[author's note the italics are kris's thoughts]

I hear her voice...

I feel her move....

Is she here?

"Kris are you awake?" The figure I was holding now cautiously slips from my grip. Pushing away the covers she whispers in my ear, "I will call you later okay. Like I promised we will go to the zoo after my classes today." I can hear ____ smile then I feel her breath linger near my neck as if she wants to kiss me. She doesn't but oh how I wish she would have because I want to embrace her, finally confess my hidden affections for her and if she's ready, make love to her. But instead she just leaves. As I open my eyes to see her one last time before this afternoon I can see her pulling her fingers through her hair and with a strained sigh as she says to herself, loud enough to hear yet soft enough to hide her words, " Why can't I just let these feelings go...." My door shuts and I wake up to a sudden alarm on my cellphone.

I realize my reality as I shift uncomfortably around under my covers. Why is it so hot? Why do I feel smothered? I take off my shirt, walk to the bathroom and proceed to take a shower. Within the shower I cry, not loud enough to be heard by my roommates, but loud enough to the point where I hear it and am ashamed of my current disposition. Why do I keep having these dreams about her? Why am I constantly plauged with feeling her soft skin, holding her waist as we sleep, allowing my fingers to softly glide against her beautiful dark skin. I choke back a sob as I hear a knock on the door. " Hey Kris you okay in there?" asks Chanyeol. "Yeah I'm fine." I say dryly. " Umm do you need to talk about anything? Like maybe why ____ hasn't been around the last couple of weeks? I ate dinner with her a few nights ago and she seemed fine until I brought you up. Do you want to tell me whats going on?" I felt my chest tighten. Chanyeol and I have been best friends since middle school, there has been nothing that I have hidden from him but Im finding it hard to say the words that are held tightly within my chest.

I abandoned her. She hates me, man. She confessed her feelings for me and I just left her I left ___ standing there alone. After she touched me, after I felt her lips I just couldn't think straight and I was afraid, afraid of the fact that in that moment I was vulnerable and open. I'm afraid that she may hurt me or realize that I am not the one she should be with... Why would she want a person like me? A person that has control issues, has extreme emotions, someone that takes years to open up enough to let someone as close as she has gotten in just two short years. What if she realizes that I'm not that great then what do I do?

I ignored his question left out of the shower and had to face him in the hallway. " I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want her name to be mentioned in front of me nor do I want to be reminded of her I.." Chanyeol cut me off and I saw an intense rage that I have never had the problem of experiencing, " Why are you doing this to her? Didn't she confess to you? Wasn't she trying to open up to you? You of all people know how long it takes for her to admit that she has feelings towards someone but then she puts it all on the line, your friendship, her heart and after she kissed you, you left with a pathetic sorry?!" Chanyeol took a deep breath before steeping back and looking at me in the eyes. We were both at our limits. Being yelled at wasn't something I took kindly too and it was only because we have known each other so long that I didn't already throw the first punch. With both of us breathing hard and staring intensely at one another he continues to speak. "Kris, you need to do something about this. I am not going to allow you to leave her so unsure of herself because you can't admit to your feelings. So what if your going to be vulnerable, she's the perfect one for you. She will take care of you but she can only do that if you allow her to. Standing here crying because you miss her or saying her name in your sleep isn't going to help nor slove anything. Solve this bro or else someone will make her feel even better than you did." With that Chanyeol walked into the main room of our dorm, grabbed his car keys and left.