I know Tao’s disappointed in me somehow. Whenever he wants to show me his dancing skills, I refuse or make up some lame excuse, simply because I don’t want to step into the company building. I know that deep down, emotionally; I won’t be able to take it.

I’m afraid I’ll see his face and of the emotions that threaten to pour out of me. I had spent a long time getting over the emptiness in my heart and I wasn’t ready to reopen it. Not just yet.

“But I’ll be debuting soon, you have to come down and meet the guys! I promise – he won’t be there,” Tao pleads with me over my mobile phone. I’m sitting in a café opposite their company building. Even sitting in the café gives me the shivers. “Please, jie, please! Just come now – he’s currently out with some other guys for their lunch break. I promise it’ll be really quick. I really want you to see me dance,”

I sigh and give up. I know that sooner or later I’d have to go in there anyways. I might as take the chance now – besides, he wasn’t there.

“All right, I’ll be there in 5 minutes,” I say, packing my belongings into my bag. “Which level are you at?”

“Level 4 – second training room to the right,” Tao gleefully responds, thanking me a million times. I walk out of the café and smile to myself. It’s been a while since I last heard Tao that happy.

I wait at the traffic light, waiting for the little green man to pop up. Whilst doing so, I get a buzz in my pocket. A message from Tao!

:D Thanks again, I promise you won’t be disappointed in me. – Tao Zi

I smile widely and replied it with a quick message. He used his nickname! I had no idea that just heading into the company to see him dance made him so happy.

The green man lighted up just as I dropped the phone into my bag. I look up to cross the road but instead, froze on the spot. I couldn’t will my legs to move.

Wu Fan is walking over with two of his friends. He doesn’t break eye contact with me the entire time he crosses the road. I suddenly felt like running home – but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do this to Tao again.

“Zi Ying, wait. Please listen to me,” Wu Fan rushes his words out of his mouth. His mandarin sounds accented and funny. “Zi Ying – I’m sorry. I’m really so--,”

“What’s was all that for?” Chan Yeol asks me, staring after Zi Ying’s back. After all these years and all she says to me is ‘leave me alone’? I’m baffled. I guess I didn’t expect such a response from her. She didn’t seem the type to shy away from me… She was… is… I’m not even sure myself… my best friend.

I thought she’d want to say hello to me. Was I that ugly? I can’t seem to stop the questions floating in my mind. It’s been eating me up ever since I saw her in the elevators the other day.

“Leave him alone, Chan Yeol,” Su Ho breaks his gaze away from me when he notices my discomfort. I quietly follow them to the café and take the usual spot by the window. Once we debut, we’ll probably be unable to sit here any longer. Incognito Wu Fan will take place.

I keep sighing and trying to stop my mind from overworking. Is it stupid to say that I’ve been losing sleep over this? I turn my back towards the SM building. I can’t bear to look at that side of the street. As I do so, I kick something small on the bottom of the table. Instinctively, I look and see a small notebook.

“What’s that?” Chan Yeol asks, peering closer at it. “It’s in a funny language I can’t read,” he says, furrowing his eyebrows.

I rush into the elevators and relax only when I see Tao in the practice room, concentrating on his reflection in the mirror. There are a lot of guys in the room, some looking at Tao, some sitting on the ground talking, some taking a breather and refreshing themselves.

“Hi, are you Tao’s sister?” a sweet looking boy asks me. I look into his eyes and am momentarily stunned. His voice is like tinkling bells; matches his profile very well. I nod when I realise I’ve been looking at him for too long.

I cast my gaze over his head and see Tao bounding across the room at me. He’s got a wide grin on his face, and he can’t help but drag me towards the boys. He introduces me at such a speed where I’m having trouble remembering some of their names.

“Okay, okay, okay~ let me show you my routine!” he excitedly tells me, forcing me to sit on a lonesome chair in the corner of the room. All the boys shuffle to the same corner and press themselves against the wall.

… What?

The music blares loudly in the dance room and I’m blown away. Tao’s doing a Wushu/dance routine to an electronica piece and it looks amazing.

I have no words for the brilliance coming out of Tao’s body. I’ve never seen anything like this before. When he ends, I’m stunned for words.

“So, what did you think?” Tao asks, catching his breath as he smiles at my reaction. “It’s pretty full on, but I think I’ve nailed most of it right.”

No wonder all the boys were pressing their bodies flat against the wall. Tao was flying and kicking across the room like a bird attacking its prey.

“I – wow – I – this is crazy stuff, Tao, wow,” I stutter, unable to string a sentence properly. I felt a glow in my heart and reached over to give my younger brother a big hug. “You were amazing, Tao Zi. I’m so proud of you,”

I feel tears springing to my eyes, so I furiously blink them away before Tao sees it. It’s crazy how we work but when I cry, Tao ends up bawling. It must be some sort of genetic defect our family has.

“Thanks, jie,” Tao replies, giving me a sheepish grin. I’m not one for compliments or praises, so something like this is rare for Tao. “I’ll continue to work hard and show you that your faith in me hasn’t gone to waste.”

I smile widely and give him another hug. “Tao Zi, I’m always proud of you.” I let go of him and hold him at arm’s length. “But this, this is something big. I don’t have words to explain what I feel right now, but I’m just so happy. I’m so happy for you.”

The sentimental moment between the two of us is cut short when the three I bumped into earlier, return to the room. I turn my sight away from the door and look down.

Why is it that every time something good happens to me, he has to appear and threaten to unwind the seams?

Tao steps in front of me protectively and puts an arm around my shoulders, walking me out of the room. I know he knows that I’m not ready for any of this yet. Just as I can smell the air outside of the training room, Wu Fan calls out to the both of us.

“Wait, Zi Ying – you dropped this,” he calls out and I can’t help but look. What did I drop? I search my bag and force myself to stay calm.