"Howon?"

Howon turned to the girl beside him. He wasn't very focused that day, he just wanted to have a long walk to think after the long promotion week in Japan. Thinking about his feelings that was jumbled and the freezing air made his brain frozen, that was not the plan.

He didn't remember how he ended with having the coffee girl walking beside him. Did he call her?

"Uh?What?"

She sighed, "What's wrong with you? You called me here and you busy with your own toughts, mind to share?"

So he did call her. "Sorry, it's nothing important. So how is practice?"

"You've asked that already." she clasped her hands together to bear the cold.

Howon felt guitlly by the time she rubed her arms with her hands, the weather was kind of off track that year, it was colder than it supposed to, and she only wearing a thin piece of black cardigan.

"Why are you wearing thin clothes? It's cold." Howon took off his coat and put it on her shoulder.

"I was in practice when you called. Your voice sounded weak so I came as soon as possible, I even left my bag and purse in the company. Why did you call anyway?" she words were full of concern and curiousity, but he couldn't tell her. He didn't want to.

It was impossible for him to tell her that he was not meeting her for couple of weeks because he was out with his noona, to tell her that he ignored some of her calls because his noona was beside him. How to tell her that he didn't come to the place where she work because he didn't know how to face her?

"I'm sorry." he choose to say.

The girl only sighed and sighed without anymore complains after an hour of silence. Until the phone on her pocket buzzed.

"Howon, I really want to stay longer and acompany you to staring the water, but I should go now, my unnie is calling."

Hearing that she had to leave made his heart gone heavy. He wanted to make her stay, but the guilty feeling because of ignoring her and making her came only with thin clothes made him nod in apology.

"Okay. Sorry for taking your time." he said as he brushed the locks of hair on her face.

"Don't apologize, just go home after you shorten out your toughts." she handed him his jacket which only for him to declined. But she insisted, "you need this more than I do. See you, big star." she waved and ran.

Howon just stared at her while clenching his teeth. He felt more guilty with her came for him thinking about another person. He felt horrible that day.

***

It was another day in February when Howon decided to meet the coffee girl to apologize for what he did weeks ago. He didn't met her after the ignoring incident, and today he was planning to take her to a nice small coffee shopf or a proper apology, she doesn't like sweets so he decided to take her to a place that famous for it's coffee. He called her and said to meet him at this place in Hongdae. It was late at night so not many people here.

She arrived not long after him with a big smile and flushed face. "Have you wait long?"

"No, I just arrived too. Sit sit." he urged her to sit at a chair opposite him. His chest tightened, in a good way, as he saw her put down her dark green jacket and sat across from him. They ordered an americano and an espresso and two butter croisant when the door opened.

Howon didn't know who came because his back was facing the door, but he clearly remember the voice that came after that, the voice of a kid who he spent the last few weeks with.

"Umma, I want chocolate!" Howon turned his head abruptly when he heard that voice to find his noona and her daughter were standing in front of the counter, choosing a cake for the little one.

Howon wanted to turn back to hide his face from her, but she was faster.

"Howon!" he called her.

The girl across from him raised her head, surprised that someone knew him and afraid that it was a fan. She turn to Howon, "You know her?", she silently said to Howon. But Howon only grinned, he didn't get to answer as his noona standing by his side already and take the seat beside him.

"Aah, it's cold outside." she pulled off the scarf, "why are you looked away when I called you, Howon?"

"Ah, I didn't know it's you. Sorry, noona." Howon was fidgeting on his sit, peeking on the girl across from him and saw her confused face.

"Tch, lame. By the way, so this is the place you've been talking about, huh? It's nice, you should bring me here sooner." she reached out and grab Howon's hand.

Howon's eyes widen, taken aback by this action he looked at his smiling noona and then to the other girl. She couldn't hide the shock o her face and staring at him. Howon couldn't say anything, afraid the he would hurt either his noona or the coffee girl, but he pulled his hand and put it under the table.

He cleared his throat before he introduce the girls. The air was cold and eery, the silence was awkward and only filled by his noona warning to her daughter to not wander around. The ice didn't break even after the foods arrived, they were just ete in dead silence, or maybe just his noona, until Howon couldn't stand it anymore.

"Excuse me, I'm need to go to the loo." no he didn't need to, he was just need sometime to calm down and think about what to say to the girls at the table. He was taking the girl he comforable with here to apologize because he ignored her for the girl who sat beside him. How in the world he going to say that? It wasn't what he planned.

After calming down for ten good minutes, he came back to the table only to find her noona still eating while the other girl just sat there with untouched croisant and almost cold americano. Her face was red, her nose was flaring and her hands clenched in tight fists.

She turned her head as Howon appeared and sat down. They staring at each other for a while before she closed her eyes and breathin deep. Howon kept staring until she stood up, wore her bag and pulled out some cash.

"I have to go, good bye." she literally ran out the cafe after she almost slam the money on the table. It took few seconds before Howon realized what was going on, he ran after her but found nothing but cold air.

He walked back in to his noona with heavy steps and found his noona was still eating.

"You didn't find her?"

"No." he simply answer, still confused by what was happened.

His noona scoffed, "what a rude girl, why did you be friend with her anyway."

"What do you mean? She's not rude. What did you two talking about?"

"She was asking who am I, how did I know you and what our relationship, that's it." she cooly answered.

"And how is that make her rude?"

The noona put the fork down and stared at him, "She asked me if we are dating and I said yes. It's rude of her to going out with someone's boyfriend, and she didn't even apologize, that makes he more rude."

"What!? You said we are dating when we're not? And more you tell it to her? Here?" Howon could feel the anger rised inside him.

"What do you mean we're not? We were going out for almost every week. I already said that I like you, and you didn't reject it." his noona was getting worked up too. "Don't play with me Howon!"

"I'm not playing with you!"

"Then what do you mean with we aren't dating?" she was raising her voice in anger that almost made Howon lost his patience too. Not that he haven't, but he still tried to respect the noona he knew and thought was changed for good.

"I'm going out with you AND your daughter, okay! And that doesn't mean we're dating. I'm trying to get to know the new you, the one I thought was changed and I won't lie, I thought I still have feelings for you!" Howon was trying so hard to kept his voice down. He didn't reize that his words offended her, " seeing the new you taking care of your daughter touch me somehow, you were making me fall for you again even after what you did to me when we were young. I like how you change to be a better girl, a girl who has passion for something, the girl once I loved. But no, you're not changing at all, you're still the same with the one in high school."

She laughed sarcastically and leaned back, crossing her arms, "So what? Are you going to laugh at my fate to be a single mother at 19? Are you you going to mock and judge me like how the others did?"

"Did I ever mocking you? Did I ever judge you? Did I ever laughing at your life? I'm fine with your daughter, if only you're not the one that made me leave." Howon shook his head, "But thanks to you, I found my way here and met the girl I like." he packed his things and put the money on the table.

"You're not leaving me Howon, don't you dare. You're mine!" she almost yelled, grabbed Howon's hand when he was ready to leave the scene.

Howon politely removed her hands and looked at here eyes, "I was yours, noona. If only you realized it far before this happened, I was yours." and than he turned his body to fully faced her and bow, "have a good life.".

He kissed his noona's daughter on her head before he walked out the door. And then, he left without turning back.

This wasn't how he planned to apologize. The girl he like left with the toughts of he was playing with her, he was screwed, big time.

***

"Hi, can I talk with the girl that usually work around this hour?"

It's been three weeks since the last time he met the girl. He really wanted to talk and apologize for everything that happened, he tried to call her but the number wasn't active anymore. He kept coming to her work place every morning to find a young adult boy standing behind the counter.

"She's not working here anymore." the boy said.

Taken aback, he asked again, "why?"

"She said she needs to focus on something and she quite almost three weeks ago."

"Do you have her number or address?" Howon insisted. This place was his last hope to find her, if she's not here, he didn't even know where to start seaching for her.

"Sorry, I can't tell you."

Howon sighed in defeat, "Okay, thank you."

He left the coffee shop and went straight home. He didn't have any schedule that morning, but he have to be back before noon so he couldn't roam the city to find her. He didn't know which company's trainee she was, he didn't know her unnies, he only knew their names. He regreted how he never walked her home, he only walked her to her bus stop which has many stops and transit areas.

He remembered the last words she said before she left, "I have to go, good bye.", it's good bye. She never said good bye before, it was always see you. Was that ment she really left him? Was he never going to meet her again?

So many things he regret. His doubt, his confusion, and his slow way to take in informations. But on top of that,  he regret why did he had to go to the loo that day.

***

Howon was tired. Dead tired. Practice for their upcoming concerts, their comeback, and preparing for the drama where he casted as a gay. Funny that he got that role, but he's always up for new challange. And with the help of his team members, he knew he could make it.

He was walking lifelessly to the elevator, wearing a hat and a mask to prevent the fans from recognize and chased him down. Even after a long day, he always spare some time to try to find the girl he lost months ago. He almost lost his hope, but the feeling of losing someone he likes even before he confess was giving him strength to keep searching. More that it was because a missunderstanding.

The feeling even grow when she wasn't there. It was stupid of him to doubt his own feelings, he finally understand that he loves her, but the past was passed and he could only regret. His search was still fruitless.

His noona still tried to call him, but he wouldn't take the risk of leading her, so he didn't take the call. She still tried though, it was irritatin him to the point of he wanted to change his number, but he didn't. What if the girl he loves called him and his number was out of service? He would regret it to death.

The elevator's door was about to closed when someone hold it. "Hold it!" it was a red haired girl. Her eyes were closed and she gimanced, expecting the door to squeezed her slender fingers. Howon pushed the 'hold' button immidiately.

His eyes went wide as wide as the elevator's door as it was opened to allow the red haired girl to came in. His hand was slid down back his side as the girl stood beside him and pressed the floor number, the same floor as his. The girl just leaned her side on the wall and playing with her cellphone while he was staring at her from head to toe. Her short hair was tied with few loose locks framing her face, she was wearing a gray tanktop under the maroon loose sleeveess shirt and dark gray skinny jeans. Howon had to blink a few times to make sure she was real, that his mind wasn't halucinating and went crazy because of his desperation.

His breath hitched as he saw her shoulder, she has a tattoo on her left shoulder blade. It was really her, the girl he have been looking for, the girl he almost gave up to. Slowly, he pulled down the mask and went closer to the girl. His arm streched to the tattoo before he read it, "Noeul."

The girl stood up straight and tensed. She turned her head slowly and flinched a bit when she felt his warm fingers touched her, but then she cracked a small smile, "Howon.."

"Noeul-ah, I'm sorry." he finally spoke the words that had been waiting for so long to be spoken. His fingers traced down, feeling the goosebumps on her arm before he held her hand tight, "I love you."