*quite long chapter ahead ;)

Chapter 7

1 month later.

You were sitting alone in a coffee shop near your apartment, contemplating whether what you did was the right thing. A few days ago, you decided to move out of your old apartment. It holds too much memories of Yonghwa. And maybe, it’s time to move on.

Since that day you walked out of their dormitory, you haven’t got to talk to one another. You knew that he’s giving you time, and that you’re also giving him time to think, whether he still wanted this relationship. It’s better to cut the almost 3 years relationship than to continue living it in a lie.

A part of you were a little disappointed that he didn’t seem to seek you out. But maybe it’s for the best. All the while, you were thinking that maybe you were lacking. That maybe you didn’t give him enough. Or maybe you just didn’t hold on him tightly, that’s why he drifted away from you.

You took one last sip of your vanilla latte. It has been a ritual for you to stop by this unfamiliar yet comforting coffee shop before going to the university. You had taken a job as an assistant professor, and encouragingly, it’s taking a lot of your time and thoughts, rather than thinking about Yonghwa and your failed relationship.

“Hey! I’m sorry I’m late!”

You looked up, and met with that boyish handsome grin. He placed his guitar case on the side, and adjusted his cap that covers his pretty face.

“You’re done with your coffee!” He said, noticing the empty cup. “. I’m really that late, huh?”

“It’s okay Jonghyun-ah.” You told him. He looked up at you and offered a soft smile.

Jonghyun is the only person who stayed in your life after that event. You didn’t ask for him to, but he quietly stayed behind, making sure you were alright. Even if you started your friendship because of your mutual indifference towards Yonghwa’s marriage with Seohyun, he did see you as his real friend.

He didn’t pursue Seohyun anymore, seeing that she have obviously developed something else for Yonghwa. But he was just not sure with his hyung. Since you had left, he was always left in daze, and staring at nothingness. He’s not the usual talkative and playful Yonghwa anymore. It’s like he was in his own private prison, punishing himself for all the things he had done.

In the later parts of We Got Married, he repeatedly says on broadcast that he and Seohyun were just like best friends, and that they’re not really a ‘married couple’. It didn’t seem off too, since Seohyun does give that too innocent vibe and too young to be married. He was hoping that you’d watch it, but in the end, he beat himself thinking why would you watch that show anyway? Clearly, you’d want to erase anything that he has on it.

When Jonghyun had come back from the counter, he was smiling at you as if he has brought you some good news.

“What?” You asked, chuckling a little at the comical face he has on.

“Minhyuk and Jungshin said they missed you.” He said. You smiled a little. Only Minhyuk and Jungshin?

“Yonghwa hyung too.” He added gently, reaching out his hand to you. You met his eyes, just as he squeezed your hand in his.

“I’m not ready yet, Jonghyun.” You told him quietly. For the past few days, Jonghyun had been telling you how you should meet Yonghwa even just a bit. Not just for the group, but also for yourself.

He had seen how much you’d slave yourself overwork, always working overtime, overstaying at the university, and during weekends, you’d also do a lot of extracurricular activities. And the fact that Jonghyun also frequently visits your place, he knew that you weren’t eating healthy too. You rarely cook, because upon arriving home, you’d just kick your shoes off, strip your clothes and hit the sack.

You noticed that Jonghyun heaved a resigned sigh. You feel bad that he’s trying his best to get you and Yonghwa together.

“I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“The show ended a week ago,” he informed you. You look up at him. You knew where this will lead to. You shifted uncomfortably on your seat.

“Jonghyun-“ you started, but halting when he met your eyes.

“I know that hyung had become a jerk. A bastard,” You lowered your eyes. The truth is, you feel like this was your entire fault. And that Yonghwa was just the victim.

“And I hated him for quite some time for what he did to you.” He said. “But I hate seeing you like this more than I hated him back then.”

You fiddled with your fingers nervously. You don’t know how to tell him that you’re just afraid that after everything had happened, you won’t be enough for him again.

“I… don’t know, Jonghyun. I don’t know.”

~

~

Yonghwa had sat in his room for at least 4 hours now. Not a single lyric, not a single tune had come out from him. He’s becoming more frustrated with himself. He feels helpless and pathetic. He’s a worthless piece of who had let go of someone who mean more than his own life.

He covered his face with his hand, remembering that dreadful day that changed everything.

Yonghwa woke up from a blissful dream. Yesterday, he had finally given Seohyun the 100^th day gift and she to him. He didn’t know why he was feeling giddy and excited like some pathetic highschool-er boy in love.

‘Get a grip, Jung. You’re not in love with Seohyun.’ He scolded himself and immediately thought of you. He heaved a resigned sigh, as he went straight to the shower to clear his mind.

Yonghwa’s thoughts were in such a haywire. He knew that today is a special day, but he just couldn’t erase that smile Seohyun gave him yesterday. He was ashamed to say that he even forgot about you momentarily.

His feet brought him towards the flower shop. As if on default mode, he bought a beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies. His feet then brought him towards one of their stylist’s apartment. At first, he felt a bit confused why needed to be there. He forgot that their stylist was to lend him a nice suit for later today’s dinner with you.

“Oh Yonghwa! You’re here! Good! I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come!” Yonghwa smiled. But upon entering the apartment, there are other stylists as well. They raised an eyebrow at the bouquet that he was holding.

“Oh, no no. Don’t look at us like that. Yonghwa here is just borrowing a suit for tonight event with his –“

Yonghwa glanced at her, and cleared his throat. The other stylists there were from different companies. And he’s hella sure they didn’t know about his own personal relationship with you.

“Ohhh! I know now, you’re going to Seohyun’s party tonight?” One of them clapped in glee. Ultimately, the others gushed too.

“Ah, yeah, yeah.” Their stylist laughed uncomfortably.

What happened next was too fast for his own liking. Apparently, one of the stylists present there was invited to Seohyun’s party too. And SNSD’s manager had picked her up, thus insisting that Yonghwa come too.

All of them thought that Yonghwa had come to surprise Seohyun. All the girls went giddy and started teasing the two of them.

“Yah, Yonghwa-sshi. Next time get Seohyun pink roses. She hates lilies, but since it’s from you, I bet she loves them.” Sooyoung elbowed Yonghwa and laughed. Suddenly, Yonghwa felt an ugly pit in his stomach. Seohyun didn’t like lilies. But he bought them. Then your face flashed across his mind. He had bought them because it’s your favourite.

“!”

“Oppa!” Seohyun walked towards him, shy and timidly because her unnies here teasing her to death.

“Would you like to dance?”

~

~

For the whole month, Yonghwa beat himself to death. He had already remembered you, but he let himself be drowned in that eventful night. When Seohyun had boldly made a move and gave him a peck on the lips, it’s as if a cold bucket of ice cold water was poured down unto him. He shouldn’t be there. That shouldn’t be happening. He immediately went home, but when he saw you in Minhyuk’s arms, he forgot about everything else again, and focused on his jealousy. Maybe he’s really jealous. Or maybe it’s his mind’s way of defence mechanism, that he didn’t do anything. That it was you who was doing something behind his back.

God knows how much he despised himself for thinking that way.

And earlier that day, when he finally got the courage to pursue you, when he finally told himself that it’s only you that he needed. It’s always been you; he got out and went to your apartment. But he was aghast when he found out that you have moved already. He was so helpless. He knew that you have changed your number too.

He cried, for the first time. He didn’t know that he’d be crying like this. Because of his stupidity, because of his own doing. It hurts to know that you didn’t want him anymore, and that he damaged you so much. You were always been so sweet, and kind and pure. And that repeatedly mistake he has been doing did break you so bad.

He wanted to ask Jonghyun about you, but after a gruesome week of Jonghyun always growling and scowling at him, he just didn’t want to damage the now patched up relationship he have with Jonghyun. And he was so afraid to know if Jonghyun is seeing you, not as a friend, but as someone who can replace his spot. Jonghyun had stopped pursuing Seohyun, and Yonghwa didn’t know the exact reason as to why. Was it because of you? Or was it because of him?

“Hyung? Manager hyung says let’s go eat out.” Minhyuk knocked on his door before poking his head inside their leader’s room.

“Okay, I’ll be out in a bit.” He said, still lost in his own thoughts. After a few minutes of collecting his thoughts, he was out with the other members.

“Where’s Jonghyun?” Yonghwa asked. Jungshin and Minhyuk exchanged a tensed glance.

“He should be here soon,” The manager told them.

Tomorrow is your birthday, and Yonghwa just wanted to see you so bad. He missed you and was very regretful of what he did. He didn’t know where he stands anymore, but he just wanted to see you. Not to defend himself, not to explain what had happened that night: but to tell you how much he loves you. What he did might be unforgiveable, but he’s willing to work his way out just to get you back.

He plays with the black velvet box in his hands. Should he ask Jonghyun for you? with the consequences, he just wanted to see you, to feel you and to hold you again. He’d do anything to see you again.

He opened the small box for the nth time. It’s a single band of gold of a necklace with a purple diamond on the pendant. He sighed. Will he still be able to redeem your relationship? Your pure and kind heart for him?

“Hyung?”

Yonghwa’s head snapped up. It was Jonghyun. He quickly hid the box.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Yonghwa motioned for the younger one to step inside his room. Jonghyun settled himself on the bench in front of Yonghwa’s electric piano.

“Do you still want her?”

Yonghwa’s head snapped up at his dongsaeng’s boldness. They both knew who Jonghyun was talking about. Yonghwa knew that he needed to confront Jonghyun about it sooner or later. But he’s not sure he’s prepared to be hearing him that he wants to pursue you too.

The leader’s gaze turned from hard to soft, until it looked at Jonghyun, pleading.

“I still love her,” Yonghwa croaked. Jonghyun nodded in understanding. He knew that. He likes you too. But he knew what he feels for you wouldn’t compare to how much Yonghwa feels for you. And that it’s better to just stay friends. So what he was doing right now, he just wanted you to be happy again.

After the longest time, Jonghyun fished a piece of paper at the back of his jeans, and handed it to Yonghwa.

“Tomorrow. 4 in the afternoon. We’ll have a guerrilla concert in that university. I’ve also written her home address there too.”

Yonghwa’s eyes skimmed through the paper.

Your phone number, your home address, and a university’s address.

Is she studying again? Yonghwa asked mentally, looking up at Jonghyun.

“She’s an assistant professor the university. I know a noona from that school. I was thinking if you guys are willing to do a guerrilla concert there. You know, just to surprise her. It’s her birthday and all, anyway,” Jonghyun shrugged.

Yonghwa fled from his seat and gave his dongsaeng a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you Jonghyun-ah!”

“It’s the only thing I can do. I know that you know I’ve been seeing her for the past month. And truth to be told, she doesn’t look all too well, although she doesn’t say so, I can tell.” He continued.

Yonghwa nodded, ignoring the slight sting in his heart. Jonghyun get to see you, and he was there to comfort you, while he was too coward and only dwelled on the pain.

“Please do it right now, hyung.” Jonghyun gave him a straight stern look. “Or else, someone might just get her away from you.”

Yonghwa took a sharp intake of breath. They both knew what Jonghyun is talking about.

“I will. Really thank you, Jonghyun-ah.”

~

~

Yonghwa didn’t have time to think. He was excited, anxious, looking forward and at the same time dreading.

“No matter what, Jung, be prepared.” He told himself.

He nervously clutched a bunch of white and pink lilies and tall strawberry shortcake you’ve always loved. He watched your silhouette moves gracefully from the window. He knows what he’s doing is similar of those stalkers, but he didn’t care.

He checked his watch. Just 5 minutes before it strikes 12. Very carefully, he tiptoed to the front door, placed the items, he held his breathing for a few seconds before pushing the door bell button. He quickly went back in to hiding.

After a few minutes, you went out, warily looking around.

For the first time in months, Yonghwa noticed how much you’ve changed. From where he was ducking, you looked like you’ve lost so much weight. Your hair has grown so long, almost reaching your lower back. Your cute and chic light brown highlights were no longer in sight. You looked mature, but still exquisite in Yonghwa’s eyes.

He has to fight the urge to come out of his hiding place, ran to you, and pulled you in his embrace. But he shook his head. Be patient, Jung. Be patient.

Yonghwa thought he could cry a bucket of tears when he finally saw you gave a small smile upon seeing the flowers and the cake by your feet.

You knew it must be Yonghwa. No one else gives you lilies, except him. You quickly looked around for him. Deep in your heart wishes that it’s him. But… you didn’t want to expect too much again , lest you just want to be disappointed and heartbroken again.

Yonghwa thought your smiles changed into a sad one. He was almost out of his hiding place, when you turned around and stepped back inside your apartment.

He sat in the same bench in front of your house for hours. He didn’t care if they still have an early schedule tomorrow. He could kill just to hold you again, see you again, or just watch you sleep.

After the longest time, Yonghwa was interrupted by his reverie. It was a text message from Minhyuk.

“Hyung, where are you?! Please get back here before manager hyung wakes up!”

The sun is almost rising. He just wanted to see you again. He was just about to reply that he’ll back soon, but Jonghyun’s call beat him to it.

“I know where you are right now, hyung. Hurry, come back! Do you want her to see you like that! Get your here before we drag it here!”

Yonghwa chuckled at his dongsaeng’s enragement. He finally got up. He’ll see her again later. He strolled down the street for a bit, until he saw a pastry shop that opens quite early. He supposed it caters to those who just finish work at this hour.

He ordered 1 chocolate waffle and 1 strawberry filled one. He knew how much you love them, but always left craving because its either vendors are always too far from your previous apartment, or they only sell it at this hour of the day.

Yonghwa carefully left the waffles by your porch, but not without a note that says, “Don’t forget to take your breakfast. I miss you. I love you.”

Yonghwa smiled at his work, but upon the vibration of his phone on his pocket, he scowled a little and started making his way back to their dorm.

~

~

“Jonghyun-ah. Did you tell her we’ll be performing at the university?” He asked nervously.

“No, hyung. It’s supposed to be a surprise.” Jonghyun said, as he started tuning his electric guitar.

Yonghwa didn’t know why he was so damn nervous. This is his chance. Maybe because he feels threatened by Jonghyun? Or maybe because until now he’s beating himself for the things he had done to you?

“Remember, keep your eyes open, hyung. At exactly 4:30pm, her last class ends. She’ll be passing through the area in which we are performing.”

Yonghwa nodded. For the first time, the leader’s not the one giving detailed instructions.

When the PD had called out for them, Yonghwa found it hard to focus on the fans because all that he can think was you.

~

You scowled at the extreme noise. Your female students couldn’t contain their giggles and excited cries at the back of the classroom. You didn’t know there’s some idol group who’s performing in the university grounds.

You sighed, as you stopped your hand mid air from the white board.

“Fine. Since most of you find it hard to concentrate. I’ll let you all off early today.” The whole class erupted in a loud cheer.

“But!” You close the textbook book in a firm snap.

“I’ll leave you a homework. Pages 561-595. Answer all the questions, with detailed solutions and formulas. All papers must be on my table on the first hour of our next meeting. Understood?” You smiled good naturedly as the students groaned.

As the last batch of students got out of the room, a couple of female students went up to your table.

*“Saeng,” the female student placed a single stem of white lily on your table. You stared at it, dumbfounded, but the 2 students just hurried out of the classroom giggling.

You gaped at it. Is someone playing with you?

You carefully picked it up, and a small note was attached to it.

“To the most beautiful woman in the world. Happy Birthday baby. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

You didn’t know whether to be creep out or what. Since early morning, some random gifts and what not are found everywhere you go. At first, you thought it was Yonghwa. But knowing him, he wouldn’t go that far. Or would he?

You hastily picked it up, placed it between your books, and gather your things. You need to get home. You didn’t have any plans today for your birthday. You just wanted to go up on your bed, curl up, do a marathon of that drama you’ve been hooked on since last week, and think of anything but Yonghwa.

As you stepped out in the warm slightly chilly afternoon sun, a tingling familiar voice and melody washed over you. You didn’t know where you’ve heard it before.

You shook your head and hastily pulled your ipod from your bag. You didn’t like these little ‘sense of familiarity’, because everytime you have these feels, it just all comes back to Yonghwa. And that would mean another night of crying your eyes out for him. Pathetic, yes, but you’re just not over him yet.

“Saeng!” A student screamed.

Your head looked up. All the screaming seemed to died down, and the music too.

“Seonsaengnim! Oh my god!”

You didn’t know how and what was happening. You just found yourself being pulled by one of your students, their faces all glowing and excited and giddy.

What the---

That’s when you realised you were being pulled in the crowd, only the crowd seemed to made way for you.

The first person you saw was Minhyuk. He was hitting his drums lightly, as if waiting for their lead vocalist to start singing again. He did a small wave at you but gave off his wide boyish grin.

You almost forgot how much you missed Minhyuk and his childish and cute eye smile. You remember how warm his arms felt when you felt cold the most that time.

Your eyes flew towards the right next. Jungshin was there. He stopped playing his bass guitar, and was clapping his hands for you. You didn’t know why. Why are they here? It seems like your hearing had shut down. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but by the movements of his mouth, he was telling you “Happy birthday” and “It’s been a long time!”.

Where was Yonghwa? You thought, mentally panicking. Your heart was beating so fast. You didn’t know whether you’re ready to face him yet. But your heart knows what it wanted.

Jonghyun’s bright and familiar handsome face came into view next. He was strumming his guitar to that sweet faint melody. It sounded new to your ears. Is it a new song?

He gave you a soft, yet reassuring smile. A smile that says everything’s going to be alright. You return his smile with a grateful one.

Finally, you felt your heart stopped a beat when it finally saw what it had been yearning all those times.

His eyes and facial expression mirrors yours, longing, regret, relief, and most of all, love. You drink in his facial features that you have missed so much. You wanted to touch it, to feel it against your hands, but you know you can’t.

“Baby,” he whispered. Suddenly, you can feel his warm breath across your cold cheeks. It felt so comforting, and warm, and like a soft cuddly blanket in a cold winter day.

“I missed you so much,”

You didn’t know what was happening. Is this a dream? Is this some kind of a hallucination?

He was about to lean to you for a kiss, when you softly pressed a palm over his pounding chest.

“Don’t.”

You risked looking up at him. His eyes looked at you, hurt, and dejected.

No, you didn’t mean it that way. You didn’t want him to get in trouble. Not in a dream, not even in a hallucination, that you’d risk his career and dream for this.

“I…. You might get in trouble.” You said in a small voice. But after the longest minute of your life, Yonghwa slowly grew a grin on his face, and people erupting from endless cheer and hooting.

“Baby, I’ll get in all kinds of troubles if it means getting you back. You have no idea how much I missed you, and how much I regret—“

“Shh.” You pressed your index finger over his lips.

“I know. I’m sorry too.” You told him, as he nuzzled on your right cheek. His skin feels warm against yours. You still didn’t know whether this is just a dream or not.

“This is not a dream, baby. I’m all yours. I’m only yours.” Yonghwa said as finally lean on to your lips, and pressed his own against yours.

====

* Saeng - informal / short term for Seonsaengnim, which means teacher. ^^

Okay! Halt right there, I still have the epilogue and it's done. haha i just wanted to read your feedbacks before posting that one last chapter ^^

And yeah, thank you for those who expressed concern in regards with my headache. I feel better now, Thank you ^^ and hopefully I won't get that same headache again. It was just so... ugh >.< I lie down and everything feels spinning nonstop. I'd sit up, everything becomes worse. I'd stand up (to get to the bathroom, get water, etc), I feel like I'd be thrown to the floor. Sigh. I didn't know why it hurt that time. TT_TT

Anyway, thanks so much for the feedbacks! :) I really appreciated it <3