Chapter Six:Hopeless

"Jaejoong,you..."

"Yes,hyung...I remember now." Jaejoong replied softly,sadness displayed in his eyes as he lowered his head."But I somehow wish I wouldn't."

The beautiful man's voice broke,a knot starting to form in his throat as memories of what Yunho has done to him flashed before his inner eyes.He started to tremble miserably as tears forced their way out of his eyes once again,his heart hurting so much that he almost wished he was dead.

Almost.

Moonbin...he couldn't leave Moonbin alone.His little miracle...

Kibum couldn't control himself anymore and quickly stormed towards Jaejoong to pull him into a tight embrace,crying along with his brother as he allowed himself to let go of all the emotions he tried to suppress up until now.Seconds later,Junsu slowly wrapped his strong arms around his younger brothers,tightening his hold around them when he could hear them sobbing harshly.

Jaejoong's memories were back.

Jaejoong was back.

Junsu couldn't ask for more.He knew that it hurt Jaejoong to remember everything that has happened between him and Yunho,but Junsu himself would help him to overcome the pain this time.He won't let Jaejoong fall into the depths of depression again...never.Silent tears rolled down the mafia leader's cheeks as he thanked the deities above for this miracle.

"W-Where is Moonbin?" Jaejoong managed to choke out as the three males let go of each other slowly,the tears refusing to stay in their beautiful eyes as too many emotions yearned to be released through the salty liquid.

"He is sleeping right now." Junsu answered softly as he fixed his brother's hair lovingly."And you should stay here and rest some more.The shock must've had a big impact on you."

Jaejoong shook his head in response,the urge to hold his baby in his arms overpowering the exhaustion lingering in his limbs."I want to see Moonbin,please."

Letting out a soft sigh,Junsu gave in with a nod before he helped Jaejoong to get up and led him into the room right next to his with Kibum trailing behind them as the youngest among them was silently wiping his tears.

When they stepped into the simple,white-painted room,the sight of a sleeping baby laying on the soft bed greeted them with Joongki sitting next to him as he watched over the small being with much devotion.Registering some movements at the door,Joongki quickly turned around to face the Masters of the Kim household.

"Could you go and prepare a new bottle of milk,hyung?Just in case." Jaejoong spoke softly and found himself smiling at the shocked expression on the bodyguard's face when the older male noticed how Jaejoong has addressed him just now.

"Young Master Jaejoong,do you-"

"Yes,I remember." The beauty replied,his smile widening when he could see how Joongki's eyes started to moisten slightly.

"I'm glad,Young Master Jaejoong.I really am."

"I know,hyung...thank you for your concern." Jaejoong replied and watched how the older male got up and lowered his head to excuse himself in order to prepare the milk for Moonbin like Jaejoong has requested.

When Joongki was out of the room,Jaejoong slowly approached his son and tears of happiness threatened to escape his eyes as he looked at the bundle of joy laying peacefully ontop of a baby blue blanket,the baby's right hand loosely wrapped around his favorite toy.

"My sweet,sweet angel..." The beautiful male whispered as he placed his left hand ontop of Moonbin's small chest,feeling the small heart beating in a steady pace underneath his palm."Umma will make up for the time we have been apart,I promise."

Watching how Jaejoong was cooing his son,Junsu and Kibum smiled gently at each other as happiness wrapped itself around them,filling their hearts with warmth that has been absent for way too long already.The way Jaejoong was looking and smiling at Moonbin was breathtakingly beautiful,the precious moment between mother and son being the most wonderful sight they have ever witnessed.

But the sweet moment came to a sudden end when Jaejoong turned around to look at his brothers with the sadness they never wanted to see on Jaejoong's face ever again."Where...Where is Yunho?"

"He is resting..." Junsu replied with a tinge of bitterness he couldn't quite hide despite the fact that Yunho has probably saved his brother's life."The bullet was dangerously close to his heart,but he...made it."

Jaejoong nodded slowly upon hearing his brother's words,the way Junsu has forced them out of his mouth showing him that his brother would've preferred to see Yunho wandering amongst the dead than resting comfortably on a soft bed."Could you...inform me when he is awake?"

"Jaejoong-"

"I know hyung,I know that I really shouldn't talk to him.But I can't leave Korea without telling him what will happen to our son...I'm...not like him."

Upon hearing Jaejoong's words,Junsu and Kibum exchanged a short glance that clearly showed how displeased they were with the idea of letting Jaejoong talk to Yunho again.Now that Jaejoong remembered the pain caused by the businessman,the beauty was most likely going to have a hard time suppressing his true emotions while talking to him.And chances were high for Jaejoong to break down infront of the cause for his suffering.

"We will tell you once you can talk to him." Junsu then assured gently,earning a weak smile from Jaejoong in return before the younger male laid down next to his son,slowly closing his eyes as one of his hands was placed on top of the baby's small arm.

A peaceful silence hung in the air and Junsu and Kibum took it as their cue to leave,not missing to look at Jaejoong and Moonbin one last time.

oOo

- Seoul,Jung Mansion -

"." Changmin cursed as he pressed the icepack onto his neck,certain that he was going to have a big bruise as a reminder of Kibum's sudden attack.

"You okay?" Jihoon asked,busy nursing his own injury.

The younger male nodded in response before leaning against the back of the couch carefully with a sigh,his thoughts occupied by a certain mafia prince.Truth to be told,he wouldn't have expected for the criminals to let him and Jihoon live after they have kidnapped one of their bosses.

"If it wasn't because of Kibum,we wouldn't be sitting here right now." Jihoon mumbled with a groan and caused Changmin to look at him in a mix of confusion and surprise.

"What?" Was all that came out of Changmin's mouth as he continued to stare at the older male.

"Well...he kind of saved us from being shot." The businessman answered and continued to speak upon noticing that his cousin was still not understanding anything he was saying."Didn't you hear him before he attacked us?He said something along the line of 'It's for your own good'."

Changmin furrowed his eyes as he tried to recall his memories of what has happened in the motel earlier this day,not being able to remember it at all whether he has heard Kibum saying the things his cousin told him he did."Wait,so..."

"Yeah...he knocked us out so the others didn't have to do it anymore.Things would've ended very ugly if not for him."

"But why would he help us?" The tall teen asked,rather talking to himself than to his cousin.

"I don't know,but I'm glad he did." Jihoon replied softly and leaned back a little to close his eyes."It's just...now we don't have anything to blackmail the Kims with anymore.And Yunho..."

Changmin kept silent as he tried to sort all of his thoughts,frustrated at the fact that no one was there to give him answers to the many questions and the same situation he had to face a few days ago was suddenly back in the form of a cruel deja vu.

Closing his eyes slowly in an attempt to shut out all the negative things raining down on his very being,Changmin started to cry silently...luxury he barely allowed himself to have.Changmin was really not one to cry,but ever since his brother and nephew disappeared,he suddenly found it hard not to.

'What shall I do,Yunho hyung?What shall I do to help you?'

oOo

- Gapyeong,4 pm -

Taking a short glance at the small being playing with Kibum on the soft carpet of the room,Jaejoong smiled gently to himself before he turned around to look out of the window absentedmindly.What was he supposed to say to Yunho once they met?

Starting with the information about his planned departure with Moonbin and his brothers was probably the most logical thing to do,but Jaejoong knew that he wasn't going to stop there.He remembered the many things he had wanted to say to Yunho when he was still in the hospital.

He wanted to tell Yunho how he has felt when Moonbin has been taken away from him...when Yunho has betrayed him.He wanted Yunho to see his pain so he would finally learn to respect other human-beings and their feelings like they deserved.He wanted Yunho to change.But even if he would,Jaejoong didn't know whether it was going to be enough for Yunho to redeem himself even a little in his eyes.

"Jaejoong...he's awake." The called male could hear Junsu muttering next to him,causing him to turn around slowly with a nod.

"Room?"

"To the left,at the very end of the hallway." Junsu responded and watched how his brother left the room with hesitant steps before the blue-haired man himself crouched down to have a better look at his nephew,caressing the baby's cheek gently.

"Do you think it's a good idea to-"

"Of course not.But Jaejoong is back to his adult-self.He is a grown man and we have to respect his decisions...at least to a certain extent."

Kibum lowered his head with a sigh,silently praying for Jaejoong to stay strong.

Meanwhile,Jaejoong was standing right infront of the door which seperated him from the man who has hurt him like no one else has dared to before.All the pain came rushing back to him and caused the beautiful male to shake slightly before he took a deep breath to calm himself down.

As his digits touched the cold surface of the doorknob,Jaejoong could practically feel his body temperatur dropping rapidly and he would've loved to just turn around and leave without seeing the other male ever again.

But...no.He had to do this,for his own sake.He needed to have this last conversation with Yunho to end things in a way where nothing would be left unsaid like last time.

Carefully,he moved the doorknob and pushed the door open before stepping in,his eyes immediately falling onto the man laying on the bed on the other side of the room.His movements halted abruptly when Yunho turned his head around a little to look at him,their gazes locking in a way that sent shivers down Jaejoong's spine.

Willing himself to continue,Jaejoong swiftly slid further into the room until he was standing next to the bed Yunho was laying on.

"Joong-"

"I remember everything now,Yunho...you don't need to call me like that anymore." Jaejoong cut the tanned man off and couldn't help but enjoy it slightly how Yunho's smile vanished the instance he was informed about Jaejoong's current condition.

"You remember..."

"Yes.Every single sin you have committed...I remember them."

"Jaejoong,I'm so-"

"No,don't apologize!" Jaejoong hissed and he could tell that Yunho was more than surprised.

He has never talked to Yunho like this before,not even when Yunho was snapping at him when they were still together.But now the gentle and sweet Jaejoong has been tainted by sorrow and anger,feelings Yunho himself has caused to appear in the beautiful man's heart.

"Why do you apologize now?You shouldn't have done those things to begin with!" The pale man snapped,tears starting to form in his eyes once again."You have no idea how I felt,Yunho...you have no idea of how much I have been suffering all alone in the hospital,not being able to do anything to get back my own son.You seperated me from our child,the little angel I carried underneath my heart for 9 long months.I fought so hard for our baby...I even put my life at risk and kept him even when the doctors told me that I could probably die while giving birth.And when I thought that everything was going to be alright,you ripped my heart apart without hesitation and took everything that could've kept me sane away from me."

He couldn't take it anymore,all the words automatically slipping out of his mouth as tears stained his flawless cheeks.He could see the sorrow in Yunho's eyes,but he wasn't going to let him off so easily.

"You took my life away,Yunho.Everything I could give to you...you took it without treasuring any of it.Do you know how I felt,Yunho?I felt lost...empty...as if it was useless for me to continue living.Pain was the only thing that showed me that I was actually still alive.Breathing was painful.Every passing second was so painful that I kept wishing for death to just take me." Jaejoong continued to stare at Yunho as he let go of all the sadness,pain and anger he has kept hidden deep inside of him for the past year.

Taking some time to let the knot in his throat disappear,Jaejoong forced himself to look away slowly,the tears not stopping to flow out of his big orbs.

"I...I will leave Korea in a few days and I'm going to take Moonbin with me...you will never see me or him ever again."

Yunho gasped in shock before he shook his head in utter denial,refusing to believe that Jaejoong would really leave him without giving him a chance to try making up for what he has done.

"Please,Jaejoong...please don't...give me a chance t-"

"A chance?Did you give me a chance to do anything when you took Moonbin away from me?Did you give me a chance to see my own son after I have given birth to him?Did you,Yunho?" Jaejoong cried out in anger,his voice painfully hoarse.

His sobbing got more brutal and his body was shaking so hard that it scared Yunho.He has never seen anyone suffering like this before and to think that he was the reason for this was killing him from the inside,the guilt eating up his heart before it spread in his whole body like an unstoppable virus.He watched how Jaejoong let himself glide onto the ground,his face now buried in his knees.Yunho could feel his cheeks getting wet as tears kept spilling from his eyes and with all the energy he had left in his damaged body,the businessman slipped himself out of the bed,ignoring the pain cutting through him as he landed on the hard ground with a loud thud.

He could see Jaejoong watching him as he slowly crawled towards the pale man,not caring about his blood-stained bandages as he continued to make his way towards the other man.

"Please,Jaejoong...give me a chance to redeem myself.I know that I have hurt you greatly and it's true that I didn't give you a chance to stop me from hurting you at that time.I know that I could never make up for the things I have done fully,but I want to use the rest of my life trying pay for my mistakes.I love you.I knew that I love you even before I have hurt you but I was too scared to admit it to myself.But now I won't run away from my feelings anymore.I will not hurt you anymo-"

"Right,you won't...because I won't give you any chance to." Jaejoong muttered darkly,his voice muffled by the rough fabric of his jeans.

"Jaejoong,ple-"

"I hate you..." The pale man mumbled,sounding so broken that it ripped Yunho's heart into thousands of tiny pieces."I hate how you can make me feel like this.No one has ever done this to me,Yunho...and never has anyone ever hurt me like you did.I hate how you still dare to ask for forgiveness and a chance to redeem yourself when you know all too well that you deserve neither of it.I hate how you think that I would actually take you back after everything you have done.I hate how you think that everything is going to be alright again just because you suddenly realized your feelings for me.But as much as I hate you...I hate myself with just as much intensity."

Yunho cried silently as he got up slowly,reaching out for Jaejoong but was rejected through a slap that sent his hands flying back to himself.

"Don't touch me!" Jaejoong hissed before burying his face deeper into his knees as if trying to hide from the man infront of him."I hate myself...I hate myself because after everything I have been through because of you...I can't help but to still love you.I'm supposed to hate you...I'm supposed to make you suffer far more than I have suffered.But I could never leave you suffering all by yourself like you did it with me.And although I have planned to take Moonbin away from you like you took him away from me,I know deep inside that I'm going to regret the decision later on.Because no matter how many scars you have inflicted on my heart and soul,I know that I would never be able to bare seeing you going through the same pain.But I'm still going to leave because right now,I just wish to be far away from you.Being near you suffocates me...so I will disappear and try to heal myself the best I can."

Not giving Yunho a chance to say anything in response,Jaejoong carefully rose from the ground and fled out of the room,ignoring the desperate cries of the man who was still the owner of his broken heart.

He ran past Yihan when the other male approached him,not wanting to talk to anyone right now and locked himself inside his room.He ignored the people knocking at his door,trying to coax him into opening it.Talking was the last thing he wanted to do right now,so he simply pretended like he couldn't hear any of them.

Inside of the room where Yunho was in,the tanned man was still sitting on the ground,tears and blood leaving his body continuously as he desperately hoped for Jaejoong to return and talk to him.But he knew that Jaejoong wasn't going to come back anymore.

He barely registered someone storming into the room until he was being kicked,the impact sending him flying towards the bed and caused him to let out a pained groan when his wound met the edge of the bed harshly.Yunho prepared himself for another kick or hit that never came thanks to Junsu who was holding his attacker back with a growl,telling him to not cause any trouble for Jaejoong to be worried about.And when Yunho caught Junsu calling the furious man by his name,he could finally understand why he was being attacked so suddenly.

The man was Jin Yihan,the man who has loved Jaejoong before him...the man in Jaejoong's heart before he captured and destroyed it.

Yunho could hear Junsu cursing before more people rushed into the room and placed Yunho back onto the bed as they started to take care of his wounds.But the businessman didn't get a chance to see what happened after as the pain sent him back into the comforting embrace of unconsciousness.

oOo

"Baby,where are you?" Yunho asked as he stepped into the apartment of his boyfriend,not hearing any sound coming from the kitchen of the beautiful man like he has expected.

It was their 100th day together and Jaejoong has pleaded for Yunho to celebrate it with him and Yunho found himself agreeing to it despite not being fond of things like these.

"Baby?"

"In the living room,Yunnie!" Jaejoong replied and caused Yunho to smile gently before he strode towards where his boyfriend was.

When he was finally standing infront of the living room seconds later,Yunho could feel his heart skipping a beat at the sight infront of him.Jaejoong was dressed in a white shirt that hung loosely around his upper part while tight black jeans hugged his slim legs,the angel infront of him standing in the middle of a rosepetal-covered ground,a nicely decorated table with delicious food on it right behind him.

"Happy 100th day,Yunnie." The beautiful male said with a shy smile which only got more timid when he could see how Yunho was looking at him before the taller male rushed towards him and scooped him into his strong arms as bow-shaped lips were pressed themselves against plump ones for a hearty kiss.

"Happy 100th day,baby." Yunho whispered against Jaejoong's lips before he got a small box out of his trouser pocket,proudly revealing its content to his boyfriend.

Seeing the silver necklace shimmering in the candle light,Jaejoong couldn't help but be awwed by its beauty before he leaned in to share another kiss with his boyfriend as a silent thank you.

oOo

Tears slipped out of Jaejoong's eyes as he turned around to bury his face into his already wettened pillow in an attempt to muffle his sobs.

The happy memories he shared with Yunho were hurting him immensely because he knew that he was never going to experience something like that with the man he loved ever again.Their chance of finding their happiness together was too small for any hope to remain.

oOo

- Wednesday,4th September,8.40 am -

An awkward silence hung in the air as the Kim brothers were having their breakfast with Yihan and Yoochun,no one really daring to say something because it was obvious how tense Jaejoong was because of the current situation.No one wanted to risk saying something wrong in the beautiful male's presence.

Yoochun took a short glance at Junsu and Kibum before he let his eyes wander to Jaejoong.Knowing that the others weren't going to start talking any time soon,Yoochun decided to take it upon himself to ask what everyone was yearning to ask.

"Jaejoong...what do you want us to do with Yunho?"

Upon hearing the question,Jaejoong's movements halted completely for a brief moment before he placed the spoon next to the bowl neatly,looking up to meet Yoochun's gaze afterwards.

"Just send him back to his family.Let everything end with his departure."

Yoochun nodded gently in response,still feeling uneasy about everything that was about to happen.Something just didn't feel right about the way things were progressing right now.But it was not on him to decide on these things...everything now depended on how Jaejoong wanted everything to continue.

Yihan watched his ex-boyfriend intensely and debated with himself for quite some time before he finally decided to talk."Jaejoong,what if I would go to Germany with you?"

Not expecting Yihan's sudden question,everyone at the table stared at the businessman in shock and Kibum wondered how Jaejoong must've felt when he himself was feeling so overly uncomfortable already because of Yihan's words.

---

I know that this chapter is rather short,but I got sick and it somehow knocked me out -.-

The next chapter will be the final one so prepare yourself for a long- chapter >.< and after that I will add an epilogue.I know that things for YunJae don't look too good >.<