Title: 5/5
Your title, simply put, attracts the majority of people on Asianfanfics.  It also puts some ideas into my head about what you’re actually trying to say, which is a good thing.  It’s intriguing, mainly because your story isn’t rated.

Description/Foreword: 9.5/10
Your description works for your story.  There is information given, but not enough that you’d give away the whole plot before the reader even moves to Chapter 1.  Also, there aren’t any major grammar errors in your description either, which makes the flow easier and the plot easier to understand.  The questions you add at the end of the description draw the reader in, so good job with that.

Your foreword is also interesting.  Instead of giving character profiles, you instead give quotes said by the main characters.  I personally think that by giving away quotes instead of profiles, you allow the readers to experience that character’s voice and give them room to imagine, rather than being given a list of traits that don’t mean anything when used out of the story itself.  The only thing you should fix is that “btw” should be written out.  Forewords are meant to be formal, which means that there should be no text talk or anything like that.

Characterization: 10/15
Jiyeon, especially in the first few chapters, acts very masculine.  The way she punches Myungsoo’s face, the way she grabs Taemin’s hand, the way she stares at and converses with Suzy--everything seems too masculine to be coming from a girl.  

You use the words “unnie” and “oppa” a lot, which makes Suzy seem more immature than she is, in my opinion.

You made me hate your characters, which has its advantages and disadvantages.  If an author can make a reader hate people that the reader loves, then that should be an impressive feat, don’t you agree?  However, when all of the characters become unlikeable, that’s when problems start to arise.

Spelling/Grammar: 14/30
The foreword and description gave me high hopes for your grammar.  You didn’t exactly crush it, per se, but your grammar was a bit disappointing.  You don’t have any particular errors that occur multiple times, and I will not go through every chapter and point out every mistake.  However, you should consider getting a beta reader, or using a word processor such as Microsoft Word or even Google Docs, if you have a Google account.

Flow: 7/10
There were times when you could’ve cut things out or where you shouldn’t have dragged on.  For the most part, it was okay.

Originality/Plot: 10/25
It’s great how you made the story different from all of the other homoual stories on Asianfanfics.  Your description was promising, your foreword excellent.  Yet what happened to all of that?  Your plot does not delve beneath the surface.  Why do things happen?  How did your main characters fall in love?  Why do they do some of the things they do?  You don’t answer these questions, making your plot somewhat predictable.  Work on creating plot twists, and make things clear to the readers so that there is no confusion.

Enjoyment: 1/5
Your characters ruined the story for me.  People like this simply don’t exist in real life.

Total: 57.5/100

General Comments:
Work on characterization.  When your characters become 3-D, your story will be more enjoyable and exciting.  You had a great idea, but it didn’t translate well into words.  If you’re feeling stuck as to how to improve, think of things your characters do that just don’t make sense.  From there, just keep on making your characters more human.