impression of the story.

As always, I loved reading it, which is funny because I don't usually read one-shots. Everything is written beautifully, and your ending is wonderful! Sadly, I could not enjoy it to its full potential because it was rather confusing about which ego I was reading about. Improvement? I would say focus more on your character development and take the time to elaborate. Finding a way to help the reader distinguish which ego is talking at a time would also help. Keep up the great work writing those oneshots!

Sorry this took so long. I've got a bunch of reviews lined up, and school has been soooo hectic. Anyways, thank you for requesting from State of Grace Advertisement and Review Cafe~

Reviewer: kittyxluvlee

86.5/100 points

Note from hottest7684; Heyo guys. I just want to thank zining for requesting here so much. I'm glad you like us. <3