Chapter 27

Lex was getting ready to check out of the hospital.  She was going to be staying in a hotel until her home was no longer a crime scene.

She slowly got up off of the bed and Onew jumped to help her.

As his eyes took in her body he mentally cringed.

All Onew could see were the bandages, the swaths of too-bright white that wrapped around her head and arms, the squares of gauze being held to her face and neck with medical tape. 

It was all because of him. 

He may not have thrown the punches, but if Lex hadn't been involved with him - if she had never known him – this would never have happened.  Or if he had just taken her first rejection to heart and had pushed those feelings away, she wouldn't have to worry about scars from stitches.  She wouldn't have to worry about how quickly she stands up so she doesn’t get dizzy because of a concussion.  She wouldn't have to worry about crazy sasaeng fans with their stalker-like tendencies coming after her because she had been linked to their idol.

Without him, she's fine, happy and healthy.  Not being released from the hospital.  Not having to make an appointment to have the sutures removed.  Not having to call all of her media obligations - her movie, her shows, everything – and cancel her appearance/rework her schedule to deal with her inability to film right now.

Onew wanted to cry, but it was almost as though he had too much emotion.  That he was so overwhelmed that he couldn't let it out.  If he did there would be no stopping it.  Onew would not be able to hold himself together enough to function. 

"Okay." Lex breathed, walking over to him.  She smiled at him, causing the gauze of the bandaged across her cheek to crinkle.  "I'm good to go." 

Onew reached up one shaking hand touched his fingertips to Lex's unmarred cheek. 

"I'm so sorry..." he finally whispered, afraid that even his gentle touch might add to the pain she had already endured because of him.

He shrugged one shoulder, the other still swollen and stiff from having been wrenched around to her back.  "Not your fault," she said, leaning in and stealing a one-armed hug from the overwhelmed man.

*****

Onew helped Lex get to her hotel room and get settled. 

Her agency was sparing no expense on their injured actress.  They had even hired bodyguards to stand outside her door at night and follow her around when she returned to her schedule.  At least until the people who had attacked her were caught. 

Onew watched Lex from across the room as she examined herself in the bathroom mirror.

He couldn’t help but feel like that distance was a chasm. 

It was his fault.  It was all his fault.  Lex was hurt and couldn’t return to her home, all because she had been with him.  If they had never met, this would never have happened.

Maybe it would be better if they stopped seeing each other.  Maybe if he just faded away out of her life, maybe whoever did this would just leave Lex alone. 

His heart ached, physically ached, at just the thought of never being able to see Lex again.  But what if the alternative was something worse happening to her the next time?  If that was the other option, he could live with the pain.  He could like with the heartbreak of never being able to see her again, as long as he could see that she was okay, that she was alright, that no one was going to hurt her because of him ever again. 

"Maybe we shouldn't do this...?"

Lex's eyes narrowed suddenly as she gazed in the mirror and Onew was glad that she hadn't turned that gaze on him. 

"What?"  Her voice was eerily calm, but Onew sensed that it was like waiting for a storm to break.  The air could have sizzled with the sudden tension that filled the room.

"It's all my fault that you got hurt..."  Onew began to explain

"Bull."  Lex countered.  "You didn't do anything.  You weren’t the one who broke into my apartment.  You weren’t the one that held my arms behind my back.  You weren’t there and it wasn't your fault."  She did turn to him now, but some of the anger had been traded in for desperation, easily recognized by Onew as the same look that seeped from his own eyes lately whenever he looked in the mirror.

"But they were my fans..."

"I don't care if it was your mother."  Lex's accent was changing.  She had learned Korean in the provinces and it was her first instinct to speak Korean in that manner and right now it was coming out, certain unfamiliar lilts to words and turned-around phrases began to slip through her lips.  "I know you Jinki...I know what you get up to in that little head of yours.” She gestured wildly with her good arm, swinging it up by his head.  “You will do anything to make sure that everyone else is alright, never mind yourself.”  She grabbed at his jacket and pulled him close, allowed him to hear her unsteady breathes as they escaped.  “You could have never done this to me.  It's just not in your nature.  And if there was anything that you could have done about it to stop it from happening you would have."

Her hand gently cupped his cheek, forcing his head to raise and look her in the eye.  "I've lost a lot in the last few days.  I've lost the sense of security that made that place my home.  I've lost the ability to tell my family that I am safer here than I would be back in America.  I've lost the rose-colored glasses that had made Korea perfect.  I feel like I've lost my foundation and that I'm floating.  The only thing anchoring me down right now..." she laid her forehead against his, "is you.  This took a lot from me Jinki, don't let it take you away too."  Her voice was soft and fragile, and Onew knew that she wasn't as fine as she kept telling everyone that she was.

Onew looked at her now and saw that the barriers had fallen.  She wasn't that unmovable pillar of strength that everyone took her to be.  She was a girl, cut off from her family and major support systems, living in a foreign country where she has no chance of blending in, who was just as scared and afraid and alone as one would imagine her to be.  She wasn't superwoman - she was just Lex, and she was scared and didn't want to be left alone. 

Onew gently pulled her in for a hug.  "I just don't like seeing you hurt," he whispered in her ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder. 

Lex scoffed, "Yeah, well I don't like to be hurt," and her arms closed in around him, hugging as tight as her injuries would let her. 

He rubbed his hand gently through her hair, rough and tangled after a bout with the hospital's overly sterile soap. 

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you again."  He promised, and he knew with every fiber of his being that he was telling the truth.  It was like a promise he was making to the universe.  He would never let Lex be hurt again if there was anything that he could do to stop it from happening.