Title: Unrequited 
Pairing: onesided! Sehun/Jongin
Summary: idk really know lol i wrote this at 2am
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1, 051
Status: Complete

Sehun hates him. 

He hates the fact that anything concerning Jongin affects him so greatly. 

He hates how watching Jongin hold hands with some faceless girl tugs at his heart and he wishes it didn't bother him but it does. 

He hates it so much when Jongin holds his hand in the same way but the meaning is nothing but friendly affection. 

He absolutely hates it when Jongin smiles his beautiful smile at people that aren't him because Sehun should be the only person to see that smile. 

He hates it even more that he feels that way because it's so selfish of him to want Jongin all to himself when he doesn't deserve someone like him. 

And he hates himself for falling in love, so deeply in love with Jongin.

Lunch period is almost over when Jongin finally decides to show up under the oak tree they always eat under. Sehun had just finished eating as Jongin slowly jogs his way towards him, his radiant smile gracing his tanned face. The younger boy barely looks up as Jongin sits down, too busy packing his lunch away but he feels a warmth spread throughout his body when Jongin places a hand on his back as he speaks.

"Hey, I forgot to tell you I was having lunch with Soojung today. I hope you don't mind."

Soojung.

Sehun tightly clenches his fists around the boxed lunch he's holding when Jongin utters the name. She's Jongins current girlfriend and longest relationship. Usually Sehun doesn't worry too much when Jongin has a girlfriend because they don't stay his girlfriend for long. His relationships never last so to Sehun, Soojung is a threat. A threat to what he's not too sure. 

But what makes Soojung different from all the other girls Jongin dates is that she's a lot more independent and down to earth. Sehun remembers listening to the nasally voices of Jongins past girlfriends as they beg for him to spend time with them. With Soojung, she didn't demand Jongins time. Jongin gives her so much of his time that she never has to ask. And Sehun felt stupid for disliking Soojung so much when he knows how much of an amazing person she is. 

Sehun musters up a bored expression, a mask to cover the hurt he feels and looks up to reply.

"It's fine. You're such a messy eater anyway, I hate cleaning up after you."

Jongins smile brightens even more as he ruffles Sehuns hair in retaliation to the little insult.

It's Sunday afternoon and Sehun is alone. Jongin was supposed to come over for video games and movies but ditched last minute to spend time with Soojung. Sehun struggles to suppress the urge to flip a table as he hangs up the phone. He shouldn't be surprised. It's the third time Jongin had done this so he shouldn't be bothered. 

He spends the afternoon trying to convince him-self that he shouldn't be bothered about Jongin spending time with his girlfriend instead of him. Soojung is his girlfriend, you are his best friend. He repeats that sentence in his head like a mantra, trying in vain to ease the constriction of his lungs but it only makes it harder to breathe. 

After what seemed like centuries of contemplating, Sehun had finally resolved to make new friends. He thought that constantly waiting on Jongin and revolving his schedule around the elder male made him seem pretty pathetic.

And making new friends wasn't as hard as he thought it was. Jongin hadn't been around much, which gave Sehun plenty of time to befriend a few people. Sure, a few of them were weird but Sehun was pretty ing weird himself so he felt like he didn't really have the right to judge. They were good company and he felt comfortable with them. He wondered why he never became friends with them earlier but deep down he knows it's because Jongin was all he needed.

After spending some time with Zitao and Kyungsoo they had introduced Sehun to their university friends. He was a little skeptical at first since the guys were a few years older and probably didn't want to hang out with some kid in high school but the warm smiles from Joonmyun and the amused grins from Baekhyun told him otherwise. Through them, Sehun had met Luhan. He had thought Luhan was another high school student but when he opened his mouth to spurt profanities about the amount of work a university student had to deal with he was pleasantly surprised.

When they had first met, Luhan gave him an inquisitive look before he made a snarky comment.

"Why do we keep opening our circle of friends to high school students?"

"You mean high school students that look older than you?"

Luhan raised a brow at Sehun and grinned. 

"Touché my new friend, touché."

The more time Sehun spent with his new friends the less time he spent with Jongin. He tried to ignore the fact that Jongin doesn't ask about it. Like he doesn't really care about what was going on with Sehun. They rarely even eat lunch together, the tree shade occupied by Kyungsoo and Zitaos company instead. Where Jongin is he doesn’t know and he tries so hard to push away the images of him with Soojung. But it gets to him. It's not fair that Sehun invests so much time and effort in caring about Jongin when his efforts aren't equally returned. 

So he distracts himself. His friendship with Luhan had blossomed quite nicely as the two hung out. Sometimes they hung out with the rest of the group; sometimes it would just be the two of them. And sometimes they would hold hands while other times they would share shy kisses.

He doesn't know how he feels about it at first but he decides he likes the feeling. 

He likes the feeling of sharing warmth with someone. 

He likes the feeling of holding hands with the intention of conveying emotions indescribable by words. 

He really likes how his feelings are returned and it makes him feel giddy and bursting with happiness. 

And he really likes Luhan. 

So for a little while he forgets about Jongin and the pain he inflicts because it hurts a little less.

// i wrote this at 2am don't judge me idk i felt like angst