Chapter 14:

“I lost my mind, from the moment that I saw you! Oh everything except for you will get in slow motion!”

I felt the words pour from my mouth in chocolate filled velvety tones. It was so easy when I wasn’t in front of a crowd of eager, judging people. It was so suave and successful and fluent compared to the shaky voice that encompassed my public performances.

Baekhyun was by my side, leaning back and forth, nodding his head a few times.

“I think it’s good. I think we should put some adlibbing around the ‘baby’ parts at the beginning and the ones that reappear,” he advised.

I situated my guitar on my lap, watching him.

“It’s easy for you,” I informed him. “Your scratchy voice is perfect for that kind of tone.”

Baekhyun’s lips curved upwards breaking into a full grin. He was wearing a white t-shirt with navy sleeves, something in English scribbled on it.

We sat casually in the coffee shop with Chanyeol humming in the background as he made coffee for the select customers that were there for the day.

So far we managed to practice without my manager discovering us.

School topped with everything had lately given us a ridiculous amount of stress, especially me from what I knew. I had to write this song for Baekhyun and me, work at a job, complete the ludicrous amount of homework assigned by our insane teachers, worry about my parents, sort out my bipolar feelings for Jongin and try not to go crazy.

“Kyungsoo, I seriously think you degrade your singing skills way more than you should,” Baekhyun declared, laughing. “Honestly, you’ve got one of the best voices I’ve ever heard.”

“True story!” Chanyeol called whilst grinding coffee beans from the back.

“Minus nerves of steel,” I added. “It doesn’t matter if I have a great voice if I can’t sing in front of a crowd.”

Baekhyun waved his hand in dismissal.

“You just need to worry less,” he counseled. “Besides, you already wrote a great song! I can’t believe how amazing it’s come together with perfectly flowing lyrics and rhythm. How’d you do it?”

I started blinking, my eyes widened to their stereotypical deer-in-the-headlights size. Remembering how I came up with it started to bring a blush to my cheeks and I tried my best to not look flustered but Byun Baekhyun picked up on it oh-so quickly.

“Or should the real question be who did you base it off of?” He asked, his thin lips already mischievously twisting to the side.

“N-No one obviously,” I started, already knowing he knew.

“So is Jongin aware of this…or…?” Baekhyun was already dying on the ground laughing.

Chanyeol was quick to amble over and give the brunette a quick high-five before returning to make some impatient customer the rest of her coffee.

“What, that half the song is about him?” I wondered, raising my eyebrows as my cheeks calmed down and returned to their normal, pale color.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answered with a snicker. “Does he?”

I sighed, feeling my tiny fingers shake while I placed the acoustic guitar down on the ground. Then I proceeded to run my hands through my hair, closing my eyes and tilting my head backwards. The topic about to be introduced was the one that kept me up most nights if I ever thought about it.

“Really, I honestly don’t know how I feel about him,” I remarked casually.

Baekhyun stopped laughing, holding back now and tried to get more serious.

“In what way?” He inquired.

“Any way,” I replied. “I think that I feel strongly for him. I’ve never felt so, I don’t know if comforted is the word but, relaxed with anyone but him. I feel as though he’s the closest I’ve ever had to a best friend.”

“Or a lover,” Baekhyun jokes, covering his mouth and laughing for nearly the hundredth time within the last hour.

“Baekhyun,” I whined. “Please, I don’t even know what love is.”

“Song title!” Baekhyun suddenly cried.

“I don’t even know what love is,” I skeptically repeated.

“No,” Baekhyun argued triumphantly. “What is Love!”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Okay, fine. Whatever,” I agreed, silently actually thinking it was a good idea.

“So back to Jongin,” Baekhyun immediately spoke. “I still don’t understand how you guys clicked.”

Chuckling was heard from behind us.

“Well,” Chanyeol explained. “Kyungsoo spilled coffee on his so I have no idea why Jongin hasn’t killed him yet. But hey, I guess we get to occasionally hang with the popular people (person) so I’m not complaining.”

I resisted the urge to smack him and place my head in my hands.

“So…” Baekhyun trailed for a few seconds before continuing. “Do you like like him…like, are you gay?”

I threw my hands in the air in frustration.

“I don’t even freaking know!” I cried overdramatically, then giving an apologetic look to the customer leaving. “Is that bad?”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun exchanged amused and pitiful glances with each other.

“Maybe you’re bi!” Chanyeol excitedly suggested.

He and Baekhyun snickered a few times, guffawing like demented seals before calming again.

“That’s not helping,” I replied with an eyebrow raised. “Aren’t you guys my friends?”

“Of course,” Baekhyun answered. “But I think every normal person in this world at least knows their ual orientation.”

I sighed.

“Maybe I was straight at one point in my life and then you two happened,” I remarked.

“So you are gay!” Chanyeol concluded.

“God dammit! No, I never said that,” I corrected him, annoyed that he assumed but still overtaken by the thought now.

“You know some people are straight but there’s one person that they’re homoual for and they just can’t help it,” Baekhyun informed me.

I raked my hands through my hair again.

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” I groaned.

“Well, I can tell you this Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun leaned in and so did I. “The way Jongin looks at you is the kind of look that says ‘I’m staring at the most interesting person in the entire world and he’s mine and only mine.’”

Jongin and I liked to play this one game. It had to do with our hats.

When I returned his Boston hat that he leant to me he jokingly knocked it upwards in an effort to piss me off, however I reached out and caught his hand, leaving his fingers lightly grazing the brim of the cap.

“If that’s how you want to play,” he laughed.

So from then on, whenever we greeted each other and we were both wearing our hats, we tried to either knock them off of each other or block each other’s attack and the first to do it won. However, if we both tried to block an attack, we both lost.

It was doing this I realized that Jongin was a lot like a kid. I was so used to him appearing extremely serious and expressionless that I never thought about the fact that he was only a sophomore in high school.

We surprisingly didn’t have that hyung-dongsaeng relationship either. Jongin refused to use honorifics and because of his uncanny maturity I often mistook him for being the same age.

“God you ,” Jongin told me after I lost the second time that day.

I had to admit, I couldn’t look at him properly after the conversation with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. All of a sudden, his attractive features were accentuated now and I involuntarily felt my knees occasionally buckle.

“H-Ha…Ha…yeah,” I answered him. “Sorry about that.”

Jongin shifted his weight, watching me incredulously.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You haven’t hit me or insulted me.”

It was occasional for me to actually apologize or get along with him. I was stupid to think he wouldn’t notice that something was wrong.

But of course I wasn’t about to give that any answers.

“Hmm? I’m feeling okay, I guess,” I told him. “I think I’m just hungry.”

Jongin reached into his back pocket and pulled out the energy bar that I give him before first hour. He held it out, offering it to me.

“Please,” I said. “I don’t want to know what you’ll be like if you can’t be eating 24/7.”

Jongin’s hand didn’t move. In fact, his face was still hard.

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “Lunch is in an hour and a half.”

Jongin glared at me with a deadly, icy expression as he undid the wrapper of the bar, pulling out the food with extreme force.

“Oh no you don’t,” I asserted, backing away. “Don’t think about it Jongin!”

It was too late though because he was already wrestling me and it was a battle of dominance that I had no hope of winning in the next century.

“Eat it you !” Jongin forcefully demanded.

He had one hand gripping my elbow, leaning over me so I was bent backwards while his other hand was trying to stuff the energy bar in my mouth. The hold was gentler than it looked but impossible to escape from.

My left hand was already stuck out and wrapped around his wrist in an attempt to hold him back (that failed).

And our faces were relatively close and I felt like I could feel his beating heart, or perhaps it was mine.

Eventually he stuffed it into my mouth because I was frozen on the spot, immobile. The other half was still sticking out of my lips and I ripped it off with record speed and stuffed the remains into Jongin’s mouth, smirking in triumph.

We both chewed, watching each other intently, basking in individual victories.

Then we realized we were still awkwardly close and pried ourselves from each other’s body.

I found that sitting in class, especially sixth hour class, was something that I did not enjoy. Learning used to be something that I didn’t mind and occasionally I found it intriguing. But the more the teachers piled the excessive work, the less charm that school possessed.

It was cliché and awful, but I spent most of my time in class watching the clock. Most of the material consisted of things that I knew anyway and I was just going to end up doing a bunch of homework at home.

The bell rang, releasing us from our cave of awfulness. I tried to refrain from sprinting to the door like the other students so I settled with a speed walk.

It was when I was walking home, past the school gates that I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it wasn’t Jongin because he was staying after to help Kris with their math project.

“Ah, Do Kyungsoo,” an unfamiliar voice greeted me.

I snapped my head around, instinctively shaking the hand off of my shoulder.

“What? You’re not into that?”

It was a boy with shaggy black hair, wearing the same uniform as me. However, it was more disheveled looking, resembling his hair in clothing form.

“Into what?” I hissed at him, not welcoming this treatment from a stranger.

If he was about to bully me, he was going to be sadly mistaken. I was not about to be tormented easily and if he was alone, beating me up wasn’t going to be the best option either.

“You know,” he whispered. “Guys.”

I took notice of his unnaturally crooked teeth before responding.

“What would you know?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow and then looking back at the school gate.

“That you’re a gay- ,” he growled at me, suddenly changing his tone into something unfriendly and uninviting.

I folded my arms. Who was he to call me gay? I hadn’t even done anything ual with a guy.

“With what evidence?” I wondered. “Why the hell would you even think that? Do I even ing know you?”

“Oh please,” he remarked. “It’s obvious.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Okay,” I continued. “Even if I was, why would it matter to you?”

The boys look turned even dark.

“Because you’re a who doesn’t deserve to live. Gays are the scum of society and have no purpose. They go against every law of human nature.”

My not amused expression didn’t seem to be getting to him,

“’Kay, I’m done talking to you,” I informed him, pushing past his body and beginning to walk him.

“You’re a queer! You should just go kill yourself! Why do you even bother living?!” He called after me loudly and I hoped no one on the street was hearing this.

I would have liked to say that what he said didn’t affect me but I felt my calf involuntarily twitch a few times as I walked away and my fist shook.

I should have anticipated at least something. However, I was a naïve person.

Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s text were too late.  The next day, I looked at my phone when I arrived at the gate.

Don’t come to school today! No matter what!

As I walked through, a body collided with mine and I was relieved that it was Chanyeol’s tall but his frightened expression was enough to make me halt.

“Why’d you come?” He demanded.

“Wh-What?” I asked, feeling worry flood through my body like a raging, uncontrollable river that was about to overflow.

“Th-They’re…” Chanyeol trailed off and I realized everyone was glaring at me.

“What…” I murmured while I tugged on Chanyeol’s sleeve, trying to get him to walk.

“Gay.”

“.”

“ing queer.”

“Trying to infect everyone.”

I felt my eyes water. I’d never had so many people against me saying harsh feelings. People passed, glaring at me, exchanging dirty looks with their friends and periodically dropping an insulting word.

What happened? I couldn’t believe what was going on.

“Ch-Chanyeol?” I begged. “What’s …what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol quickly remarked. “But Baek and I were here early you know, like normal, but there was some rumor going on.”

“What?” I hissed.

Immediately, I already thought of the boy I met the other day

I bit my lip, my jaw shaking.

“How could you do that Kyungsoo? I thought you were better?” A girl I hardly knew told me, walking by and chewing her gum.

Then I noticed that it was the girl who told me about Jongin the first day he harassed me.

I ran forward and pulled her arm which grabbed the attention of multiple people.

“What did I do wrong?” I growled at her.

“You that poor boy!” She screamed.

I pulled back as I was surrounded by people, a crowd of hateful students, all glaring at me as if I actually committed such an act. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t have that type of reputation. How could they be doing this to me?

Chanyeol was nowhere in sight as I desperately searched around while they chanted at me horrible phrases.

“Kill yourself! Kill yourself!”

Finally, I made a desperate break through the crowd, not even realizing that I was crying my eyes out. I didn’t stop until I turned the corner and charged into the hopefully empty bathroom.

There was a boy washing his hands but the moment he saw me he made a squeamish jerk and bolted out the door.

My forehead hit the wall and I slid down, burying my head in my arms and resting in a fetal position. Never had I been so humiliated and bullied and hated in my entire life.

Was this how those kids who committed suicide felt every day.

My heavy, heart wrenching sobs could probably be heard a million miles away which why someone opened the door.

Instinctively, I twisted to hide my face from the intruder but then their voice widened my eyes and my head sprang up.

“K-Kyung…” Jongin trailed.

And like that he instantly dropped to his knees in front of me, cupping my face in his hands while I shivered and wailed.

“I s-swear! I didn’t d-do it! J-Jong, I swear!” I bawled, clutching his shirt and breaking free from his hands so I could bury my head into the front of his uniform.

“I know,” he whispered into my hair, his chin resting on top of my head. “And I’ll ing kill them all.”

But I didn’t allow him to move because I gripped his shirt tightly, hiccupping and drenching his uniform.

“Please don’t cry,” he continued. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“I know,” I stammered. “I-I’m sorry, I’ve just never…I’ve never dealt with…”

He allowed me to trail off while his hands found my back and rubbed comforting circles and patterns, designs that I couldn’t figure out at the moment.

I didn’t know where he learned to be so consoling or why his presence made my breathing more even. His warmth transferred to my cold skin, radiated.

I was positioned in between both his knees and this was the closest I’d ever been to another human being in a long while and I hoped to stay like this forever.

“Hey,” he mumbled with his low voice. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Jongin pulled his face downwards so his lips grazed my forehead. They then pressed into it, kissing just above my eyebrows.

“And don’t think anything different,” he finished.

.

.

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A/N: The did I just write? This was supposed to be fluffy at one point in time…okay anyway. I have problems with making plots excessively dramatic. So, comment, review, etc. Critique. I actually wrote something (relatively) long. This was going to be longer but it’s midnight right now OTL and I have an AP test tomorrow. I’m just waiting for the day in English when we’re gonna get a creative writing assignment and I’m gonna write about gay kaisoo love. Hahaha…sooo… (Don't shoot me for some major grammar mistakes...I will edit when I have time in life)