It felt good.

Sungmin’s lips, as they were touching mine in a long, long kiss.

A… kiss?!

I opened my eyes, which I had closed without noticing, and bounced backwards, turning completely red in a matter of seconds. “That’s, that’s not! I mean, I didn’t… I…”

I stopped for a second, looking completely away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do anything like this… but…”

I sighed. “I mean, I wanted it, but… I don’t know why and… and… why aren’t you saying anything?”

I turned and forgot about my embarrassment as soon as I saw that Sungmin was unconscious. I opened wide eyes and took him in my arms. “Sungmin! Sungmin, are you… are you…?”

I shook him a bit. “You’re not dead… are you…”

He finally woke up and breathed in deeply, barely opening one eye. “I’m not dead… you… idiot… don’t shake me like this…”

“Sungmin! I thought you… I thought you… I’m sorry…”

He groaned. “You startled me a bit… that’s all… let me calm down… I’ll be okay in a few minutes…”

“I’m sorry…”

“T’is okay…” he let out softly. “But… remember… I told you to call me Min…”

“Yeah… Min… I’m sorry Min…”

He was right. After a few minutes, he could sit, but he still stayed in my arms, hiding his face against my neck, breathing slowly and deeply to stay calm. I could only hold him close to me, making sure he wouldn’t lose consciousness again, and think about what had happened. I had kissed Sungmin. I had kissed him, willingly, and it had felt strangely, deliciously good. His lips were so soft… just like his hair was so fluffy… just like his eyes were so beautiful… just like his feelings were so sincere. Just like I was so stubborn, refusing up to now to accept my true feelings.

I loved Sungmin.

For his lips, for his hair, for his eyes, for his feelings, for his heart, for his soul, for his smile, for everything. I loved him. I loved him so much it almost hurt. I closed my eyes, pressing a soft kiss on his hair, and I felt him shiver. Because of the cool wind or because of the kiss? In any case, I hugged him tighter, protecting him from the wind using my body. Protecting him also meant that, after all…

“Kangin…” he said in a soft voice.

“Yeah?”

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean… what?”

“The kiss. Did you mean it? Did you want it? Or did you do it just because you were curious?”

“How could… how could you even think that I did that because I was curious… Of course I meant it… and… wanted it… because I… I…”

“Kangin. I love you.”

I blushed. Yes, I blushed. I, the great Kangin, blushed. I blushed because he had said the words I couldn’t say. I couldn’t say them out loud. I could admit them, but not say them. I heard him chuckle softly. “I know you can’t say it. It’s okay. I can, so I’ll say it. I love you, Kangin.”

He chuckled again. “I’ve always wanted to say it. But I couldn’t, because it would’ve been useless. But, if you really meant that kiss, if you really wanted it, then it means that you feel the same. Though this is probably just a dream, I’ll still say it. I love you.”

I looked down. “I’m sorry. I can’t say it. I’m still not manly enough I guess.”

“It’s not a question of manliness. There are people who can say it and people who are not. There are people who can show it and people who cannot. There are people who can do both and people who cannot. It’s okay if you can’t.”

“I want to say it… but… it just… won’t come out…”

“It’s okay, Kangin. I love you like you are. Don’t change. If it won’t come out, just wait. It’ll come out eventually.”

He moved softly so he could meet my eyes with his. I noticed he was slightly blushing, and I grazed the skin of his cheek with a finger. “You’re blushing too…”

“I’m not used to say it. It makes me all warm inside, in a good way. I love you, Kangin.”

He blushed some more and laughed softly in an adorable way. “I can be strong sometimes, but I definitely can stay strong when I say this… I must be too girly for you, right? I’m sorry.”

I hugged him tight and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “It’s okay. I… I… I lo… erm… you’re okay like this. I’m sorry, I still can’t say it.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Why are YOU apologizing?”

“You first.”

“No, you.”

“You.”

“You.”

He started pouting and I laughed. “All right. I won’t apologize for this anymore then.”

“Me neither. So we’re even now. Um, Kangin?”

“Yeah?”

“Even if you can’t say it… you still feel it… right?”

He sounded a bit insecure. I grazed his lips with mine. “Of course I do.”

“Thank you, Kangin. Thank you. I love you.”

We went back to the hotel after that. My parents didn’t seem surprised to see me holding Sungmin’s hand and even smiled when they heard Sungmin tell me he loved me. They probably knew how I felt beforehand. They knew me too well.

When we got to the room, I let myself fall on the bed, groaning in pleasure. “This bed is like paradise! Why don’t you join me, Min?”

He blushed. “May I?”

“Of course!”

“Then, I’ll do it only if you answer my question.”

“Which question?”

“The one I’ll ask you.”

“Ask it then.”

“Is this boyfriend act still just an act for today?”

I sat on the bed and saw that he was perfectly serious. Serious, and still a bit insecure. I got up and hugged him tight before I kissed him softly. “Of course not. The act made me realize my feelings… and… and… well… I think we can consider ourselves as… as a… a couple, now.”

He smiled and softly grabbed my shirt to pull himself closer to me, closing his eyes. “Okay. Thank you. I love you, Kangin.”