Chapter 7:Perspective

I stared at her. Her words were stumbling out of , falling and splattering on the ground in a useless heap. She didn’t have the words to say. She couldn’t answer my question. Furrowing her perfectly shaped eyebrows, a look of confusion and uncertainty on her face.

She stood there, in the aisle, in a kind of helpless state, seeming to not know what to do with herself.

“Well…” She began another sentence that I knew she wouldn’t be able to finish. “It just…uhm…” She had trailed off once again, the creases on her face becoming more prominent. She had been pulled into deep thought.

Was my question really that hard for her to answer?

It wasn’t even a question that required knowing facts, or figures. It was more of an opinion - did she think it was right, or did she go against same marriage? That’s all I really wanted to know, but there she stood babbling, starting and stopping sentences before she could fully complete them.

I assumed, as a devout Christian, she would be against it - find it morally wrong in the eyes of god, a sin, something that was unnatural. But she seemed confused. Why?

Her phone rang, causing her rambling to stop as she fumbled to get her phone out of her pocket. She smiled at me apologetically as she checked the collar ID, signaling the fact that the call was important.

She answered, beginning to talk to whoever was on the other side. I stared at her for a moment. She was obviously relieved at the fact she didn’t have to answer my question. I didn’t really pay attention to what she was saying to the anonymous person, her voice sounded muffled, the sound rebounding off of my eardrums, none of it registering on my brain.

I walked passed her and out of the church, stopping and looking in either direction when I had passed through the door. I could feel her eyes on my back, probably contemplating whether to follow me or not.

Most of the people had dispersed, gone home, back to their own lives.

I took a left and walked around the back of the church, to the area of grass that held that one unforgettable memory in the depths of its blades.

I didn’t dare walk on it, like I was afraid I would ruin it with my sneakers. Like if I stepped on it, I would trample the memory into a deformed pulp, useless.

I remember the warmth of her hand in mine, the stars as they hung above our heads, and the fuzziness that had grown on my insides, only to dissolve into nothing when she stated that one fact

“Marriage is only between man and woman.”

I had never thought about it. Never had it journeyed across my mind that if we ever did get into a real relationship, that there would be people who didn’t agree, look down at us in disgust for simply falling in what we thought was love. And still it was confusing me.

I looked up at the sky, hands in my pockets as I let out a sigh. Tracing the clouds with my eyes, searching for something…anything.

I wonder how you’re doing. I hope you haven’t forgotten me, and I hope the memories we shared are still alive inside of you…I can only hope. Where are you now?

I furrowed my brows, looking down at the ground. The sadness I had pushed down deep inside of me was now rising and surfacing to the top, making its way to the brim of my throat.

I took a deep breath, squeezing my eyes tight shut, trying to block her out, the memory of her - her smile, her warmth, her voice. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her lately, more than the usual. Why did I always have to pull her to the front, make myself feel upset, sad…helpless.

I had been doing it for so long, it was almost second nature. I felt like I couldn’t stop it anymore, this type of sadness, I couldn’t push it down any further. I was stuck in a rut, unable to get out, trying to discover a way, but I couldn’t find any solution.

With deep rhythmic breaths, I calmed myself, regaining my composure.

I lifted my head, opened my eyes and rested my eyes back on the grass where I had lain over two years ago; with the girl that I thought was my forever. It was just a memory now…she was just a memory - soon to be tainted in the colours black and white, as the details would begin to get hazy.

A gentle hand was placed on my shoulder, soft panting followed by an out of breath voice emitted from behind me. “I was looking for you everywhere…”

I heard her, but I kept my eyes locked on the grass, clenching my jaw, swallowing down my saliva. I closed my eyes once again, inhaling a deep breath into my lungs, tasting the somewhat fresh air.

“Taeyeon? Are you okay?” I could feel she was now standing in front of me, looking at me with worried eyes.

I let out the breath I had been holding and opened my eyes, looking at the area of grass one last time before directing my gaze at her.

She was looking at me curiously, probably wondering what I was doing back here. She looked back over her shoulder at the grass, then back to me.

“Everything okay?” She asked, tilting her head to the side, a slight breeze blowing by as she did so.

I nodded, pursing my lips together slightly.

An unreadable smile morphed onto her pink lips. “Sorry about that phone call. It was important.” She apologized, changing the topic. She came and stood beside me, looking over at the view, the wind blowing on our faces. “A friend of mine is having a small get-together for her birthday. I promised I’d make the food.”

I looked over at her, unsure of where this was going.

“Would you want to help me with the cooking?” She a