Title: 2/5
Your title gives away too much of the story; from one look at it, anyone could describe the basis of the plot.  You could lose the interest of potential readers even if your story is original, because people will think that they know everything there is to know about your fanfiction.  However, it does give off the right feelings, as I can tell that this story will be somewhat of a rom-com.

Description/Foreword: 4/10
The first part of your description doesn’t do a great job of captivating readers, but it doesn’t turn them away either.  The last segment, “It was really special all right...” is the part that does the best job of keeping me, personally, interested.  Character profiles are not necessary, nor will they ever be.  Assuming that you give out all of this information through the story, the profiles are redundant.  I don’t want you to tell me that Hyemi is stubborn.  I want you to show it to me.  I don’t want to know that she is Hoya’s younger sister.  I want you to show it to me.

As for your foreword, the first part of it doesn’t add anything to the reader’s knowledge of the story.  However, once you start listing the directions of the magical box, that’s where things start to get interesting.  Your author’s note should be more formal too, leaving out emoticons like :D.

On another note, you tend to overuse italics a lot.  Remember that italics are generally used for emphasis, thoughts, and flashbacks in writing.  There are also some verb tense errors here, such as switching between past and present.  When using thoughts, use present tense.  

Characterization: 8/15
You don’t characterize Hyemi outside of what’s written in her profile.  In fact, Hyemi’s character revolves around the two traits you list in the profile.  However, human beings aren’t like that.  Human beings are not simply stubborn and nothing else.  To make Hyemi more believeable, try to imagine her as a real person--what she’d like, what she wouldn’t.  That would help to make her believeable.

Luhan seems like an all-around jerk.  Even when he’s with his friends, there is a sense of detachment in the air.  However, since he isn’t entirely human, I can’t comment any further on his character.  Who knows?  Maybe guys from ExoPlanet are all like that.

Spelling/Grammar: 9/30
There are a few major things that I’d like to point out.

1) You have a lot of spelling errors that could be fixed by running a spell check on AFF.  Microsoft Word and Google Docs also have this automatic feature, minus Korean names and romanized words.  Things such as “hoddie” instead of “hoodie” could easily be fixed by running a spell check.  You could also go back and look through the spellings of words yourself.

2) Your use of Korean romanized words should be kept to a minimum.  Things such as “bwoh” could be changed to “what”.  “Umma” could be mom.  There are some things you can’t translate to English without losing the meaning, sure.  Things such as “hyung” and “oppa” don’t have appropriate English equivalents that sound acceptable in common day speech.  Also, “yah” is informal, bordering on rude.  Having a younger person call to an older person using “yah” is very uncommon.  

3) For every new speaker, there needs to be a new paragraph.  For example, take a dialogue segment in your story:
"HEY! HEY! HEY! No stripping in front of my sister!" Hoya yelled and covered my eyes. "Yah! Oppa..." I playfully swatted at hands.”
Should be:
“HEY! HEY! HEY! No stripping in front of my sister!” Hoya yelled and covered my eyes.
“Yah!  Oppa...” I playfully swatted at hands.

4) You switch between first, second, and third point of view, and sometimes, you switch between the three without notice.  One sentence, you’d use first person, then you’d switch to second.  If you’re having trouble sticking to one point of view, choose third, since you can get into the heads of everyone without having to change point of view.

Flow: 8/10
Your point of view changes and lack of spacing between speakers in dialogue make your flow more choppy than it should be.  Otherwise, you do a pretty good job with the pacing.

Originality/Plot: 10/25
First, the issue of everyone in her family suddenly going on trips and leaving her without any prior notice.  It just doesn’t happen.  Or if they do go on a trip, there has to be a good reason and prior notice.  The way she acts like it’s no big deal is quite shocking.  What I do enjoy, however, is that Luhan isn’t as bad as I thought he’d be.  Sure, most of the time, he’s a jerk, but he has some good moments.  For example, at the end of Chapter 6, the readers get to see that Luhan has characteristics beyond being a jerk.  You need to add in more of your own flavor; however, since you’re only six chapters in, there isn’t much I can say, as the plot hasn’t developed enough to make a proper judgement.

Enjoyment: 3/5
This makes me remember why cliche isn’t always bad.

Total: 44/100

General Comments:
First off, this isn’t bad.  You have the basics, and now you need to add the rest of it.  Your characters call for great character development--at least, on Luhan’s end--and I know you can do it.  Character development calls for a great story, and if you dig deeper than the whole “my boyfriend came out of a box, and he’s a jerk, but he’ll love me eventually” thing, then you’ll be more successful than you already are.

Good luck!  Also, I was trying to be critical.  If I had glanced over your fanfic merely as a reader, I would’ve had a kinder reaction to this.  I can’t wait to see how your story comes along.