Confusion and Envy

The Lover's Diary

"Sunye-ah! I see you!" Yoobin unnie shouted from the screen.

I laughed. Unnie could be so childish at times. "I know! I see you, too!"

"How are you?" she asked me, now becoming serious

"I'm okay. Things has been happening lately."

"Care to share them?"

I shook my head. "I want to...."

"Now why don't you, sweetie?"

"Unnie, what was it like for you when you met Seung Hyun oppa?" Seung Hyun oppa is Yoobin unnie's fiancé. They met when they were both freshman in college and started dating the same year. Seung Hyun oppa is training to be a surgeon while Yoobin unnie is training to be a nurse. They plan to get married when they're both out of medical school, which is in about 2 years.

"How was it like when I met him? Well, you could say I didn't have the greatest first impression of him," she laughed. "He was a smoker back then and I hated that in a guy. But I kind of saw him a lot because he was best friends with my friend's boyfriend. After seeing him a lot and talking with him, it... got better, you could say. He seemed really dark and sketchy in the beginning but after getting to know him... he turned out to be really sweet."

"Aw, that's cute."

"Now. why such a random question, Sunye? Are you have some sort or boy troubles? Do you have a crush on someone?"

"Um.. no.. unnie, I was just curious," I tried to play it off.

""Mmmhmm." She didn't seem to believe me.

"Unnie, what if I don't find the perfect guy for me. What'll happen?"

"Now, don't you worry about that, Sunye. You will. There's a perfect somebody for EVERYBODY."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! You're oblivious, no offense, I already know the perfect guy for you."

"Who?"

"Your Donghae oppa, that's who."

"Excuse me?" Oh no...

"Yup! Our whole family can see it, dearie. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but even your mother and father thinks so!"

"Unnie!"

"It is what it is, hun."

"Donghae oppa? But we're only friends.... W-we don't ever be more than that," I looked down for a second and then back up at the screen.

Unnie stared at me with deep eyes. "You have something you're not telling me."

"There's nothing, unnie."

"Sunye. You are a terrible liar. Just speak the truth to me."

"Really! There's nothing!"

"Are you lying to your unnie?!"

My shoulders slouched and I hung my head. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"It's alright. But, just tell me what's bothering you. Are you embarrassed to speak about it? You know, it's never good to keep things inside."

"I know, unnie." I breathed out.

"Well?"

"Um..."

"You like your Donghae oppa.... don't you?"

My eyes became wide. "Huh? No- um-"

"Are you lying to me again?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"I can see through you like a glass window, sweetie."

"Forget it. It's never going to work anyways. We're more fit as friends, anyways."

"Is that what's keeping you back from being with him? Because you think you're 'More fit as friends'? Dearie, don't you know that the most beautiful relationships start out as a friendship? A strong close friendship?"

"Do they?"

"Yes! And if you're worried about him liking you more than a friend, don't worry, sweetie. Your oppa will love you always. Trust me."

"Wow, unnie. Thank you."

"Now, isn't is so much more comfortable to let everything out?"

"It is."

"Now, I have to go soon, so if you need to talk about anything, especially about this, you just text me and I'll tell you when we can webchat again, okay?"

"Okay! Thanks, unnie! Oh, and if you can, can you help Leeteuk oppa and I on our paper? We're doing it on America."

"Ok, just email them to me okay, sweetie?"

"Alright."

"By now!" Our connection ended.

"The most beautiful relationships start out as a friendship?" I said to myself. "Hmm.... No!" I shook my head. "It doesn't matter if Donghae oppa doesn't like me that way. Just forget it, Sunye. Don't make things awkward between him and you..."

====================================================================

"Sunye-ah~!" I turned around and Gyuri and Jung Ah were standing there.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"I've changed my mind."

"Excuse me?"

"Oppa is upset that you're not talking to him anymore."

"That isn't my fault now, is it?" I began to turn around and walk away.

"You don't care about your oppa anymore?"

I turned to face her. "What are you trying to do? Because of YOU I can't talk to him and that's why he's upset. What can I do if you're just going to threaten me in return?"

Gyuri scrunched her lips and Jung Ah looked at her.

"Well, I'll tell you what," Gyuri said. "At this point, it seems that I care more about your oppa than you do," she laughed. That got me really mad but I hid it from my face. "In order to make him happy again, I'll allow you to talk to him again."

"Really?" I said in a serious tone.

""Really."

"Without threatening to ruin Ye Eun's career?"

"Of course. But just don't overdo it..." With that both her and Jung Ah walked away with a flick of their hair.

YOU care more about my oppa than I do? Not even close...

Just as I turned around to walk away, Donghae oppa was standing there.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"Uh, nothing, oppa," I said quickly. "Don't worry about it."

"How many times are you going to lie to me, Bunny?"

"How much did you hear?"

"Just about everything...."

I looked down. "I should have told you from the very beginning. I'm sorry."

Donghae oppa grabbed me and pulled me in a hug. "It's okay. You were just trying to protect Ye Eun and I'll respect that. But..." He released me from his hug and held me in front of him. "Just how long were you going to keep this from me?"

I adverted my eyes from his. "Um..hmmm...." I couldn't tell him that I was never planning on telling him at all....

"Well, whatever. As long as I know now."

"But oppa. She'll get mad if we talk a lot-"

"Screw her!"

"Oppa! Don't talk about people like that!" I slapped his arm.

"I thought you hated her."

"I do, but it's still not nice to say that about someone."

Oppa laughed.

"Oppa! You can't be mean to her. She's gonna ruin Ye Eun's debut if she find out you know..."

"Don't worry, Bunny. I know what I'm doing."

"And you can't tell anyone else. Especially Ye Eun. If she finds out she'll rip Gyuri apart."

"You hate Gyuri so much yet you're protecting her?"

"It's weird, right? I don't know why..."

Oppa smiled.

====================================================================

I smiled at her. I was happy we were finally talking now, yet sad that I found out on my own, not on her own will.

Her smile is so beautiful and real-

No! I can't think like that... Hyung likes her.... Remember what you told yourself Donghae? You'd back off!

"Oh, um, Bunny. I have to pick something up from the photography room. I'll see you in class, okay?"

"Alright," she said to me. "Bye!"

I headed up the stairs but stopped at the second floor. I looked down the stairwell and saw that Sunye had left.

There was nothing for me to pick up in the photography room.

====================================================================

"So, it seems like you've been talking to Kyuhyun a lot these day," Ye Eun said to me.

"I have. He's a really good friend," I replied.

"Are you sure that you don't like him as MORE than a friend?"

"No! Ye Eun! I don't!" I complained.

"I'm just kidding~."

"He's been helping me a lot with stuff, is all."

"Like what?" Ye Eun asked, curious.

"Just... stuff...." I couldn't tell her the real reason.

"You know, Donghae has been telling me that you're not telling us something and that you keep lying to him. Is that true?"

"It's not-"

"Honestly. You can tell Kyuhyun but you can't tell us?"

"I-"

"If it's something we did, Sunye-"

"Ye Eun! It's not! It's no ones fault except mine."

I think I startled her a little. "Alright, then.... But I'm always here....."

"Thanks, Ye Eun... And I'm sorry." I could tell that I'm really hurting her, like I'm hurting so many other people.

"It's okay," she said, trying to sound as if what I said didn't effect her.

We walked our separate ways towards our houses and I looked back to her and saw Ye Eun looking back at me. We both smiled at each other.

====================================================================

"So, you could ask you're unnie if she can tell us some stuff about America, right?" Leeteuk oppa asked me.

"Oh, right. I sent her some questions and she replied back this afternoon," I replied.

I was at Leeteuk oppa's house working on the project. Or I guess at this point, it's not really a project, more like a partner paper, ha ha.

I took out the printed email and handed it to oppa.

"Wow, she answered a lot! We're so gonna get an 'A' on this paper!"

"Heh heh," I laughed.

We spent at least two and a half hours writing the paper and it was practically finished by 6:30. Leeteuk oppa's omma asked if I wanted to stay for dinner but I kindly declined, saying that my omma was already making dinner. I've known both Donghae and Leeteuk oppas' families for so long but I seldom ever eat over their houses. Maybe I'm just too modest, but don't worry. I am comfortable with both their families.

"So, I'll print the final copy tonight and show it to you, tomorrow, okay?" oppa said.

"Okay." The paper wasn't due for another week, yet we finished the day after it was assigned. Both oppa and I liked to finish assignments early, it makes life so much easier later on when everyone is cramming.

"It's getting dark. I'll give you a ride home," Leeteuk oppa suggested. He stood up and grabbed his keys off the desk.

"You really don't have to, oppa. My house isn't THAT far away."

"It's too dark out. I can't let you walk home by yourself." He headed out his bedroom door and I followed close behind. I said goodbye to his parents as we walked out the front door.

"Sunye, are you planning to go to the Winter Festival Dance?" oppa asked me in the car.

"Not really. I really don't plan on going. But I guess I'll go if you guys are going to go."

"It'll be more fun if we could all just hang out that night insead of going to that dance."

"It would." It was always fun, just the four of us hanging out. "But, I bet Gyuri would want to go to the dance with Donghae oppa."

"Probably." oppa sighed. "If you end up wanting to go, I'm always available," oppa said.

"Thanks, oppa." We were now in front of my house. I thanked him for giving me a ride and said I'll see him tomorrow.

====================================================================

I was walking with Kyuhyun and the suddenly heard a voice resembling a dying pig. "Oppa~!" Gyuri called from across the school. I looked a Kyuhyun and rolled my eyes while shaking my head.

"Hi," was all I said while trying to sound enthusiastic to see her.

Kyuhyun gave a small bow.

"Oppa, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?" I didn't like where this was going.

She turned to Kyuhyun. "Kyuhyunnie, give us some privacy, okay?"

"Sure." Kyuhyun walked into one of the rooms but I knew he was just standing close to the doorway, listening to what was going on.

"Oppa, do you like me?" she asked seriously.

"Well-"

"If you do, please be my boyfriend!"

"What?" I heard a choking sound coming from the room Kyuhyun went to.

"Please, oppa! You're the only person I've ever wanted to badly," she pleaded with big eyes.

Donghae, say no. Don't screw your life over. You know this relationship won't work out if you do say yes. You already love someone... But, she doesn't like me like that... Does she? No, I'm sure she doesn't...

"Alright. I'll be your boyfriend." What have you done... I heard a gagging sound from that same room.

"AHHH!!!!!" Gyuri screeched. Everyone in the hallway turned and looked in our direction. "OPPA! THANK YOU SO MUCH!" She gave me a giant hug and covered in delight. She skipped away, still squealing while yelling for Jung Ah.

I turned around and Kyuhyun came out of the room that I heard all those sounds coming from.

"You heard?" I asked him.

He nodded. "You're too nice, hyung."

"What else was I supposed to do? Just turn her down?"

"YEAH!" emphasized Kyuhyun.

"That's easier said than done..."

"But, I know you know that this relationship isn't gonna work out." I nodded. "The harder part is eventually to break up with her."

"Not if she wants to break up with me, though."

"Considering how much she likes you? That's never gonna happen. At this rate, you're gonna marry her, hyung!"

"Ughh, we'll see that happens..." I walked forward but stopped. "Did you say something, Kyuhyun?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"C'mon, lets go."

I could have sworn he said something about Sunye.

====================================================================

"You have to get the application papers for the college," my omma told me.

"How do I get them?" I asked her. "It's not like I can go there and get them myself," I laughed.

"Email your unnie and see if she can find them and send them to you."

It was about time that I searched for colleges to apply to. I was planning on studying abroad in America. I really wanted to attend Brooklyn College since unnie lives in Brooklyn and they have a creative writing major available.

"Okay. I'll email her again tonight."

"You should study up on your English, Sunye. You're gonna need it if you're planning on going to America."

"I know, omma."

"Are you sure you want to go to America, though? You'll be leaving behind a lot."

"I'm sure. It'll be a good experience for me. And don't worry. If I manage to get in, unnie told me I'm more than welcomed to stay with her and Seung Hyun oppa."

"If it's what you really want, then your appa and I will support you 100%," she smiled.

"Thanks, omma."

"Did you tell your oppas and Ye Eun about this yet?"

"Omma, I haven't even applied yet. I'll tell them if I get accepted. If I do, I hope they'll understand."

"I'm sure they will. Don't worry," omma reassured me. "They will understand."

====================================================================

"You're dating Gyuri?!" Leeteuk hyung screamed.

"Hyung... I'm already depressed as it is...." I complained.

"How did this happen?" Ye Eun asked.

The three of us were on the front lawn of the school, the huge front lawn where everyone usually hangs out before school. I was telling them about my being Gyuri's boyfriend. I get goosebumps just from thinking of it....

"I don't even remember..."

"Did you tell Sunye yet?" Ye Eu asked.

"No, not yet. Do you think she'll be upset?"

"She does really hate Gyuri with a passion," said Leeteuk hyung.

"I don't even like Gyuri. Not even as a friend," I complained.

"I think you should be the one to tell Sunye, Donghae-ah. Don't let her hear it in the halls or from someone else," Leeteuk hyung said.

"It'd mean more to her if you told her yourself." Ye Eun is right. If Sunye doesn't know by now, she's pretty much the last person to know at this point. Bunny deserves better than this; she should be the first to know.

"Okay. But let's get this straight guys. I don't even like her."

"But technically you're still 'dating' her," hyung did the finger motions when he said "dating".

"But-"

"Just go on and tell her, Donghae. Before it's too late! Those fan boys or Gyuri will surely be talking about it. It's only a matter of time that Sunye hears it from them."

"Hear what from them?" We all turned around and saw a confused Sunye standing before us. "What's wrong?"

"Um, Sunye. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, oppa."

I placed my arm around her shoulder and walked away from the group. Sunye tried to look back at them but my arm was in the way. When we seemed far enough from them, I broke the news to her. Sunye's mouth was open slightly and her eyes were watching me intently.

"I'm sorry, Bunny," I said to her.

She closed and shook her head. "It's okay, oppa. Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't know. You hate her so much and I'm her boyfiriend now, I guess. But I'm just making it clear that I don't even like her, I swear. The situation was...."

"I understand. Don't worry about it," she smiled. Oh, Bunny... I could tell a mile away that that smile you're showing me now is forced.

"This relationship will end, I swear. There's no way I'm spending more than a month with her."

"I hope you don't, ha ha. But, oppa?"

"Yeah."

"Just don't... kiss her." Sunye made scrunched her face and fingers together. She looked so cute.

"I wouldn't even think of it," I smiled at her.

"Um, speak of the devil." Sunye pointed behind me. I turned around and saw the devil's daughter walking towards us. Leeteuk hyung and Ye Eun soon joined us, like reinforcements, in some way.

====================================================================

"Oppa~. Good morning!" Gyuri attempted to plant a kiss on my oppa's cheek but thankfully he pushed her away. "Oppa! We're a couple now! We have to start kissing!"

"I still think it's too early for that," Donghae oppa replied, still holding her back.

"Hmph. Well, anyways. Since we're a couple now, we have to go to the Winter Festival Dance together~!" She linked arms with him.

"I didn't really plan on going, actually."

"But, oppa! If your girlfriend asks you to do something, you have to do it! A gentleman!" she complained. I was questioning at this point if she was on anything...

"Gyuri. I already made plans with my friends to hang out on that day."

"Really." She turned towards the rest of us. "You guys wouldn't mind if Donghae oppa and I went to the dance together right? You could always hang out another time, right?" She was addressing all of us, but why did if feel like her words were only meant for me?

I looked up at Donghae oppa's face. He was mouthing "Help me".

"Well, we did make plans a long time ago for this," Leeteuk oppa said.

"And I can't break-" Gyuri placed her finger on his lips to silence Donghae oppa without even looking at him. Donghae oppa made a face and rolled his eyes.

"Sunye-ah. What do you think?" She was looking at me now.

"Um, i-it's not really up to me..." My eyes kept moving around.

"It's a yes or no-"

"Leave her alone, Gyuri." Ye Eun stepped in.

"I wasn't talking to-"

"Leave them alone, Gyuri," Donghae oppa said.

"I'm only asking for their opinions, oppa," she said innocently.

"But it isn't up to them. It's up to me, right?"

"It is, oppa," she pouted. He got his arm away from her hold. "Oh, Ye Eun-ah."

"Hm?" Ye Eun replied.

"You're debuting soon, right? I wish you luck. I hope nothing goes wrong." She's the devil's daughter. I know what she's getting at.

"Oh, um. But, maybe you should go to the dance with her, oppa," I said.

"What?" Donghae oppa said.

"It'd be.... cute." My arm twitched a little.

"You hear that, oppa? Sunye gives her approval!"

"What are you doing?" Leeteuk oppa whispered to me.

"I shook my head and shrugged my shoulder.

"I'll think about it, okay?" Donghae oppa answered her.

"Okay~! See you in class!" The little devil skipped off.

Everyone looked at me. "Bunny, what are you doing?" Donghae oppa said to me.

I looked directly into his eyes. "Protecting Ye Eun," I said sternly and walked past him. I know he knows what I meant by that.

As for that devil. I admit, I'm so envious of her.

******************************************************************

Of everyone that knows me, you know me the best.

******************************************************************

Did you guys like this chapter?
It's quite long XD

Seung Hyun is T.O.P from Big Bang's real name. I love TooBin so I made him her fiancé XD
I think my favorite moment from this chapter was when Kyuhyun kept making those sounds in the room when Gyuri was talking to Donghae lol

I'm still working on an OST =]

I still want a really good trailer maker XDD

I hope you like the chapter ^^
Remember to comment silent, new, and current readers <3

Asian Fanfic readers, please comment on this story so I know you're there. Otherwise, I will stop posting here.

07.13.10

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Comments

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kimjongwoon #1
Hello! I started reading your fic today and I really love it! I hope sunhae ends up together. Please update soon, I'm a huge sunhae fan and your fic is the best one I've read so far :D
leialeigh #2
wahhh i love it such nice friendship and really hate gyuri and i was laughing at the "dying pig hahahaha" nice one hope you update again sooner please
Dreamerx33 #3
HEYYYY! I remember this on winglin!! :OO I guess I've got to catch up now! and you wrote The Ice in His Heart?! I didn't know that :O It's not completed and now the link doesn't work T^T loll. I'm a big fan of this fanfic :D May I link it to the "go-to SunYe fanfic" list I'm making for fans at http://wgsunlight.comze.com/forum ? It's not up yet! I'm still asking authors :] Let me know! going to reread everything now! ^-^
kymvampire #4
aigoo..i can't wait for next part..huhu..
acquiesce
#5
please update soon....kamsahamnida
yoondictator #6
please do update this story. i love this u,u
katoto #7
Hi! To be honest, I didn't really know what to expect from your fic. I've spent the past few hours browsing through fanfics in this site, and let me tell you, I can't even bring myself to finish one (they're that horrible). So imagine my surprise that I read every chapter of your fic. It gets cliched at times, but I must say that you are using those cliches quite well. I also enjoy the dialogues of the characters. For me, the conversations among characters are very very important in a story.<br />
<br />
I hope you don't mind my long comment. I see a lot of potential in you. So I hope you update this story soon! I'm looking forward to it!
KimChii11
#8
Please Update Again!!! <br />
<br />
I totally Love this fanfic... Sunhae!!! ^_^
SHEINee
#9
yey! an update! please update again! good job! :)
omgisme #10
pls update soon...i'm really curious about the next chapter...