“Why are you so angry?” Luhan stared down at Sehun. The two were left alone in the nurse’s office to sort things out while Yixing dragged Suho along with him so that he can help him ‘make copies of the schedule for the next health exam.’ Sehun shook his newly-dyed dusty pink fringe out of his teary eyes and looked up at his brother. It’s amazing how close he felt to him, but, at the same time, how far he felt. They were connected by blood. They had an unspoken bond. Yet, every time Sehun felt like he needed somebody to hold onto, every time he felt like he needed a shoulder to rest his tired head upon and sigh at the world, he felt as if he was the only person he could depend on. The only person stopping Sehun is himself. Sehun knows that, but he doesn’t do anything because he’s afraid of the rejection he might get.

            “I don’t know. Want to guess why I’m so angry and depressed all the time?” Sehun’s eyes flicked playfully with a sad smirk stretching onto his face.

            “Sehun, why are you like this? You should be on top of the goddamn world. You’re with Suho. I would die to be with him. You’re free. I’m always tied down in my ing little cage. You can-“

            “Today’s my mom’s anniversary. She died today. Did you know that?” Luhan’s mouth stayed open. Closed. Then opened again, but words did not stumble out like he thought he would. His throat let out a croak, followed by an apologetic ‘I’m sorry,’ to which Sehun took as a careless one. After all, what are people supposed to say when they hear that a child’s mother died years ago? All they can say is ‘sorry’ and move on with their life while they leave the child in the dust to yearn for his mother’s long-lost touch.

            “I ing hate you because you have everything,” Sehun eased out of the chair and onto his long limbs and stood with his weight on his two sneakered feet, “You have dad’s approval. You have a mother who’s alive. You had my dead mother’s approval. You have our dad’s third wife’s approval. You will always have Suho’s love. You will always be his first love. You have the grades. You have a life ahead of you. You have things you can lose and then gain back. You have everything.” The words started to tumble out. Each word came out quicker than the one before and with each word a tear would roll down his cheeks and onto the tiled floor. His arms reach out and touch Luhan’s shoulders hesitantly before he let his weight fall onto Luhan. The last few words come out in a whisper barely audible for Luhan’s ears.

            “I have nothing to lose.”

            Before Luhan could tell Sehun otherwise and before Suho and Yixing could open the door to enter the nurse’s office, Sehun runs out of the office. He ignores his name being called. He ignores the pitter patter of the footsteps echoing behind him in the empty hallway. He just wants to leave this place people call school. To him, entering this place is like committing social suicide. He feels like everyone watches him whenever he comes in and he hates it. He feels like he’s being judged. Constantly watched with sharp, keen eyes. One mistake can blow up his high school career. Just one single mistake. That’s why Sehun decides to keep to himself. That’s why he decides on who gets to be close to him. That’s why he’s the loneliest teenager in the sea of lonely teenagers.

            Sehun put himself in this position because he’s afraid of the rejection he’ll get for being who he really is.

            Between the tears and the sniffles, he hears a flush from a stall and he rushes into an open one and tries to lock the door, but a hand grabs onto the door. His fingers are long and skinny, like a pianist’s, and they tapped the door rhythmically. The door slowly opened, revealing a pair of almond shaped eyes that smiled brightly like the sun, peeking into the stall.

            “You know, you should never cry alone.”

            “Wha-who are you to tell me anything?”

            “I’m Kai, your friend, remember? Sehun, you should be careful of where you go to let your emotions out. The bathroom really isn’t the best place. Next time, just ring me. You have my number.”

            The stall door shut quietly. Kai’s shoes tapped against the tiles. A swing of the revolving door followed shortly. Sehun was still standing, trying to get his mind to focus on what actually happened. He shook his head, twice, and walked out of the stall and in front of the dirty mirrors.

            He looked at the reflection in the mirror. The dusty pink dye in his hair, eyes that seemed to be out of their sockets and brimmed with tears, his rosy cheeks are now pasty pale white. There are cuts all along his arm, he notices, as he rolls up his black jacket’s sleeve. He winces at the pain, shoulders jolting up by an inch and slowly going down as he exhales oxygen; the memories are vivid, too vivid. He remembers every detail the time of day, and why he marked himself. Sehun’s soft, white fingers trail down the marks of his survival. He can’t take it any longer. He wants to leave everything he’s ever been give and everyone he’s ever met and leave this city to a new country to start fresh. He wants to be able to say “Hello, I’m Oh Sehun,” with a smile.

            He stares into his eyes through the mirror on the concrete wall. The squeaky sink still drips drops of water, definitely something Kai would do. He could see purple under-eye circles. He doubts about his age for a second. Sehun smiles, or he tries to, but it’s not pretty at all. It would only take a second for him to break the mirror and take a shatter of the glass and cut-

            Sehun’s head shoots up, surprised at himself when his fist bangs the sink.

            “Sehun-“Sehun turns around, clenching his hand on his heart to stop the hard beating against his ribcage. His piercing eyes soften when he sees Suho at the bathroom door.

            “Sehun,” Suho searches for the right words. In the end, he asks “are you okay?”

            Sehun smiles and nods his head. He brings himself onto his feet and grabs Suho by the hand to bring the two closer.

            “Sehun-“

            “Just please, hyung, please let me stay like this. Please, even if it’s an act, please tell me you love me. Please show me you love me. Please.”

            “Sehun, you know I love you.”

            “No, not that kind of love; this kind of love,” Sehun pecks Suho’s forehead and then slowly brings his lips onto the older’s.

--

            Luhan doesn’t understand why he didn’t make himself move away from outside the bathroom. His feet felt immobile, stuck onto the hard flooring of the hallway, knees locked so his legs couldn’t move either. All he could do was open and close his eyes shut and then open them again to bring some type of courage into his head to move. But, nope, nothing worked. Nada, zero, ziltch. The only thing his head could decipher was the possibility of Sehun molesting his angel and even that was too much for his head to handle right now. His eyebrows formed a bridge across his forehead like it always does when he’s pondering over a thought and his lips turned out to a pout. Why the hell was he in this sort of situation?

            “You know that if you don’t scurry somewhere else, you’re bound to get caught,” a voice cracked Luhan away from his imagination running wild. Jonghyun stood there, a pink slip visible in his hand, staring at Luhan with amusement written all over his face.

            “I-I know,” Luhan stuttered.

            “I’ve been with you long enough to know that when you stutter, something’s upsetting you,” Luhan, who was about to step out of his trance to go to his class, stopped and looked back. Has Jonghyun and him been together for a long time? Luhan doesn’t remember because time just keeps on slipping away when he’s with people he isn’t really infatuated with, unlike Suho. Because when Luhan’s with Suho, he wants time to go slower so that he can lock every movement, every conversation, every word, every detail into his heart and mind.

            The doe-eyed boy pondered over what he could possibly do and not get bored and because Suho won’t be there, everything would be bored so he spoke without thinking:

            “Hey, do you want to get out of here?”

--

            It wasn’t that bad, Luhan kept reminding himself, it wasn’t that bad at all. They went to Jonghyun’s house and ed, then they went to the arcade and Luhan spent all of the brunette’s money on food and games (because food cures every heart break), and then they went back to Jonghyun’s house and ed again. It really wasn’t all bad, but Luhan couldn’t help to feel guilty. He shouldn’t be. He’s single, free, good-looking, and totally not in love with Suho because Suho is Sehun’s and whatever Sehun’s is, he should let Sehun have because Sehun rarely gets what he wants.

            “Because he’s special,” Luhan whispered into thin air. His arms were on top of Jonghyun’s star-patterned bed sheets, eyes staring straight at the ceiling. Jonghyun propped his head on his hand, the other arm wrapping the older so that he’d be closer to his body.

           “Luhan, you’re talking in your sleep again,” he bit Luhan’s earlobe before showering his neck with small kisses.

            “I’m awake, you idiot.”

            “Don’t puff your cheeks out like that; they’re going to stretch out.”

            “I’m not! They’re not!”

            “Then if I go like this, will you stop and smile?” Jonghyun lifted himself up and hovered above Luhan. He bit his lower lip and at this sight, Jonghyun his lips like a wild beast that has just caught his prey.

            “If you keep doing that,” Jonghyun inched lower with each word, “I don’t think I can stop myself.”

            “Stop yourself from doing what?” Luhan teased, a little harder on his lip before releasing it. His lips were swollen red, if it’s possible to be redder than it already is, and his eyes, his round, big, brown eyes, looked up into Jonghyun’s with a gleam brighter than a gem.

            “Jonghyun, take me to a new world. Make me yours.”

            With that said, Jonghyun kissed Luhan passionately with heated lips. The fire between them sparked, cracked, and created fireworks. Between the and the sighing, Luhan heard his ringtone go off, but that didn’t stop him from trailing his hand down Jonghyun’s abs and to his manhood. His other hand reached for the phone, which was buried between the sheets, and pressed the decline button. Or, so he thought he did.

            On the other side of the phone call, Suho heard mewls and pants of the name ‘Jonghyun’ from Luhan.