(Semi sequel for Grab it)

                It’s been five long years since we had our debut stage. The spotlight, the cheers, the crowd… everything seems to slowly fade. The bitter truth that the company might not renew our contract, I’m just waiting for that time to come, that day when the group called Nu’est will disband with no one left to care. How did it even come down to this?

                It’s been five years and we haven’t achieved anything yet. We had already surpassed that time where we are called rookies but why are we still here? Why are we still in debt despite all the blood, sweat and tears we had shed? How many sleepless nights are still left? When will we finally walk the flowery path?

                “Ren-ah!” Minhyun called me out of my daydream. “Ren, you should at least eat something. It’s not good to skip meals, we still had a lot of schedule.”

                Schedules? Right, we still had a lot of schedules, workloads where the money we earn are spent for other artists. I don’t really want to hate the company but why are they throwing cold water on us?

Just as then JR came along with Baekho, Aron-hyung and our manager. The look on their faces are darkened, it was the same as the expressions of the doctors when they had table deaths. As if it was the news I am waiting for all this time, is it today? Why does it need to be today? Why is this day filled with bad luck?

                “Hyung?” Minhyun took note of our manager’s expression.

                “I’m really sorry, guys” our manager started. “I tried to negotiate with them but it seems that this is going to be your last chance.”

Last chance…

                Those words rang for minutes inside my head. Last chance. This isn’t the first time I heard that today. She also told me that… with an angered voice, I cannot even face her personally. Why are things slowly crumbling underneath me? Why am I losing the things I’ve been caring for so deeply?

                “The company won’t give you comeback anytime soon. You guys are still on negative…”

                Negative. Despite all the money we had made while promoting in Japan, where they left us all alone… where was the money anyway? Aren’t they feeding our friends with the money we had earned with our own blood?

                “And because of that, I really don’t want for things to come down to this but this is the only way I could think of. The only hope we had for now… I know this is going to be really hard and it’ll hurt your pride big time but let’s take the risk” our manager started. “Mnet is having a second season for Produce 101 and they’re looking for male trainees.”

                “But that is for trainees” Minhyun added.

                “Exactly and that’s why it will hurt your pride. You all need to go out there as trainees…” he added. “Once again.”

                I’m getting dizzy. Our manager wanted us to participate in a survival program for trainees. Us, who are already running endlessly for five years in the industry? Why does it need to come down to this? But still, it’s better than to hear that we’re disbanding.

Tonight, the main character is me! IT IS ME!!!

                Today is that nerve-wrecking day, we’re coming out as trainees. It was a shame that Mnet rejected Aron-hyung, we wanted to be together in this… now it’s just the four of us participating in the show. It scares me, what will happen once we come out and people aren’t satisfied with us? Will they throw us fingers saying that this is where it will all end? Will they hate us for participating even though we had already debuted? Will we get the recognition that we want? Will we survive this show and continue as Nu’est after five months?

                Good thing, it’s not just us who came back to the trainee life… there’s a bunch of debuted idols on the show and our dongsaeng, Samuel, is one of them. The others are from Hotshot, Topp Dogg, JJCC, and other groups I haven’t really heard about and it pains me to imagine that we are in their shoes… at least there are people who knows us, we have our LOVEs, we have our fanbase but… the moment we’ve started to have less activities, they had started to drift away from us too… I’m scared… what if there are no LOVEs left??? Who will be on our side?

They debuted first but Seventeen did better than them…

A level, none. B level, none. C… Hwang Minhyun. The rest are Ds.

                That was a slap on our face. We worked so hard for the company performance, but the moment we saw Kahi-sunbaenim… our knees felt weak. It was shameful, standing in front of her as trainees… it was hard to focus on the performance but we still need to do well. It’s our pride we are betting her. The other trainees must be looking down on us now… being idols who aren’t on A level.

                Days passed, I’ve made quite some good friends. However, it doesn’t feel right. I went down from D to F. It really hurt my pride, I feel so left out and now I’m all alone… without JR and Baekho. I’m on the sea of gray shallowness without a definite ending. On the day of rehearsals for the Na Ya Na stage, I can’t help but to cry, that was the stage that I love so much, it’s so pretty but I can’t be on it. I was a lowly F-class trainee and I have no rights to stand on it. I can’t stop thinking why I am I falling in a slump? I miss the stage, I miss the cheers, I miss our fans. This may sound so shameless but can you blame me? We already had the chance but it disappeared just like that. It’s not like we had chosen not to be popular but because of the countless debuts in a year, you just get pushed aside so easily.

                How to say this? I feel so hurt. My group members are gaining attention while I only get hate.  I thought our LOVEs know me so well? Why can’t they see behind my smiles? Why are they saying that I’m not even trying? Why? I can’t understand.

The group battle came…

Noona, you’re so pretty…

                I had the most vote for our group, even ranking fourth over-all on the on-site votings but I still feel empty. To whom should I share the happiness when deep down I’m drowning in an abyss of uncertainty?

Then, came the position evaluation…

Look at me, look at me now…

                Will they finally notice my faint cries for help? Will they see that I’m desperate too? Does she know that I’m here? I still feel down… Just a wish of good lucks from her will turn me back to normal…

But no, there is no her and I’m still on the edge…

                “I really hope I could be the center for our concept evaluation stage” I shamelessly said.

                “I’m thinking of giving the role to him” Jihoon said.

                And it made my heart genuinely happy that time. I’ve never been so desperate like this, anytime soon, I can feel that I’m gonna be dropped off and I’m thankful that Jihoon is willing to give the role to me.

                “Minki-ah” a heard a whisper coming from behind the slightly opened door which made me jump in surprise as it was 2 am and who on earth will call me at that time of the dawn? “Minki?” the voice called me once again which made me confirm who the owner of the voice is… JR.

                “Why?” I asked.

                He signaled me to go out of the room and follow him. We went out of the dorms. I asked him where we are going but instead he shook his head with a slight grin on his face. We walked a little bit more until we reached the fountain where a white figure is standing at which made me almost ran in fear. JR held me tightly (no bromance intended, he just doesn’t want me to ran away).

                The figure turned towards us and I swear my heart is about to break when I saw her face. Only God knows how much I had missed her, how much I wanted to say sorry to her, how much I wanted to run in her comfort once again.

I took a step back, I’m stopping myself from running towards her. Our last meeting wasn’t that good. I had hurt her… how can I face her after everything?

“Minki-yah…” she called my name.

I sniffed, trying to stop the tears that are on the verge of falling. Jonghyun slightly pushed me forward before leaving me with her.

“Minki.” / “Haru.”

“Ah” I scratched the back of my head and signaled her to go first.

She chuckled slightly before starting, “How was life?” she asked. “I am really sorry… I didn’t know where you are com—.”

“You don’t need to be sorry” I cut her. “I’m the one in fault, I shouldn’t have belted out my stress on you… I am inconsider—.”

She suddenly held my hand and shook her head, “I should have been more understanding. With you and your situation. It’s not easy for you, I should have been there during your lowest time. I should have contacted you before you entered the show. You can’t imagine how hurt I am watching Mnet editing you out. It wasn’t fa—” I stopped her with a finger on her lips.

“Shhh, Mnet might hear you” I chuckled.

She smiled and patted my head, “Aigoo, our Minki is doing well.”

I swear that broke my defense. I hugged her tightly and started crying, God knows how much. She just stood there, lightly patting my back while whispering cheers on my ears. This is what I need, her comfort, her warmth… knowing that everything is just a misunderstanding, I can finally concentrate on doing my best. Not that I’m not doing my best, but every time I remember that she’s not by my side, I just can’t help but feel empty and disheartened.

“We’re having the concept evaluation next week; will you watch me?” I asked after gathering every courage I needed.

She nodded, “I will.”

“But you can’t watch the other guys, okay?!” I warned her, remembering how cool Jonghyun and Daniel’s team were. She gave me a confused look, “Just don’t.”

“I will” she naughtily replied. “But they won’t make it that far on reaching Minki-star.”

We both laughed our hearts out when Jonghyun called me again saying that I needed to go back now. It was a shame but at least my heart is now at ease.

“Thank you” I told Haru.

She smiled and mouthed, “I love you.”

“I love you too” I replied as I had let go of her hands and waved goodbye.

                Cheers from the crowd filled my heart as I saw this one girl that I had longed for. The music started and we’re down to perform our concept stage for Oh Little Girl… I hope that we could capture a lot of hearts tonight.

Neon naega jikinda…

                I sang wholeheartedly, the contentment of being on-stage slowly filling up the emptiness I had for almost three months…

It was a bittersweet feeling… regardless of the results (by the way we ranked third and I only got 24 on-site votes) I am still happy and contented. I saw the joy reflecting in her eyes and I hope that she had received my message well…

“I will protect you no matter what, Haru-ssi.”

                “I pick you, Minki-yah.”

                “I really thought I will be eliminated but to receive all these votes and support, I’m very thankful! I’ll be really thankful to receive all your love. Thank you very much!

And to you who’s quietly supporting me from afar. I love you and thank you for staying by my side.”

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How was it? One of this day I will be posting something for Grab It. Comment down what you think about this chapter?

Plus, I hope no one gets offended by the first part. It doesn't reflect Ren's actual thought.