[[Yongguk’s POV]]

Did I heard him right last night?

He admitted to me that he likes Jae Hwa .. but .. they just met that day .. how the did Himchan fell in love with her!?

My mind was really confused, I want to go somewhere … somewhere peaceful. For some reason I don’t want to see Himchan right now, after he said those words right in front of me, I felt .. heavy .. my chest felt like it was pinned by thousands of needles that came from somewhere.

Why did he have to say those words to me, but more importantly, why do I feel so ed up right now, I’m a walking mess right now. I have to thank the night because at least my face is not visible as I walk towards a certain place where I can rest and calm my mind.

1 … 2 … 3 … 5 … 10 …. 25 …. 30.

After 30 steps, finally I reached the place where I can exhale all the frustrations inside my head. A hill that overlooks the city lights and everything noise below. I smiled at the quietness of the area, it was really precious and calm.

I sat on the grass covered ground and hugged my knees, I blame myself for not bring a jacket up here even if I already knew that the night would be really this cold. I hugged myself more, trying to at least spread some small warm around my body, but it seems that my small moves wouldn’t even help because something inside me feels so empty .. and cold.

I sighed once again after remembering what Himchan told me, I never knew himchan could do that to me. Wait … what exactly did he did to me? Him confessing that he likes Jae Hwa? So what? … why do I feel so frustrated and mad after hearing that? What the is wrong with me … I don’t know .. I don’t know anymore.

I lied my back on the soft grass of the cold ground to stare at the beautiful stars above me, all of them are leisurely twinkling and shining which made them look like they don’t or know what problem is. “I guess it’s better to be a star than a human.” My thoughts escaped from my lips, I don’t really care how cheesy or childish it may sound because no one will or can hear it from my position right now and this place is really hidden which only means that I’m the only one who can go up here. But I guess fate now wants to twist my insides and make a fun of me, because a sudden sound of a cracked branch echoed a few meters away from me. I turned around and was surprised at the sight or the person who disturbed my temporary peace.

“Jae Hwa?” I saw her suddenly stiffened from my voice, does that mean that she doesn’t want to be seen or something? I shook my head softly then went back to stare at the sky. I heard something rolling towards me, I leaned my head back and saw that Jae Hwa was pushing herself towards my side.

After settling herself right beside me, she also looked at the same dark sky I was staring at, my eyes stayed at Jae Hwa’s figure, well … for me she’s really beautiful, so lady like and gentle .. everything is perfect .. that’s when my eyes slowly went south and stayed on the wheelchair she is sitting on. My gaze softened, because of the pity I felt. She’s so nice and yet her future became like this … she doesn’t deserve something like this … she deserves bett----

“Don’t stare …” My thoughts were distracted by a soft voice from the female, I reverted gaze towards the ground, what’s wrong with me, Its mean to stare at something like that and yet here I am did something so cruel like that.

“Don’t look at me with pity in your eyes .. I hate it.” Those words painfully pierced my cold heart. I hate those words that came out from , she doesn’t look like the type of girl that can say those kinds of words. I turned to her and our gazes met, everything suddenly stopped as if the world gave us all the time to just sit there and stare at each other. This feeling is really weird  and different … I never felt like this before .. despite the hundreds of girlfriend that I had before .. this … is totally new for me.

After realizing the fact that I already stared at her for too long, I quickly turned away and looked down. I rested my legs and sat there in a comfortable position. I placed my right hand on my right leg with my left hand supporting all of my weight. “I didn’t do that..” I lied. I lied once again.

I heard her hum and once again silence washed all the courage I once had to continue our conversation. Even though awkwardness are present between us, the air or atmosphere around us never turned sour or heavy, it was calm, light, soft and quiet. Making both of us enjoy the scene below the hill.

“So .. I heard that you already met Himchan.” I don’t know why, but I have this urge to start that topic, I turned around only to see Jae Hwa still staring at the sky, I was about to repeat the question when she suddenly turned around and caught me staring at her. I didn’t pull away because it will only render me guilty, so small staring battle occurred between us before she opened .

“Yes .. I met him earlier, he’s … nice.” She said those words as she continued to stare at me. Her gaze felt like she can really see the thoughts inside my mind and heart, it was scary but I can’t bear to turn away, the sight was too gorgeous and peaceful to even look away.

Silence once again reigned between us, I want to break it but then realized that I don’t know some topic that we can talk about, Jae Hwa is different from the other girls that I met these past few years. I once lost interest to them because all they care is my money, my face and well my pet inside my pants, but … Jae Hwa is different .. she’s different, completely different.

“You okay?” She suddenly asked me. I was surprised from the sudden question so I lowered my head. “Y-yes ..” Stutter .. I freaking stuttered! What the hell is wrong with me, why did I stutter! THE great YONGGUK stuttered in front of a girl, unacceptable.

I covered my face frustrated at the sudden event that happened. I buried my face on my knees and sighed. The coldness of the night once again caged me inside. Then suddenly I felt something soft, maybe a fabric or cloth was placed on my shoulders, covering my back. I looked up and met Jae Hwa’s eyes. Our noses were only a few inches away from each other, and you can already say that we’re breathing the same air.

We stayed on that awkward position for a moment, before Jae Hwa suddenly jerked up which made her wheelchair roll a few inches back. My throat went dry, I quickly grabbed the end of the blanket that she placed on my shoulder and pulled it closer to my chest. My heart suddenly ran amok once again inside my rib cage, it’s out of control.

“T-thanks..” I somewhat muttered despite the fact that my heart was running in circles inside my chest. And yes you guessed it right … I stuttered. I saw her softly nod her head, I took that as her answer and didn’t talked anymore.

The feeling was scary yet amazing, but it only left nothing but awkwardness between us. An idea crossed my mind, ‘what if I just avoid Jae Hwa .. I think she doesn’t like me.’ Those words echoed inside me, and inflicted an unbearable pain inside my heart. But .. Does she really hate me? If yes .. then why did she gave me her blanket?

I turned to her and was surprised at the sight in front of me, she was staring peacefully at the sky .. while smiling, a smile that made me realize what this awkward feeling is inside my heart. I am in love to her … and I’m just denying it.

Author's note.

please forgive my awkward title ... i can't think anything else but that ....

so how is this update? do you like it? hate it? want me to stop updating? want me to deactivate my account? want me to stop writing fanfics?

comment your  thoughts ..  i really appreciate seeing the black and orange notif in my wall ^^;