Despite his feminine appearance, Luhan was tough. Jinri could tell that he had gone through a lot in life; she always felt like his soul was much older and stronger that his real age. He was only about eight years older than Sehun and her, but to her he seemed as thoughtful and composed as her parents. Just like when he confessed to and kissed him, Luhan seemed to be disturbed by the fact that Sehun  and her were dating for a while, but he could always recollect his calm in their next encounter. He was always poised and unperturbed, as if nothing could ever bother him. He would never forget to smile gently at her as he, patiently, taught her one of the most complicated languages in the world. His eyes would always shine genially.

However, it bothered her. She knew that she should think less about Luhan and more about Sehun since she was Sehun’s girlfriend, but at the moment, it was difficult for her. A change of heart wasn’t as simple as turning a page in a book; it was much more complicated. So Jinri still subconsciously let her gaze fall on her Mandarin tutor, following his graceful movements, wondering if he was really okay with her having taken Sehun from him. Wondering if she was okay with stepping on his shattered heart.

Therefore, she decided to ask him about the matter at the end of another Wednesday session.

“Oppa, are you alright?”

Luhan looked back at her in puzzlement, his hand holding his tablet stopping mi-air.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat and fiddled with her fingers, eyes examining her small fingernails.

“Well…You like Sehun, but now I – I’m with him.”

She looked at him right when he broke into an understanding smile.

“Ah…That. You don’t have to be worried,” He said gently before flashing her another heartwarming eye smile.

When she bit her lower lip as guilt engulfed her, he reached out to ruffle her hair affectionately.

“Listen, Jirni-ah. Are you happy?” He asked her softly. His voice soothed her soul and his eyes sparkled with genuine care.

She was too stunned to answer him – his concern suffocated her – so he continued. “When you – both of you are – then I am as well.” His thumb softly caressed her cheek before he pinched it. “Jiniri-ah, you are happy, right?”

There was closure in his tone and Jinri understood. He was asking her to step back, to mind her own business, to be a good girlfriend to Sehun. So she smiled back at him, showing that she’d gotten his message.

“I am, Oppa.”

It was easier for her to push Luhan out of her mind after that. Or so she thought, as she found herself thinking less and less about Luhan. She’d made up her mind to be a girlfriend Sehun deserved – someone who would take good care of him and make him happy. It wasn’t that difficult for her since she already knew Sehun like the back of her hand. She made him lunch boxes – she knew all his favorites – and waited for him patiently after school. However, she was still uncomfortable with Sehun’s newfound touching habits – one of them being holding her by the waist – since it was a little too intimate for her liking. She didn’t complain though, because if it was what it took to be a good girlfriend to him, then she would endure it.

Therefore, when Sehun asked her to go on a date at the amusement park at Sunday – her last weekend in Seoul – she complied without hesitation. It was a typical teenager date, really. Sehun – who skipped dance lessons for the day – looked dashing; even in only his plain white v-neck shirt, jean jacket with rolled sleeves, and skinny faded jeans, He was naturally good looking anyway. Meanwhile, Jinri tried to look presentable with an elegant white ruffled chiffon mini dress – property of Soojung since she didn’t have anything that pretty – and her was braided loosely to the right. However, Sehun eyed her outfit judgingly.

“Are you sure you can move in those? I mean, seriously, mini dress and heels?”

Jinri blushed out of embarrassment and shot him a dirty glare.

“I’m trying to look good for you, Sehun. If you don’t appreciate it then I’ll go home and change. And probably not come back here.” She threatened, pretending to get ready to head home. Sehun grabbed her by the hand, stopping her.

“No – I mean, you look fine. I’ve just never seen you in this kind of outfit. You look good, actually. But this will make you look even better.” Sehun took of his jacket and wrapped it around her waist, , covering her barely exposed thigh down to her knees. His cheeks were slightly red, but he ignored it.

“I’m taller than Soojung.” She commented bashfully as she tightened the jacket on her own.

So this is Soojung’s? I knew it; you wouldn’t have anything this girly.” He sneered mockingly.

“Sehun, watch your mouth or I’m going home. “She hissed murderously; hands on her hips.

Sehun chuckled amusedly.

“Okay…okay. Let’s stop fighting and make this date fun, okay?” He said merrily, holding his arm out to her and gesturing for her to take it. She accepted it without a second thought and followed him to the park.

Jinri sometimes wondered why she’d never fallen in love with the guy walking by her side – Sehun – when he wasn’t that far from perfection. Her eyes lingered a bit longer on his handsome features and smiled. Sehun was very good looking. He had well-treated, jet black hair, a pair of dazzling, bright eyes, a beautifully pale complexion, a perfect pair of thin, pink lips, and a smooth jaw line. Most of the girls at their school had a crush on him at least once – with a few exceptions. Jinri had grown up with thim by her side so she got used to him being handsome, but it didn’t mean she didn’t notice his good looks. She was totally aware of them, but for some reason she couldn’t comprehend, her heart never skipped a beat at the sight of him. Her smile turned into a frown.

“Is there something wrong with my face?” He asked, feeling her eyes scrutinize him.

Jinri shook her head furiously.

“No, nothing. You look good today.”

Sehun flushed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Really, what’s wrong with you? First the dress and now the compliment. What do you want?” He asked as he dragged her by the shoulder to the nearest bench.

“I know, I know. Let’s have some ice cream first. You like vanilla, right? I’ll get it for you.”

He left her on the bench, skipping to the ice cream parlor. Jinri sighed as she took a seat. Sehun was a really kind friend. Well, he wasn’t exactly friendly since h was a little awkward in starting conversations with new people, but those who knew him could feel his kindness. Sehun wasn’t the type to hesitate to help people in need and that characteristic of his had earned him many fangirls. Of course, Sehun had been really kind to her too. They had been together for as long as she could remember, and he had been a loyal friend the entire time.

When Sehun came back to her with two cones of ice cream – vanilla for her and chocolate for him (both of which had already melted into his hands) – and a foolish grin on his face, Jinri chuckled. Sehun was rather childish for his age, but instead of it being a weakness, it was more of a charming point for him. It made him fun to tease and his adorable lisp made him an even easier target. Sehun was tall and athletic on the outside, but on the inside, he was just a giant, selfish baby. Although Sehun was actually older than her by a couple months, his childlike attitude made Jinri – and many other friends at school – feel like doting him to the point that Jinri felt like she was his older sister. Another frown formed on her face. Maybe that was it. How could she love him romantically if she kept thinking of him as a little brother?

“You don’t like it? I thought vanilla was your favorite.”

Jinri snapped out of her train of thoughts and was started to see a vanilla ice cream right in front of her face, a bit of its cream touching the tip of her nice. Sehun had already seated himself next to her, his ice cream in hand.

“It is. I like vanilla, thank you.” She thanked as she accepted the ice cream and wiped her nose with a napkin.

“Then why do you seem so unhappy?” Sehun asked, his ice cream. Some of it had dripped down to his hand and he it as well.

“Oh, gross!” She exclaimed, offering him her napkins instead of answering his question. He cleaned his hand with the napkin and threw it into the nearest garbage can.

“Score!” He cried out, punching the air when the napkin smoothly entered the trash can. She chuckled. Sehun was just cute like that, she thought, and a smile broke out on her face.

“Smile like that.” He muttered, the chocolate ice cream absentmindedly. “You’re better like that.”

Jinri glanced at him and saw his blank stare. Her heart twanged when she realized that her inability to wholeheartedly return his feeling wasn’t only troubling her, but him as well. Sehun wasn’t blind and he knew her too well to miss the lack of devotion in their two-and-a-half weeks old relationship. He could love her, so why couldn’t she? She hated herself for being such an irrational . She hated her heart for not agreeing with her head. Her rational mind knew that her life would be much easier if she loved Sehun back, but it seemed like two weeks and a half wasn’t enough to change her heart.

“Jinri, are you okay?”

She snapped out of her reverie and looked back at Sehun, whose concern was clear in his eyes. Without any warning, another familiar pair of concerned eyes flashed through her mind.

“Jinri-ah, you are happy, right?”

“I am,” she chanted. “I am.”

She paused for a while and stared deeply into his brown eyes. She flashed him a smile that reached her eyes, reassuring him. “I am, Sehun.”

The rest of the date was much better than before. Jinri relaxed, and Sehun did as well. The amusement park was part of their childhood, and riding the attractions was nostalgic. She remembered the time they were still too short to go on most of the rides and had cried to their parents about it. The roller coaster let them scream their hearts out – letting go all their problems in deafening shouts. They had a proper lunch – brunch, to be exact – at a local sandwich shop before queuing for the water raft ride. Both of them ended up so soaked, they had to buy matching shirts – in sky blue because Jinri hated pink – and a pair of shorts – for JInri, because Sehun insisted on wearing his half-wet jeans – in order to continue their date. The spinning tea cups got them dizzy, but they laughed it up as they bumped  into each other on their way out. They had a lot of fun mocking each other in the mirror house and screamed their hearts out once more in the haunted house.

It was almost evening when they got in line for the ferris wheel. The sun was hanging low, smearing a warm orange color against the darkened sky. Jinri didn’t realize when it’d become so, but their fingers were loosely tangled in each other’s. She looked at those lining in front of them and saw that most appeared to be couples. She glanced at Sehun and caught him staring at her before turning away and tightening his hold on her hand. She smiled.

It was exactly sunset when they got into the ferris wheel. They had the small compartment just to the two of them.

“IKt’s beautiful.” She commented, as the sky slowly changed from a warm orange to a dark velvet. It was indeed a breathtaking view.

“It is.” Sehun agreed. He was sitting across from her, his head resting on the window and his eyes gazing distantly through the glass as his lips formed a serene smile. The romantic air that surrounded them made her feel uneasy so she hurriedly diverted her gaze at the view beneath them.

“Ah! Look, Sehun! That’s the raft ride! Woah, the line’s still very long.” She exclaimed a bit too excitedly.

“Eh? Oh, yeah.” He responded absentmindedly. She could feel his eyes on her, but she ignored it and kept blabbering.

“Oh, and those are the tea cups! I’m never riding that again… And…oh, look! There’re so many people in the roller coaster line!”

Sehun’s amused chuckle stopped her nonsense jabbering. She looked back at him and blushed. She blamed it on the orange light suddenly shading his amazing features, since he looked damn gorgeous smiling like that.

“Relax, I’m not going to attack you or anything.” He assured her, grinning amusedly. Jinri’s cheeks became redder in embarrassment.

“So, you’re leaving next Saturday, right?” He asked softly, as he stared at her affectionately. Sehun rarely showed his affection to her – they bickered most of the time – but when he did, it was always genuine. Jinri nodded, a wistful smile forming on her plump lips.

“Yeah. I only have one week left in Seoul…”

“Well, I hope you can continue smiling like you did today for the rest of the week. You’ve been looking really down these past few days.” He mumbled, stretching out his right hand, reaching for her head. He slowly caressed her hair, down to her cheek, longing expressed in his brown eyes. She involuntarily closed her eyes and shivered at the contact. The gentleness of his touch on her cheek reminded her of another warm caress at the same spot.

Luhan.

She napped her eyes open.

No, I can’t be, she thought warily, I shouldn’t think about him, not right now.

When she focused her attention back to Sehun, he was already leaning forward; his eyes slowly closing as he inched closer to her.

Without warning, a memory flashed in front of her eyes.

Luhan leaning down, and her heart accelerating into an inhuman speed. His sharp nose coming closer to hers, his long eyelashes fluttering closed as he neared her.

Jinri forcefully shut her eyes.

No, she shook her head mentally, I have to stop thinking about him right now. I’m Sehun’s girlfriend, for God’s sake.

She felt Sehun’s hand gradually creeping to the back of her head, his warm breathing steadily coming closer to her. Her eyes were already closed, but she couldn’t fight another memory resurfacing in her mind.

Luhan’s warmth nearing her, his breath fanning her face, his hand slowly caressing her cheek.

No! Stop thinking of Luhan. She commanded her mind in a panic. Sehun was about to kiss her; she mustn’t imagine another guy. Especially not Luhan. She shut her eyes tight, trying to push Luhan out of her head. However, the attempt was futile. A vivid remembrance of Luhan’s lips on hers sent tingle to her entire being. She could feel Sehun’s breath fanning her face for a split second before instinct took over her body.

It happened really fast – Jinri wasn’t really aware of what was happening. All she knew was that when she opened her eyes, her hands were already stretched out in front of Sehun’s chest and he was a couple feet from her – eyes widened in bewilderment.

She gasped when realization of what she’d just done dawned on her.

She had just pushed Sehun away.

Every minute they spent in the ferris wheel afterwards felt like eternity. It was awkward – suffocating – at best. She was extremely uncomfortable and she could tell that Sehun was, too. The moment their compartment door opened, she felt like a prisoner being released from jail. She glanced at Sehun every once in a while and his blank stare made her guilty.

They went home directly after the ride. Sehun maintained a safe distance from her during their silent walk. No longer was his hand innocently touching her finer or his arm lingering on her waist. He only pulled her to him when they entered the crowded subway; otherwise, he stayed away from her for most of the time.

When they finally stopped in front of her house, Jinri took the initiative to apologize to hi.

“Sehun, I’m sorry, I – “

“No, I’m sorry.” He cut her off. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Sehun, I – “

He raised his hand to stop her. His usually poker face was apologetic – his always expressionless eyes filled with remorse. He his lips before speaking to her, eyes gazing in a different direction.

“I’m okay. Thank you for today. See you tomorrow, okay?”

There was obvious regret in his voice. Jinri stared at him warily, but he left without looking back at her. She felt guilt slowly swallow her as she watched him walked away.

What have I done?