Minseok thought that Jongdae was actually rather scary looking but didn’t say it. He didn’t want the boy who had just arrived a few weeks earlier to be even more insecure than what Minseok could already see him being. He stood in the elevator at their dorm as they rode it down. He looked at Jongdae who was staring down at the floor while fiddling with the straps of his bag and Minseok bit the insides of his cheek and looked over at the door as it opened and they headed out.

They walked toward the company. Jongdae stayed slightly behind them as the rest chatted about everything between heaven and earth. Minseok glanced back at Jongdae and stopped to come up beside Jongdae. Jongdae looked to his left as Minseok smiled at him and he flashed a nervous smile.

“How has your stay been so far?” Minseok asked as they fell in steps with each other and Jongdae shrugged.

“Good I guess” he said and Minseok nodded. The atmosphere turned awkward but neither of them said nothing as they continued walking. They were accompanied by the rest of the boys and they walked all 12 to the company. Jongdae had only been to the company for three months and it was now the end of April.

They did just arrive when the lady who had showed him to the others when he came asked them to come with her. The 12 boys followed her without asking and they made their way into an empty practice room. There stood SMent’s CEO, Lee SooMan, waiting for them.

He smiled as the 12 boys piled inside and they stood in front of him in a straight row.

“Hello boys” SooMan said and the boys bowed at him and told them their greetings. “We have seen that you all have been working really hard and we have decided that you will be debuting next year in a group.” He began and the boys expressions brightened up and they looked at each other. “Your group name will be EXO” he continued and some of the boys cocked the heads to the side and SooMan smiled.

“And we have some new names for you; Wu Fan, from now on you’ll be Kris.” Wu Fan, now Kris, nodded. “Joonmyeon, you will be Suho and Kyungsoo will be D.O” the named ones nodded. “Minseok, you will be Xiumin, Jongin you will be Kai, Yixing will be Lay and Jongdae, you will be Chen”

Jongdae, or Chen, nodded and looked down on the floor. And SooMan continued. “And we have decided that you will be split into two groups” the boys who had smiles on their faces slowly lost their smiles. “Xiumin, Lu Han, Kris, Yixing, Chen and Tao, you will be in one group called EXO-M. You will be promoting in China. Suho, D.O, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kai, Sehun will be in EXO-K. You will be promoting in Korean” SooMan finished and the boys nodded.

Lu Han glanced over at Sehun who looked back at him with a sad expression and they were dismissed. They walked out of the room quietly and entered their own practice room. When Chen closed the door he saw how Lu Han flung himself on Sehun who toppled and they landed on the floor.

Chen looked at them as Sehun held Lu Han in his arms and hugged the crying male and Chen saw how Lu Han treasured the younger. He had not seen them more vulnerable before. He had seen how they would always be together wherever they went but he hadn’t understood that they loved each other.

“I guess there’ll be a lot crying from Lu Han when we finally debut.” Chen heard Xiumin say beside him and he looked to his left and saw Xiumin looking at the two on the floor.  Chen nodded and smiled sadly. He didn’t know how it was to miss someone so much so he could say he felt with Lu Han. “How do you think it’ll be when we move to China. Are you excited?” Xiumin asked Chen who looked over at him.

He hadn’t given it much thought yet so he didn’t know what to answer. “I don’t really know. I haven’t give it so much thought yet” he said and Xiumin nodded. He hadn’t either given it that much thought but he was just wondering how it felt for Chen. “Now we have to really start learning Chinese” Chen mumbled and Xiumin chuckled a little and Chen smiled.

That was the first time Xiumin saw Chen smiling sincerely. He liked the smile. It was warming and real, it made Xiumin’s heart skip a beat. He shook his head and then Suho yelled them over to Chen that they had to go to their vocal training and the two of them had to wait for Lu Han who didn’t want to leave Sehun. He gave up when Sehun told him that he’d still be there and kissed Lu Han’s cheek softly.

Suho, D.O, Baekhyun, Lu Han, Xiumin, Chen and Lay walked together through the building. Chen glanced over at Lu Han who was leaning onto Xiumin, asking him why life was so unfair and Xiumin could only hold him and tell him it would be fine. Chen felt sorry for the male who had to leave the one he loved in another country but he didn’t know how it would feel.

Lu Han sniffled and dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt when the boys walked out of the elevator and into the room where their vocal trainer was waiting for them and they began training. They usually spent two to three hours singing and that was what they did today too before they walked out to their dance training. They spend around four hours there before they were told that they would be dismissed for the day.

They were rather surprised but Lu Han broke out into a run, probably to find Sehun when they were told that. It was barley lunch and Chen sighed, what was he to do for the rest of the day? He thought about going out and eat but realized that he did not have enough money for that and decided that he would be going home.

EXO-M, except Lu Han who had gone somewhere with Sehun, walked home together. They discussed about how it would be to promote in China and Lay talked about how he missed China and was partly happy for going to his home country. They came home and their manager was waiting for them. The boys dropped their bags at the living room and their manager started talking.

“Since you are in the group that will be in China we have decided that the rooms where you sleep now will be changed a little. We want the Koreans to learn Chinese as fast as possible so we have decided that Xiumin will be sharing room with Lu Han and Kris while Chen shares room with Lay and Tao share’s with me.” He said and the boys nodded before they started the work of re-arranging in the dorm. They were walking back and forth between the rooms with clothes and bags in their arms.

Late in the afternoon was when they finished and they all fell down on their beds. Chen laid down and closed his eyes as he felt his head hit the pillow. He laid there in the quiet room and felt how his energy started draining out of him and he sighed. He heard the sound of faint footsteps come into the room and he looked up to find Lay smiling at him.

“Dinner’s ready” he said and Chen nodded as he sat up and stood up to follow Lay out of the room to the kitchen where the others were eating.

“Suho called and said that Lu Han will stay over at their dorm for the night” Xiumin mumbled as they ate and they nodded. They continued to eat in silence as they all thought about different things. Chen still somehow had that gnawing feeling that he shouldn’t be here. He had just been training for two months and was already put in a group to debut the following year.

He put down his chopsticks after eating half of the food and Lay and Xiumin looked up at him. Chen stared down at the bowl and said nothing. He didn’t feel that he deserved to be among these people who had been training longer than himself. Why was he sent off to China if he didn’t know any? Why had he been chosen as the main vocalist? His singing wasn’t that good and he certainly didn’t know how to dance.

Chen lost track of how long he sat there staring and the rest of the members started to clean of the table. He didn’t move from his seat and Kris looked at him as he walked up to him. “Are you finished?” he asked quietly and Chen managed a small, barely visible, nod and Kris took his bowl from him.

The hours passed, not that Chen noticed it, but it was soon becoming dark and the lights in the dorm were turned off besides in the kitchen where Chen was sitting. When he heard the last door of the rooms close he moved. He bit his lower lip as he leaned onto the table to bury his face in his arms.

“I don’t deserve this” he mumbled and sat up again and placed his face in his hands and sighed.

I don’t deserve this. These guys have been practicing longer than I have. I just came here three months ago and they want me to debut with these guys who have more talents in everything. My singing is the only thing I’m proud of. I’m not as handsome as the rest and I don’t know how to dance-

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. He looked up and saw Xiumin sit down in front of him. Chen gulped and looked down at the table again and Xiumin sighed. He had seen Chen sit at the table looking sad as he was going to the bathroom. He wanted to be a good hyung and know what was wrong with his dongsaeng.

He also wanted to help Chen because he felt that he needed someone to talk to and he had noticed how Chen didn’t feel right about his stay here. Xiumin looked at Chen who sat in front of him, still not saying a word. “Are you okay?” he asked Chen who stayed still. Xiumin waited for Chen’s response for a while before the shook his head. “Something you want to talk about?”

Chen stayed quiet, staring down at the table like before. Ha sighed before he opened his mouth. “I-I… I don’t deserve this” he said and Xiumin furrowed his brows.

”What are you-”

”I don’t deserve this. I’ve been training barely three months and I’m put in a group to debut in a year? I don’t understand. I mean, even you’ve trained three years. I shouldn’t be in this group” he said and looked up to meet Xiumin’s face.

“Of course you do! Why wouldn’t you?”

“I can’t dance, I can’t really sing either-“

“What? Are you out of your mind? You can sing! Have you heard yourself? It’s like… I don’t know but don’t say you can’t sing because that’s a lie” Xiumin interrupted Chen who looked at him. He felt his heart skip a beat when Xiumin told him that. He felt his confidence boost up just a little bit. “Maybe you aren’t the best dancer but you know how to dance. And that’s something you can always practice”

Chen nodded and then looked down. “Don’t even think for a second that you don’t deserve this. I know how much you want it, I can see it” Xiumin continued and Chen looked up again. He sighed and Xiumin stood up, he held his hand out to Chen who grabbed it and stood up.

Xiumin then pulled Chen into his embrace in a friendly hug and squeezed him close. “You deserve this Jongdae-ah” he said and Chen nodded before they broke away and Chen managed a smile before the two of them laughed silently. “Now, let’s sleep, I’m really tired” Xiumin said and they started walking to their bedrooms.

“Minseok Hyung?” Chen called before Xiumin opened the door and he turned to Chen who was standing by his door. “Thank you hyung” Chen said and Xiumin nodded while they smiled and went into their rooms.