Hating Kwon Jiyong

Back Story Chapter -- Ji Eun (Chapter 2)

23, September 2006

The moving strobe-ish lights were blinding me. The excited screams of girls were almost deafening. There was an an insane level of anticipation everywhere -- from the legions of fans, the MCs, the crew, up to my very self. There was a combination of undeniable excitement inside me, crashing back and forth, restless.

"Ji Eun, why must we waste time on this?"

Oh, and there's my friend complaining beside me. At the back of my mind I wished I didn't choose her to come with me, but only Dara could understand all this kind of craziness I have.

"Just keep clapping your hands," I answered back ate her. "You'll enjoy the show."

"What if I don't?" Dara replied, a little annoyed. "And oh, yeah, I am already clapping my hands."

Ok then. I just nodded and continued clapping with the crowd.

"Look, my shift should be starting now, it's crazy but I really don't get this. I will---"

"Shh, it's starting--"

"What IS up with the superman entrance theme?" 

"Can you just---"

Cue explosion. Both Dara and I shut up for a second to stare at the person who jumped out of the stage.


NUMBER 1, GDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!

There he was, finally out to show the world what he's got. My star. For a moment it was like watching a shooting star falling upwards to the sky where it belongs instead of seeing it go down. I can't hold it in any longer.

Kwon jiyong! Kwon Jiyong! Kown Jiyong! Kwon Jiyong! Kwon Jiyong! Kwon Jiyong! The legions of fan girls screaming at every corner of the studio were unstoppable.

"What the hell?" Dara exclaimed. "Who is this guy anyway?!"

"You didn't hear the name?" I screamed at her, since everybody was practically wild the moment they came out.

"How could I hear the damned name with these people going berserk around me!" She screamed back.

"Just enjoy the show!"

That did it for her. I think she said something back but I didn't hear it that much. By the time I looked at her she was already watching the group unfold before her very eyes.

-------------------------

"You're acting pretty weird," Dara commented after the show wrapped up. We were still at the studio, much to her curiosity. She didn't know why I dragged her here in the first place. I'll save the story for later, when she meets the guy finally. She has to know Kwon Jiyong. 

"Just stay put for a minute, ok?" My eyes frantically scanned the place. The passes he gave me [through Joo Ri] were enough for us to get access on this part of the studio, but why am I not seeing him?

"Are we even allowed here?" Dara spoke up again, after literally staying quiet for a minute. "Your friend a staff member or something?"

A staff member. I had to laugh at Dara's comment. She would be hella surprised if she knew it was more than a staff member. 

"Ji eun. We don't have all day, even those berserk girls who were spilling out their guts through their mouths a while ago went home already."

"Yah, Park Dara. Just be more patient, please. You won't regret this."

"Dang it. Just a few more minutes, okay?"

She doesn't have to wait for a few more minutes, for I finally saw him. He was standing outside of a dressing room or something, waiting for someone. I tugged Dara's hand and started walking briskly towards him.

Nearer and nearer, he must look this way. He must recognize me.

"Jiyonggie!!!"

I halted to a stop. Joo Ri and her friend came from the other side, much faster than I did. Jiyong's eyes lit up the moment he saw her.

"Joo Ri! I thought you'd never show up. Did you see how awesome it was?!"

"Hell yeah! Goodness, those girls were crazy! You're big now!" Joo Ri gave her a hug. "It was an awesome debut."

"Joo Ri's right, Jiyong-sshi. We were in awe," Joo Ri's friend chimed in. It was obvious that the girl likes him a lot.

"Where's your cousin?"

Turn around and look here. I'm here.

But it was Joo Ri who looked at my direction. Her eyes grew wide all of a sudden, but if there's anything that was surprising, it was her answer to Jiyong's question.

"She didn't come. I told you she won't. She'd die if she saw those girls practially going crazy over you."

I almost melted on the spot. Joo Ri''s not doing this to me. She might not like me, but she's my flesh and blood. She won't humiliate me like this.

The three of them laughed.

"Jiyong-sshi, her cousin is a bit freaky. Joo Ri says she's obsessed with you."

"Right on. She has this I'd die without you spiels I'd hear whenever I'd pass by her room. I swear the girl is nuts. I'd always hear umma say that she's really different, that's why she feels sorry for her."

Jiyong was silent. He wasn't laughing -- he was frowning a little. 

"Please don't further talk about your cousin's weird habits. if she didn't come, it's not my loss."

Hot tears were threatening to spill. I could not go on further than where I'm standing now.

"Ji Eun? Are you ok?" Dara nudged my shoulders gently. When she saw that I didn't move, she followed my gaze and saw Jiyong as well.

"Oh! It's that dude who just debuted!" She wrinkled her nose a bit in disgust. "Don't like him. Music industry shouldn't accept "artists" who'd wear caps with a price tag on their debut!"

"Yes," I agreed. "I don't like him too."

All the good things I've always thought about him were slowly going down the drain, getting replaced by something I still couldn't recognize. 

I'd die without him, yes I said a lot of times before. But what am I going to do when all the beautiful things I associated with him disappeared already? Surely I can't hold on to 'love', but what else would I hold onto?

Something I never even thought before found its way to my head.

Maybe... I can hate him. If that's the only emotion left so I could have just so I could still hold on to him, I'd do it.

I will hate Kwon Jiyong.

-----------------------

Present Day.

It only seemed like yesterday.

Random people were walking outside, oblivious of the rage I'm feeling as I stared at them through the coffee shop's huge glass windows. It was an ordinary day. And yet to me it was much, much, more.

Today I made a discovery. Something I knew at the back of my mind way before this craziness that is betrayal showed itself upon me.

"She's seeing Kwon Jiyong."

I stared frostily at her, that girl who looked for me, called me out of the blue to share something my friend should have told me in the first place. 

"I don't make mistakes so I can confidently say that they are in love with each other. It's getting pretty deep, I don't know if you'd like that."

I held on to my coffee cup. I know what she's saying.

"Does it hurt? Your hand must be scalding already with that hot drink, but how about your heart right now?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm a YG trainee."

"So you think that alone justifies your reason for doing this."

"No. I was just saying."

I looked at her pretty face. It reminded me of Joo Ri's, making me hate this girl who's smiling innocently in front of me. Girls like them are dime a dozen these days.

She took out an envelope from her bag and gave it to me, as if it was something I asked from her. 

"You might want to see what's inside."

I smiled at her. "Why thank you. It's some pictures you've taken yourself? That's very original and creative."

"Says the girl who encouraged her friend to write nasty things about Jiyong through that black notebook. That's the best I could do, I thought you should know."

"I wasn't asking for this."

"You don't need to ask." 

The girl is pretty much damned. I took out the contents and looked at the pictures. I swallowed hard and clenched my fists, my eyes getting narrower by the minute.

"Jiyong, eating with her. Jiyong, holding her hand. Jiyong whispering something to her. Jiyong, singing some songs for her."

How could Dara do this to me.

"It's fun stuff, don't you think? They look so good together it's sickening already. I hear that guy saying she's his muse in everything nowadays I---"

Mild splash coming from my cup, a loud scream coming out of her lips. 

"You look prettier now that you face is drenched in some hot coffee I was starting to enjoy a while ago." I stood up and gathered my things as she stared at me, still shocked. "Have a nice day."

-------------------

Debut part based on BB's Music Core debut vid: Click.