STOP! THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE :D Go back one more chapter!!

 I know it’s wrong of me to do this, but I couldn’t help but look inside her diary. I mean, what if it wasn’t hers? I had to make sure.

“Are you sure you want to look inside? I mean, isn’t that invasion of privacy?” Su Ho comments as he nods at the diary. I already know who it belongs to, and it wouldn’t hurt to check if it really belonged to Zi Ying.

I keep quiet and leave the two Koreans to talk between them. I had more important matters at hand – literally. The weight of this diary isn’t kidding. It’s thick and heavy. The pages from the beginning of the book are old with age – some of it even curling and grey.

There is a ribbon that binds the opening of the book together and I pull it apart easily. I can tell from my peripherals that Su Ho and Chan Yeol are just as intrigued as I am. But what does it matter to them anyway? It’s not like they can understand Chinese.

As I flip the diary open, I realise that the first 50 pages – at least – is stapled together tightly. I’m momentarily confused, but I push it aside and try to see if this diary actually belongs to Zi Ying. So far I can’t find any names that are standing out for me.

I frown slightly when a loose page flaps out slightly from the stapled bullet.

24^th August 2004

It’s been 8 months since he left. My heart is left open like a bleeding organ. I don’t know when or how I can stop it, but the pain still seeps into my dreams. I have nightmares each time I close my eyes. I’ve grown incredibly close to Tao Zi through this period of time. It’s been hard trying to be the stronger one – Tao still cries to himself at night.

At least I’m not crying anymore. I know Mommy and Daddy are quietly suffering because of our loss. I’m determined to get better, but I’m not sure if now is the right time. I remember trying so hard to find out where he went. I just wanted to know why.

It came as a shock to everyone – I think our family had it the worst. I’m still wondering why I’m penning this down. It seems to be the only plausible therapeutical exercise I can do to relieve some pain.

I’m not suffering from any physical ailment. I’m emotionally and mentally torn apart.

I wish you could come home, Wu Fan. I miss you terribly.

My eyes boggled at the sight of the entry. It is Zi Ying’s. I’m suddenly breathing deeply, trying to calm my emotions down. Chan Yeol and Su Ho are quiet and looking at me, slightly alarmed.

“Hyung, you okay?” Su Ho asks softly, placing a soft hand on my shoulder. I nod quickly and turn to the next entry. I don’t understand…

26^th August 2005

So here we are, in South Korea. A year has passed since the incident and I’m not quite sure why Tao Zi and I are here. I’m leaning towards the fact that our parents needed some time alone to recuperate from everything.

I don’t blame them for doing this. I think Tao and I really needed the change too. Seoul is very happening. The people here are very friendly, and are accepting of Tao and me.

Our school is wonderful – lots of funny and humorous classmates. I think I made a friend today. Her name is Hee Jin. She’s such a bubbly girl and makes me smile with her little notes.

She had me sit with her during lunch and I could tell that she was trying hard to talk to me, even though my Korean is terrible. She’s helping me so much I feel indebted to her already.

Tao Zi seems to be fitting in as well – he’s got this friend, Baek Hyun or something. They have a lot in common and I see them chatting happily lunch breaks.

I’m actually happy here.

The more I’m reading this, the more mind blown I am. She’s been here all along? And Tao was even friends with Baek Hyun before they became trainees? What the hell! I’m suddenly angry. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling the bubbling sensation build in my tummy.

“Whoa hyung,” Chan Yeol whispers loudly. He shoves a straw through my lips and into my mouth, forcing me to drink. “Calm down, you look like you’re about to murder someone,”

After I let my mind run in overdrive for a while, I came to the realisation that I shouldn’t even be allowing myself such emotions.

I let out a shaky breath and snatch the book back from him, making sure to do it as quick as possible, and without touching his fingers. Being in such close proximity is causing a panic attack to erupt. I’m frustrated that I am feeling this way, but this unforeseen circumstance has me indefinitely unprepared.

My heart is unguarded, and I am vulnerable to his presence. I don’t want him to see me like this. I actually have no wish of meeting the person who caused my family to fall apart into what it was. As much as the deepest part of my heart yearned to be in his embrace, I was once burnt, twice shy – badly. I am never going back to that time in my life again.

“Did you read this?” I whisper to him, unable to look into his eyes. He doesn’t answer me and I am forced to look at his face. He has an unreadable expression – something I’m not familiar with. “I asked you a question – did you read it?”

Wu Fan’s mouth opens and closes. By now, almost all the boys are crowded around us; curious as to what’s going on between him and me. Tao keeps his grip on me tight. I’m very sure he’s dealing with this better than I am.

“I – I opened it to check who it belonged to and I came across two entries. I promise I didn’t go past the res--,” Wu Fan is stopped short when my hand comes into contact with his cheek. The slap is so loud that it resonates throughout the room, causing everyone to come to a silence.

I’m seething with anger and humiliation. My palm stings, but I don’t give a damn. I forcefully push my way out of the training room in tears. I don’t care about the people telling me to stop, or the people I’m bumping into.

I look to Wu Fan and I feel sorry for him.

It wouldn’t have made much of a difference if I hit him, but a girl just owned the crap out of him. And I was beyond elated, because that girl is my sister.

One slap was all it took for all the emotions I had harboured against him to flow freely. It was as if that slap had served its justice. It was a good feeling. Like they say – revenge is sweet.

I’m still reeling in from Zi Ying’s reaction. For once I am void of emotion. I barely heard what Tao said to me, but somehow it seemed to have floated in settled itself in the crevices of my mind.

He was right. I am a horrible, horrible person. I thought that leaving quietly would’ve been better. I knew how much they were doing for me and I didn’t want that anymore. I couldn’t depend on them for the rest of my life. I felt bad, indebted… Unable to give them back what they gave to me.

“What just happened?” Se Hun asks timidly, looking slightly scared. Lu Han shrugs and slinks an arm around his waist and rests his head on his shoulder. “Kris hyung – are you okay?” Se Hun asks again and I nod.

I bring a hand to my cheek and feel it swelling under my touch. For someone so small, the strength put into that slap was incredible. I’m surprised she could even reach up to my face.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Baek Hyun mentions to me before running out of the room. Presumably after Tao, I’m guessing. After all, they did know each other before they became trainees. Unlike everyone here, I came in on my own.

For the first 6 months I was alone, until Yi Xing came. Then Lu Han and most of the other guys joined shortly after. Tao and Baek Hyun were one of the later ones, including Jong Dae.

“Baek Hyun’s right – at least help us understand the situation, maybe then we can help,” Yi Xing says empathetically, removing my hand from my cheek and surveying the swelling. “It’s going down, but I’ll get a cold cloth to help fasten the process,”

One by one the room empties itself, until I am left with just Lu Han and Se Hun. They seem to be stuck by the hipbones ever since they met, so it’s almost nearly impossible to see one without the other. Of course they’d stay behind together. If Lu Han needed to talk to someone in private, Se Hun had to be included. It was a good thing Se Hun’s lips were constantly sealed (besides the times he speaks with Lu Han).

“I’m piecing everything together here, and correct me if I’m wrong – but I’m presuming that you’ve known Tao and his sister for quite a while, right?” Lu Han indicates, frowning slightly. I hate it how he’s always on point. If he’s not looking lost – he’s always observant.

I nod, keeping my eyes glued to the tip of Se Hun’s shoes. The youngest gasps, before I hear the slap over his mouth. I look up and see Se Hun holding a hand tightly across his mouth, with his eyes as wide as paper plates.

“No wonder Tao never speaks to you,” he mumbles, looking at Lu Han for an agreement. Lu Han sighs and shrugs his shoulders before giving me a smile.

A/N: Huhuhuhuhu~ 

Are you happy with the triple update today? I figured that I wanted to put the story out as much as possible, and it didn't matter how many subscribers or views I got... As long as the story is out and ready for people to read, I'm more than happy to do so.

To my 6 subscribers, THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.

Here are some awesome gifs for you all:

Because Kris wants you with him....

And maknae too...

Kekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekekeke

Kris is all glory and it does not hurt. 

Okay Lay is cute too :3

(gifs aren't mine okay!)

BYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYE

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