Date: One fine day~

Mood: Being a hyung is tough

Music: -

I was discharged today so I went home. It's been quite a while since I went home. Mum greeted me with her teary eyes and made a lot of my favourite foods. It was good to be back in my old room. I lied on my back in my room, staring up the ceiling, wondering how the others are doing. Hoya went back to Busan a few days earlier. Sungyeol, L, and Sungjong are probably at home too. Woohyun and Sunggyu-hyung are still in the hospital. I wonder if Woohyun went to visit Sunggyu-hyung on his own...

He might end up crying again...

I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I sat up and looked out my window, unable to take off my mind of the others. I washed my face and went out of the house and I made no effort to even hide my face and everything. My neighbours saw me and they kept on whispering. I don't know what they were saying but surely they were talking about Infinite.

I walked aimlessly that evening. I didn't care how many pictures that people took of me. They didn't bother to come up and ask me things though. I sat on a bench near the park and watched people walking by, or rather, they were watching me. When our eyes met, I tried to smile but it was a bit painful. I never knew faking a smile could hurt this much.

I walked towards home; I kept looking at my shoes all the way home.

"Mum, I'm borrowing your car tomorrow." Mum looked at me, her eyes were suggesting that she didn't want to lend me her car but she nodded and smiled at me.

I went out of the house in the morning and went to Sungyeol's house. I rang the bell and his younger brother came to the door.

"Hyung." He said, looking a bit surprised.

"Is Sungyeol in?" I asked.

"Yes, he is... but," he looked behind him and then turned to me. "He's not doing that well."

Daeyeol opened the door wide for me and asked me to come in. "Sungyeol-hyung has been locking himself in his room ever since he came back from the hospital the other day."

I went up to Sungyeol's room and knocked on his door. "Lee Sungyeol, it's hyung. Can I come in?"

No answer. I knocked again and glanced at Daeyeol who shrugged. "Sungyeol-ah?"

I knocked on his door continuously.

He finally opened the door and shot a glare at me. "What?" He scowled.

"Good to see you too." I said.

"Why are you here?" He complained and turned back and lied down on his bed, putting a pillow over his face.

I looked around his room and then sat the chair near his desk. There were pictures of Infinite everywhere on the wall. It was quite hard to see Sunggyu-hyung among them. I kept thinking about him lying on the hospital bed.

"How are you." I said without really asking him that.

"Fine." He muffled.

"You don't look fine though." It was true, he looked rather stressed out. Well, no one can blame him for that.

"I'm okay." He complained. "Don't worry about me. I wasn't in the van, remember?" He said.

I looked down my feet and fell quiet. There was a moment of silence before Sungyeol sat up and stared at the wall ahead him.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"It's okay." I said and looked at him.

He turned and smiled weakly. "I'm sorry." He leaned against the bed's head and stared ahead him.

"Is it true about what Hoya said? That Sunggyu-hyung called..." He fiddled with his blanket.

"Yes. He was calling for us before anything else." I said. His voice seemed so vivid in my head I could replay it over and over again.

"I see." He put his arm over his eyes. "I wish I was there."

"Sunggyu-hyung wouldn't want you to be there." I said.

"You think so?" He said. "Probably it would be better if I was the one in Sunggyu-hyung's seat. Then things wouldn't be that complicated."

"What do you mean?"

"Infinite can't survive without Kim Sunggyu but if there's no Lee Sungyeol, it won't matter much."

I stood up and went to his bed and took a pillow and hit him repeatedly.

"Yah hyung what are you doing?" He shrieked.

"Try saying that again; and I wil