Warning: unedited ^^::

            After my painfully scorching shower, the voice actually disappeared, hiding once again into the deepest crevice of my heart and mind. Originally, I had locked it away there, hoping to never remember. However, what with all the incidents today, it seems even the tightest locks have it faults.

           My skin was red and chaffing after everything; probably because I viciously scrubbed every inch of my body. It seemed that the more pain I inflicted on myself, the farther the voice sounded. However, the end product was definitely not what I had expected or wanted. With a sigh, I left the bathroom, redressed in my usual pink nightgown. Even if I was in the safety of my room, I’d hate for something to happen and have to have people rush in. Better safe than sorry, as they always said.

            Just as I was about to slip under my bed covers, somebody pounded roughly against my door. Even as I was walking over to answer the person’s calls, they still continued to abuse the wooden portal. Rolling my eyes, I figured that this was definitely not a servant. When I finally opened the door, I was greeted with an out of breath Onew.

            “I – you – maid,” he managed to gasp while hunching his back, hands rested on his knees. Since I couldn’t really decipher what he was talking about, I merely waited for him to catch his breath. When he managed to fix his posture, I took into consideration his state. He was sloppily dressed in a plain t-shirt and comfy pajama pants. Based on the beads of sweat that lined his forehead, I assumed he had run the whole way over.

            “What are you doing here?” I accidently laughed at the end after seeing him all flustered for what seemed like no particular reason.

            “One of the maids went to my dorm, saying she thought she heard a scream from your room,” he explained, eyes gleaming with worry. I suddenly felt guilty for causing Onew so much trouble this entire day.

            “That was because – I had… seen a scary movie,” I looked away, feeling even worse for lying to him. Surely it was an easy lie to believe though, seeing as there was a plasma screen TV against the wall facing my bed.

            “A-are you sure?” Onew stuttered, seeming to be hesitant. Perhaps he considered I might be lying to avoid a touchy subject. When I nodded, he physically relaxed. I noticed his tense shoulder slumped forward as he took a deep breath. “Oh thank god.”

            “Sorry for making you worry,” I awkwardly apologized while scratching the back of my head. He smiled gently to me before pulling me in for another hug. One hand rubbed soothing circles on my back while the other tangled its fingers into my hair.

            “It’s fine if it’s you,” he assured me. When he pulled away slightly, with his hand still on the small of my back, he took notice of how I was simply in a nightgown. He took a big step back, landing in the middle of the hallway with a blush tinting his cheeks. I made a halfhearted fist and brought it in front of my lips, laughing gently against fingers. This guy is just so innocent; it’s adorable.

            “You should probably be heading back,” I finally said, giving a small sad smile to show I didn’t really want him to go. He copied my actions before taking a step forward with outstretched arms. It was amazing how many turn-arounds he could make. First he was scary and vicious, only to become worrisome and gently. Then he is innocent and embarrassed, and now he is solemn and straightforward. Nevertheless, I embraced him wholeheartedly, and he did the same.

            “Well, then I’ll be – oh my god!” he started to pull away, only to end up exclaim at the sight of my red skin. He carefully examined my arms, noticing that both were in the same condition. “What happened?”

            “Onew-“ I sighed, ready to just give up and tell him what happened. Well, I wouldn’t blab everything, but just enough to free his worry. However, he stopped me just as I started.

            “You lied, didn’t you? There was no movie,” he figured it out, disappointment evident in his voice. Immediately, I tugged on his arm, pulling him into my room away from prying eyes. Once the door was slammed shut, I began again.

            “Look, I screamed because I went to shower, only to realize I accidently set the temperature on hot instead of warm. Are you happy now? I lied because it was an embarrassing and stupid mistake,” I huffed with my arms crossed over my chest. I jutted my bottom lip out, making a pout. When the information sunk in, Onew let out a series of snickers.

            “Is that it?”

            “Yes,” I admitted defeat before going over and taking a seat next to him on my bed. His arm automatically threw itself over my shoulders, pulling me to lean on him.

            “You poor thing,” he pitied me, rubbing the sides of my arms with his hand.

            “I don’t need your sympathy,” I countered, playfully pushing him away. “Now you should really be heading back.”

            “You are probably right,” he sighed as he got up. His hands rested on his lower back as he stretched with his neck craning upwards. “Oh, do you want a ride tomorrow?”

            “Mm, that would be nice,” I hummed since I wasn’t particularly fond of the limousine.

            “I’ll swing by again tomorrow morning then,” he announced as he headed to the door. I courteously opened it before making a gesture with my arm to signal his way out.

            “I’ll see you then,” I smiled gratefully to him. He leaned over and pressed his lips gently onto my forehead.

            “Sleep tight, love,” he dismissed himself before disappearing into the hallway.

-----

            In the morning, the maids made no efforts to try and wake me, mostly because it was the weekend. Furthermore, I couldn’t figure out how to use the digital clock on my nightstand, even after wrestling with it for what seemed like an hour. I ended up going to bed, fully believing that I could wake up on my own. Yeah, that was a farfetched idea. Onew had to have a maid open the door for him since I didn’t wake up from his rough pounding and yells.

            “Taeyeon, you have to wake up,” he softly whispered into my ear as his hands gently shook my shoulders. I groaned before groggily turning onto my side.

            “Five more minutes,” I begged as I felt myself beginning to lose conscious. However, Onew kept shaking me back awake.

            “It’s eight o’clock. When do you want to be home?” he asked, obviously starting to give up on waking me.

            “We can leave at nine,” I managed to say between yawns. Onew didn’t really say much after that. The room was finally silent, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Onew left or not. I shifted onto my other side, turning to where Onew originally was. He was looking over his watch, probably double checking on the time. With a sigh, he kicked off his shoes and pushed my hip slightly. I took the hint and scooted further into my bed. Onew slid under the covers with me before draping his arm over my waist.

            “Good night,” he murmured into my ear as he cuddled into my back. Soon after, the sound of his steady breathing was all I could hear. His lips were behind my neck, and every time he exhaled, the feeling of his hot breath hitting my skin sent shivers down my spine. His heart pounded against his chest which I felt against my back. At first, I was really uncomfortable with the whole situation. However, due to the fact that a wall was in front of me and the bed was a twin size, the idea of snuggling with Onew sounded smart. Furthermore… it was nice.

            Before I knew it, I drifted off into a deep sleep, enjoying the lullaby of Onew’s heartbeat and breathing combination. When my waist suddenly felt light and cold, I realized he had pulled his arm away. Immediately, my eyelids fluttered open to see he was just getting out of my bed. He smiled a tired yet sweet smile as he began to kick his shoes on.

            “Morning, sleepy head,” he lazily cheered. The button up shirt he was wearing became slightly wrinkled from the short nap, but luckily he had jeans on so they were perfectly fine.

            “Good morning,” I yawned before stretching my arms above my head. “Mm.” My hand reached out to push lightly on his shoulder, sending him backwards. I took the opportunity to move past him and toward my closet. With my index finger, I signaled him to wait for a moment. He nodded before kneeling in front of my bed and proceeding to bury his face into the covers. Since I was too lazy to waddle over to the bathroom, I stripped off my nightgown and replaced it with a bra and lacy and elegant white dress. I pulled on a skinny brown belt and some matching flats.

            “You can look,” I called to Onew before going over to the bathroom to freshen up. My hand cupped the sink water and splashed the cold liquid over my face. I felt as if my brain instantly awoke from the impact. With a towel, I wiped away the excess water off of my face. Deciding to take a few extra minutes, I applied light make up to further enhance my femininity. Once I was satisfied, I exited the bathroom.

            “Thank you,” I heard Onew say as I walked back into the room. The door was in the midst of closing when I arrived. Onew was holding his button up in front of him as he examined the clothing item. He suddenly realized that I was there and pulled the shirt to his bare chest, which I hadn’t noticed before.

            “Sorry, I – the shirt was – this is embarrassing,” he tried to apologize and explain, but ended up feeling the awkward tension in the air. When I noticed his face was slightly flushed, I couldn’t help but giggle at his innocence.

            “It’s fine,” I continued to laugh. He turned to where I could only see his back before pulling on the shirt. I noticed him fiddle with the buttons in frustration, but I didn’t make a move to help him, in fear I might further his embarrassment. When he finally got buttoned up his shirt nicely, we ended up walking out of my room in silence. Even the car ride was pretty quiet. Since he’d been to my house, or rather my mansion, before, there was no need for me to tell him directions. It wasn’t until we arrived that we actually spoke.

            “Thanks for the ride,” I said softly before opening the door. I shifted in my seat to get out, but Onew caught my arm.

            “Should I pick you up tomorrow morning?”

            “I-“ I was going to deny the offer, not wanting to be a burden.

            “I’ll pick up in the morning,” Onew decided for me. I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head; he obviously had his mind set on that decision. With a sigh, I nodded before exiting the car. I waved for him to leave, but his car held its ground. It wasn’t until I was the front door that he left. A servant bowed before me and waved his hand for me to enter. Once I was fully inside, he shut the door and a series of maids came in to greet me.

            “Hello, Ms. Taeyeon.”

            “How is school?”

            “Master has really missed you,” they said all at once. I merely nodded in response, not really sure how to answer, as usual. I bowed slightly before walking gracefully up the stairs, mentally making sure I kept my poise the whole time.

            “Back straight, head held high.” I followed the instructions as they were commanded. My feet lightly touched the steps as I went up the stairs.

            “Remember, don’t stomp your feet,” father reminded me again for what seemed like the hundredth time. Although I wanted nothing more than to yell at him that I knew, I smiled gently to him as I stopped on the step I was on.

            “Yes, father,” I politely said before bowing with my skirt fisted in my hands. I immediately released the cloth once I was back in the standing position. Soon after, I began descending from the stairs, slowly since I wanted to seem gracious.

            Once at the top of the stairs, I continued to walk to what I knew was father’s room. I knocked lightly against the door, letting my knuckles only barely graze the surface. When I got the signal, I turned the doorknob lightly and walked in.

            “Hello, my daughter,” he greeted, stressing the last word. It was a habit of his now; he usually did that when I was the only one around. It was a reminder that I needed to act like a girl, to act like his daughter. Just as I was taught, I grabbed the material just before the hem of my dress, lifted lightly before shifting my right leg in front of the other.  

            “Hello, father,” I politely called as I curtsied to him. He clapped slightly to show his approval, but it ended as quickly as it came.

            “You are probably wondering why I called you here today,” he guessed while leaning back into his cushioned chair. When I nodded, he smirked instantly. “Just thought I’d remind you about how you must act like a girl.”

            “Don’t worry, father. I’ve got everything under control.”

            “Now concerning the incident last night,” he continued, but I cut him off.

            “I’m fine thanks to Onew,” I waved it off.

            “Onew?” he questioned, confused by the name.

            “Lee Jinki,” I reminded him. Although I mention Onew’s name all the time, he never seems to connect that nickname to the son of his best friend. Even so, hearing the name ‘Lee Jinki’ seems to always put a smile on his face.

            “Ah, that wonderful boy. You didn’t take the limo; did he drive you here?”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “Mm, you know, his father asked if I wanted to arrange a marriage between you two.”

            “Wait what?” I exclaimed, completely shocked by the new news. It wasn’t like I didn’t like Onew or anything. He was definitely a good friend and quite the looker, but I never considered being… in a relationship with him, much less get married. Besides, if he found out I was a boy, he’d probably run for the hills, never wanting to speak with me again.

            “Don’t worry, I said no. I mean, although that’d be great for the business, I can’t risk it. He seems pretty straight,” he further explained, trying to calm my nerves. However, when he mentioned the word ‘straight’, I felt my whole demeanor deflate. That word seemed to only bring back unfond memories.

            “I’m sorry, Taemin.”

            ‘Shut up,’ I mentally grumbled. Seems the locks are really loose.

            “Anyways, you can leave now,” father dismissed me with his attention already focused on his computer. With a sigh, I bowed, even though he wasn’t looking, and took my leave. I went into my old room which was right next to his. Once inside, I nearly puked from all the overbearing pink that was in the room. Pink wallpaper, pink bed spreads, pink furniture; it all was too much for my eyes. I viciously rubbed my eyes, trying to sooth them.

            “Why does my room have to be so girly?” I whined in frustration. My hands squeezed the life, if it had one, out of the pink stuffed bear before throwing it on the other side of the room. With a pout and my arms crossed over my chest, I faced my father.

            “Look, if you are going to be my daughter, you’d better start learning what it’s like to be a girl,” he scolded me after smacking my cheek. With that said, he abruptly left the room, promptly slamming the door to emphasize his point. The stinging feeling from my cheek left me with tears pricking at my eyes. Even though I’d come here on my own free will, it didn’t change my feelings. I miss him. I dropped to my knees and held my face in my hands as I cried.

            “I miss him,” I spoke my mind as the hot tears streamed down my face.

            I glanced down at the floor to notice I was in the exact same spot as last time. My hand rested on my chest, right above where my heart was. The beating was steady, pounding against my chest at a nice rhythm. Even so, if hearts could talk, it would tell me how sad it was feeling.

            “I still miss him.”

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Author's Note: I was so proud of myself for being able to write all this during a three hour car ride while being squished between two small children. Yeah, they kept trying to talk to me while I was writing and occasionally banged on my keyboard. ^^:: This chapter is so... merrrr. I realized that I'm probably not going to write just a whole flashback chapter, so I'm leaving you guys to try and figure everything out on your own. If you guys tell me that you are totally lost, then I'll go back and write a flashback chapter. 

Just in case, I'll take the time to explain, very vaguely, about what happened. The small flashbacks that happened in this chapter were related to when Taemin was younger and began to crossdress. This 'him' who keeps appearing in these flashbacks and never seems to have a name; he will be making an appearance in the fifth chapter. ^^ I've already planned out the entire fourth and fifth chapter, so I'm going to get to writing it right now. I actually took advantage of my blog, so please check this out! 

Mm, and thank you to all my commentors and subscribers! ^^ You guys make my life <3 I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story, and I hope that continues! Until next time :)