Eunhyuk gazed into the two-way mirror with his hands fidgeting inside either side of his pockets. His posture didn't have the usual confidence like he used to not nor did he have the powerful aura surrounding him. His head was hanging low - almost touching his shoulders, shoulders slumped which made him look a few inches shorter than he actually is. He had been standing there for almost half an hour because he doesn't have the courage to face the love of his life in there.

He knows that everyone around him is talking. All of them mostly was taking about him - as if he wasn't there. He closed his eyes and tried to be strong and face this. He turned his body and walked towards the door that was situated on his right with slow and heavy steps. When he was in front of the door, he slowly raised his hand until his fingers touches the cold surface of the metal doorknob. He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob and pushed the door slowly.

 
*Flashback*
 
 

In the eerie hallway, a man in all black attire is the only person seen sitting on the hard plastic bench. His hands were clasps together and he had his head bent down with a face of despair painted on it. His appearance with his unkempt hair and wrinkled clothing made him look as if he's been there for a very long time even if he has only been there for about four to five hours hours. With is messy appearance and his unnatural pale complexion, someone could easily mistake him for a ghost but no one was there to witness his non-existent death.
 
He would pace back and forth in front of the large glass doors just to kill time - and hoping someone would let him in. He would give a fit to the nurses saying that he should be in there to support his wife - not that he won the battle with them. He would stare at the sign which was lit with red LEDs, in hope that it would turn off anytime soon - ending his eternal anxiousness and guilt though he doubted that it would. He would constantly pray that the operation would end quickly but luck just wasn't on his side because it never did.
 
Now here he was, feeling disgusted with himself and silently praying for this to end. He felt the guilt, disgust and sadness flowing inside his veins, coursing through his whole being. His heart was so heavy as if it would crumble like a thousand year old vase with a single touch that he questioned why isn't he dead yet. His head hanged low as if to show he is trying to redeem himself by resenting what he has done.  Hands and teeth clenched so hard that he wished they would bleed from so much pressure being pushed on it. That would be one way he could feel a little bit of suffering he had put upon his wife.

In his head, all the most horrible situations and critics towards himself being conjured up - making him feel that he has no right to live at all. He wanted to cry so bad but he knew deep down that he didn't deserve it - to cry since he doesn't deserve pity from others or even from himself.
 
It felt like a million year of silence has engulf the place that when the footsteps that echoed in the hallway appeared, the man didn't take notice of it. He couldn't hear the loud and fast footsteps of the men or the clicking sounds of the women's heels as they came in contact with the cold hard floor. He just sat still in the position that he was in.... like a human sized statue. His ears were as if it was plugged for a long time and he was just so used to it that he didn't notice even the loudest of sounds. It was like he was alone for eternity even if he had just been there for a mere few hours.
 
 

 
Noticing that the man didn't even noticed their presence, a young and petite brunette female - most likely in her mid-twenties, felt her insides surging with heat that cold most probably kill someone if he stood near to her.

"Because of his blindness and inattentive behavior toward her, this is his punishment" her partner who was walking side by side with her whispered with a side of his lips lifting up - pure sarcasm and mocking dripping from each word he spoke. His eyes looking straight at the man, whom he called his best man - whom he grew up with together, only to be betrayed, back stabbed by that same person that he knew his partner felt the same as he did.
 
Hearing his answer, she scoffed and her lips broke into a smile. Not your usual sunshine filled smiled but a smile that shows determination and hatred in them... oozing from the tip of her tongue as she spoke the next words.

"If that is all he is feeling right now, I'll be glad to make it ten folds worse. He will feel as if he is living in hell on earth." she too looked at the said man straight with a sharp gaze that if it was a knife, it could kill a person with one strike.

"Isn't that too much of a goal to reach on your own, my dear Taeyeon?" the man shifted his gaze to the woman beside him with a wicked plan being plot in his mind. Ideas upon ideas came into his mind - all of them were not so much of a happy ending that you would expect in a fairy tale.

"Why... is it to you Leeteuk? Then would you like to join me in my conquest, my dear husband?" she said with an evil glint in her eyes. The man laughed lowly - which fortunately did go unnoticed by the two elderly couple in front of them.
 
 

 
As the group of six came closer, the man didn't even notice them nor heard them coming. The man, with his back bent forward, couldn’t see who was in front of him. He was awaken from his deep thought and self-suffering when he saw a pair of black shiny pair of shoes from under his eyelashes. Slowly he lifted his head up - which he had to squint his eyes to adjust to the bright ceiling light, and face the group that had assemble in front of him. All of them had the faces that he was familiar with - his family, her family and their closest friends.

Faces mixed with what he guessed were anger, disappointment, rage, pity and a little bit of happiness from some. He felt so small under those piercing glares that if he could, he'd he buried seven feet in the ground right now in a small lonely coffin. 
 
They stood there looking at each other with mixed emotions for a very long time. One person woke up from the anger she felt to her son and took a step towards him. Once she was nearest that she could be to him, she closed her eyes and sighed - her mind was so messed up with different sentences that she doesn't know which one to say first.

The man could only look at his mother’s with eyes full of worry - like a small child who was expecting a good scolding from the older women. To his surprise, she did what no one in the hallway expected she would do. She opened her eyes slowly and sat on the hard blue chair beside her son and turn her body towards him so that she hugged him. Each pair of eyes in the room turned round and wide because of shock. However it could not compete with the wide eyes of the one being hugged.

"M-m-mom...b-but. wh-why?" he was stuttering with his words because he didn't think that he deserve it and shocked that he got one... one of his mother's it-is-okay hugs. The one that she would give if he was having a bad day or just cried because of his clumsiness - that was when he still lived with his parents.

"Can't a mother hug his son, Eunhyuk?" she smiled her motherly smile at him - still hugging her son. Sure, she does feel that all this happened because of her son's foolish decisions but deep down she knows that he's more miserable than other people since he loves his wife so much that he blames himself and probably he won't forgive himself if something were to happen to her daughter in-law. And that very motherly feeling took over any other negative feelings she had towards him like the rain that can put out a raging fire.

"But I'm not your son.... I'm.... I'm... a monster" he said slowly while looking into his mother's eyes. His eyes were filled with the tears that he didn't - no couldn't shed because he doesn't have the right to. He doesn't deserve to be called a human when he's the reason his wife is in a critical situation right now.

"No son... that's only your head telling you. Don’t be like that... I know and believe that you are still the good son that I took care of. You're my son!" she smiled at him.. the exact gummy smile that he had.

"You have to be positive of the situation itself and also yourself. That is if you want to give her the strengththat could help her to stay alive. The most important thing that you and all of us have to do and can only do is to pray that she will survive the surgery. You have to believe son... Believe that she is gonna be alright... That she is gonna be alive." she placed her right hand on his hair and it like she does when he was nervous as a kid. A gesture of comfort that she has always done for him.

Eunhyuk had no choice but to accept what his mother said and continued to pray for Hyoyeon. Feeling that the conversation was already over, Leeteuk and Taeyeon took a seat furthest away from Eunhyuk as they could, so that they won't do anything bad to their childhood friend. While the others just sat down beside the mother and son pair. All of them waiting anxiously waiting for the doctor to come out... if their lucky, with good news that they all hoped for.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
* 1 hour and a half later......

 
 
Everybody was so deep in thought that they didn't take notice of the sound of the double door opening and the red LED lights slowly dimming. Slowly a man in a blue uniform and a mask hanging from his neck walking towards the group of people in front of him with  a deep frown etched on his face. While he was walking, he could feel the heavy atmosphere that hanged in the hall.
 
"Ehem..." he cleared his throat so that the people in front of him had their attention on him. “Are you Kim Hyoyeon's family?" he asked and looked at every face of the group in front of him. Despair. That would always be there in his patient's family members expression even if there is only a bit. The moment that they saw him, all eyes had a glint of hope in them. All of them usually had those two expression showed in their eyes even if they didn't know if he was bringing bad or good news.

"Yes, we are." An old man, maybe her father, said with hope in his eyes. He felt bad that he could probably put ouy the hope in his eyes.

"I am Dr. Choi. The head surgeon of Mrs. Lee Well I have bad news and good news." the doctor paused if anyone wanted to interfere but there was none.

"The good news is that the shot that Miss Kim received did not penetrate her lungs or vital organs in that area. However, because of the wound on her head and on the spot that she was shot, she lost a fairly large amount of blood. Luckily we were able to provide enough blood and close the wound as fast as we could." everyone let a sigh of relief because they knew that she was going to be alright.

"But because of the large amount of blood lost and the trauma that she received on her head, she maybe be in a comatose stage for a fair amount of time. And we still have do a few test on her, after she has awaken to ensure that she is healthy." The doctor passed the bad news to the family which made them back to the state of sadness.

"For how long? In the coma I mean.. She will wake right?" Eunhyuk said in a very fast pace. The nervousness evidence in his voice. 

"Well, we do not know for sure. We have to wait until she wakes up but we assume that she will wake up in three to five days." Eunhyuk opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. This happened a few times until he didn't know what to say and stayed quiet - thinking deeply.

While all of them were thinking to themselves, Hyoyeon's mother looked at the doctor with alert. The expression on her face shows that she just remebered something.

"What about the baby? Is she okay?" she walked to the doctor and held his left hand "Tell me she's okay.” she said with tears in her eyes. She could not forgive her son-in-law if her precious grandchild is dead. "Please tell me that my grandchild is okay. please..." she begged

The question brought a soft smile on the doctor's face. "Ah... I was getting to that. The baby is fine, you don't have to worry since the shot was nowhere near the baby. But because the blood lost we had to to a C-section since it will disturb the baby's growth. For now, she has to be put in an incubator since the baby is born in the second trimester." Hyoyeon's mother shed tears and thanks the doctor many times. 

Everybody was happy that Hyoyeon was okay and that the baby was safe. However, one person amongst the group was speechless and shocked at the revelation. 'Baby?.. What baby?’ He looked up and opened his mouth..

"What baby?" he said which made everybody turned their heads and look at him as if he had grown a second head. The hype in the hall suddenly died down and both his friends glared at him while his parents and in-laws just stared at him with surprised. The happy atmosphere turned into a dark one. Silence falling upon them.
 

"You. You seriously didn't know?" A female voice broke the tension that filled the air. Taeyeon stood up from where she sat and stalked her way towards Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk just shook his head, he didn't know what to do or say since he's the only one who didn't knew. 

Taeyeon pulled him by his collar and looked at him with rage flowing out of her pores. "She was pregnant for six months! SIX MONTHS! Thats not a freaking short time, Eunhyuk! It freaking isn't!! and here you are...you're telling me that you didn't know all this time?!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

Nobody stopped her since they were boiling inside."No.... don't answer.... Of course you didn't, you busy with your little mistress weren't you!!! You-you heartless person! You promise us... you promised that you'll never leave her alone. You'd never hurt her, make her cry.. That you'll make her the most happy woman on earth and that she will never regret that she married you.Where’s that promise now you petty bastard?! Where the hell is your word!!" her eyes began to water as she said those things. 

She was disappointed, no beyond than disappointed. "There, there Taeyeon. No need to get worked up" Leeteuk came to his lover's side to comfort her. While saying comforting words to her, he face his supposed 'best friend' - glaring at him. His face turned to the left from the impact.

After a while, she began to calm down and wiped the tears on her faced and stood in front of Eunhyuk. Everything began to move slowly as Taeyeon raised her hand and smacked it across his face; a loud sound resonated throughout the hallway.

"You don't deserve her love you know that?! She loved you so much that she loved you more than herself... and what you did just- You know what? Die and never come back! Go to hell !! " she hissed the last sentence with so much venom before storming off to cool herself with Leeteuk following her.

With everything said, Eunhyuk fell into his seat with a surprised face. "Hahahahahaha" he began to laugh like crazy while the older couples just look at him with pity. "Haha... This is a dream right? I'm just dreaming, when I wake up Hyoyeon's going to be there sleeping beside me." he laughed again until tears started to fall on his cheeks.

"Why am I crying? This is just a dream right? So, I shouldn't be sad. It's all going to be normal" he said to himself to soothe the heart ache he was feeling. "I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna be home with her making breakfast for me. It's gonna be normal again once I wake up" he tired to comfort himself

But he knows how hard he tries to make excuses, there's always that small voice in his head pulling him back to reality. Telling him that this isn't a dream but a reality that he has to live all his life. A mistake he has to take the burden to his grave.

"No!! This is all a dream!" his laughter started to die down and harsh sobs replaced the humourless laughter that came from his mouth just seconds ago.

The doctor, who couldn't stand the situation unfolding in front of him, excused himself and taking his leave. The people around him couldn't do anything but pity the young man. His parents were mad at him but seeing him break down like this.. how would a parent be mad at their child?

While his in-laws hearts broke inside looking at their son-in-law like this. They knew that he really regrets what he has done and they can't scold him since he is suffering more than any of them after knowing the truth.

"Eunhyuk dear...” Eunhyuk's mom sat beside him and hugged her crying son. Just like how she used to when he would fall down and scrape his knees, but this isn't a small matter like back then. She just hopes that she can help him - even if it is a little. "Don't be like this."

"M-mom, tell me... tha-that everything is a dream." he cried in his mother’s arms, hoping that she will tell him he is just dreaming and this wasn't real. 

"I'm sorry honey, b-but this is something that you have to overcome and be strong through it." she said and caress his back to calm his sobbing.  

"NO!!!!! No mom. Hyoyeon-she was fine...but why now...” he couldn't hold his feelings anymore. Everything came to him like the ocean, all the moments that they shared together - good or bad. He couldn't talk anymore- no he has no strength to...
 
"Just be positive okay, she's going to be alright. So is your little girl" she said with a voice as cheerful as she could. A contrast to what she was feeling inside - her heart was in pieces hearing him like this.
 
'I'm sorry...I'm sorry...' Eunhyuk chanted the mantra over and over in his head. He didn't care anymore.. he just want the love of his life to come back to him, hug him, laugh with him, smile and joke with him like she used to. 'Please let me see her smile again.. Hear your voice... Feel your warmth wraped around me...' he prayed silently to god in his heart.

*End Of Flashback*

The moment the clicking of the door was heard, his heart started beating as fast as it could. His eyes were glaring at the polished white floor as if it had done anything wrong to him. He was having an internal battle with himself - obviously. He was contemplating weather to go to his wife's side or not. To look up or just look at the less interesting floor. To dash beck through the door that he just came through or stay there and overcome his fears.

But his curiosity is slowly eating him from the inside and slowly he took the first step. In no time he passed the few meters that was before him - that stood between the two of them. He took a deep breath before lifting his head. The moment his eyes landed on her face, he felt tears started pooling in his eyes. 

The Hyoyeon who he knew and loved wasn't the one who was laying on this bed - 'heck it couldn't be' he thought. The person who was now in front of him had a pale complexion, pale lips, sunken eyes and a very thin body. Wires were hooked up to her body which he didn't know which is which. Her hair didn't have it usual healthy shine to it and it looked sick.

He didn't want to believe this is his Hyoyeon. His wife usually had a smile plastered on her face - even after waking up after a bloody fight. She would usually greet him with her soothing voice every time he came home from somewhere. The laughter that echoed the room as she laughed at one of his corny jokes.

And her eyes.... Her eyes that shined every time she was happy. The eyes that had a mischievous glint if she had a prank up her sleeve. The love that she usually didn't tell but showed with her eyes. Moments of their early married life came into his mine. Reminding him how happy and blessed he felt then. 

The Hyoyeon he remembered was a happy and strong woman.... Not fragile and sick as the person in front of him right now

The longer he stood, the weaker he felt his legs become. He couldn't take it any more... The hurt and guilt that he kept all this time filled his being like a broken dam. His legs didn't have the power to keep him standing, his body fell to the ground without an ounce of chic that he usually had. His shoulders started shaking as his eyes started becoming blurry. He let his tears flow down freely and dripped on the floor. He didn't care if the nurses or people walking by looked at him weirdly. He wasn't the almighty Lee Eunhyuk that the people of his nation idolized him.

Right now, NO, since the start.. He is a man in love, a normal human being. A normal human man that has fell deep into the sea called love. He was the man that loved his wife dearly. He should be happy right now like any man in love. But here he is, longing and missing the warmth of his love.

He crawled his way to the side of the bed and patted the bed until he felt the hard cold skin of her hand. He squeezed the hand and gently pushed himself upwards until he was on his knees. He looked at the blurry silhouette that appeared in his eyes. He lifted his free hand and placed it on what seem to him to be her face. He caressed her face and felt every curve with his sense of touch. Her sharp jaw to her nose until it fell to her thin lips.

'Was it this dry?' he thought to himself and move his hands to her cheek and felt how sunken the once chubby cheeks had become. 'What have I done to you?' he said sadly and took back his hand that was caressing her face to wipe the tears out of his eyes - though they threatened to come back.

He closed his eyes for a minute before opening it again - his eyesight coming back to him. With his now free hand, he search and empty chair anywhere behind him - his eyes glued to her and his hand still gripping hers gently. After sometime, he pulled a wooden chair not far from him and sat down - trying to sit as near to her as possible. 

With his vision back, he inspected the damage that the bullet - and his doings, had done to his beloved. The looked at her face and saw that her head was wrapped - something he didn't notice before. His eyes wandered downwards and he noticed that one of her shoulders was wrapped. Slowly her reached out to her  top and pulled it downwards only to pull a gasp of shock from him. In front of his eyes, her whole chest was wrapped and there were little stains of blood on it. He pulled the hand that was holding hers and traced his fingers along the edges.

'How much have she suffered through all of this? To top if off, she was pregnant and she hid the fact from me.' He said in his head as his hands worked on covering her up.

His eyes started to wander around the room - not wanting to look at her. His eyes fell on the bag that was on the table beside him. 'Wasn't that the one of hers?' he wandered and picked it up and placed it on his lap.

He rummaged through the bag - curious of what she had in it. "Her purse, phone....... Wait. Where did this come from?" he asked out loud as he saw a pastel green book that he had never seen. Even if the didn't want to pry at her things but there was this nagging voice at the back of his head telling him to open it.

Hesitantly, he opened the book and was welcomed by a picture that they had taken during their time in university. A small smile appeared on his lips as fond memories danced in his mind. He flipped to the next page and there, she glued a photo of an ultrasound.3 months old was scribbled on the bottom. He continued to the pages which was mostly pictures of their baby or their pictures. An empty and hollow feeling crept into his heart every time he looked at the ultrasound pictures.

As he was flipping through the pages of the book until he felt something fell on his lap. He stopped looking through and averted his gaze to the object that had fallen from the book. He stared at it and contemplated weather to pick it up or not. After sometime he slowly closed the book and placed it aside - on the table. 

He lifted the object until it was under his nose. 'A letter?' he said and flipped it. 'My Dear Eunhyuk ' was written on it. Judging from the hand writing, it was definitely his wife's. He looked at it and fought within himself weather to open it.

'It is for me though....' he shrugged and gently open the letter and took out its content. He opened the letter and started to read the letter.

My dearest love,

This moment I look at the empty space on the kitchen table that was supposed to be where you usually sit and enjoy three meals a day with me. Praising my cooking even if I knew it was sometime horrible. I know I shouldn't be writing such a sad thing but since you always tell me to let every thing that is bothering out of my system, here I am doing it. You know that all this while I have felt incredibly blessed and happy to be by your side and to be called as your wife. But lately I am feeling so lonely and so terribly worried. Sitting at our table, usually filled with delicious food and surrounded with laughter, is so difficult without your cheerful presence here to calm my heart. I simply cannot fathom why you have been avoiding me and acting so cold at home.

The first time I met you my stomach was lifted into my throat by one million butterflies and I nearly lost my senses. The moment when I looked straight into your eyes for the first time, I knew... That you were the person I wanted to live the rest of my life with. When I was angry at you, you would always caught me joking about what I would do with you if I got you alone and you laughed. I caught you watching me and laughed as well because I can't stand being mad at you for a long time. That smile, I want to treasure the sun like smile of yours as we watch the city come alive. I like seeing you smile over trivial things that might not make anyone happy. I loved the way you laughed even if everyone said it was weird.

The moment I knew that we are gonna be parents I was so happy that I cried. After years of waiting for a miracle, we finally got what we wished, a child of our own. Even if I kept it a secret from you for a long time, I didn't intend to... It's just that you became busy that I didn't have time to tell you. And when I had time, something would always get in my way. You maybe question yourself why you didn't noticed. Well I kinda tried to avoid you from finding out by yourself, not wanting to stress you out. Maybe that's the pregnant hormones talking. So, I just wore baggy clothes to avoid you from noticing.

 I just wanted you to know.. I want to watch the sunrise from the balcony with you after waking up in bed from a night of cuddling. I want to listen  and absorb every idea that comes to your mind. I want to look into your eyes that lights up every time you talk about something that has caught your interest. I want to study the geography of your body.I want to start a revolution with you. I want to write secret notes on your back as you sleep next to me. but what I really want is to tell you that regardless of everything, I love you. Even if your love may be lost along the way and never love me the way I do now… 

I Love You,

Kim Hyoyeon.

When he finished reading, he cried silently... Guilt and sadness stabbing his heart.

'What have I done?'

'How can I not notice?'

'She thinks I don't love her anymore'

These thoughts surrounded his head. He pulled Hyoyeon's hand and caressed it with both of his thumbs. Saying sorry even if he knew that she can't hear him. "I Love You Sooo Much" he said before his world become black and silent.

XOXOXOX

PLEASE READ..

Finally!!! I updated... after soo many attempts.  Plus my first update of the year.

Before ya'll get angry at me for not updating... Let me explain things

I aready wrote it - before I went to Australia, but felt it didn't have enough of the depressing feeling so I had to write it again from scratch.. And when I already wrote half of it, I just had a slump after the dreadful day. I didn't feel like writing since there was so much on my mind. All because I just didn't get the results I wanted so I was depressed for a few days and I came up with a few things and then I went to another state for holiday.

Now I'm officially a senior student/ upperclassmen! Form 4... Yay! (note the sarcasm) hmmm, so much things to do. Pray that this is a sweet 16 year.. I still have mix feelings on weather or not to drop biology to take account... and I dunno when I can update again.. maybe soon but who knows

Well just hope y'all forgive me. I'll try to update soon since I already know what to write. I wanted to make it longer but I'm out of juice so.. this is the final product. I at writing medical things so just bear with what I wrote up there.

Hope ya'll enjoy it!! I tried to write two months worth in this one since I didn't update at all since it was the year end holidays.. Sorry

I love ya'll.. Thank you for being with me from the first story till now.. I know I'm a crappy writer who doesn't update often and thanks for keeping up with me and keep reading my story :)

Comments and critics are appreciated :)