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CONNECTION.

CONFUSION.

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The atmosphere surrounding the small room was unusual.

Jinki, who happened to just stepped into the room, gave his younger members each a bemused glance. He looked around at the area in attempt of comprehend the situation happening. The look of irritated on Kibum’s face alone could not help him. He swept his sight to the back of the youngest. The heaving movement of his shoulders might be indicating that he was in resentment; controlling it.

“Seriously, Taemin. When will you grow up and be a man?” asked Kibum, not really sounding like the normal Kibum.

“This is unfair, hyung!” yelled Taemin, turning his head for a short time before back-facing them again.

Jinki gained his guts to interfere the little argument. He took a breath and braced himself for any y arrows-like words that Kibum was going to emit later. Who did not know? Fight with him for a good millennium of years but ultimately, he would be the victor with his mouth. Just his mouth.

Jinki cleared his throat deliberately loud to capture their attention.

“What’s wrong, guys? Something happened?” asked Jinki boldly.

Kibum spared a swift glance at Jinki before letting out an audible grunt. Jinki was a little hurt by the respond he obtained from the younger. Seeing, as he was a perceptive leader, he assumed that it never happened. Jinki walked up slowly to Taemin and placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“You okay? What’s wrong?” asked Jinki caringly as a hyung.

Taemin neither shift nor reply. He stayed immobile in his position. Jinki sighed inwardly but someway, it succeeded in making their way escaping between his lips. ‘Oh God… Don’t say he’s on his odd behaviours once more…’ grumbled Jinki in his mind, securely pressing his lips in a thin line so that the complaint would not flee again this time.

“See? Can’t you show a little respect to our leader?” asked Kibum, pouring out his bitterness through his stream of words.

Jinki rotated his head towards Kibum and shook vaguely, signifying for Kibum to quiet down. Being as willful as he was when it involved cleanliness matters, Kibum would never shut up that easily. Jinki knew that fact for sure but he shook his head more vigorously at Kibum. Akin to the thing mentioned previously, Kibum would never surrender.

“Taemin. Quick, clean up all of these stuffs!” ordered Kibum motherly, pointing at the messy random stuffs on the floor and bed.

There were list of them. Boys magazines, both used and unused clothes, some stuffed animals and more. Tiny part of the stuffs was resided by gifts from his fans.

Up till then, Taemin, being stubborn too, was still settled stationary on his spot. The speed of his heaving shoulders slightly increased, telling them that he was growing angrier. That meant more stubbornness to deal with.

Great, just great.

“I’ll clean it later. Are you hearing-impaired?! Later!” yelled Taemin, a lot louder than his prior yelling.

Both of Jinki and Kibum were undoubtedly positive that the other two members could hear his yelling. Indeed, they were right. A moment later, shuffling of hurrying footsteps was heard from the outside of the room. It did not take long for Minho and Jonghyun to appear at the doorway.

“Why? What happened?” asked Jonghyun, face looked anxious.

“This boy will never listen to me. This is not the first time I advised him-” Kibum’s words were halted in the middle by Taemin.

“-This is not the first time you nag at me. Nobody like your naggings, Key-hyung!” interrupted Taemin, any less than calmer.

“Why not, Taemin?! Your room is the messiest in this dorm.” stated Kibum firmly, expressing his anger.

“Aww, shut up!” shouted Taemin, his voice booming in the room.

Minho got a glimpse of Taemin’s face when he turned swiftly to shout. He got the message that the youngest was in his bad behaviour mode. He understood promptly that it was now his job to calm Taemin down. He elbowed Jonghyun in the bicep of his left arm. Jonghyun looked at him with a questioned blended with worried face.

“What?” whispered Jonghyun, barely audible for the other three to hear.

“I think I should step in and help him. Like usual.” suggested Minho.

“Oh, yes! A good idea.” agreed Jonghyun; his head nodding as a smile curled on his lips.

“Get all of them out first.” said Minho, indicating to Jinki and Kibum.

“Okay.” replied Jonghyun, making his way to the leader and Kibum.

He pulled both of them and formed a small circle. He whispered the mapped-out plan of Minho. Taemin certainly could not hear them as his back was turned facing them. Minho just leaned against the frame of the door casually. ‘It’s not like it’s the end of SHINee…’ thought Minho looking at how serious the older line were. The circle they formed loosened firstly prior to breaking completely seconds later.

Jonghyun was the first one to walk up to Minho with an encouraging grin pasted on his face. He playfully punched Minho’s shoulder. Jinki came up later. He just curled on a hopeful smile. All of them knew they could only depend on Minho in this sort of circumstances. Kibum set on a simple smile on his face and walked out. Maybe he was not over his anger yet. The fake smile seemed strained after all.

“Good luck, Minho!” cheered Jonghyun before closing the door securely.

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As the door closed and locked, Minho made a beeline for Taemin. He ambled his way to Taemin, breathing in and out steadily. Upon reaching Taemin’s standing figure, he sited his hands on Taemin’s shoulders. He could feel the bone mounting from the under the skin of Taemin against his palms. He gave a soothing rub on Taemin’s shoulders.

The tensed muscles relaxed on the warm touches of Minho. Like always, no one could explain why it always happened.

 “Tae, you shouldn’t act like that just now.” said Minho, massaging his shoulders.

Someway, if it was watched closely, Taemin was actually leaning in his back against Minho’s torso slowly. Minho was entirely aware of this, the progressive of his gentle pattern-like massage. The heaving shoulders were vanished away as soon as Taemin was completely leaning against Minho’s tough chest.

“Tae, are you listening to me?” asked Minho, whispering into Taemin’s ears softly.

Minho’s fingers traveled to the jawbone of Taemin under the command of their owner. They danced gracefully against the skin. Minho the jawbone in pattern and sometimes let his forefinger alone moved against Taemin’s skin between the jawbone and neck. Like he usually do to calm the boy down.

Taemin did nothing other than leaning his back, touching Minho’s chest. His breathing calmed down bit by bit. It did not take long for his anger to peter away in short time. Minho took this as an approve for him to step ahead on his plan. He ran his hands across Taemin’s forearms and stopped as planned, at the smaller hands. He fitted his fingers in between of Taemin’s thinner ones.

“Something… lost, isn’t it?” asked Minho, tone of guessing thickened his inquiry.

Taemin let out an almost voiceless bellow for a quick second. He let his head fell backwards, landing on Minho’s stiff right shoulder. Tips of his smooth glossy locks of hair brushed against the elder’s long neck. The brushy incident provoked a tingly feeling in Minho. Without thinking, Taemin was leaning more into Minho and the elder seemed to be not irritated by it; he was welcoming the boy into his arms lovingly.

“How…hyung?” whispered Taemin, loud enough for Minho to hear.

Minho inhaled the sweet scent of the boy as Taemin turned his head slightly. He closed his eyes for a while to take pleasure in the scent. He was so absorbed of musing over the inexpressible scent of Taemin that he lost in his own little pathetic world. His lips sprouted a little smile surreptitiously. Unluckily, or more to Taemin’s fortunate, the boy caught him smiling alone.

“Hyung, I’m asking you. Please answer me. Smiling can’t explain it.” asked Taemin, adjusting his head to be closer than ever to Minho’s neck.

Minho came out of his deep thought and looked down at Taemin. His gaze was so affectionate that anybody could melt over the strong gaze.

“Hm?” sounded him, his eyebrows hoisted by the curiosity of Taemin’s question.

No wonder he did that. He did not even hear Taemin’s prior inquiry. Taemin sighed lightly. He shut his eyes close for a few seconds. He tried to suppress his upset face from Minho. Minho was conscious of the attempt but responded nothing regarding it. However, behind his calm face, masked a confused Minho. It was somehow nonplussing him too.

On the other hand, Taemin was perplexed too. On other subject.

“Minho-hyung, why you can understand me so much? Sometimes, I could not even understand myself but you…” Taemin’s words vanished into air.

He was too puzzled that it was unspeakable for him to express his words well.

He did not know why nor understand it.

“I… I don’t even know it myself.” whispered Minho, words between truth and lies.

Minho’s draping arms around Taemin’s body made him turned his head to get a good angle of Minho’s face. Minho, who had his eyes at anywhere except Taemin, connected his gaze with Taemin’s eyes. The younger did not break the eye contact. One arm unwrapped itself from Taemin’s small frame and reached for the fair skin of his face. Minho fondled, lingering on the smooth baby-like face of Taemin. Taemin closed his eyes and in his heart, he was craving for more. Craving for the gentle velvety warm touches of Minho.

He did not even understand that.

Why?

Why he liked, or a more precise word, love it?

“Taemin, do you know? Your face…reminds me of someone. Someone who I used to, or maybe, still loving.” mumbled Minho, his fingers dancing ballet on the side of Taemin’s face.

Everything seemed to stop in Taemin’s world for a moment.

Hurt. Pain. Heartbreaking. Those were a good way to describe Taemin’s emotion at that moment. He did not understand that either. Taemin looked down at his pair of feet. Something stung his eyes like how it stung his aching heart. Eyes started to water, Taemin knew he should not spill his pathetic tears in front of Minho. He blinked the tears away quickly. Nevertheless, Minho was unaware of it. And he continued his words that poked Taemin’s heart with every breath.

Taemin did not understand this.

“I used to call him Mr. Mushroom. His hair was the same as yours when you debuted. He was cute. He was pretty. He was beautiful.” continued Minho, every word sounded somber.

Taemin’s eyes grew watery back. It was happening too quick for him to cope with. With a quick sly sniff, he blinked the tear away again. The words of Minho ran in his mind repeatedly. By then, he realized…

“Was?” asked Taemin, boldly looking up into Minho’s eyes.

“Yes.” replied Minho merely, nodding his head.

Unknowing of all, a tear slipped from Minho’s eye. The first time, he cried in front of his dearest member. He buried his face into Taemin’s shoulder, hiding his sad face. Taemin felt the responsible of him to comfort Minho and alleviate the aching feels in time of this. He looked sideways at the sobbing Minho. He reached his hand for Minho’s hair and it smoothly; hoping it would ease the pain away by each .

“H-how, how it happened?” asked Taemin when Minho sounded calmer after long minutes.

“Anorexia nervosa.” replied Minho in simple words.

“Was it that bad?” asked Taemin further, feeling stupid after inquiring it to the older.

If it were not bad, the person would not have died.

“C-can we not talk about this, Tae?” pleaded Minho, not having enough courage to face Taemin if the topic was pressed any further.

That…

 …indeed, depicted how profound in love Minho was, or perhaps, is, with the boy.

And knowing that just made the heartbreaking feels in his heart deepened. Taemin held on the tears like it would kill his life if he let it stream down. Taemin turned his body around to look at Minho. The older kept his face down and hid his face in Taemin’s shoulder. Taemin enveloped his thin arms around Minho’s much bigger body tightly. With every breath taken, he tightened the comforting embrace.

Now, he understood it all.

He may be naïve, but he was not too slow or stupid to know that…

…he was in love with Minho all of this time.

And that pained him so much, because he might just be a person for Minho…

…to vent his sadness and sorrow.

After the demise of his loved one, it was not impossible…

…right?

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This came out unexpectedly; I’m sorry about that. Maybe it was the effect of listening to sad songs. The strongest sad song, (that affected me the most, almost making me cry.) by Jonghyun. Anyhow, the main point of this chapter is stated. I’ll share the song with you. I didn't read the lyrics but the song itself made me sad and even sadder when I read the lyrics.

Title: Y Si Fuera Ella.

Sung by: Kim Jonghyun.

Album: Amigo

(credit to mishka1020, the owner of the video)

Sapphire_Headphone

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