Clueless
The second heart
The bell ran signaling that the lesson has ended but I was not in a hurry. Minho on the other hand seemed to fly away – disappear for a lack of better words – just as soon as he heard the not so melodic sound. The only thing left after him was the one last note on my desk. I packed my bag and only hen carefully opened the note. Two words….. “Good luck”. I signed. Minho seemed nice but that was the only thing I can say about him. During our conversation I couldn’t manage to grasp at least one single trait but that didn’t bother me. I know that it is hard for me to communicate to people – my psychologist often teased me about it. But before you jump to conclusions – I am not crazy.
The story is….. My aunt told my parents that she thought I was a bit weird and that I might need some professional help. And my parents of course had to listen to her. It’s all because my aunt helps us financially. At first I wanted to object but then I met my psychologist. His name was Park Junsu and he was 26 years old or so he told me. I knew he was lying but we all have our secrets. He was funny, witty and really smart. Plus he was a good psychologist. After our first session he told my parents that I was perfectly normal but apparently my parents wanted to waste some more money curing something that didn’t exist. But I didn’t object anymore – I liked Junsu’s company. He would entertain but never forget what he was paid for. He often gave me different psychological tests but never showed me the results. He would always only say:
“Key, you are such an interesting person. You have so much to say but you keep it all inside because you are shy. Someday I hope that you will open up and your parents will see that you are perfectly normal.”
I would just chuckle and say that I am not shy.
When Junsu found out that I was moving he seemed sad but he tried to hide it. He joked about it and laughed but I could see that he has gotten used to me.
We still keep in touch but it is not the same anymore. When we call each other we have no idea what to say. When I think of writing him a letter I realize that I have nothing to say. And I am sure that it’s the same for him. In reality I think me and Junsu are really alike. He also likes thinking; he keeps most of his thoughts and worries inside. There is just one difference. Junsu hides everything under a smile while I openly show the world who I am. In a way I think Junsu is a little more messed up than me. He never shows how he feels but instead shows the opposite emotion – I just keep everything inside.
But no matter how messed up he is I know that when I am sad the only person my mind travels back to is Junsu.
I turned around and saw Minhwan standing beside me. He was waiting for me and I found it a bit sweet.
“Key…. It’s lunch time. Are you going to eat?”
God…. I didn’t feel like eating. “No. I am not hungry”
Minhwan frowned a bit but then gave me a perfect smile.
“Okay!”
Minhwan proceeded to leave the classroom but almost bumped into Seunghyun.
“Ya! Choi Minhwan! Watch where you are going!” – Seunghyun pretended to get really angry but the got hit by Minhwan. After they stopped hitting each other Seunghyun turned to me.
“So…. Key, Let’s go to the cafeteria!”
“He’s not hungry” – Minhwan answered for me. Seunghyun looked at me in surprise.
“You sure? You still have 2 lessons. I would eat if I were you” I did an awkward smile.
“Yes, I am sure” – Seunghyun nodded.
“Well… Let me see your schedule for your next class.”
“It’s okay… I think I will find it myself. Thanks for everything” – Seunghyun still looked doubtful but Minhwan pushed him a bit saying something like “God, let the poor guy breathe.” And then smiled a bit at me.
Seunghyun finally agreed to let me roam the school alone and waved me bye. Minhwan did the same and I just smiled. When they were out of sight I let a sign of relief.
I liked them – they were nice and interesting. But it was hard for me to communicate – I had to get used to a person. I needed time. And right now I wanted to be alone.
I pulled out my schedule. My next class was….. English with Mrs. Choi in classroom 3. My luck – it’s close. But I wasn’t ready to go there just yet so I made my way outside. It was rather cold and I even found myself thinking about the jacket I had decided not to put on this morning.
There were a lot of people outside too and I didn’t like that. People were eating, laughing and some were copying homework from someone else.
I sat down under the tree on the grass and pulled out a book I wanted to finish. It was “Never let me go” by Kazuo Ishiguro.
I was absorbed in the book. The characters of this book fascinated me. The whole plot fascinated me. Of course annoying giggles from the girls near by were a bit distracting but other than that I was glad I had decided to bring a book with me.
I was so into reading that I didn’t notice something very important. Only when I decided to look at the clock near the school building did I acknowledge the presence of a person by me. I carefully looked to my right and found a rather feminine boy sitting next to me. I looked at him expectedly but he didn’t say a thing and just continued smiling.
I raise an eyebrow. He seemed to notice that and only smiled wider. I studied his features. He was definitely a face I would remember. Cute and fluffy red hair. Plus he was creeping the hell out of me now. Yes I think I will remember him.
After 2 minutes I got annoyed and decided to break the silence.
“Is there something on my face or are you just making faun of me?” The boy chuckled and then touched my hair and moved it out of my eyes. I frowned.
“No and no. I am just observing. Continue what you were doing, hyung.” Hyung? I looked at his uniform and noticed that it was a bit different from mine. Freshman?
“Well….. That is a bit….. awkward.” The boy chuckled again. Am I that hilarious?
“Is that because we don’t know each other? I am Lee Taemin.”
“Kim Kibum” – I answered with uncertainty. He just continued staring. After a while he opened his mouth again. “What are you reading? And why are you not reading now?”
“Never let me go. Because you are staring” – I answered calmly but to tell the truth I was feeling a bit nervous. Taemin frowned,
“You don’t like me?” – He pouted a bit.
“I don’t like you staring….?” He chuckled again,
“Hyung….I-“ – suddenly someone threw his bag at Taemin. I blinked and looked up.
Familiar face. But I can’t remember his name. I met him already but where?
“Jonghyun-hyung!” – Ah…. That guy… - “Stop throwing stuff at me!” – Taemin pouted but Jonghyun just looked at me.
“New kid…” – He looked straight in my eyes – “Don’t fall for him. K? He is evil. He just toys with everyone.” Huh?
“Jonghyun-Hyung!!! I am not toying with anybody. I just want to become friends with Kibum- hyung, so shut up.” – Jonghyun seemed really amused.
“Okay, okay. Well now that you are friends with Kibum-shi you better run. Onew is looking for you.” – Taemin’s face suddenly seemed dazed..
“Onew-hyung? Crap! I promised to meet him. God, I should go.” – He stood up – “Kibum-hyung, nice meeting you, I’ll see you later” – He sent me a flying kiss and ran away. I signed. Those kinds of people are too much for me to handle.
“Great book.” – I looked up at Jonghyun.
“Huh?”
“The book…. You are holding. I like it.” – He smiled warmly.
“Oh….okay. Me too” – It then turned awkward between us.
“Well…. Have a nice day.” – He started walking away but then stopped and turned back. – “Hey…. You like cookies?”
“Huh?” – Jonghyun chuckled.
“You are one clueless person, huh?” – He then reached out, took my hand and placed a cookie in it. I looked at it and then back at him.
“Thank…you.” – He smiled and then left leaving me with a chocolate chip cookie in my head.
I slowly started munching on it. It was sweet.
….
Crap…. I forgot his name again..
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