Crying, mourning and grief. That’s all that I can feel. Now. I’m here sitting next to his coffin. I’m wearing black, nothing but black. He’s lying there lifeless. My tears want to flow but my heart is too tired of tears so I just stared at his spiritless body. I still can’t believe that he cheated on me. He died because of that stupid fight with that girl. That girl named Bom, maybe she’s a model and an actress herself, more than me but I can’t still imagine there’s something happened to them that made that pregnant. In the other side of the setting, the funeral of that girl died beside my Hyunsik. Every time I see her picture on top of her coffin makes my eyes burn. I didn’t notice that my feet are leading me to where her funeral service is.

“You ! It’s your entire fault!” I made a scandal in front all those people mourning for her too. “My boyfriend died with you and because of you!!!!” all those people panicked and they stopped me from making that shame in front of a dead person who is the cause of my mourning.

“I curse you Park Bom!” while some are dragging me away from that particular place. I can’t still forget her face. That face seduced my boyfriend that made him cheat on me. I can’t accept that agonizing truth! Time is running fast. Hyunsik’s casket was opened for us to say our last goodbyes. I’m still holding his last sketch of mine, regretting of what I said, that it was not perfect.

““You almost got it Hyunsik, but few lines made my angle different.” 
“Yeah?” He turned his eyes on me. “You really think so? Well…” he took the paper and looked at it. “I’ll make it a perfect one next time” those moments I can still remember. But sorry for myself, there will be no next time for him to make my perfect sketch.

I have now the chance to say one LAST goodbye. I had enough of desolation and misery.

“Goodbye Hyunsik, saranghae” I leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently and a teardrop fell from my eyes to his cheeks. I wiped it and felt his cold and lifeless body.

I promised myself not to cry but I myself broke that promise. They sealed his coffin and placed it on his niche. I stayed standing there until no one is left with me. The sky above me is dark and ready to release the rain that’s been locked for a long time. Like my tears, the weather is also gloomy, dead leaves are falling softly from a tree, the birds are like singing a mourning song for me. I think the weather is with me.. Silence is all that I can hear. I walked around the ground like an idiot and waiting for someone. Someone? Who the heck is that someone? The wind blew, making me shiver. I feel like the wind wanted me to go away, away from this depression I can’t escape. But I was stubborn.

“You can’t blow me away wind! I will stay here as long as I wanted to! You don’t care!” I’m like a crazy dude talking to something anyone can’t see but feel- the wind. It blew harder like answering me of what I’ve just said. I’m not tired standing near his niche when I felt something’s hugging me. This was the same feeling I felt in the hospital, warm, comfort, and tight. I know I was just hallucinating and thinking it was just him hugging me again. These arms wrapped on my body are slowly unlocked. I didn’t turn around and budged. I just let it go and leave me.

“It was just him, only him”

That past haunts me and my heart is still locked inside that history. I am now living in a bitter reality, reality of being alone. I lost some of my friends, I changed my course. I took Political science instead of pursuing our dream to be passionate artists. I focused on laws, principles and nuisance of rivals trying to beat me on a debate. I learned to be strong, conceited in the wake of being solitary. My entire personality changed, from a sweet, silent and nice to an articulate one.

Last night’s dream still troubles me so I decided to take a walk. Inhaling the fresh breathe of the wind, once been my enemy from my past. But now wind is the only one who can company me all the time. Every time I win or lose the debate, every time I weep from a nose bleeding examination. I didn’t notice that I’m heading to the cemetery. I’m here, standing
In front of his graveyard.

“Hey there, you visited me last night don’t you? Oh, come on… you… you missed me” I was like talking to my friend wind. Then and again.. I walked around not noticing the time. I have a morning class today but I’m here, waiting for nothing.

“Well, well, well… what’s a girl doing here instead of attending her class, huh?” A familiar voice contaminated my ears. That voice didn’t fade to simmer my blood. I spun around and he was there standing 5 meters back at me.

“Kim Yukwon So what bad air brings you here?” he just replied me a smirk.
“I should be asking you the same question, Ms. Park.” He stood high as I am and his hands are placed on his pockets. That boastful quality of his, made my day miserable.

He moved closer to me and stared at me head to foot.

“I never imagined you, a stubborn one, prays for a dead soul. Tsk, tsk”

I don’t like his words. He doesn’t have the rights to say those words.

“You beat me at the debate yesterday kim Yukwon, but mark my words.. I will never let that happen again. I will make you eat your dust!”

“Sure Ms. Park. I will wait that for forever. Before I eat mine, eat yours instead. So long Ms. Park Jiyeon. See you tomorrow for our midterm debate and watch you eat your dust.”

Calm down Jiyeon, calm down.