Author’s POV

“…It was our first Christmas together and my first mistletoe kiss from him. Wait, what the hell is written here?” Chen flipped the pages of the notebook roughly. “Why is this so full of me and Kris? What the hell do I have to do with him?! Aigoo, this isn’t helping at all!” Chen continued to flip the pages of the notebook.

Chen leaned his phone through his ear. He waited for the person on the other line to pick up. How he got the blonde Tamaki’s number? (He forgot Kris’ name again. It really slipped his mind. And Chen was fond of animes and Kris kind of, sort of reminded him Tamaki of Ouran High, weird and kind of, sort of, slightly bit of being psychotic as well—greasy, you could say.) He didn’t expect that the number he found at the back of the  Polaroid of him and Chen was actually Kris’ number. It also includes Kris’ messy, childish signature and a heart sign, and a drawing of… a certain animal Chen couldn’t figure out.

Chen was irritated when he heard a soft chuckle answered, “Yes, Chen Chen? Anything again?” Kris asked.

Yes. It was already Chen’s second call towards Kris. The first one was when he asked about the Polaroid.

“I told you, we are in love. Or for now, it would be appropriate to understate it to I was in love with you.” Kris answered greasily.

And Chen, being new Chen Chen, immediately hanged up and almost puked of Kris’ words.

“Were you harassing me back then?” Chen scoffed. And his could feel his blood rushing through his veins when he heard Kris’ annoying chuckle.

“What’s that?” Kris asked.

“Did you kiss me under the mistletoe tree?!”

Chen could hear Kris laughing on the other line. “Chen, have you read your whole entry there? For your information, I once snatched your diary from you and read everything there was to read.”

If only Chen could see Kris, rolling like a buffalo on his dirty sheets in his old apartment. (Of course, it would be dirty. He hasn’t lived there for 2 years.)

Chen immediately got back to the stupid mistletoe entry and read the last part.

It was memorable. I could still remember Kris’ puffy cheeks. He looked at me with wide eyes after I pulled away from the kiss. Now, I know how it feels like to be the alpha,
- evil laugh –

“What the hell…” Chen absent-mindedly mumbled.

“What? So, I harassed you?”

“You bewitched me, Tamaki!”

Kris chuckled again. “You bewitched me, Chen Chen.”

If only Chen could see Kris’ sly smile. If only.

Chen, being Chen, hanged up the phone and cut the line. He sighed and decided to stop reading the notebook. He decided to look some more interesting things inside the ducks. Wait, did I thought of interesting? Was I interested?

There were a lot of things inside the box, too. There were… ducks. Ducks. Chen groaned as he shifted his eyes on the bathroom ducks with different colors. There were blue, purple, pink, yellow, green.

“Aigoo, man, I hate ducks.” Chen mumbled under his breath and threw the notebook on the pile of ducks, pile of ugly bathroom ducks. He doesn’t know why but he has this strong hatred towards ducks. So it really doesn’t make sense why the box is full of ugly ducklings.

He reached for his phone and leaned it against his ear for the third time. “Yah, I hate ducks.” he softly shouted when Kris picked up his phone again for the third time.

“Oh, you kept them?” Kris voice was excited. “I guess you would not want to remember how you reacted when I gave those to you as my 1^st anniversary gift.” The elder’s laugh was heard and Chen couldn’t help but to roll his eyes. He cut the call again and continued to dig in to the box. And he found a photo album which has a leather fur cover.

Of course, Chen couldn’t feel anything the moment his eyes laid on the photos. He breathes air and breathes it out heavily. He bites his lower lip as he ran his fingers through each of the photos. All he could he is himself, so happy and contented. The photos were selcas of him and Kris.  And it’s obvious that Kris took the photos since his one arm would be nowhere to be found in the photos.

He, again, reached for his phone and called Kris once again.

“As far as I remember, I am not like this. I don’t smile often. I don’t laugh often. I am not like this. What was so there back then that I don’t have right now?” Chen asked, as his eyes glimmer in curiousness of the reason behind his smile. Seconds passed and there was no response that was heard from Kris. Chen’s brows met, “Hello? Yah, Tamaki—“

“Because you have Kris back then and you’re refusing Kris now.”

Chen almost jumped when a pair of slender arms wrapped around his body and a chin rested on his shoulder. “Y-yah, how—“

“I have a secret.” Chen stiffened because Kris’ breath lingered on his neck. “I am Spiderman. I came in through your window. I’ve missed the times when I would sneak to your window, endangering my reputation to your parents, just because you missed me and wanted to see me so badly.”

Chen didn’t respond. He was uncomfortable but the feeling was too familiar. He wanted to pull away but he wanted to feel more. He wanted to escape but he also wanted the warmth.

“As far as you remember, you are not what you were. Your memory is limited, right? Chen, as far as you won’t remember, you smile… a lot, actually. Your laugh sounds the best thing in the world. Your smile, they’re the most beautiful.”

Chen still didn’t respond. Long seconds of silence followed and it was still Kris who took the initiative to break the silence. He first loosened his hug from Chen. Chen tried to hide his dismay face because he didn’t want Tamaki, as he calls him, to let go so soon. He was feeling… something. Kris stood up and sat again on the floor across Chen. He reached for Chen’s chin and lifted it up so that their visions could meet.

“I want you to remember me. Chen, I want you to remember everything. The missing pieces, I can fill it everything. All the puzzles, I will help you solve it. Your smile and your laugh, I will help you regain those.” Kris smiled, assuring him everything.

“Chen? Chen Chen?” a soft knock was heard outside Chen’s room. The voice came from Chen’s older sister.

Chen looked at the door and then shifted his eyes to Kris with a worried look. But Kris’ assuring smile was still plastered on his gorgeous face. He poked Chen’s cheek. “I’m going. Spiderman can’t be seen.” He paused and leaned a little bit closer which caused Chen to be taken aback. “I love you.” He winked before stealing a quick peck on his cheek. He stood up and headed to Chen’s window. And Spiderman Tamaki made his way out of Chen’s room. (To think that Chen’s room is found on the second floor. How Kris did it?)

Kris sighed in relief as his feet reached the ground. He patted the wooden ladder. “I never knew I would use you again.” Kris giggled and trailed off.

Chen’s sister opened the door. “Chen?” she found him on the floor, with a big dusty box, and scattered bathroom ducks. “What’s with this mess? And were you talking to someone?” she asked as her eyebrows met.

“Nothing, I was just bored and scanned the old things in my own room.” He stood up, holding the photo album on his side. He walked towards his sister and started shooing her out of his room. He didn’t even notice a piece of paper that flew to the floor. “I want to be alone, noona.” He smiled before pushing her sister outside his room. Her sister started blabbering words but those were just incoherent to him. He sighed as he closed the door.

He rolled his eyes when it landed on the ducks. Disgusting, useless, whatsoever bathroom ducks. “Man, I hate ducks.” He gritted his teeth and walked towards the box. He was about to sit on the floor when he noticed a paper on the floor. He reached for it and casually opened it. He read the words and letters through his mind.

I will miss you Kris.  Even though everything in my life will change, the memories in the album will never fade.

Tama—Kris was really a part of me?

He reached for his old diary and flipped out to the last page. He found papers inserted at the cover and the last page. He unfolded the small pieces of papers.

Astrocytoma. Glioblastoma.

He realized that the papers were all about medicines. He couldn’t pronounce a single medicine since it was written in English. He looked at the notebook again and tried to read the last entry.

October 31.

I broke up with Kris hyung.

I want to die.

I wish to never wake up again after the operation.

I hope he doesn’t forget me.

Even though he’ll be erased in my brain… I will remember him in my heart.

I love you, Kris hyung, I am sorry.

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A/N: Hi, another chapter! I hope you liked it!!! Please leave some comments :)
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