i folded my letter of today's even's and put it with the rest in that box on the top shelf, which im still suprised i can reach actually. You would always tell me to eat more "veggies" and drink more "milk" in hope's i would some how magically "grow up" as you put it. So we could be closer in height. Sorry to say that it hasn't happened so far, and even thought im doubtful, i still buy strawberry milk and sweet baby carrots on each trip to the store. "Make sure you still eat these okay? i won't be gone long only a few year's at best and i want to at least to be able to kiss you properly instead of  bending down leaving my ozone layer " you reminded me on our last trip to the store as you pushes our buggy to the produce isle after tossing in pack's of celery , broccoli , and of course those (nasty) carrots. Even thought we were the only people in the store at that time i felt like the store was buzzing or maybe it was the thought's in my head flying around at you leaving and what i would do without you. All these doubts and concerns, who would be with me to make sure i made the bed , remind me to get out of the house when i get lonely and don't want to see anyone, clean out the closet after you leave or even get some sleep some night's without someone beside me. I chucked a bit bitterly as i glanced back up at the chocolate brown shoe box that held all my thought's and feelings about you, my dream's and secrets, "when will you come back and read them?" i thought as i turn away slowly as i slowly made my way across my our room into the bathroom to freshen up.

After my measly breakfast and shower i made my way outside out apartment and headed down the stairs, making my way down to the shop's and heart of the town we lived in. The colorful banner's and chill in my spine made me remeber that it would be yet another chirstmas that we wouldn't be able to celebrate together "at least i get to call you thought " yeah that's true. It will be nice to hear your voice again, i haven't heard it in a while. Since he is so far away and fighting a war in some other country (he has told me many times but i just can't seem to input it to memory) we rare get phone call's rarely personal visit's. I remeber the first 4 year's were the best out of all of this. You can to visit every holiday and even took some personal day's. These last 6 have been hell though, 4 visit's total and some phone call's here and their. Year 5 you told me thing's were "heating up". "HEATING UP?!" I asked my hand shaking slightly holding the phone "wha-what does that even MEAN channie?" i asked stuttering and holding my breathe awatinging his anwser, consern most obvious in my voice and emphasizing it. "it...it just mean's that thing's will be getting busy and ...i will try to call as often as i can" you voice got quieter at the end their and shaky as you tried to give me hope in your words. " i....okay i understand" a sentence i would be uttering for the next few year's everytime i heard the same new's from you. "Please don't be upset with me" you utter one day over the phone. It was our anniversary and you couldn't make it "like alway's" i thought bitterly and tired with the whole thing and just wanting you back. "Im not mad honey" i said weakly despite my best effort's to sound strong for you and give you hope. I have seen the ad's on TV saying we should sound happy and gleeful to give our solider's spirit's up. "It's us who NEED's the blee and happy spirit's too" i yelled one day throwing the remote down with spite.

I made my way to my way to work without much excitement, going into the building flashing my badge at the security gaurd inside and heading towards the elevador. Smiling as much as i could muster would just looked liike a smirk at the kind lady holding it open for me,"thank you" i said softly , still not fully awake even after my 4th cup of coffee. "No probelm" she chirped obviously happlily awake and ready for today's even's. Im not going to lie about my work place, a manga art studio is a cool place IF YOUR A ARTIST as for me "the editor" it was stressful and time consuming. I had to look over the text, script, and make sure everything was in tact and ready to me sold , sent, or copied. I also had to harass my author's into writing something new or sending it over in time. "Seriously!" i shouted to my co-worker Suho "why do young kid's think THIS is the best job in the world. Honestly if i never read another manga again i will be perfectly fine" and like alway's he would pat my shoulder's and tell me to take a break and use some of my vacation time up. Secretly i am saving it up in hopes that you will come home and suprise me but as alway's when december comes the last 3 week's of the year the boss comes up to me and make's me leave. The other's are used to it and usually look away while i drag my sorry out of the office and back to my home where i know that no one is going to greet me.

I pull into my usual cube and get to work hoping that this year will be different. I signed deeply and went to work