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Kyungsoo feels like a wreck.


He has been sitting in the office at his computer the past half hour to prepare for an interview, but the words just don't sink into his brain. This has been happening all too often lately.

When he's not trying to concentrate on his deejay work, he's poring over numerous documents from Provence Bakery.

Now that his grandmother is gone, he has officially taken over the business.


The radio station still hasn't found a suitable replacement, so as of now, he's working on part-time contract with them.


Life is so hectic he barely has time to breathe.

But deejaying work is still, his forte, thus he can afford a little break every now and then.


However, it's also during these moments that his mind slips to someone who makes his heart aches.


He's contemplate a many times to call you. But the problem is, he doesn't know what to say.

Does he say it's okay? Because honestly, it's not. He's still wondering which part of the relationship is the true Gaeun and which is the part where your paparazzi persona takes over. And he's dreading to know which is which.

Does he say he's upset? But up until now, he's mostly concerned rather than being angry with you.


Are you eating well? Are you sleeping early?

Do you miss me? The way I miss you?


And most importantly, he wonders where this entire thing is going.

He is reminded of his own parent's marriage- a union separated because of one's contrary endeavors.



Kyungsoo remembers there was once, when he was little, he had asked his mother,

"Why did Dad leave?"

His mother didn't look up from her household chores for a few seconds. And when she did, she sighed and gave him a resigned smile.


"Sometimes, when you love somebody, you have to let them go. Your dad loves something dearly, and he went for it. I love your dad, so I let him go."



He didn't understand it then. Not that he entirely does, still.

Love seems so fragile. How is it any different with his own?


He's not capable of handling anything emotional now, not with the dozen and one things piled on his plate at the moment.

Provence Bakery is his grandmother's lifetime of hard work and he's not ready to let it go to waste in his hands.


So for now, it's easier to chuck things aside.



He's resorted to sleeping at his grandmother's house, as the very mere look of his own quarters reminds him of you.

But that doesn't mean he's spared from the sleepless nights, thinking of peach pink smiles, determined eyes and shy touches.



The eye bags must have been darkening, because Minseok is suddenly pulling up a chair and plopping down beside him.



"Didn't get enough sleep last night?"

Kyungsoo presses the ball of his hands into tired eyes and groans.


"The bakery has a lot of backlogs, I've been going through them these few days."

Minseok pats him on the back as encouragement.


"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, you should go for a break. The interns are taking over the shifts, so you don't have to worry."

"We've got interns now?"

"Yeah, if they're good enough, you'll be free to go."


Kyungsoo heaves a sigh of relief.

"And I'm serious, you need to rest. Go for a holiday or something. Or if you think it's too far, there's always a Christmas pre-party nearby. There's one near your place tomorrow, they're having a fireworks rehearsal in the afternoon, so you can catch it before the crowd comes in during the night."


"A fireworks rehearsal in the day? Won't it be pointless since you can't see much of anything?"

"Yeah, it's mostly a slip-up by the management. I did the ad for them so I heard a little about it. The fireworks were supposed to be shipped earlier but it only arrived yesterday. They have no choice but to use them all on the same day."


Kyungsoo snickers.

"Nah... I'll pass. Fireworks aren't really my thing."

"Then what's your thing?" Minseok raises a brow.


Kyungsoo sighs.

Before he can answer, his phone beeps with an incoming message.


His heart nearly stops when he reads the text and sender.


From: Gaeun
Can we meet up tomorrow? At your house?



For some reason, his mother's words suddenly flashes in his mind again.



It's with trembling fingers that he replies your message.

❖❖❖
 

You clutch your bag tighter as you head towards the familiar pathway.


This is it.

This is make or break.


Yes or No.


It's an extreme decision, you know. Shinae has drilled that into you for three nights straight.

"Dumb and idiotic" were her exact words.


But if this doesn't work out, you want a clean break.

No wishy-washy.

No excuses for you to continue waiting.


Because you know, if there's even a teeny weeny bit of hope, you'll never be able to get out of this intact. Ever.

This is the ultimate end all.



So you take one deep breath.

And two.


Then you knock.

 

❖❖❖

Kyungsoo jumps, the remote control he's been playing in his hand stilling as he glances at the door.

You're here.


Switching off the TV (which he isn't watching anyway), he places the remote control back on the table and stands up shakily, smoothing his now perspiring hands onto jeans and walking across the hallway.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

❖❖❖

The sudden realization that the person you've been pining for day and night is finally, right before you, in flesh and blood, stuns both of you into silence.


There's an air of uncertainty as you wonder what each other is thinking.


One thing's for sure, you miss him.

You miss him so much and he's just there now close enough to touch, but you're scared. The aching crawls and twines inside you and though it's freezing out, you don't dare to move.



Kyungsoo takes in thinner frame and sunken cheeks and his heart hurts. He wants to hug you but worrying it will spook you, he only settles for a simple, "Hey."


Just the very sound of that voice is breaking you into a million pieces.


"Come on in."

You follow numbly.


As you take in the familiar surroundings and smell of faint lavender, you feel nostalgic. It's just so... Kyungsoo.

Memories that you've locked out in your mind are creeping back and you fight to not let your tears fall.


Why are you so weak?



Kyungsoo is struggling with emotions of his own. The urge to touch you is so strong, but you are looking like you are guarding something and he's afraid to approach without your consent.

So he waves for you to sit instead.


"Do you want... Anything to drink?"

You want to laugh.

The two of you are talking like strangers yet here you are, trying to see if he'll want you back into his life.


What were you even thinking?


You shake your head, managing a weak smile before settling on the couch.

Still wary of the invisible fortress you've built around yourself, Kyungsoo sits opposite you, safely separated by the table.


You finally dare yourself to look up. The male seems skinnier, black sweater loose over pale neck and collarbones, dark circles under doe eyes, and you wonder if the absence has affected him as much as it did to you. He's still handsome as ever, wielding the same charm that had you falling for him. Over and over again.


"How... Are you?" His voice is soft.

And it reminds you of gentle touches and careful kisses. This is the third time you feel like breaking down and you've not even spoken a word yet. In fact, you are seriously doubting whether you'll be able to go through this without crumbling into an emotional mess.


The male has a scarily powerful effect over you.


"I'm... alright. And you?" You're glad at least your voice isn't shaking.

Kyungsoo feels like holding you again but he only clutches his hands together tighter.


If only you know you have the same commanding effect over him.

"I've... Been busy... Took over the bakery and there's a lot of work to do. Besides my job at the station." He sighs and the two of you fall into heavy silence.


Kyungsoo doesn't know what you're thinking and he fidgets in his seat, teeth clasped onto bottom lip.

The room suddenly feels smaller.


"Grandma asked about you." He lets out.

You peer up at him.


"You were there. At the funeral, weren't you?" He holds your gaze. You look so tragically beautiful and fragile there's nothing more he wants to do than to cradle you.

"How... Did you know?" You breathe.


"I saw the flowers. And necklace." He takes out the accessory from a pocket and hands it to you. "Here, you can have it back. I think Grandma will prefer you to have it."

You open your mouth to protest, but seeing the look in his eyes, you take over the necklace silently.


"And I'm sorry I didn't ask you because... I thought you wouldn't come..." He trails off quietly.

"I... I'm sorry."


Kyungsoo stares at you, confused.


You feel the guilt stabbing at you again and promptly reaches into your bag for the envelope.


"I understand you don't want me to be there and I promise, I'll pay you back for the money she's given for my brother's operation."


When he sees the manila envelope, he's even more befuddled.

"What... Is this?"


You take a deep breath, eyes not entirely able to focus on his for fear of faltering.

"Madam Park request that the marriage be binding as long as she's still around. But now, you have the choice to void it."


Taking out the document, you place it before him, studying his expression.

"If you want to." You say quietly.


Kyungsoo reads the words and blanks out.


Divorce?


He glances up at you.

You want a divorce?



Sensing his shock, a flicker of hope rises in you.


He cares.


Kyungsoo stares, noting your lips thinned into a straight line. You still have that invisible aura around you, and he is suddenly second-guessing all his previous conclusions about the relationship.

For all the scenarios he's run through in his head, this isn't one of them.


He thinks you've probably come to apologize, and maybe argue a little. But not this. Not a clean-cut divorce.

His mind is reeling and he doesn't know what to think.



"I've already written in the necessary parts. All you have to do is sign on the same pages as I did and hand it to the lawyer." You sound foreign in your own ears and Kyungsoo's breath is heavy, body trembling as he comes to terms with the situation.


"Is this..." His voice cracks a little. "Is this what you want?"

The look in his eyes is smothering you.



And for all the rehearsals you've done earlier in your mind, you find that none works when he's staring at you like that. You feel like sobbing. And this time, a tear actually makes it way to the gateways and you quickly glance away to force it back in.


This is not the way you want him to make his decision.

Out of pity for you.


You won't cry.

You won't.



While you are spending your time handling your overriding emotions, Kyungsoo is choking in his.

You looked away.

Gaeun looked away.


He's speechless, heart expanding too much in his constricted chest and a bitter bile working up his throat.

Why?


Suddenly, he remembers his mother's words, and there's a horrible clenching in his gut.


Sometimes, when you love somebody, you have to let them go.



The pain strikes at him as he glances at you once again.

Gaeun...


The tightening in his chest swirls and churns as he slowly capitulates to the tormenting decision. And the face of his tormentor.


You're so beautiful.


Midnight lashes long against beautiful almond eyes... Pale cheeks and peach pink lips, soft as snow but warm inside.

Your hands, slender and dainty and how it so easily pulls him to attention whenever they move, graceful like an artist's...


And that smile, blinding and sweet.

He wants to be responsible for each and every one of them.


But he's not allowed to.



You are not giving him the right.


And it stings. It hurts and he can't do this but he knows he have to.

If this is what you want, who is he to say no?


He loves you.

And if you love someone and they want to leave, what do you do?




Gaeun....


He swallows, raising a shaky hand across the table where he keeps some of his stationery.

He takes a pen and removes the cap.




You hear the sound of the cap undoing and flicks your head towards the source.

You freeze.


No, what is happening?


You see him thumbing the edge of the document with a pen in his hand.


He is doing it.

Kyungsoo is going to sign the divorce papers.



He's agreeing to the divorce.


You widen your eyes.

No.

This is not real.

You've done it thinking it will at least invoke some questions, a sign, of what the male really thinks about the situation, about you. You've come to him easy, by the will of others. Now's the time to test how his heart really feels.


And this, is your answer.

You can't believe it.


Don't you want me back?



Don't you love me?


Your nose sours and your vision blurs as you watch, helplessly, as he flips the page, a silent scream in your throat.

No.


You blink, a tear finally escaping when you see the pen coming down on paper, as if in slow motion, his head bowed low, and you can't see his expression.

Kyungsoo....




He signs.

A decisive flourish over parchment, the sound crisp and cutting through the silence of the house.






He did it.

It feels unreal.



He really did it.

Tears are now rushing forth and you hurry to clasp a hand over your mouth before you can sob out loud.


Trembling from the emotions running through you, you don't notice the vibration in your pocket, indicating an incoming message, until the person decides to call instead.


The ringing is loud and intrusive, and when Kyungsoo looks up, jarred by the sound, you take the opportunity to quickly stand up and makes for the door, pulling out your phone and announcing out loud to the boy,


who is now officially divorced from you.

"I need to go, I'm sorry.. I've got something on..." You ramble, trying to keep your voice under control and failing terribly at it.



Kyungsoo is in a daze.


Are you... Crying?


You push towards the door, furiously wiping off your tears before you yank it open.


Kyungsoo stands from his seat.


"Gaeun?"




Stop! Stop calling my name!


"'Am really sorry..." You croak and steps out into the cold, walking as fast as you can without breaking into a run.



When you round the corner of the street, you turn to look at the house one last time. He didn't follow.



It's over.

You collapse against the concrete wall, slipping down into a squat, chest heaving from the loud sobs.


You love him so, so much.



Kyungsoo...


But you are just not meant to be.

You would have continued sobbing your heart out, but whoever was calling just now is persistent, and your phone jumps to life again.



For a second, you think of throwing the device to the floor, but even though your heart is broken, your rationale is sadly, still intact. You let out one last snort, wiping it off very ungraciously on the back of one hand before holding up the phone to see who's calling.


Zitao.

He won't dare to chain-call you if it's not something of utmost importance. Swallowing your despondency, you accept the call, but not daring to say anything first in case your voice breaks.


"Noona... Gaeun noona, where are you?"

His tone is urgent, almost frantic.


Instinctively, you snap to attention. You keep your answer short, to prevent him from detecting any abnormality.

"What?"


"We were bluffed. The exchange isn't in Jeju island. It's near Dosan Park."

Dosan Park? That's near to where you are situated now.


"I'm taking the first flight back to Seoul from Jeju, but my informant said the exchange will be in 20 minutes time, so I won't be able to make it. Are you available now? I know you said you'll be busy in the afternoon but..."

You clear your throat, purposely making your voice low, hoping the nasal sound isn't as obvious.

"Text me the address."


"Ok. And noona, please call Kris to ask him to go down with you. This... I'm sure you heard about the missing reporter."

The note of concern in Zitao's voice is apparent and you hum in response before hanging up.



This is the last thing you can do for the deejay. And you don't care what it costs you.

It doesn't matter anymore.

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a/n: Exo came back! I think I enjoyed inkigayo's stage the best, heehee~ Our Kyungie is so handsome! ^^ I finished this story as well, will be updating very quickly these 2 days!