Part of me was ready to tell Suho that it was okay now, but the other part of me was hesitant. What if he really did like me? I’ve just been using him the whole time. I felt pretty terrible about it now I’d thought through the circumstances. I knew he used to like me, way back when I started working at the restaurant, but a little crush like that couldn’t last so long could it? I wasn’t so sure. It felt a little weird that he’d suddenly asked me to go out with him to make Jongin jealous… would a friend really do something like that for a friend? I had no idea.

 “What’s wrong?” Luhan asked, his head lying on the desk, a bored expression on his face.

 “I don’t know what to do about Suho…” I muttered, running my fingers through my already messy hair. Luhan sighed, sitting up.

 “Why?”

 “I don’t know. I think he might-”

 “Like you? Yes he does.” Luhan cut me off. I groaned, letting my head drop to the table.

 “What do I do?” I whined.

 “About what?” Jongin’s familiar voice chimed in from behind my back.

 “Nothing, I-”

 “He doesn’t know what to do about Suho. Since you two are so madly in love now he thinks he should call it off, but he doesn’t want to hurt Suho.” Luhan cut in again. I elbowed him sharply in the ribs. He yelped in pain, mumbling a sorry then backing off to his own desk. I was about to speak again, when Jongin cut me off by grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards his office. Inquisitive eyes watched us as I was dragged through the corridor and struggled to keep my balance. He finally let go once he’d shut the door to his office and we were alone.

 “Why did you-”

 “Do you like Suho?” Jongin mumbled, eyes downcast on the floor. I sighed, annoyed I was being interrupted so much today. I immediately softened up as I looked at the slight vulnerability that the man in front of me showed.

 “No, but I can’t hurt him.” I said, dropping down into one of the leather seats, “I don’t know what to do.” I pressed a cool palm against my throbbing forehead.

 “Just break up with him.” Jongin spoke up after a while, taking a seat behind his desk. I narrowed my eyes a little, the slight obnoxiousness in his tone annoying me.

 “Why should I?” I asked, regretting my words a little as hurt flashed through Jongin’s eyes for a split second, but I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to be easy.

 “Because, I told you I remembered. Not everything but I’m getting there.” He told me, resting his chin on his palms.

 “But do you remember how you felt about me?” His eyes widened in shock and he stayed silent for a while, so I spoke again. “You told me you remembered about me, but what about how you felt? Do you like me? Love me? Or are you just acting out the past?” He stared at me; apparently I’d made him think.

 “I-I…” He stumbled over his words a little and I looked down at the floor. I’d expected some sort of confession, not this. “I don’t know.” I nodded, picking at the leather seat.

 “I’ll go then.” I muttered, standing up and leaving the room quickly.

***

Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just keep my mouth shut.

I sat at a table in the coffee shop with Suho to my right and Sehun to my left. Luhan and Jongin sat across from us. I hadn’t planned for Jongin to be here, or Luhan. Sehun saw them enter the shop and insisted that they came to sit with us, probably because he’s still a little jealous of Jongin spending time with Luhan since neither he nor Luhan had confessed yet.

I coughed, shifting in my seat. Jongin was shooting daggers and Suho who didn’t seem to notice and kept smiling and chatting to Luhan and Sehun. Me and Jongin sat in silence. I kicked his leg, narrowing my eyes at him, he yelped and mouthed ‘what?!’. I rolled my eyes, sighing then shaking my head and slumping in my seat.

 “Oh, Kyungsoo,” Suho’s voice saved me from the awkward atmosphere, “I have to get back to work, I’ll call you later, okay?” He stood up, gathering his coat and bag before saying his goodbyes. Sehun and Luhan, who seemed to finally pick up on the awkward atmosphere made an excuse and quickly fled from the store.

 “Oh, wow, look at the time. Looks like I better get back to work.” I muttered.

 “Not so fast, Do Kyungsoo.” Jongin said, his eye brows knitted together with an irritated look on his face.

 “I have a lot to do…” I stood up.

 “Sit down.” He growled. By instinct I did so, pouting a little.

 “It won’t take long.” His voice softened this time. I nodded, waiting to hear what he had to say.

 “About what you said today,” He started. “I don’t know why I didn’t answer you straight away. I like you.” He said, plainly. I tilted my head to the side.

 “Just like?” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He nodded his face indifferent.

 “Okay. If that’s all then I need to get back to work.” I muttered, picking up my bag.

 “Wait, if that’s all? I just told you I like you and that’s all you can say?” He asked the same shocked look on his face from earlier on. I didn’t say anything. Turning to leave I ignored his calls and made my way back across to the office. Was I making a big deal out of nothing? Part of me expected him to tell me he loved me, like he used to. I kicked at the pavement irritably. I had no idea what to do. I wanted the old Kim Jongin back, the one that was stupidly cheesy and told me he loved me everyday. The one that would awkwardly make me dance with him to SHINee or Girls’ Generation and begged me to cook for him. I knew he was slowly turning back into the old Jongin I loved and knew so well, but couldn’t help feeling desperate for him to come back quicker. I still wasn’t used to my apartment feeling so empty or my bed being so cold in the middle of the night. Or the icy look on his face and stuck up attitude. It was slowly disappearing and being replaced by that good old knowing smirk and joy filled expression, but it was too slow and I didn’t know if I could wait much longer.

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