[Joon’s POV]

7: 38 AM. 20^th of December. There was hardly a day where I woke up without a headache lately. It bothered me, the tingling feeling in my head that hurt when I moved too much, the drowsy feeling that made my memory worse and made me sleepy, the blurred vision I had because of the tumor, the nauseous feeling that was always clinging around. I hated all of it.

Why me? Out of all people, why me? Why do I have to suffer like this? I wouldn’t have cared that much, but now that she was there, I hated it. I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to have the energy and time to spend with her. I don’t want her to see me as a weakling, I don’t want her to pity me.

But mostly, I don’t want to leave her.

I completed the last of the letter that I was writing and kept it in an envelope. I wrote her name on top of it.

As I stood up, it felt like something hard struck my head as the pain came again. I fell back down on the bed, breathing through my gritted teeth as I felt sweat drip down my face. I cried out loud because of the pain, but there was no one at home. Mom went out in the morning and she wasn’t going to come back until midnight.

There I laid, trying not to trigger the pain by making small movements. A pitiful creature, pale skin, too skinny, pathetic. Just pathetic. I hated myself. The pain came and went for what felt like a thousand times. My phone rang. A message.

‘Hey! How are you today? Up for some lunch together?’ She wanted me to go for lunch.

As much as I wanted too, I could hardly take a step away from the bed. The pain wasn’t just like a usual headache, it was a million times more than that. It was dull yet sharp, strong yet persistent, I didn’t know how to explain it. My hand shook as I typed out the text to reply her.

‘Not feeling up to it today. I’m sorry.’ I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to see her, but I didn’t want her to see me, a pathetic creature that was hardly able to move without doubling in pain.

She could tell something was wrong, because she replied ‘Are you okay? Are you home alone?’

‘Yes.’ I answered truthfully.

‘I’m coming over now.’ She said.

It wasn’t even a question. I forced myself to make my way to the toilet and washed up before she came.

[Your POV.]

You rang the doorbell of Joon’s house. You were worried sick, you were afraid, you were literally shivering at the thought that he was about to leave soon. Someone that looked so fun and carefree on the first day you met.. You didn’t know how much things could change in just 8 days.

He opened the door. He was in he pyjamas, which was a simple track pants and worn out baseball shirt. His cheeks were sunken as usual, his hair rather messy and his lips pale and dry. He looked like vase, fragile and easy to break. You walked in as he closed the door behind you.

‘Joon..’ You started, before he cut you off. ‘I’m fine. Just.. tired. Take a seat. Do you want something to drink?’ He said.

You didn’t answer. Instead, you pulled him closer into a hug. You could feel his body shaking against yours, weak and cold. He trembled harder as he started to cry. ‘I’m sorry.. I really can’t.. I’m scared.. I’m really scared..’ He said between his sobs. You heart broke at the sound of his voice, and it hurt you even more as you couldn’t do anything but comfort him while he was suffering.

When he calmed down, you led him to the couch and got a glass of water from him. His eyes were red and swollen, filled with fear in it. Something you thought Joon would never have had. But it was only normal, for him to be afraid. You were afraid too. That he would leave.

‘What do you want for lunch?’ You said after you sat down beside him. He shook his head slowly, saying that he didn’t feel like eating. You raised your hand up to touch his face, his defined bones, his beautiful lips, his jawline, his collarbones, everything that you were going to miss when he was gone. A tear trickled down your face. His hand shook a little as he wiped it off your face, and slowly pulled you closer to him. Your lips met his, and you were careful not to hurt him as his lips pressed against yours.

[Joon’s POV]

It was 2 in the afternoon. I sat next to her as she read one of my books she found lying around. ‘Ways To Live Forever.’ It was about the story of a kid with leukemia. Silly, aren’t i. Buying books like these with a slight hope that it could tell me how to live longer. The kid in the book died in the end.

All of a sudden, I felt my stomach churning and it was hard to breathe. A jolt of liquid went up my throat as I ran into the toilet, vomitting everything out. She followed behind, handing me tissues and patting my back. I made her worried again.

I felt slightly better after puking everything out. She tagged around behind me as I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. My head was spinning and it felt like I was about to lose my balance. All of a sudden, an arm steadied me, holding onto my shoulders. She looked at me and asked me if I was okay. I merely nodded. She was my guardian angel, I was sure of it. As cheesy as it sounded, it felt like god pitied my sickness and sent her to me.

I fell asleep soon after I laid on the couch once again. She went back to reading her book in silence. She finished it before I was awake, and she quietly laid the book on the table. I was a light sleeper, and I woke at the sound of the book touching the table. Slowly I sat up, a hand massaging my temples as my head began to hurt again. She moved and sat beside me, locking her arms around my waist as she buried her face into my shirt.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘I’m afraid, Joon. I’m afraid.’

‘Don’t be.’ I put my arm across her shoulder, hugging her tightly. I wanted to be with her as much as I could before I left.

She left at 8 after I convinced her that I was feeling much better. I really was. The headache was almost gone, even though there was still a dull ache that never left. I had the appetite to gobble down a banana before I went to take a bath. I took off the tear-stained shirt I was wearing to reveal my upper body. I used to have defined abs. They were there, but I looked so much skinnier than I did before.

After a long bath, I sat down on my bed. I wrote another letter, this one to my mother. Telling her to take care of herself, apologizing to her for not being able to fulfill a son’s duty. I placed it beside the other letter I wrote. And I place the hulk beside both, and hung a piece of paper with her name on it.

I placed the photos we took next to the Hulk after taking another long look at it. I took the first letter I wrote out again, and added some things into it. It was 11 when I placed it back. I turned off the lights and laid down on my bed. Soon after, I heard my mom coming back. She opened the door to my room and walked in, her perfume and the smell of wine filling the room. She hugged me tightly and kissed me on the forehead before saying goodnight.

‘Mom?’ I said before she left.

‘Mmm?’

‘I love you.’

She smiled and said she loved me too, before she closed the door.

Why was I doing this? Because before a person dies, this is what he should do. To leave without regrets. I didn’t have any, except for the fact that I had to leave the person I love most. But I couldn’t do anything about that.

I was ready. I could tell my time was running up, anytime now. Life was coming to an end.

Goodbye.