I was your drizzle, you were my sunshine

Together we could make a rainbow

But then I turned into rain and you didn't shine anymore

________________________________________

Life is kinda rough even when it seems so much easy.

Kyungsoo had learned it a long time ago. He realized it first when he was still in elementary school, when he got C in a test he was sure the easiest one he had ever done. Then there’s also the time when he was assigned to invent an original dish back then when he was still in culinary academy during his high school days, he used kimchi as the main ingredient, which is like, the very usual ingredient he had ever used, but still his tutor said that ‘it’s still lacking at the originality’. Well, Kyungsoo actually agreed with that, considering how many aunties used kimchi for their dishes.

And recently he finally thought about that again, when he saw Jongin is sitting on the floor, facing the huge window in front of him, eyes wandering on the gloomy sky. Jongin is perfect no matter how many times you look at him. His silky black hair, his lazy eyes, his sharp nose, neatly curved jaw line, even how his body is gestured as he sighed, all that’s Jongin seems so perfect.

‘You sure know that I took my oath as a doctor not to tell my patient that he’s going to leave this world sooner or later. But you’re not my patient after all, so I’m telling you this because I care about you two.’

He holds his breath when Jongin turned his gaze to him. A weary smile created as he gazed at the sky again. “It’s gonna be rainy, huh?”

‘Jongin, he.. he got no hope. But I know – no, I hope you’re prepared. I told you he’ll survive no longer than a year. But hey, it’s another year already, he even got some time bonus for a couple months, right?’

“Y-yeah, I think.” Kyungsoo swallowed nothing as he keeps staring at the guy in front of him. Then he decided to take a seat next to him, just to inhale his scent, because maybe, just maybe, someday he won’t be able to do that again.

Jongin’s eyes wandered at him again. “Kimchi spaghetti tonight?”

“Don’t you get tired with it? You’ve been eating it as dinner ever since you moved here.”

“Oh, Kyungie, who would ever get tired with your kimchi spaghetti??”

“Uhm, me?”

It’s weird how Kyungsoo finds his eyes get watery as Jongin laughed so warmly to him with his thumb touching Kyungsoo’s left cheek so gently. “You’re too cute too be true, I’m sure I’ve told you.”

‘Just spend more time with him. Before you couldn’t do that anymore. I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo.’

“ – here, right?”

Kyungsoo blinked. “I-I’m sorry, what was that again?”

Jongin sighed. “I was asking you if you told Luhan that I’m staying here.”

“O-oh,” Kyungsoo chuckled, “nope.”

“Good.” Jongin nodded.

It’s another silence again when Jongin turned his gaze at Kyungsoo again. “Kyung..”

“Hm?”

“You’ll stay with me, right?” Jongin’s voice sounds hoarse, “even if I turned ugly, even if I can’t smile at you again, even if I can’t hold your hand or ki – “

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyeballs.

Jongin grinned. “You’ll stay with me till the very end, right?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are fixed on him. He smiled. “You know, since the very start I had stayed with you. Another more for the end isn’t a big problem for me.”

________

The only thing Kyungsoo remembered so clear in his life is the very first moment he met Jongin. Maybe it’s not a romantic one, or even near to magical, but Kyungsoo know that he doesn’t need to meet him in such a spectacular way to know that it’s his destiny to give his heart to the cold person he saw when he was eating by himself in a cafeteria. The guy was all alone, just as much as he was. He was wearing dark blue hoodie, and black t-shirt inside, and navy blue jeans, and white sneaker. A glimpse of his skin shows that it’s tan. He was sipping coffee, maybe, judging by the mug he was holding. He ate nothing. Twice every three minutes he’ll close his eyes for a few seconds and open it again. He was all monotonous and invisible, but Kyungsoo could see him clearly though everyone barely notices he was there. Then at fifteen minutes to 2 PM, he stood up and made his way out of the place. See, Kyungsoo did remember the details of it.

Kyungsoo could remember how surprised he was when he met him again at the very same place, at the very same timing. But the guy was with another two guys with him. One has those deer eyes with tiny face and all cute features, but the way his body moves shows that he’s the ‘hyung’. The other guy has that pale white skin with sleepy eyes that stares monotonously at everything. Kyungsoo started to wonder how such people could gather together, because if he observes again, the tan guy seems so much cold, the pale white guy seems bored, and the deer eyed guy seems to be all rainbows by himself. But once they were seated together and the pale white guy said something, they started to chat nonstop, and then they burst into laughter, like, crazy laughter, and the scene repeats and repeats until it was fifteen minutes to 2 PM again. And what shocks Kyungsoo the most was, how lively the cold guy’s eyes were when he talked to them, how rapid he talked, seems obviously different from the last time he saw him.

That was when, Kyungsoo decided that he’s fairly attracted to the certain person. And he thoughtfully enjoyed his time with his presence because he would be leaving for another city the next day, and he won’t be able to see that certain person again.

Their ‘official’ meeting happened in a day of early winter, around three months after the last time he saw Jongin. They met at the campus library, at the hour when people chose to leave and stuff their tummy than reading some book that will make them hungrier. Kyungsoo was craving for sci-fi novel, and there he saw him again, at the ‘romance’ section. And the guy was unsurely holding a tragic-romance novel, which was a hit back then, for ladies who loved angst and romance.

Kyungsoo wanted to laugh because he didn’t expect that cold faced guy to be a helpless romance craver, but he saved it and kept silent. He was going to leave when suddenly the guy turned around and their gazes locked.

Kyungsoo decided that the thumping sound of his heart is just an ordinary thing that happens any time, not just because of that certain person. Like, it’s impossible to fall for someone so easily, because it would be called as attraction, not love.

“Dammit.” the guy muttered quietly. He looked up at Kyungsoo. “I-it’s not what you think it is, I warn you.”

Kyungsoo winced. “Do you even know what I’m thinking?”

“I-I, I don’t – “ the guy scratched his head, “I’ll just – see you around.”

Kyungsoo watched the guy quickly bowed and rushed passed him. He could hear him muttering a name and swore at it.

And he thought that maybe the rest of his days will be much more exciting than ever.

________

‘His condition will eventually get worse day by day. It could be endured by the medicines I gave him, he just needed to eat it routinely. But you know Jongin is a rebellious type, he does what he want to do, nothing could tell him what to do, no one could make him obey. No one, except you. So I need your help in this thing too. Well, even though I know you’d help without me asking you to.’

“What are you thinking?”

Kyungsoo snapped out from his reverie, his head immediately turned to Jongin, who’s staring at him with those innocent eyes. So different from the cold Jongin he once saw, so different from the cheesy Jongin he always get whenever the latter is in such a good mood, so different from the sincere Jongin he has every day. It’s the innocent Jongin, who looks like a kid lost his way to his mom, who shows that he needs warmth and help because he’s so much lost.

“O-oh, I, uhm,” Kyungsoo stuttered, “I was just thinking about the romance novel you borrowed for Luhan once.”

Jongin is confused at first, but then he laughed. “It was like centuries ago. How could you still remember that?”

“Well, because that time I really thought you’re a tearjerker who craves for tragic and romance. Really, I was so shocked back then!” Kyungsoo grinned as he watched Jongin pouted.

“But I borrowed it for Luhan.” Jongin stated.

“But you read it anyway.”

“But it was really for Luhan!”

“But you said the ending was epic.”

“But it was epic!” Jongin said immediately, but then he blinked, “but it really was for Luhan!”

Kyungsoo laughed as he ruffled Jongin’s hair affectionately. “Yeah yeah I know.”

Jongin grinned at the doe-eyed guy and turned his gaze to the window again. Then he put his thumb on his forehead, his eyes are tightly shut. He opened his eyes and blinked. And he’s not aware that Kyungsoo has been watching all the time.

‘Symptoms are surely exists. Soon enough he’ll be lacking in balance, or maybe he’ll forget some little things, headache will frequently happens too. Don’t be so shocked or scared when Vertigo attacks him, you need to be all collected so you could take the right step to help him. I told you I need your help in this, right?’

“K-kyung, I,” he stared at Kyungsoo, “my head is a little bit pained, but it only stings a bit.”

Kyungsoo grabbed Jongin’s hand gently. “Are you alright?”

“Well, yeah, I’m alright.” Jongin smiled.

Then before Kyungsoo could do anything, Jongin fell onto the floor right in front of him.

_______

Kyungsoo’s first long talk with Jongin was when they were in the library again. He was returning the novel he borrowed, and Jongin was on his way home, which made him to walk pass the building. When they met in front of the main door, they unknowingly walked into the library together and end up sitting on a table for two, facing each other.

“I’m Jongin. Kim Jongin. It’s my second semester here.” he still remembers how Jongin’s voice was a lot warmer than before. They met several times, only exchanged ‘hello’s, and Kyungsoo was in relief that finally Jongin didn’t use such a cold tone to him anymore.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo, and I’m your senior. This semester is already my sixth.” Kyungsoo chirped happily.

He could still remember how Jongin’s eyes were widely opened. “I’m so sorry, sunbae-nim! If only I knew it earlier I wouldn’t be so rude to you, talking with no manner!”

“No no it’s fine, it’s nothing important, really,” Kyungsoo tried to be casual just so Jongin won’t be tensed up in front of him, because he hated it, “besides, you seems like a type who won’t bother to show some exaggerated respect just so seniors will like you.”

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo for some long seconds. “Well, it’s because it’s you.” he shrugged, “besides, you seem like you don’t care for those s about being hailed by your juniors.”

“Ouch, watch your words.” Kyungsoo pretended to be strict, but only to be broken by his laugh when he saw Jongin’s face paled. “But seriously, I’m still not used to be called ‘sunbae’. I like it to be more flexible.”

“Then can I call you ‘Kyungsoo’?” Jongin stares at him.

Kyungsoo was cursing on his thumping heart for beating so loudly when he nodded. “Yeah you could call me that.”

“Or Kyungie?”

“Pardon me??”

“Sorry sorry I was just kidding!!”

_______

“Kyung.. Kyungie..”

Kyungsoo immediately opened his eyes and stood up. He swiftly walked to the hospital bed, where Jongin is laying weakly. He lifted his right hand with all the barely exists strength he had, trying to find Kyungsoo.

“Welcome back, Jongin-ah.” Kyungsoo smiled as he took Jongin’s hand in his. If only this isn’t his first time to see Jongin collapsed, he would’ve freaked out and totally messed up, just like what he was like around two months ago.

“W-where are you? Are you there??” Jongin asked in a slight panic, although he’s actually looking at Kyungsoo himself.

Kyungsoo’s heart thumped fast. He lost his sight??

“K-kyung, you’re there right? I saw your hoodie but I’m not sure if it’s you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s eyes starts to get wet as he pulled Kyungsoo’s hand weakly, “Kyungsoo,”

Then Kyungsoo sighed in relief. Right, he chuckled quietly, it’s the normal symptom after he woke up.

“I’m here, I’m here, just don’t try to move too much. Your sight will adjust sooner.” Kyungsoo tried to remember some simple things his friend taught him. Fortunately the doctor who took care of Jongin is his own friend, Wu Yifan. “Just close your eyes for a few minutes.”

Jongin obeyed his words and closed his eyes. “I thought I’m d – “

“Ssshh, bad words brings bad lucks.”

“But I really thought – “

“Yeah yeah I know.”

Jongin chuckled silently. “I thought I was going to leave you.”

“No, you’re not going to leave me.” not yet, Kyungsoo said softly to him. Then there’s a silence before he asked again. “You’re not going to leave me, right?”

“Of course, Kyungsoo,” Jongin opened his eyes and it stares directly at Kyungsoo’s eyes, a slight weak smile created on his lips, “I’ve promised, remember?”

Kyungsoo nodded as he buried his face on Jongin’s chest, trying to suppress the tears that urged to come out. He can’t cry right now, not in front of Jongin who needs him to be strong. If he can’t maintain his strength and faith, who’s going to be the person Jongin depends on? Who’s going to take care of Jongin? He needs to be strong for that.

Then silence filled the room. Yeah, Jongin promised once that he won’t ever leave Kyungsoo, but of course none of them is blind enough to really believe that. Jongin is going to leave sooner or later. No matter how much he wanted to keep his promise, he’d never be able to do that. And no matter how much Kyungsoo wanted to keep Jongin next to him, he knew for the better, that eventually he had to let him go.

It’s alright, Jongin-ah, some promises are meant to be broken.

________

There’s a fragment of memory in Kyungsoo’s life, and he always considered this certain memory of his life as a dream that came true instead of just a memory. He decided to treat it better now. Because, heck, if the worst is really going to happen, then all of his memories are going to torture him. And he doesn’t want it to be like that.

The certain memory was just a memory of a day in the mid of spring. Kyungsoo was heading for his own café as usual. It’s actually a family café, but considering that Kyungsoo is an expert both in pastries and running business, his dad easily put a faith on him at let him take the baton for keep running the main café in Seoul, while the old man travelled around the world for his own business. Kyungsoo, being an obedient son he had always been, giving his best for the job. He barely need to continue his study, but he tried to keep it as well, just so he still could be in the same place as Jongin.

And just when Kyungsoo was thinking of him, the café’s main door opened, revealing Jongin himself with all his naturally cool – and cold presence. But Kyungsoo knew better, and he beamed a wide smile as Jongin walked towards him at the table for two at the corner of the room, which is Kyungsoo’s special spot that later he shared with Jongin.

Jongin was sighing heavily, and that was making Kyungsoo worried. “Another rough day?”

“Sort of.” Jongin mumbled. “But it’s still fun, really.”

“Fun?”

“Yeah!” Jongin grinned widely, as if the exhaustion that was there in his face has brushed off to nowhere, “isn’t it fun to do something to reach your dream?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze wandered to the window. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean.”

“Well, you reached yours.” Jongin said as he gestured all over the room. “You dreamed to run this café, and now you do.”

His gaze wandered to the ceiling. “Sometimes it feels like it’s just a baton that passed to me.” he murmured. “He left me alone to do this. Fortunately I was ready. What if I wasn’t? I won’t have a heart to ruin his hardwork.”

Jongin nodded in agreement. “And I know he’s not damn sick enough to trust you if he wasn’t sure you’re capable to do this thing.”

“Ouch, bad word brings bad lucks,” Kyungsoo smacked Jongin’s head lightly. Then he sighed. “Sometimes I wonder how could he – how could they leave me with this huge responsibility.”

Jongin keeps silent as he massaged the spot on his head where Kyungsoo smacked him.

“My mom left me when I was ten. Car accident. Which made her business inherited to my dad. And my dad, he was a business man too, he could barely manage to keep his work and this café at first. But he put that kind of faith on himself that he had to keep this café alive, because it’s the only thing my mom left for him, beside me, of course.” Kyungsoo could feel his eyes starts to get wet. “And then he became more busier and busier. And I was left all alone in my house, even though there’s a bunch of butlers. I.. I always felt so alone.”

“Kyungsoo, I won’t leave you.”

He stared at Jongin, who seems like startled with his own words too. “P-pardon me?”

Jongin blinked twice before his eyes shifted on the table. “I had left my family when I was seventeen.” he murmured. “But it’s because they were never a family to me. We shared the same blood, same DNA, same face features, but never a bond. Maybe my parents and my hyung do. But it was never with me. I was like the son they never wanted. Either it’s because I’m a hopeless one, or because their expectations was too much.” he paused when his gaze turned to the view outside the window. “My hyung filled their expectations nonetheless, he became a doctor. But I have my own dream, you know. And they couldn’t just accept that. They treated me like dirt whenever I rebelled for my own rights. So I ran away from them at my seventeenth birthday. Thankfully Sehun, my cousin, is always there for me, their family accepted me and treated me as if I’m their own son, and Sehun, he treated me as his own brother, well, though he’s seriously devoted to Luhan hyung.”

For that, both of them chuckled as they eyed Luhan who was in his own pace across the room.

“And Luhan hyung, he’s an angel. He saw me and Sehun shared the same dream, and he insisted us to take the audition at SM Entertainment. I took it and passed, while Sehun took the audition at another company. He said he’d pay for the costs of training period. He said we should reach our dreams when we could. Maybe he does that because he couldn’t reach his own dream, because he had bigger responsibility for his dad’s company. That dude is freaking reach you know.”

“Ouch, watch your words.”

“I mean, Kyungsoo, uhm, wait, okay, my story doesn’t really make any sense with my earlier statement.” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck, “but what I’m trying to say is, I’m here for you, I won’t leave you alone.”

Kyungsoo sets his eyes on Jongin, who’s staring directly at him. He searched for a flaw in his statement, but it seems so much sincere and strong.

“Don’t say such a thing. You have your own life. You wouldn’t want to get stuck with me like that.” Kyungsoo laughed awkwardly.

“But Kyungsoo, I meant it. I won’t leave you. Ever.”

“Then what if someday you found your love and then I became a burden for you?”

Jongin chuckled. “Do Kyungsoo, you don’t understand, do you?”

“What?!”

“I said I won’t leave you,” Jongin said as he silently took Kyungsoo’s hand on his, “isn’t it clear enough?”

It was not that it wasn’t clear enough, but Kyungsoo just couldn’t believe it. He can’t even think properly because his heart was beating so fast.

“Kyungsoo, I’d say it like this. If that stupid Sehun is devoted to Luhan hyung,”

“Bad word brings b – “

“then I’m devoted to you.”

Kyungso needs to blink thrice and still he couldn’t believe what Jongin had just said.

“I won’t ever leave you.” Jongin said with such a calming voice, “at least I’d always try to keep my promise for that.”

“But some promises are meant to be broken.”

“Don’t be such a negative Kyung.”

It was another silence before Jongin exhaled without even moving an inch from the earlier position. “I love you, Do Kyungsoo, and I know you feel the same too. Why won’t you accept me in your life?”

Why won’t he accept him in his life? Well maybe it was because until that very second he couldn’t believe that his feelings are not meant to be hopeless, that Jongin actually loved him too. Kyungsoo never believed that someone could have a lot of blessings in their lives. If it seems like a person is really lucky, that there must be a mistake or something bad coming for it. But then, maybe it was just because he was too negative at thinking.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin called again.

“Uh?”

“Would you accept me in your life?”

Kyungsoo couldn’t find any proper word to answer for that. His mind goes blank. He couldn’t even take his gaze off from Jongin’s. He was helplessly helpless.

“D-did you say you have a hyung?”

Suddenly Jongin burst into laughter. But more than that, he was so much relieved. Kyungsoo was never a person who has the intention to dig deeper about someone’s private life. But if he asked that, then it means he’s finally ready to know him deeper, it means he’s finally letting him in his zone.

“Yeah, I have a hyung. His name is Kim Jongdae.”

________

“It was my entire fault.”

Kyungsoo watched the guy next to him shifted uncomfortably on his seat. His face seems so calm, yet his eyes show that he’s in pain. He got that melancholic face, which reminds Kyungsoo of Jongin. Their faces are different, but they got the same eyes.

“Jongdae, don’t be like that.” Kyungsoo said softly.

“No, Kyungsoo, you don’t understand.” Jongdae said before he exhaled heavily. “I was the one who told him that he had to fight for his dreams. But when he fought for it, he got hurt in the heart instead. If only I was wise enough as a brother for him, he wouldn’t have run away from home.”

“But it doesn’t mean that things like this won’t happen if he stayed either.”

Jongdae nodded slowly. “I know. It was accident. It was no one’s fault. Not even Luhan.” he sighed. “And I wasn’t even there for him when he was in the hospital.”

“But you found out, and you took care of him through Yifan. You’re a good brother, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo said as he patted Jongdae’s shoulder.

“Maybe.. maybe it’s God’s punishment for me,” Jongdae’s voice starts to get shaky, “he’s taking Jongin away because I didn’t take a good care of him, because I failed to protect him. It’s a punishment for me.”

“Jongdae, don’t talk like that again!” Kyungsoo starts to get tensed. “All we need to do now is taking a good care for him! If you really think you didn’t have your chance for it back then, do it now! At least you won’t regret it for the rest of your life.”

When Kyungsoo looked at him again, Jongdae’s cheeks are already wet with traces of tears. He seems so troubled. All Kyungsoo could do is putting his arms around Jongdae’s shoulder and hushed him softly. The older brother is as weak-hearted as younger one. Jongdae is still in the state where he couldn’t accept that Jongin is going to leave them sooner or later. Kyungsoo, it’s not like he already gave up on the reality, but he knew for the better than eventually he need to overcome it. And he wanted to be ready when the time comes. Maybe he’ll have a hard time on dealing with it, but he wanted to be ready. He wanted to be strong for everyone, and more, for himself.

Even though he was the one who should’ve live in trauma because he saw every single scene of it.

_______

If there’s a thing that Kyungsoo regretted the most, it would be the moment when he was in a certain argument with his best friend, Luhan.

Luhan was – is – a filthy rich guy with such a sincere heart. He’s the son of one of successful business man in Asia, and the CEO seat in the company is his ever since he was born into the world. And if he had become a CEO, it’s just the matter of time before he aims the seat Head of Director. Life is easy for him. But then, that’s what Kyungsoo thought at first.

Turns out that Luhan was never interested in the CEO thing. He wanted to do a job that he earned with his own hardwork. And Kyungsoo appreciates him very much for that, and that’s why he gave Luhan the job as a waiter in his café. It wasn’t like he was disowned, his dad gave him time to think about it, and Luhan took the chance to do what he had always wanted to do ; earn money by his own hardwork.

But then one day Luhan came and gave him the resignation letter.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Owner.” Luhan grinned.

“But where are you going to work then?” Kyungsoo didn’t touch the envelope.

“Well,” Luhan said, “I agreed with my dad to take the CEO job.”

“What?” Kyungsoo’s eyes were widened.

Luhan was shifting uncomfortably on his seat. “I took the job.”

“But you said – “

“I know what I said.” Luhan murmured. “I was wrong back then.”

Kyungsoo crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned on the chair, staring at Luhan as much as he could. “Are you saying that you’re giving up on your dream?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then why, Luhan? So much fond of money now?” Kyungsoo didn’t even know why he could talk in such a rude way to his own friend.

And of course Luhan became furious. “What did you say?”

“You were the one who said them all,” Kyungsoo said, “you said you don’t want to be those who live easily without any efforts and feelings of appreciating hardworks, you said you don’t want to be someone who easily gave in just because of money, you said you don’t want to be someone greedy of power and blah blah. Wake up Luhan, wake up!”

“I’m fully wake up, you see.”

“But Luhan, please think about it again,” Kyungsoo pleaded, “what if you turned into someone who doesn’t care about humanity anymore because of your work?! The ‘Luhan’ I knew always tried to be normal, so what happened to you?!”

“Kyungsoo, I don’t even know if you could think about me like that!”

“Then what are you trying to do?? Are you aiming for money and power now??”

Luhan gritted his teeth. “Shut up if you knew nothing.”

“Okay I’ll shut up.” Kyungsoo muttered. “Still won’t change the fact either.”

“Kyungsoo, I never thought you’d be like this. I thought you’re always an understanding one. What the hell is happening with you? Don’t you even want to listen to my explanation??”

To that question, Kyungsoo wanted to answer that it’s because of his bad temper that day. And what Kyungsoo wanted to say was, that Luhan doesn’t need to be like him who lives with thinking that he doesn’t worth everything he had because he didn’t earn it himself, that it’s another burden on his shoulder. Of course he loved his job, but it doesn’t change the fact.

“Then make yourself comfortable to explain anything you want to.”

“Forget it. I’m tired.” Luhan said as he stood up. “Nice talk. Thankyou so much.”

He watched Luhan stormed out from his office. He sighed, disappointed of himself. Something must be messing up with his brain.

Don’t you even want to listen to my explanation??

Kyungsoo knew it was really wrong. He immediately stood up and ran out of the room to catch Luhan. He needs to apologize and listen to whatever Luhan want to say. He didn’t even know why he was being a jerk.

He found Luhan was opening the glass door and get out. He watched Luhan stopped and talked to someone. Then he saw Sehun was there, along with Jongin. Luhan’s voice was loud enough, or maybe Kyungsoo was standing nearly behind the main door.

“Let’s go, Sehun-ah.”

“W-what happened, hyung??” Sehun sounds worried. He always knew Luhan’s mood, and he knew that Luhan was upset.

Luhan sighed. “I’ll tell you later. But let’s get out of here first.”

“Yah, where are you two going to go?” he could hear Jongin’s voice too.

“Just stay here, Jongin. Maybe Kyungsoo needs you.” Luhan said.

“What’s going on with you and Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked, “oh, the resignation didn’t went well?”

Jongin knew? Kyungsoo whispered inside.

“Just ask Kyungsoo. I’m leaving.”

Kyungsoo immediately opened the main door, but Luhan and Sehun were already crossing the street. He stared at Jongin who looks shocked.

“K-kyung??” he blurted.

“Where are they going?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I don’t know,” Jongin said as he watched Luhan and Sehun not so far away, “he said he needed to get out of – LUHAN, WATCH OUT!!”

Then everything seems like it was slow-motioned for Kyungsoo. He watched Jongin quickly made his way to the middle of the street, yanking Luhan and Sehun back, but he was too late, the giant green truck was already there, and it threw them far away, right in front of Kyungsoo’s eyes. He couldn’t believe everything. It was too fast. He couldn’t even move. It was when a girl screamed that he finally snapped out to the reality.

He managed to call ambulance and police before he collapsed in the middle of his employees.

_______

“Jongin could return home tomorrow. Be sure he eats his medicines and rest well.” Yifan said as he sipped his black coffee.

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Isn’t that something you need to tell me in your office room? Sitting face to face.”

“Nah, it’s you after all.” the taller man said as he eyed over the hospital bed in front of him. There’s a patient on it, he’s sleeping peacefully. The cardiogram machine beeps frequently next to him. “It’s already two years, huh?”

Kyungsoo stared at the patient as well. His skin was already pale, and now it seems so much paler. His eyes are tightly shut, bandages covered his forehead. He looks like a statue.

“Luhan hasn’t found out yet.” Kyungsoo murmured. “He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t know Sehun is still hospitalized. Not even Jongin’s disease. He doesn’t even know that you’re already back from Canada one year ago. He doesn’t know anything.”

“But how could he didn’t try to find Sehun at all? I mean, did he forget about him? You said he got minor amnesia.” Yifan threw the coffee plastic cup into the nearest trash bin.

Kyungsoo lifted his shoulder. “I don’t know either.”

Yifan gazed at the much shorter guy next to him. “What are you planning to do now?”

“Obeying everything you said.”

“I mean, precisely.”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Well, taking Jongin home is the first step,” he said, “then, well, just go with it and try to make him happy until his last seconds..?”

“You’ve gave up, huh?” Yifan chuckled.

“I prefer to call it ‘dealing with the reality’.”

“Yeah I know.” Yifan said. “And it’s a good thing. Really.”

It’s not like Kyungsoo is easily dealing with the reality, but he has already tired to fight with his hopes. Sometimes hopes and expectations lead to disappointment, and Kyungsoo finally met the moment. He was hoping so much that there’s another way to save Jongin. He had prayed for a miracle to be happened. But no matter how much he tried to wish, the fact is not going to be changed. The end won’t be changed. So he decided to just deal with it instead of wishing for something impossible. And it’s not like he lost his hopes. It’s just that, Kyungsoo had came to the point where he thought that it’s better to stop wishing instead of having it weakened day by day.

“I should go to deal with some administrations. See you again, Yifan.” Kyungsoo said as he took a step forward to take a glance at the patient on the bed. “Bye, Sehun.”

“Take care of yourself and Jongin.” Yifan said. “Don’t get me wrong, but I hope our next meeting is not when I need to do some surgery to him.”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Yeah thank you for that.”

After he waved his hand to Yifan, Kyungsoo reached for the door knob and opened it. He took the last glance at his friend, and closed the door quietly. He stared at the letters and numbers on the door.

614 – OH SEHUN

_______

Do Kyungsoo was blaming himself for everything. He blamed himself for arguing with Luhan, for making him dragged Sehun along and walked across the street, for making Jongin followed them, and for making three of them ended up like this. Kyungsoo took all of it as his responsibility, as his entire fault.

Even when he stared at the door of the hospital room where Sehun has been hospitalized for almost three weeks, he just couldn’t bring himself not to cry.

“Kyung,” he could hear Jongin’s worried voice. He gazed at him. The latter’s right arm was blanketed with bandage. Fortunately he wasn’t wounded badly. But judging by how concerned the doctor was, Kyungsoo already know that something wasn’t right when the doctor said that he need to do some tests with Jongin.

“Kyungie, please don’t cry again,” Jongin’s voice was so worried, “don’t cry anymore, it was no one’s fault. It was never anyone’s fault.”

Two days before Kyungsoo was still gripping on his own statement, but that day, he let his guard off, he let his weak side appears. He cried more as he squatted down on the floor, holding his legs near his chest. Jongin also squatted down so he could see Kyungsoo at the same level.

Kyungsoo stared at him with empty eyes. His voice sounds dry. “It wasn’t my fault?”

“It wasn’t.” Jongin shook his head, slightly smiled.

The shorter guy nodded slowly like a broken doll. “I.. I think I’ll go to a psychiatrist, as what the doctor assured me. He said.. he said I should do some sessions with him, he said I shouldn’t hold everything inside.”

“If you’re willing to go, then you should go.” Jongin took Kyungsoo’s tiny hand in his. “I could accompany you at your sessions.”

“No, I’m fine. I.. I’m fine.” Kyungsoo mumbled. He stared at Jongin. “T-the doctor said a test result is coming out today.”

Jongin chuckled. “Well, yeah. I’m getting a little bit nervous. I hope it’s not something fatal.”

Kyungsoo nodded at it. He can’t hear any bad news again.

“I’m going to the bathroom. You should sit on that chair.” Jongin said as he helped Kyungsoo to stand up and lead him to the nearest chair. He ruffled Kyungsoo’s hair and rushed to the bathroom.

Just when Kyungsoo was going to close his eyes, he caught a glimpse of the doctor who took care of Jongin. Doctor Cho, a young one, but seems really capable of his job. Kyungsoo immediately stood up and bowed at the doctor.

“Is that Jongin’s test result?” Kyungsoo asked quietly as he eyed the map in doctor’s hand.

Dr. Cho chuckled lightly. “You’re always straight to the point, Mr. Do.”

“Call me Kyungsoo, if you don’t have any problem with it.”

“Well, then you could call me Kyuhyun.”

Kyungsoo eyed the map again. “What is that about? Which test?”

Judging by how Kyuhyun bite his lips, Kyungsoo knew something wasn’t right. He had always known. “Why don’t you take a seat first? We should sit.”

Kyungsoo obeyed. He sits down and listened to Kyuhyun’s explanation. Though he doesn’t really understand some of words Kyuhyun used, but he could take the summary of it. And in the end of the conversation, Kyungsoo could tell that it was really not a good thing. Heck, it was a terrible thing. Kyungsoo was amazed of himself, of how he could stand it all the time Kyuhyun was shoving him with something he couldn’t digest well.

“Let’s just put a faith on the medicines. Hopefully it would prevent the growing of that thing. But it’s a common case when a patient suffered brain cancer after a big accident, though it’s not as common as amnesia. I already explained it to you earlier, right?”

“So you’re saying that Jongin could suffer under brain cancer?” Kyungsoo muttered those words quietly.

Kyuhyun nodded slowly. “If that unknown cell grows into tumor, it’d be just the matter of time before it eventually grows into cancer. I should say that I couldn’t precisely predict anything right now. The cell has its potentials. Hopefully with medicines it’d be reduced away. But if it isn’t, then, well, I’m sure I’ve told you earlier.”

“You’re saying that he could.. die?” Kyungsoo whispered.

“It’s not like that, Kyungsoo, I mean – “

“But if he had the cancer, it’d be just the matter of time before he dies, right?”

Kyuhyun gritted his teeth before he finally lets out a heavy sigh. “Cancers leads to it. Medications are always not good enough to cure it. It’s actually depends on the patient. Some of them succeed with curing the cancer, but a lot of them didn’t, either they had lost their hopes or they tried with all their might but they just couldn’t survive.”

Kyungsoo didn’t move even an inch. Even when Kyuhyun said he needed to leave for a surgery, he didn’t nodded, nor did he take a glance at the doctor. He just stayed like a statue, waiting for nothing. His mind goes blank. It’s until he heard footsteps that his head lifted up.

Jongin was standing in front of him, with wary eyes.

“I’m going.. to die?” Jongin whispered those words painfully.

As if a sharp knife stabbed his chest, he gasped slowly but painfully. “I – I’m so sorry, Jongin, I – it’s all my fault!! Oh God, what have I done?!?!”

“No, no,” Jongin shook his head as he pulled Kyungsoo to stand and hugged him. And that time, he was the one who cried. “I won’t die, I won’t die. I won’t leave you!”

Kyungsoo wasn’t sobbing, but the tears were falling down his cheeks unstoppably. “You.. you won’t leave me?”

“Of course!!” Jongin pulled Kyungsoo more closely, tightening his embrace. “I promised to you that I won’t ever leave you!!”

“B-but.. some promises are meant to be broken, Jongin,” he paused when he recalled the conversation again.

“Do Kyungsoo will you stop being so negative?!!” Jongin stomped his feet on the ground, still crying. “Please at least believe in me!! Even if in the end I really need to go, you have to put your faith on me!! If you don’t believe in me anymore, who’s going to be there to do it?!!”

Then it snapped Kyungsoo out from the black hole. Jongin was right, he should believe that Jongin could get through it. He needs to be strong for him. He couldn’t be so hopeless like that.

“Oh God, Jongin, I’m so sorry,” finally Kyungsoo hugged back the taller guy, “I’m so sorry, Jongin-ah, I’m so sorry!!”

They stayed like that, with Jongin crying on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo burying his face on Jongin’s chest.

“Kyungie, please be there for me,” Jongin said in the middle of his cry, “I have no one else. No one but you. Even If there’s anyone, I’d still go to you.”

Kyungsoo nodded furiously. “I’ll be there for you. You have me. You’ll always have me.”

_______

“You’ll always have me.”

To be continued