C H A P T E R 1

   ‘I love you.’  Those simple words. Shingyouji had been hoping to hear those words from a guy he loved the most in his life.

            Yes. Life is cruel.

  Those words. Repeated about a hundredth times in Shingyouji’s life but it never bore him. Because that’s how his life will ever be. Without any true love. Just giving his and not receiving any. Enough said. None of this is available to be cut, edited and saved. It’s only available for a copy and paste. And all of this repeated itself. Over and over again.

   It’s not easy for him to accept them since he wants to feel the warmth of receiving love but that’s…impossible. Arata Misu wouldn’t, ever, say those words. Never. But in Shingyouji’s head is a ‘never mind, as long as he’s here with me and not pushing me away.’ That is not a statement but a wish. A hope for Misu not to push him away. Far away from him. Because he doesn’t think he can live without his companion.

    Misu’s companion.

  Shingyouji looked down from the open sky that’s as dark as his hurt is, with lights just sparkling here and there but not everywhere. The sky’s starting to pour little droplets of rain. He had been staring for too long and in need of a break. In need of a break from his heartache and the overwhelming feelings he’d been having since then. “I love you Arata-san. I really do.” Shingyouji whispered through the soothing winds. “Because you’re precious.” Shingyouji convinced himself. He smiled weakly and closed the open window.

   Shingyouji is never the one to tell or show a person his hidden feelings. To everyone, he’s the ‘happy virus’, the ‘annoying’ one, the ‘smiley faces all the time’ but no one knows of his hidden feelings. No one. Not even his best friend. And Shingyouji don’t know when and how long until the time, his feelings overexposed and spreads to the world. And people would go on with him; with the depressing emotions building in him. Shingyouji doesn’t want that so he kept holding it in.

Kept it in.

For a long time.

 If it is possible, until forever.

Forever to seals his emotions.

    “Shingyouji-kun.” Someone called him and Shingyouji turned around to see the one and only Hayama Takumi. His senior and also one of his best friends. “Hayama-san.”

   “What are you doing here alone? Didn’t Misu-kun tell you about the dinner we’re having tonight with the other seniors?” Shingyouji smiled and nodded. “Iye, he told me about it this morning. I was going to get ready in about 2 minutes. It’s still early, Hayama-san.” Shingyouji chuckled and Takumi followed with his light laughter.

    “That’s true. I’ll see you in a bit then.” And Takumi left without a goodbye. Shingyouji smiled. Takumi had always known that he hated a goodbye. Because he can’t be sure that a goodbye means a hello again. He can’t be sure with it. He’d had enough trust with it. And now he cares even more. That concerns him.

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      After their dinner at the restaurant not that far away, 15 minutes by car and 30 minutes by walk, everyone went separate ways. Shingyouji stares longingly at the back of Misu’s body. It had always been like this. Shingyouji walking behind Misu like he’s a pet. Well, he’s Misu’s possession. But Shingyouji wished that he’d be able to walk beside Misu. Once in a while, it doesn’t matter but he just wants to try it.

       To experience it.

       Even once.

       Misu’s phone rang. “Hello?” And the conversation with the person in the phone continues on and on.  

       ‘Arata-san…is smiling. I wonder who it is he’s talking to.'

     And for about 15 minutes, Misu’s conversation stops as his phone slides into the back pocket.

       “Shingyouji. I have something important to do. You can go back by your own right?”

       “Student council?”

     “Yes. Something similar to that. It’s very important and I need to use the car to do that things so go home by fetching a taxi or just walk.”

       Before Shingyouji could say anything, Misu has already entered the car and not long after, drove away. Shingyouji looked up at the sky and he could smell the fragrance of wind and coming rain going to pour down. Shingyouji could’ve fetched a taxi but he decided to just walk and mend his heart. It’s not that he’s angry with Misu but he wants to calm down. And by doing that, he’d have the time to think.

‘What important matter? Who’s the one who called Arata-san? What’s more important than leaving me alone? I mean, I’m not his boyfriend or anything but…it still hurts. A lot.’

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Author's Note : This is a crappy chapter. Everyone. Thank you very much^^!

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