Chapter 4

Over the next few weeks the couple started getting along rather well.  Onew was interested in hearing about America from a source other than Hollywood.  And the suburbs of Portland, Oregon – where Lex hailed from – were about as different from Hollywood as you were going to get.

And Lex laughed at all of Onew’s jokes, no matter how corny.  In fact, it didn’t take much to make her laugh at all.  She seemed to be ready to laugh 24/7, but that pleased Onew well enough.  He finally had someone that shared his sense of humor, much to the surprise of the other SHINee members who tended to just shake their heads when Onew tried to be funny.   

Little by little they started hanging out, off set.  They had each other’s numbers in their phone and called each other regularly just to talk or to meet up and do something.  The SHINee guys would sometimes tag along too, if only to get their noona or hyung to buy them food.  But really, it made them closer to her as well. 

And they groaned when she cracked the same corny jokes that Onew used.

“Now there are two of you!” Key had cried one night, much to the amusement of the pretend couple.

And just like that hey had been “married” for 100 days.  And for this show, that means that they must now take their wedding photos.  Lex had been perplexed by the idea of the man shopping with the woman for the wedding dress.

“In America, it’s considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding.  When she’s walking down the aisle is supposed to be the first time that the groom is seeing her.”

Onew had scrunched up his eyebrows, “So she gets the dress alone?  That seems so sad.”

“Oh no,” Lex had laughed as the walked into the shop, “She goes with her mother or sisters or bridesmaids, just not the groom.”

As Lex tried on dresses Onew had to fight the blockage in his throat.  It was startling to see her in the dresses.  He knew she felt uncomfortable, as she would be in any dress let alone a formal gown, but she hid it valiantly – all smiles and jokes for the sake of the cameras. 

But seeing her in the dress – it was all suddenly driven home.  One day she would marry, she would put on these dresses for real and wear it on the happiest day of her life. 

There was a hollow sense inside of him – he worried about to whom she would be dedicating her life to on that day.  Would he be worthy of her carefree smiles?  Her bursts of laughter?  Worthy of her good care and humor and dedication? 

His stomach coiled into knots and his hands began to quake as she disappeared behind the curtain to change into another dress.

His heart raced at the thought of her marrying someone, someone who would not be worthy of her.

And he realized with a sudden start that he was jealous.  He was jealous of this imaginary man who would be able to spend the rest of his days with Lex and see her smile, and make her laugh.  To be with her everyday and be able to feel that sense of calm belonging that Onew knew he always felt with her whenever they met. 

As the curtain opened again, Onew’s mouth went dry at the sight of Lex in yet another dress.  It was a relatively plain to-do, much more everyday than the previous lacey ball gown-style dress she had had on before. 

“Beautiful…” he rasped when he realized he was just staring slack-jawed.

She looked shy and a pale blush covered her cheeks as she responded, “I like this one better than the last one…” She let one hand trail across the full sleeves that flowed down her arms to run a thin piece of fabric between the pointer and middle fingers on both hands, keeping the fabric in place.  No lace or beading adorned the dress, just mix of silk and satin that settled perfectly around her hips, flaring out slightly around them to float gently around her legs. 

“It’s perfect.”

*****

That night Onew dreamed.  He didn’t often remember his dreams, but on this night he found himself rushing through the halls of a church, though he couldn’t tell you how he knew it was a church.  The walls were just a plain white marble and a red carpet led the way on the floor, which was a black so deep that Onew didn’t know if there was actually a floor there or not.   

The wedding march played on loop, background music for the confusing maze of corridors that seemed to grow in front of him.

He was in a full tuxedo, with long coattails that flapped around him, almost tripping him up and they swished in-between his legs. 

He rounded a corner and found himself standing somehow at the front of a church.  All of his friends and family sat in the waiting pews and a priest stood holding a book and smiling at Onew. 

The music suddenly changed, and the doors at the far end of the aisle opened.

Standing in the doorway, a bouquet of roses in her hands, was Lex in the beautiful gown from this afternoon. 

She took a step down the aisle and looked up, smiled at him from beneath a sheer veil. 

“Jinki…”

Onew shook his head.

“Hyung…”

The whole church seemed to shake a little.

A hand grabbed his shoulder.

“Hyung! Wake up!”

Onew was forcibly pulled out of bed and onto the floor.

He was a crumpled mess of limbs and blankets trying to sort himself out. 

“Geez hyung,” Minho’s voice drifted from above him, “You’re not usually so hard to wake up.  Must have been having a good dream if you didn’t want to leave it that badly.”

Onew smiled, glad the sheet hid his face for now. 

“Yeah, great dream,” He sat up and scratched his head, “Now get out and let me get myself sorted out.”  He gestured vaguely towards the door.

Minho shook his head but moved to leave, “Just don’t fall back asleep hyung!” he called as he closed the door behind him.

*****

They were doing the actual photo shoot for the wedding.  Lex stood in that dress, the dress that had filled his dreams for the last five days since he had first seen it when she had tried it on for him.  Every night, he stood waiting for Lex to make it down the aisle, but he always awoke before she could walk the full distance. 

He had sorted through his thoughts enough to know that his crush was a little more intense than he had at first realized.  Crushes often go away with repeated and frequent contact – you start to see the flaws in the object of your affection or just realized that you are better off as friends than anything else.  But with Lex, the crush seemed to grow, and that frightened Onew.  He wasn’t the relationship type, he’d never had a girlfriend before or been expected to care for someone in that way.  Besides, he couldn’t really afford having a relationship now, not with his career. 

But his logical mind could not stop his heart beat from quickening.  It could not stop the smile from breaking over his face when he knew that he was leaving for the day to work with her.  It could not stop that rush of adrenaline when he knew that he was the one to make her laugh, that he had just put that smile on her face. 

And now it was time for the of the shoot – a kiss.

Not a huge kiss.  The photographer wanted a small peck, really just a meeting of lips.  But that small little interaction meant so much more when a part of you wanted it to be for real.  When there was a part of you that wanted, more than anything, for it to become more than just a peck and for there not to be cameras waiting to capture it for posterity. 

“Alright, now we just want a little kiss,” the photographer gave a wicked grin and the cameramen smiled, knowing the awkwardness that always followed this part of the show.

Onew was supposed to lean in for the kiss.  The first time he couldn’t do it, letting out a nervous giggle that had made Lex smile and laugh. 

“Come on now Onew – be brave!” The photographer had teased. 

The second attempt had Onew stalling again, hovering just above her lips.

Lex’s hand, unseen on the side facing away from the photographer, pulled lightly on Onew’s sleeve, tugging him the final few millimeters for their small kiss. 

Light bulbs flashed and there was a small applause.

Onew pulled back, only just barely holding himself back from bringing his fingers to his lips.  They tingled where their lips had met.  He didn’t know whether to chalk it up to the shock or his ever growing crush, but that had just happened.

He looked over behind the cameras for a moment and saw his manager smiling and throwing him a thumbs up sign.

Well, at least it had looked good.

The confused Onew helped Lex to her feet from where they had been sitting on a blanket in a faux picnic scene and was granted one last smile before she headed off to go and change into some other clothes. 

He watched her walk off and wished that his heart would just behave itself.

It could never happen.