Chapter 22: Muse

Tiffany hums happily to the radio as she drives - like she always does. I wriggle my toes, feeling the sand still trapped in my shoes. A strange kind of awareness begins to settle in my stomach as the beach and Octo-land draw further away and the sun drops lower in the sky.

“I love this song,” She says with excitement, turning the volume dial on the dashboard up with a little too much zeal. The car fills with a feel good electro-pop beat, so loud that the windows are almost shaking. As the car speeds down the motorway, Tiffany unabashedly belts out the lyrics of the song, face riddled with carefree tones and happiness. I find myself gazing, smiling at her pretty visage framed by the pinkish hue of the sky seen through the driver seat window.

As the song dies down to a climatic finish and she turns the volume down to a more bearable level, I quickly avert my eyes elsewhere. “Sorry,” She laughs melodically. “I really love that song. Couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s fine.” I reply, upturning my mouth slightly. Her eyes remain trained on the road as she smiles. “It’s a good song.”

“Isn’t it? G.Soul just has a way to my heart.”

I murmur a noise of agreement as she slows down, checks her mirrors and carefully manoeuvres into the next lane, before exiting the motorway via slip road.

“Can I tell you something that I’ve never really told anyone before?” She asks suddenly, biting down on her bottom lip, but still smiling.

“Uh…sure.”

“I didn’t always want to be a therapist.” She kind of confesses, looking either way before taking a left turn. “I actually wanted to be a singer when I was a kid.”

“That’s not exactly surprising.”

She chuckles heartily. “I know, right? Whenever people used to come over, I used to make them sit down and listen to me sing. And they weren’t allowed to leave until I was finished.” As the road opens in front of us, she seems to relax back into her seat. “But that was only when I was a kid.”

“You’ve never told anyone that?”

She shakes her head. “Never. You’re the lucky one and only one. Feel special.”

“I do.” I reply, taking the information and unknowingly storing it somewhere safe.

The city thins out around us as we near the orphanage. The sun has set completely, draping us in darkness - bar the stars and streetlights.

We come to a stop outside. As the engine dies down, the both of us look over at the shabby exterior of the building, lit only by the porch light that Sooyoung probably left on for us.

“Well,” Tiffany breathes out as her hands drop from the steering wheel and into her lap. “Guess this is it.”

“Yeah…” I say quietly. “Uh…thank you for today. I…I had fun.”

I can just about make out the grin slowly pulling onto her face and the endearing crescents curving her eyes. “So did I. We should go on day trips like this more often.”

I nod quietly.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow or something?”

“Yeah,” I pull the handle and push the car door open. “See you later.” I give her a faint smile before closing the door, fighting back the feeling that I should’ve said more. As I walk up the porch steps, my heart feels, in a way, somewhat heavy…disappointed that today is over.

Just as I put my key into the lock, Tiffany’s voice suddenly rings out from behind me followed by the thud of the car door closing. “Taeyeon, wait!”

I turn around as she hurries over. “I forgot to give you this.” She puffs. I look down and see the polaroid we took on the beach, just hours ago, being extended to me.

“Oh…thanks.” I take it from her gently, cringing at how awkward my smile looks. “I look terrible.”

“You look cute.”

I blink up at her before pulling my gaze back down to the photo and clearing my throat, my heart stirring. “Are you sure you don’t want it? “

“I took two, remember? So, you can keep this one.” She assures.

I nod. She smiles for a last time and begins to make her way back down the porch stairs, but I stop her. “’The Persistence of Memory.’” I find myself saying.

She turns back, midway down. “Huh?”

“The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali.” I clarify, my pulse suddenly hammering. “In class that day when I suddenly walked out – we were researching artists and paintings and it popped up. We used to have a massive replica of it in our house…when…before…” A huge lump swells up in my throat. “Before…my parents…died.” I clench my fists, my jaw. “When I saw it…I…uh…I guess all the memories came back…and- and I had to get out of there.”

She stares at me for a moment, her eyes soft and stunned. Slowly, she comes back up the two steps she’d descended and stands before me, nodding softly. “It makes sense now.”

“I just- I just thought you should know.” I toe at the gaps in the wooden slabs.

She nods once more, casting her eyes downwards – the stars flickering above us like galactic candles. “I’m glad you told me.”

She inches forward, fingers grazing up my forearms, interlocking me in a soft, sincere embrace. I hold my breath. Her cheek presses against my skin warmly, and I put my arms around her, returning the hug, wishing terribly that the rapid speed of my pulse is something that she cannot hear.

Suddenly, her breath ghosts over my ear. “Good night, Taeyeon.” She whispers softly, turning her face toward mine and pressing her plush lips to my cheek.

“G-goodnight…” I say slowly, dumbstruck as her arms slide away from my neck. She gives me one last smile that’s bordering on…shy? And walks back to her car. So, I stand on the porch, clutching the Polaroid in my hand and watch as her headlights disappear into the night, feeling that somewhere in the space between her and I, there is change.

* * *

TIFFANY’S POV

“Hello? Is this Miss Diwhali?” I lodge the phone between my cheek and shoulder, rustling around my desk for a pen and paper. “Yes, this is Tiffany. My assistant said you called?” I jot down quickly the patient’s name. “Mm-hm, that’s fine. So, you had a panic attack?” I listen carefully as the distressed woman rattles off the information, writing down what’s important as she does so. “Miss Diwhali, the first thing I want you to do is take a deep breath. And then I want you to look up at the sky and continue to breathe deeply, okay?” I hear a murmur of agreement. “I want you to keep doing that until you feel a little more collected.” As I coach her through calming down, my eyes flicker to the door as it opens a crack and Donghae’s curious face comes into view. I gesture for him to come in. “Are you feeling a little better…?” I ask carefully into the phone, watching as Donghae closes the door quietly behind him. “Good, that’s good. Look, Miss Diwhali, I have an open slot in about an hour, at 2:45pm. I want you to come in for an emergency appointment, alright?” Donghae takes a seat on the couch where my patients usually sit. “Perfect. I’ll see you then. Call me if there are any more problems. Alright, buh-bye.”

Donghae stretches and smiles over at me as I put the phone down. “Tough call?”

I shrug, gathering up some files and slotting them into my drawer in an attempt to tidy up. “Just the usual, I guess.” I return his smile as I walk around my desk. “But to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I thought you might want some coffee and bagels.” He says, pulling open the paper bag he’d plonked onto the low table when he’d come in.

“How kind.” I say gently, placing a welcome kiss on his lips and sitting down in my usual chair, diagonal from him. We begin eating in comfortable silence. “Mmm, this is good.” I compliment, sipping down some coffee from the takeaway cup. “Where’d you get it from?”

“This place called Bella’s, down the street from my work. Just thought I’d try it out.”

I nod. “Good choice.”

After finishing his bagel, Donghae leans back and watches me for a moment. I continue to chew and look over at him. “So, how was Octo-land yesterday?” He inquires after a moment.

I place the last piece of my bagel into my mouth and think before swallowing. “It was good. Really good, actually. Made some really amazing progress with Taeyeon.” My mind flickers back to Taeyeon’s face under the dim porch light, and I feel the need to gulp down more coffee.

His lips uplift a little as he leans his head against his fist. “Did she like Octo-land then?”

“I think so.” I answer, dropping my dirty napkin into the brown paper bag. “Seemed to get her mind off things.”

“Go on any rides?”

“What is this? An interrogation?” I say, half-joking.

He sits up a little. “No, I just- you were asleep when I got home last night, so I didn’t get to ask.”

“Oh yeah,” I melt back against the sofa and glance up at the white ceiling. “Sorry I didn’t wait up for you. I was pretty beat after the theme park.”

“It’s fine,” He says, reaching out and taking my hand. “I understand.”

I loll my head in his direction, smile and let a beat of silence pass between us briefly. “So, was it just the coffee and bagels that you brought or is there something else?” I ask, noticing the small amount of tension held within his face.

“Actually, I do have ulterior motives, to be honest with you.” He interlaces his fingers with mine slowly, locking our hands tightly together.

“Knew it.” I smirk.

He exhales and stares down at our entwined hands. “My mum and dad want us over for dinner tomorrow night-“

“Tomorrow? That’s a bit sudden.”

“Oh, I know,” He breathes. “But I think it’s just because they’re back from holiday and-“

“And it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with my birthday?” I give him a sly smirk.

“Birthday?” He feigns surprise. “It’s your birthday tomorrow? No way.”

I push him gently and laugh a little. “Not very subtle are you.”

He smiles over at me gently. “So, what do you say?”

I hum, pretending to think it over. “Who’s going to be there?”

“It’ll be small. Just the four of us…Maybe your dad if he can make it.”

“Well…I suppose if you insist…”

He chuckles. “It’ll be good, I promise. And I might just have an itty bitty little surprise for you.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” My gaze on him softens.

“Yeah…but…I wanted to. What’s a birthday without any birthday surprises?”

“You’re cute.” I lean over and kiss him gently.

He exhales. “So, we good for tomorrow?” He leans his forehead against mine.

I close my eyes and mull over my schedule. “We’re good. I’m gonna see Taeyeon at some point, and then I’m all yours.”

“You’re going to see Taeyeon?” He raises his brows.

I shrug. “I didn’t get a chance to see her today and it’s important I know she’s okay-“

“But it’s your birthday-“

“I know. But Taeyeon’s wellbeing doesn’t decrease in importance just because it’s my birthday, Donghae.”

He moves his head back a little, and his eyes scan my face slowly. “Okay…” He says after a moment. “Okay. Whatever you want. I’ll let my parents know.”

* * *

I awake in an empty bed. I rise and drag myself down to the kitchen where I’m greeted by a breakfast muffin and a mug of coffee with a note that reads, “Happy Birthday, Beautiful. I’ll see you tonight,” in Donghae’s neat scrawl.

I stare at the note while unwrapping the muffin from its paper casing, and let a small smile come to my mouth eventually.

“Happy birthday, Tiff.” I murmur aloud to no one, and gulp down the rest of my now lukewarm coffee.

I get dressed and leave the house to run a few errands. By the time I pull up outside the orphanage it’s already late into the afternoon. I let the engine die down, and pull up the handbrake. I take a deep breath, thinking of the last time I saw Taeyeon.

“I just- I just thought you should know.” Her face under the silver wash of the moon has crossed my mind more than once these past days, and suddenly I feel anxious about seeing her. I’d never seen Taeyeon with so little self-restraint before…

I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts before exiting the car.

“Tiffany,” Sooyoung pulls on a strained smile upon seeing me. She steps aside to allow me in. “Nice to see you.”

I adjust the strap of my handbag on my shoulder, feeling uncomfortable at her gaze. My last conversation with Sooyoung hadn’t exactly ended on an amiable note. “Nice to see you too, Sooyoung.”

An awkward beat of silence passes between us.

“I’m guessing you’re here to see Taeyeon?” She asks after a moment, though the answer is obvious.

“As always. Is she up in her room?”

“Yes, but-“ I begin making my way toward the staircase before she stops me. “I was actually hoping I could have a word with you in my office?”

I pause and examine the hesitance in her face as she awaits my response. “Yes, of course.”

Her expression relaxes slightly in relief. “Great.”

I follow her quietly down the hall, smiling and bowing at a few volunteers who pass us along the way. Her office looks the same as ever – wood panelling, shelves of various sentimental knick-knacks, dusty files, and the ticking grandfather clock standing stubbornly in the corner.

“Take a seat.” She gestures, going around to the other side of desk. I sit as she proceeds to rummage through one of her drawers.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Sooyoung-shi, what’s this about?” I question, watching her as she continues to rummage.

“You’ll see.” She says. Finally, she pulls out a neatly wrapped box from the drawer and places it onto the desk in front of me.

I look from her to the box, back to her, confused. “What…”

“Happy birthday, Tiffany-shi.” Her smile is small, still slightly awkward.

“Huh?” My brows furrow. “How d