Chapter 17 - I am a human too.

„I‘m....back...hyung“ Taemin panted out in the awful horse voice. He tried to smile, but it was visible he was enduring hells of pain and agony.

Minho just watched. He didn’t dare to blink or to move – he just watched, admired those long ago seen brown orbs. Minho had been gasping out every two seconds trying as well as he could continue to think, hold his child and find fitting words for this situation. Because really how was this possible? How could God be this generous for him? How could his beauty of a lover be this breathtakingly gorgeous with that painful expression and tears running down? Just how?

Truth to tell Minho did not even give a . Taemin was awake and looking at him, greeting them. He was awake. Awake. The rapper’s trembling hands reached out and were about to caress those beloved cheeks when doctors came running in and literally throwing Minho out.  Well they didn’t throw him out, but the point was taken by the second youngest of SHINee.

He was sure he would’ve dropped the baby if not the doctors running in and throwing him out literally. Minho was just that numb. He looked at the door in front of him and…well just stood in a daze.

He stood there a couple feet across the door gaping at it like a retarded fish.

 He still hadn’t said hi…

Idiot.

Minho frowned and looked at his frightened child “Your papa was there…did you see his eyes. Such beautiful eyes, neh?” he whispered tickling the little bundle in his arms. His fingers stopped abruptly when a lonesome scream hit the door he was standing in front. An awfully familiar one at that. The same one he thought he’d never in his life would be forced to experience. The same feeling shot through his spine as he remembered the chaos and anarchy he went through a couple days ago. Minho took his previous words back: Turns out God was not that generous.

“That was your papa, Taeminnie” he mumbled scanning the number on the door. Standing never seemed so hard before, yet he stood. About two meters from the door to be exact, waiting for the first soul to come out so he could make some use of his ‘flaming charisma’ and get some answers.

Minho’s minor fight with his own self was quickly stopped by a door nearly hitting his face. Doctor Shin came out with his tired ‘aishh’ and stopped , more likely was stopped,  by hitting the chest of the rapper. 

“Ah, Minho, I was actually going to search for you. Had you been standing here for the whole half hour…?” the doctor asked tilting his head looking at the taller male in front of him.

“Half hour?”

Minho didn’t feel time anymore. How could he? How could anyone? He looked through the windows: it was still night and Seoul was as active as ever. He looked at the doctor and nodded absent-mindedly. Shin himself could only sigh; the male was just as stubborn as the one behind the doors. If the situation wasn’t as sad as it was now, it would be funny how they fitted each other in far too many ways.

Lucky punks indeed.

“Minho, I know this is awfully difficult for you, seeing you became a father in such unique way, but have you looked at a mirror lately. You are walking straight to malnutrition and exhaustion. You are a parent, welcome to grown up world – be responsible for your son at least. The baby is not as healthy as other would be being born from a female…aishh to think I could’ve become a simple children doctor, but no I just had to follow my dreams…” The doctor mumbled sitting down on one of the arm chairs before looking up at the boy in front of him. “Look things are going in a nice direction…just…ahr just we’re oblivious of what is happening. The boy woke up too fast thus him screaming back there…”

Turns out waking up from coma is not as easy as movies make it. Minho always thought it was like waking up from deep slumber. Hearing Taemin scream behind the door proved him wrong. Maybe it was because his lover gave birth? Or was it because Taemin was one complicated human being? Either way Minho had heard far too many agonized sounds coming from his lover’s mouth. And then they vanished just as fast as they came. Minho panicked and looked around and finally locked his stare with his child. The far too little bundle in his arms. He was his source for calmness  and sanity so Minho drowned in those little eyes.

“We have to stay strong” he muttered still waiting for the doctor to continue.

Shin gave a sad smile. How could one be in his own world and still listen? Minho was strong on the outside, but inside there hid a lost boy who just wanted his other half back.

“Everything is finally finished” Shin whispered “We don’t know why… it’s truly unexplainable why, but Taemin is back. He is weak as always, but at least he breathes on his own…” he continued as the rapper sat next to him hugging the child protectively. Doctor smiled softly – they didn’t know how fast children grow up.

“But he…he screamed” Minho whimpered looking as he child slowly drowned into the slumber he was taken away from.

“Ah, that’s pretty normal. We didn’t give him any medicine since the birth of Taeminnie, the body maintained the pain by itself healing faster. You have to see medicine numbs pain and hormones with ferments catalyze reactions such as growing, healing inside the cells. Taemin’s body is full of famine hormones from the pregnancy and mixing them up more would do no good. Medicine was not used since the body was still in coma. Coma is a tricky thing – one misstep and your lover could’ve been sleeping for years. “

Minho merely nodded tearing his gaze away from his son lulling him side to side so he would just be away from this chaos. At that moment Minho understood Jonghyun well; they both were the same, the feeling need to protect was just about the same.

“Doctor, and now…how Tae is now?” he asked softly holding in that burning lump in his throat. Who was he to cry for such pesky discomfort? Swallowing the lump he looked up and sighted.

“He’s exhausted, but judging by the silence Sampo managed to numb down everything. Though the man must be still working on the life supporting systems. Taemin just got a good dose of morphine – he will be asleep for a while and we’ll have just enough time to make the boy as comfortable as we can for the remaining bed rest. Minho, please rest for the time being. Taemin will open his eyes only in the mid-day, maybe later. The body is exhausted just as yours is…I highly recommend you a long rest, I’ll take care of everyone else. Your friends will be informed about the situation. Now please excuse me I have to rush help Sampo before he mixes up the plugs…sorry that was a very bad joke.” The doctor muttered before closing the door.

Now any normal parent in the world would’ve given up to sleep and waited patiently for his lover to wake up after, what, ten hours. Thing was Minho was one weird person if he wanted to be. Forgetting his own 72 sleepless hours he stood up and walked down the hallway to the old ward of Taemin’s. The one his lover will soon be brought back to. He looked upon the bags of clothes Key made them bring here and took out the warmest ones. He chuckled watching his son yawn and open his eyes and staring confused at his father.

“Now you choose to wake up…Well Taeminnie lets meet Seoul shall we?  “ He whispered dressing up the child…his child into warm little pants and a coat.

Minho frowned looking at his little Taeminnie. The clothes were clearly 0 sized, how could the still be that big on little Taeminnie. Sure in Minho’s eyes hi child was a tad bit smaller, to the point he perfectly fitted in both of his palms, but he never really gave much thought about it. He was still growing up to the idea that the child in his arms was real. But now looking at the petite thing drowning in baby clothes gave a hurtful pang to his chest. His baby was weak. So was his boyfriend.

Gulping down he took another fluffy coat and wrapped it around the child. Minho growled silently under his breath: no good – it was still too revealing. Taeminnie himself just tilted his head watching the huge thump thump owner panic over soft things and them wrapping him in them. It felt nice, so why be sad. One thing the bundle learned as he reached the light was that thump thumps had a very interesting bodies; just like his. With arms and legs they were all the same. They just wore different soft things…

Finally, happy with the bundle’s appearance, after he wrapped the baby in his long knitted scarf, Minho silently took him out the ward. He looked around and sighted. The only source of light and noise was from the intensive care ward, where you could hear the muterrings of Sampo and Shin. Hugging the child close to him and giving him his finger to on, he rushed outside the back door, where his car was covered by the cherry blossoms.

“Taeminnie you were born on such pretty time..” he whispered, before putting his child on the back child seat, used before or Mikyung as Key demanded. He couldn’t be more thankful for the demonic umma of the house as he was now.

Running over to the other side he hopped in the car and pushed in the keys.

“Why the hell, do I feel like robbing something?” he muttered as he drove out of the secret parking lot. He took his Galaxy SIII, which he didn’t bother to change after his drama, since his boyfriend bought the same model. At that time such silly things were the only things that connected them beside the relationship itself, and now they have a child.

Minho laughed loudly and looked at his already sleeping bundle.

“Yah, you sleep too much. You can’t be like appa…be like papa and hold everyone together.” He whispered and chuckled typing in the number he knew by mind. “Pick up…pick up…pick up” he muttered against the line.

“Son?”

A groggy reply came making Minho step down on the breaks instantly. How the did he manage to dial the ing wrong numbers?! How the hell did he dial his father’s number instead of Jonghyun’s. How the hell did life play with him this easily?!

“Son!”

.

“Choi Minho you talk to me right now. I can hear the engine and that means you are in freaking Seoul. How dare you not seek for connection for six months. Your mother is worried sick! I dare you, son, not to come tonight. I dare you!”

And so the little phone call ended. Anyone who knew Choi Minho’s father knew that a soccer trainer is not the softest man at all. Minho sighted and looked at the mirror. Behind him slept the purest thing he had ever laid his hands onto and Minho would lie, if he’d say that he was not proud to be the part of it too. But how do you tell your father that you are a father….no how do you tell that the mother of the baby is actually a male…okay everything how do you tell you a freaking homoual, when your father reminds you of the army in his bad mood.

Minho looked at his son “When you grow up and don’t remember a thing, don’t dare to say I  didn’t do anything for you…” he whispered and made a sharp u turn.

Minho bit his lips as he pressed the bell to the very un-original sound: ding-dong. And less than a second the brown wooden doors opened widely to a very unimpressed middle aged man and a distressed woman. The woman was known as Minho’s mother and was the first to hug the awkwardly standing male in front of the huge house ironically just a couple minute drive from both the new SHINee house and the clinic itself.

“My boy, where were you. It was terrible…you were gone…why? Not a single word…” the woman cried gripping her son tightly. “I thought something terrible happened. Choi Minho, I had grow 10 years more in just a month…that does nothing good to my skin!” the mother whined and both males chuckled; so his mother like.

“Turn of the engine and come in, son. We have a long talk to have.” His father muttered as he was always a man of a few but very meaningful words. Minho only now understood how he and his father were alike.

“I can’t…” he muttered shocking the older.

“What? Your using up gas for nothing, you are heating the car for worthless reasons. I thought you knew how to be serious with the money you earn…”

“It’s not that father. Just go inside I’ll come in a second. Take mother too and give her some ‘valeridon’, it will help with the distress…”

“Since when do you know about medicine, son?”

“I learned too many things I wish to forget “ a tired reply came as Minho turned his back and went to the car.

About fifteen minutes later Minho went in the house finally both mentally and physically prepared.

“Mother? Father?”

“We’re in the living room, son. Hurry up I had calmed down, but don’t worry any longer.”

“Just sit down” he whispered kicking of his shoes as his hands hugged his bundle as protective as ever.

Minho carefully walked down the wide hallway to the light. Never in his life a walk through the missed walls was so nerve racking.   

“Do you remember Taemin. My band mate?” might as well start.

“Of course, he’s your best friend. You both are like magnets.” Minho chuckledat the female voice, ‘bulls eye’

“Well I had been lying for an awfully long time, mother. Me and Taemin are more than that….much more” Minho muttered walking down the hallway as slowly as he could and after he reached the door he just sled down the wall and sat down on the floor the bundle in his arms and tears running own his face. He heard the muffled gasps and some curses as he always knew his parents were very bright on such subjects.

“Me and Taeminnie shared beautiful five years as a couple…a homoual couple that is pretty much unwrittenly forbidden in this country. His parents knew, but Taemin never wanted to bother you, so he pretended to be my friend for all these years….for such a long time he was far devoted too me until I finally led him to destruction with my being alone” Minho couldn’t help but sob loudly.

He felt the door being snapped open widely as his mother ran near him and gasped. His child chose to woke up on the weirdest circumstances indeed. “Look mother, he even gave me a child. That’s how unique Taemin really is, how precious and pure he is that even life itself lets him create such pure bundle.” He muttered with some body wrecking sobs as he saw his mothers knees shivering and finally give out as she fell in front of him. “Look at my little son Taeminnie. My little son that was born yesterday after hiding for those seven months in Taemin’s stomach as I was an awful son to you.”

SLAP

Choi Minho did not expect to be slapped by his mother in the face while he was pouring his eyes and soul out. He felt hurt, betrayed, alone, yet he couldn’t help, but understand that he earned such hurtful action.

“Son, you idiot.” The tired voice of his mother rang. The tired eyes of tears were barely holding in the crystals. “You can’t take out a newborn out of the hospital. You idiot of a son. How can you imagine your mother would sit calmly for those months not hearing from you. You idiot son, we know! The Lee’s told us. You idiot son! “ his mother broke down “Hiding such miracle from your mother….such unique creature given by God even as many see it as a sin. How can you think I’ll forgive you for such untrust.” His mother looked up “How can you believe that your parents will stop wishing you luck even if you go against them You idiot son!”

And those were the words he truly did not expect to hear ever. He gaped as his father as he came to help his mother up, holding her as protectively as middle aged man could.

“We knew for some days now. It was hard, Minho. But we tried to understand. The breaking point was yesterday, when the Lee’s came in with documents and photos. It was my first time crying in years son. Next time I’ll make sure you don’t want to try these types of shocks again. Now stand up and stop crying like a girl. Your partner went into coma for this and you’re a sapping like a little girl. It seems highly unfair in my view, if you ask me.”

And that was it. Minho laughed in his husky strained voice as he hugged his child “Look they accept us too.”

“You one idiot of a son! It’s not you I want to see…I want to hold the miracle” his mother whispered whipping her tears too. She shyly stretched her arms and took the baby close to her chest only to have a scare when the child the whole time been quiet now was crying in the most sorrow voice. “What did I do?” she asked scared as she shivered looking hurt.

“Woman! Can’t you see he was born from men. He probably doesn’t like women altogether, similar to the punk of your son.” His father muttered

“It’s our son, you lazy trainer.”

“That still surprises me how similar yet different we are, Minho.” He muttered taking the child and handling to his son. “Be proud. He knows his parents at an early age. It brings honor for a father. Now you will finally grow up, punk. I thought I will never see the day when you’d be standing proud as a male on the earth, but look at you after years of searching for identity you become a father. This is what we live for idiot. Not money, not fame, not even sports, you rascal. We live for such unique bundles in our arms. They gives us fame and honor. Keep it in your head you punk.”

Minho nodded as he listened to his father admiring him for the simple knowledge he passed to him making sure to repeat the same words to his little Taeminnie as he grows into a fine man.

Finally his mother looked up.

“But Minho why are you away from the hospital?”

Hey guys.

Yes I am sorry, kill me, but I’ve been throught one of a time.

I learned new things about myself:

1 I cut. Yup with blood and all.

2 I am in depression

3 My family doesn’t give a .

Please read this blog post to understand what I am meaning.

Posted on Feb 21, 2013 13:27:30

Hey my lovelies,

I am sorry as always, but the fic isn't going to be updated til monday.

I just can't anymore...It's like every single decides to fall on me. Everything is getting worse and worse by minutes, not days anymore. I feel so bad, so destroyed in heart that I come to absolute numbness in the end. It's ing terrrifying. I hate it. It's a feeling that I hope neither one of you feels. Guys I just really want to die. Not because I am seeking attention, not because I am a teen...but because I feel that there is not a single place my heart wasn't shredded to little pieces. I'm crying as a retarded kid right now hiccuping every two seconds. I just want everything to stop and leave me alone.....just alone. That would be all.

My mother found out that I was cutting. She went into a panic mode, she cried and she said sorries. I believed her. I felt like I was finally free, that she'd understand, but the next day it was just nothing. She uses that as a joke....a frekinm joke! Is me putting a blade in my thigh that funny? She says I won't terorize her with such things...that she had been through worse, but she never was as weak as me. She doesn't even care...

I feel to alone...and me writting that fic is like tearing my wounds open. Every chapter where I wrote happiness and freedom is like putting a ton of salt on my wounds. I sat through some of them crying my eyes out, but afterwards feeling so proud that I was able to get readers[anyone's] attention. But everything stopped. I cannot write the chappie without going into hysterics and it's torturing me how selfish I am. I feel like a monster that can't even create happiness in non-existen lives.

Feel so alone guys....just so alone that it actually feels better to plan my own suicide for the up coming day. I never do it, but it feels better. The cutting is just a reminder for me guys that I am alive...that I am still a creature...tthat I should seek happiness. I do not sound insane...but I came to a day where after seven years of chaos I feel so lost that it actually breaks me. I don't even know what I want anymore.

And the most sickly ironic thing is that I didn't kill myself today was because I really wanted to see my boys shine, They came back after a year and being so dependable on their music, who am I to not even to see their comeback...I feel insane actually.

I love you...please do remember this....I really do. Those who saw me not really seeing me. What is left of this stupid girl will always belong to you no matter where I am. And if I don't get out of this phase safetly I want you all to know THAT YOU WERE ALL MY BEST CONSULTS!

I really hope I do not end up killing myself. I do. I want to finish so many things. But me the day I won't be able to stand proudly on my feet will be the day I say goodbye to all of you first. Right now I am just keeping myself san. It's all I want, because what is happening scares me the most.

Your truly,

Gabriele a.k.a. evil_hadgehog

P.S.: I look like a retarded monkey right now...My face is red, swollen and with ugly tear stains.

This was a awfully hard chapter to write. I was supposed to write a happy ending with this, but I couldn’t. I tried so many times and ended up hating it and just going to the bathroom to make a line.

It’s is weird and sick, but it keeps me sane. I’m happy to get rid of that weird writers block lets say.

I will try to update. I just want you to know that writing has became a painful thing and so I try as hard as I do, but end up as only a human that wants an easier way.

I love you all for sticking with me. Not forgetting the fic. Thank you.

As for now I am slowly planning on my next fic. It will be mostly my own life just adapted to Taemin or something like that. I will try to show how is it possible to be hurt beyond repairwithout any visible signs.

Now onto the happier stuff. Who missed me? Please write why? Kekekekeke I want to know all of you guys.

Oh I was so lost about the chappie I actually didn’t make any poster, so I am using the poster made by ♥•Angεl's Wish || Graphics Request Shop •♥…kekeke and sorry.

Okay as always subscribe, comment and love 2minators.

As always

Jup Jup.