"Yah, what are you saying...?"

"Maybe Sungyeol was right after all. Maybe I should've listened to my dad and not to take this path. Then things would be different."

I let myself breathe calmly for a moment. I was really nearing my limit. I was hoping Hoya would spare me from these feelings but in the end, there's nothing we could do about it.

"You'd rather not meet us than facing this?"

"It'd be easier that way, don't you think?"

"What's the use of saying these, Howon-ah? You can't turn back time."

"Can I not have some wishes?" Bitter.

"Listen to yourself. Is this the Lee Howon that I know?" I laughed wryly.

"What are you expecting from me?" He said, almost angrily.

"I was expecting you to act like a grown-up."

"How is lying to yourself that everything's going to be alright is being like a grown-up?" He spouted out and hung up on me.

Am I lying to myself?

In one way, it could be said as a lie.

I mean, I'm not even certain that Sunggyu-hyung will wake up.

Or even if he wakes up, will he be the same Gyu-hyung?

Is having some faith the same as lying to yourself?

But it'd be sad not being able to hold onto something, even if it's just a tiny scrap of hope.

Yes, I believe things would work out somehow.

Hoya rang me. I picked up after the chorus almost ended. I said nothing.

"I'm sorry."

I let out a small 'hmm'.

"I had a dream yesterday, hyung, about Sunggyu-hyung."

"What was it about?"

"I dreamed that when we were performing on stage, he suddenly called our names, turned to us and then he disappeared."

"It's just a dream."

"It felt real."

"It means Sunggyu-hyung misses you, Howon."

"You think so?"

"It's what people say."

"Did he come into your dream?"

How do I tell him every single night I dream of Sunggyu-hyung's voice?

"No, he didn't."

"Then he only misses me."

"Lucky."

"Haha."

"Are you at the beach?"

"Yeah. It feels nice to walk along the beach and then I started dancing."

"Isn't there anyone around?"

"There are people walking by but they don't pay attention to me. Probably they don't recognize me. Haha."

"How could Busan people not know the Busan ambassador Lee Howon?" I laughed.

"Well, if they choose not to recognize me, they won't." Hoya said quietly.

"We can't blame them, Howon. They must not know what to say to us either."

"But they know what to say on the internet."

"And you read them all?"

"Can't help it. It's all over the internet."

 "You'll get hurt."

"Aren't we already hurt hyung?"

True. Truth is, it hurts so bad. I don't blame the people, the netizen or anyone else. But at times like this, it'd be nice if people could just smile, without that look in their eyes that I can't really explain. The eyes that seem scared to even look at me.

But not all things are bad. We still have Inspirits who is rooting for us. They keep on leaving their words of support and those words are enough to make me stand my ground to keep this faith that Sunggyu-hyung will definitely come back.

"How's things at home?" I asked Hoya, watching some kids playing with a dog.

"Nothing unusual... I'm helping out at the restaurant every other day, practicing and hanging out with some close friends."

"You have friends?" I made it sound as if I was shocked.

"Of course I do have friends." He said flatly. "It's good to be home like this but my heart is over there with everyone."

"Ewww... greasy."

"Woohyun is infectious. I feel like punching myself right now. Hahaha. How's he anyway?"

"I'm not sure. He has been discharged but he didn't contact me."

"The kids?"

"They're good." I smiled to myself. "Give Sungjong a call later on okay? That kid has been thinking too much."

"I will. Take care hyung."

"You too."

***

The next day we went to visit Sunggyu-hyung but it was really brief since his mother was there. We pardoned ourselves and drove to Woohyun's house, only to hear that he wasn't at home.

"When will he come back?"

"I'm not sure. I think he went to some friend's house." Boohyun said.

"Do you know where that is?"

"I tried to ask but he wouldn't tell."

I looked at the kids. "Try giving him a call."

Sungyeol took out his phone and dialled his number, looking at me and then he furrowed his eyebrows. "He's not picking up."

"Let me try." Sungjong said and after a few moments, he shouted. "Ah! He switched off his phone!"

We kept on looking at each other. "Maybe he just needs some space."

That wasn't convincing to any of us, judging by the looks on each other's faces.

Throughout the night, I kept on trying to call Woohyun. Sometimes it will ring; sometimes he will switch it off again. I finally texted him.

- Yah! What are you doing? Pick up your phone!

He didn't reply.

- Oi Nam Woohyun, at least reply me.

After a good 20 minutes, a text