MeguChii; Akuma No Sekai  

• Title [3/5]: The title is okay since it fits the story very well. You could have used another title though like ‘Apocalypse of Demons’ or ‘Demons and Demon Hunters’ but the title you have suited the story already :)

• Foreword/Description [8/10]: It’s quite entertaining but found a few flaws. Just a little bit though. But it’s okay. It didn’t ruin the first impression part.

• Appearance [2/5]: I’m going to be so honest, okay? I like the poster but you could have asked for a poster from a poster/graphic shop. It’s best if you could. But I’m not insulting or doubting your skills, okay? I just wanted you to have more background and designs. The pics could have been changed. It’s nice, don’t worry. Just need more tweak and twinkle and it’s good :)

• Plot [13/15]: Even though it’s a bit cliché, it’s okay. The story is interesting and has a nice twist of things.

• Originality [12/15]: Cliché. I’ve seen a lot of it. But yours has a bit twist on it and I don’t mind about it. It actually gave a bit originality on your story :)

• Spelling/Grammar [14/20]: And here we are the spelling/grammar section. I’ve got 6 things to say to you.
1. Check your spellings. There are few but it’s not distracting.
2. Choice of words.
3. Past, present, and future tense of actions.
4. Adjectives and Adverbs.
5. Use of comma.
6. Use of period.

Note: Underlined words are the flaws. And the Bold letters are the corrected words.
Some flaws I want to pinpoint in order for you to see and change the others when you see them.

Examples:
• Original: On that moment I saw panick in the store, almost all demons went to the back of the store.
• Correction: On that moment I saw panic in the store, almost all demons went to the back of the store.

• Original: "Kill". She said it so cold, like it was the normal thing you could do.
• Correction: "Kill.” She said it so cold, like it was the normal thing you could do.

• Original: "Lucky me, you were with me... otherwise I would be dead" he said.---There should be a period at the end of the dialogue.
• Correction: "Lucky me, you were with me... otherwise I would be dead." he said.

That’s all the examples I want to give ^^

• Flow [8/10]: The flow is a bit fast but it’s good. I just got distracted by your paragraphs. You tend to have long paragraphs. I suggest you cut it into half or so. It’s a bit distracting for me. And the flow is smooth and rough meaning the story’s progress is a bit fast but it goes along well with the plot.

• Characters [8/10]: Nothing much to say but I’m a bit curious of the characters. So Ryosuke is a demon hunter and protect his sister with all his might. Mai is the younger sister of Ryosuke; soon she knows how to fight demons and was once possessed by a demon. Sayumi a demon hunter despite she’s a demon, once gone to hell but escaped.
Do you see what I’m talking about? No? Okay, so what I’m saying is that, the characters lack description or background of its own. I’m not saying you put all the backgrounds and description of the characters but I’m expecting some history before the apocalypse. (Ryosuke is still included even though he is mentioned of being popular back then.)

• Overall Enjoyment [7/10]: I enjoyed it. It’s interesting and wants me to know more. Good thing you have part 2 :) I am worried for Sayumi and what Ryosuke and Mai would do.
• Score [75/100]
• Marking Scores Grading Sheet :
• 91 and above - A*
• 85-90 - A+
• 75-84 - A
• 74-69 - B+
• 68-63 - B
• 62-60 - B-
• 59-54 - C+
• 54-50 - C
• 50-40 - D
• 40-1 - Upgraded
Your score is 75 out of 100 = 75% You got an A!

reviewed by : cherrylisa ; ordinary review shop

Admin's Note :

We are so sorry for the long wait. Your story was awesome. The reviewer and I did enjoyed it. I gave my request to the reviewer, because I would like to see how could she work on a review, and she was sooooo awesumm ;_____; Your story is great, I was kinda shock when I saw Sayumi died, she's quite pretty ;____; LOL. So, this is your review! Thank you for requesting!

Cherry's Notes!

MeguChii~ I like you story very much (and did you know I love demons very much?). When I reviewed stories, it's very interesting and not boring. It has a twist (I believe I mentioned it already) and it keeps my hope high! I got a bit disappointed with Mai and her attitude and Sayumi ;~; but glad to know there's part 2 :D I hope you like the review :D We will be looking forward for you again! <3

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Love, Hana (kris-wifey)

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