Upon returning home, Father presented me with a multitude of dresses – ranging from long to short, strapless to long-sleeves, and simple to bedazzled. The maids of the household helped me slide into each one, carefully pinning it afterwards to properly fit my form. After putting on a dress, I’d stride over to the living room to show Father how it looked. He and a few renowned fashion designers would critique the overall outfit before dismissing me to change.

The whole process was tedious and ridiculous, but Father insisted that it was necessary; he was determined for me to have the most bodacious outfit at the ball.

As time passed, I became more and more agitated. Every garment suddenly felt so heavy, as if it was bluntly bruising my skin. My movements were sluggish and my face was down casted. It wasn’t long before it showed in my performance and Father dismissed us for a break.

I took off running back to my bedroom, shedding the glittery layer of cloth before slipping on some shorts and a t-shirt. Since I was home, I didn’t even have to bother with the troublesome girly necessities like a bra and merely threw myself onto the bed without a care. With my arms and legs spread wide, I stretched my tired limbs and let out a grainy exhale.

When I finished, the room consumed all the sound and left only silence. It was unnerving yet comforting at the same time. There was this annoying thought that I’d only be able to rest for just a little longer, but it was enough to just be able to have it at all.

I rolled onto my side to peer over the edge of the bed, glancing down at the dress I had just taken off. My right hand slide up to my chest, embracing the flatness, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I was doing. This was beginning to be so stressful especially since Minho came back into my life.

There was this saying that you never truly stop liking somebody, and I realize just what they mean by that. Even though it has been so long, I still feel like I am drawn to Minho, one way or another. While he is slightly more reserved, he is pretty much the exact same as I remember; his voice, his personality, his quirks, his habits – they are all the same.

Although I felt like I was beginning to fall for Minho all over again, there were times where I thought I was already in love with Onew. It was so conflicting and frustrating, and even if I were to realize my true feelings, I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t simply run into the sunset and live happily ever after; it wasn’t that easy. Right now, with our given situation, I couldn’t be with anybody. There is just that impending worry that Onew or Minho will realize my true identity and run away, appalled.

For now, I was content with friendship, even if my heart wanted a little more.

My phone – which was carefully placed on my bedside table – shook about, announcing its presence. I gave it a lazy glance, willing it to move on its own, but ended up throwing my arm upwards to grab it, nearly knocking the device to the ground. After fumbling with it for a second, I finally managed to pull it to face me. There was the little envelope icon flashing with a small, vibrant red two in the corner, signaling new messages were received. My thumb bashed against the screen to open the notifications.

From Joon:

I’ll be there by 7, okay? :)

I offered the emotionless screen a halfhearted smile as I typed a reply.

To Joon:

sounds good!

After hitting the send button, I switched over to the next message.

From Onew:

ready for the ball??

My heart jumped fifty feet out of my chest, hitting hard against my rib cage. I gasped from the impact and nearly threw my phone halfway across the room. There was this slight hesitation, and I debated between replying or not.

Suddenly, Father came knocking at my door, checking to see if I was alright. I hummed a reassurance, but he entered anyways. His head peaked through the small opening he made and looked to me with unsettled eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked hesitantly, unprepared for any response. I let out a small chuckle before sitting upright and throwing my legs over the side of the bed. My phone was thrown under my pillow, out of sight.

“Yeah, just dandy,” I replied dryly with a halfhearted smile. Father’s eyes never averted, only stared more intensely than before. I ignored it plainly and got off of the bed before walking past him. “How many more dresses to go?”

He followed after me, shutting the bedroom door softly. “I’d say ten at most.”

“That’s not too bad,” I cheered, trying to seem enthusiastic. Father didn’t buy it.

“What’s wrong, Taeyeon?” he demanded as he roughly stopped me by my shoulder. My head snapped around to face him, and I immediately noticed his serious demeanor. “Are you worried about the ball tonight?”

I nodded slowly before shifting my gaze to the ground.

Father sighed heavily. “Is it… is it Joon?”

“No!” I exclaimed, shaking my head furiously with my hands raised in defense. “Joon is fine, Father.”

“Well, from what I heard, you didn’t even know Joon before he asked you.”

“Yeah.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“What?”

“I don’t understand; if that is the case, why not go with Onew or something?”

“It’s better this way; less risky,” I shrugged lazily. Father opened his mouth to retort, but a maid suddenly called, catching our attention.

“Excuse me,” she grumbled shyly, confidence dispersed once our eyes fell on her, “d-did you want to continue?”

Father nodded, “of course.” His right hand nudged my shoulder blade, pushing me to move forward. “Let’s go.”

By around 6 o’clock, we finally finished sorting through all the dresses and deciding on one. The panelists were picking out accessories to go with it while Father and I slumped down at the dining table. My forehead rested in the palm of my right hand as my elbow dug into the wooden chair’s arm. Father stared plainly at me and I did the exact same to him. No words were uttered; only staring.

A maid eventually interrupted the unannounced contest with dinner – a fillet of salmon with a spinach salad. We ate quietly, the sound of our silverware clanking the only thing to be heard. Father occasionally looked up, seeming to want to say something. He never opened his mouth, however, for anything but eating.

My frustration levels were beginning to skyrocket, and I angrily threw my fork down and slid my chair away from the table. His eyes widened at my outburst, but refused to voice it. My hands slammed onto the table as I stood abruptly.

“What?” I growled, demanding an answer.

Suddenly, my cell phone’s ringtone blared obnoxiously against the table, shaking the dishes surrounding it. Father sent me an inquiring gaze before I glanced down to check who it was. I was mildly shocked to see a new message from Joon, but quickly opened it anyways.  

From Joon:

I’m on my way, so get excited!

Oh, and Onew is with me. Is that okay?

“What happened?” Father asked, noticing my now dumbstruck expression. However, I didn’t understand a word he said; I was too focused on the last part of the message. My hands became clammy and shook from nervousness. I could feel my mouth begin to water and my throat begin to dry. Lamely, I sent a ‘yeah’ before storming back to the living room and searching frantically for my dress.

“Where is it?” I yelled to one of the maids, snapping my fingers haughtily. It was rude and obnoxious, but I didn’t care at the moment; Joon was coming and I had to get ready. With my current state, it was a pretty obvious give away that I was actually a boy. The only thing that would sway away from that fact is my long hair and feminine physique.

The maid rushed to my side with the dress in hand – it was so long that it flowed to the ground and she tried desperately to keep it up. I immediately tore off my black t-shirt and unceremoniously threw it to the ground. As I stripped off my pants, the maid took my shirt and used it to shield her eyes.

“Miss Taeyeon!” she cried, embarrassed by my scandalous act. I ignored her and hurriedly slipped into the faded, pastel pink dress – one with light folds that cascaded across each other and flew to the end of my knees.

“Could you zip me up?” I demanded more than requested. My back was turned to her as I held up the strapless dress with my arms crossed over my chest. The maid shyly closed the dress for me, locking it in place. “Thank you.”

“Wait,” the maid called before I could attempt to run back. “You still need to do your hair and makeup.” I wasn’t given a second to reply; she dragged me to the bathroom where another maid was waiting with two curling irons in hand. The two immediately sat me down before hurriedly wrapping clumps of my hair around the wand and waving them into beautiful curls. They continued the process until they finished and then traded the devices for some eyeliner and light pink lipstick.

All hell broke loose suddenly when the doorbell ringing was heard. The two maids squealed in nervousness as they tried to apply the makeup properly but quickly. Father yelled for me to come down, saying Joon was already here. I sat up from my seat and fumbled to get my glittering white high heels on as the maids chased after me with the tools glued to my face. They placed their finishing touches before throwing on silver bracelet that covered my left wrist and was decorated with occasional large pearls.

“Taeyeon?” Father called, slight irritation evident in his voice. I hastily thanked the maids before running out of the room across with the hall – the hem of my dress in my hands, pulling it up so I wouldn’t trip. As I approached the front entrance, Father and Joon standing by the door came into view, them conversing playfully while keeping it diplomatic. With every step, I took notice of Joon’s outfit – a sleek, black tie, formal suit. He looked incredibly handsome with his dark hair slightly waved and swept across his forehead. As I got closer, his eyes darted to me and a smile spread across his face, creasing his cheeks in a flawless manner.

“Hey,” he breathed, slight chuckle slipping, “you look beautiful.”

I smiled as he took my hand in his, lifting it to his face and pressing a chaste kiss against the back. “Thanks. You look really nice too.”

“Why don’t we take pictures?”  Father cut in with a professional digital camera by his side. He pushed us against the door and set up a few feet away. As he directed, Joon wrapped his arm – shakily, I might add – around my waist and I crossed my hands over my lap. The sound of the shutter clicking sounded twice before Joon and I relaxed in relief. Father flipped through the photos in his camera and shook his head solemnly.

“Wait, let’s take one more just in case.”

I refrained from sighing in annoyance and settled back into Joon’s arms, lolling my head back to rest against his shoulder. Just as Father got into position again, the door behind us suddenly opened and pushed Joon and I forward.

“Oh sorry!” Onew exclaimed as he fell through the opening with rosy cheeks and a winning smile. “I was just talking to my parents on the phone.”

Joon shook his head lightly after loosening his grip around me. “Don’t worry about it.”

I stepped out of his grasp and leaned into Onew’s open arms, allowing them to embrace me fully. “Hey,” I whispered softly against his chest. Onew followed suit, offering the same exact words in the same manner. As we pulled away, he threw in a sweet compliment – “you look flawless” - before turning to Father and greeting him properly.

“I guess we ought to get going,” Joon announced, making a show to unlock the door and throw it open. Onew and I nodded in agreement and moved towards the exit.

“But Taeyeon,” Father unexpectedly interrupted, sly smile creeping. “Wouldn’t you like to take a photo with Jinki?”

“What?” I nearly shouted, startled by the sudden request. “W-why?”

He shrugged – what seemed – nonchalantly. “I mean, you guys are best friends.”

“Yeah,” Joon quickly agreed. “He’s right: you guys should take a picture together.”

Onew and I exchanged hesitant looks, but were forced to take the photo nevertheless. My arm snuggled around his torso as his was thrown lazily over my shoulders.  I took a quick glance at Onew as I prepared my photogenic smile, making sure he was poised and ready. My eyes relaxed in a serene way as I noted how dazzling Onew’s eyes looked, gleaming from the chandelier lighting above us. His innocent smile was beautiful and perfect and I couldn’t help but smile more peacefully.

The ballroom was not decorated to be for a typical high school dance; there were no cheap strings of lights, club music, amateur DJ, or tacky disco ball. Upon walking in, it was obvious how prestigious it was to even be attending. The entrance was lined with a red velvet carpet and properly dressed security who checked for everybody’s invitation. I entered the hall with my arm wrapped loosely around Joon’s and my eyes looking around in awe.

There was an orchestra playing in the back center of the room – violins and violas, clarinets and flutes, and every other instrument one could imagine. A maestro was in front of them, taping the stand occasionally and directing the musicians. They played a multitude of classical pieces from various countries, alternating between slow and upbeat tunes. Towards the corner of the room was a large table garnished with a bountiful feast that could feed hundreds of people. On the sides were bartenders fancifully and skillfully preparing non-alcoholic drinks for those who came by.

Over the dance floor were dim, glittering chandeliers that barely lit the room. As the three of us walked past, Onew spotted Key with his date towards the edge of the crowd dancing. The other noticed the older waving and proceeded to approach us with Nicole following behind, her hand clasping around his hand tightly.

“Hey,” Key greeted, lips tugging up into a smile. Onew replied with nod and pulled him in for a quick hug.

“You guys look good,” Onew commented, taking Nicole’s free hand for a second to the back with his thumb.

“Yeah, really,” I joined in, smiling brightly at her. “I absolutely adore your dress on you.”

She blushed feverishly and shifted back to shield herself a little with Key’s arm. However, he let go of her hand to move towards me. Her eyes casted downwards slightly and her smile dropped by a fraction. “Thank you.”

Key put a firm hand on the inside of my left arm, pushing me away from Joon and the others. He grumbled an apology to them before we were out of hearing distance.

“Yes?” I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows curiously.

Key turned around to look around the room before heaving a sigh. “Is…,” he hesitated, “is Jonghyun not coming?”

“What?” When I considered what he said, I realized that Jonghyun was indeed not present. I messaged him early in the morning, but he never replied. “I… I honestly don’t know.”

Key seemed disappointed by the response. “Oh.”

“Have you tried calling him?” I pursued, trying to brighten his mood.

“He won’t answer me…”

“Maybe he’s just didn’t have his phone. Why don’t I tr-“

“Taeyeon,” Key interrupted, shaking his head. He didn’t have to say anymore; I knew to stop. There was a small pause before he continued with, “where is that frog guy?”

I chuckled softly as his change in topic. “You mean Minho?”

“Same thing,” he assured me, rolling his eyes smugly.

“Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “Anyways, he said he was on his way.”

Key nodded lazily, eyes drifting to gaze around. Onew, Joon and Nicole seemed to notice our lack of communication and gestured for us to come back with smiles. I began to approach them when I saw Key lagging behind. My hand wrapped around his wrist and I pulled him along, slowly slipping my hand down to fit in his. He squeezed tightly, as if he really needed something to hold onto, and I squeezed back to give him reassurance.

“Do you think he hates me?” Key mumbled, probably directing the question more to himself rather than to me. I answered regardless with a strong “no” – not even needing to ask who exactly he was – just as we reached our group of friends. Nicole immediately ran over to us, snatching Key’s hand out of my grasp.

“Key,” she called with a wide smile as she shook his arm around. “Do you think we could go dance again?”

I watched him nod with his best attempt at faux happiness before being dragged back onto the dance floor. After releasing a heavy sigh, I turned around and quickly tried to start up conversation with Onew and Joon.

Despite knowing about his dance background, I was extremely impressed by Joon’s experience. When a playful song began to play, he lead me to the dance floor – leaving Onew behind – and bursted in spontaneous dance moves. In addition to being sophisticated and complex, they also fit the music perfectly and hit the right beats when appropriate. He gestured for me to join and I did my best to match his pace.

“You’ve almost got it,” Joon noted as he took one of my hands into his. He scooted back to give us space before pulling me forward and spinning me around. We shuffled around, constantly moving with the music.

“Oh my god,” I laughed as I almost tripped when Joon pulled me again. My heels clacked loudly against the wooden floor and I erupted in a fit of giggles as the song came to an end. Joon caught me as I fell into his chest and joined me in laughter.

“That was fun,” he cheered, wrapping his arm around my shoulders to help steady me. We walked together back to Onew, who was standing alone by the snack table. Onew immediately took me into his arms as I leaned forward, away from Joon.

“Did you guys have fun?” he asked, to which I nodded enthusiastically. “Did you happen to see Jonghyun?”

Joon’s eyes widened. “He still hasn’t showed up?”

Onew shook his head. “Not that I know of.”

“Really?” I exasperated, frowning profoundly. My head whipped around to find Key in the large crowd of people on the dance floor. My frown deepened when I noticed him dancing apathetically, swaying to the music with lackluster passion. It was a strange sight for anybody who knew the blonde, because he absolutely loved to dance and could light up the dance floor with his loud moves.

“What about Minho?” Joon questioned, switching the topic upon seeing my reaction. Onew glanced about until his eyes suddenly widened.

“Oh-“

“Hey, guys!” Minho called as he suddenly snuck up behind me. His long arms wrapped snug around my neck and rested upon my shoulders. “Sorry for being so late.”

“Yah!” I exclaimed, shuffling under his arms to face him. My right hand lightly slapped his well built chest as I looked up. “You said you’d be here soon.”

Minho laughed. “And?”

“You said that over half an hour ago!”

“Did you miss me or what?” Minho smiled smugly. My glare dissipated upon the sight as his hands slowly slide down my arms and to my hands. I watched our fingers carefully lace together and rub gently against each other’s knuckles. His large hands consumed my frail ones, holding them so delicately as if they’d break if handled to roughly. When I looked back up, his eyes and smirk softened into tender, loving expression that stole my breath away. The best I could do to answer was grumble an affirmative that caused him to beam happily.

The music abruptly switched to a slower tune, demanding an affectionate dance to accompany it. Everyone on the dance floor, including Key and Nicole, adjusted accordingly and pulled their partner closer to them. It was such an intimate moment that seemed so expressive, simplistic and beautiful.

“Hey,” Minho suddenly said after clearing his throat, catching our attention. He turned to face Joon with a stern but pleading look, swallowing hard before continuing. “Would you… would you mind if I danced with Taeyeon?”

Onew stared in awe at Minho with his mouth agape, obviously shocked by his sudden request. I was completely dumbfounded by his outbreak of courage; based on his new introvertedness, I wouldn’t have expected him to ask away like that. I looked to Joon and saw him contemplate it for a second.

“Well,” he started, raising his hand to run through his sleek hair. “I mean, if Taeyeon is okay with it…”

Minho immediately turned to me expectedly, giving me a hopeful gaze. “Tae?”

I nearly threw up my heart at the startling use of my old nickname. , Minho. Please don’t do this to me right now. The past seemed to do weird things to my stomach. “O-okay,” I decided after a moment of hesitation.

As soon as the single stutter left my mouth, I was lead to the dance floor by a firm arm around my waist. When Minho and I were nuzzled into the large crowd – barely in but in nonetheless – his hands moved from the small of my back to the dip of my waist. Minho motioned to his shoulders with chin, telling me to place my hands there, and I followed his orders accordingly. The slow music from earlier continued, and I lost myself in the melodious notes the instruments fought so hard to play. Minho and I seemed to float across the dance floor. His steps were so precisely measured, as if he practiced the dance over and over again.

When did Minho become such a great dancer? I thought, remembering distinctively that Minho never set foot on a dance floor when we were younger.

“I have to confess,” Minho interrupted as his hand tightened slightly against my waist. “I took a dance class before tonight.”

“Really?” I gasped in surprise. “Why?”

Minho shrugged unsurely, his cheeks rosy. “I… I didn’t want to embarrass myself when I asked you to dance.”

“Oh.” A giddy smile stretched my lips as I watched the shy Minho emerge and look away from me. His hand left my side to embarrassedly scratch his temple before returning to its proper place. His eyes wandered back to find mine and when they met, he fluttered them shut in content.

“Taeyeon.” He paused. His eyelids lifted open again and he looked down at me. He nervously his lips out of habit. “Tae.”

I stared expectedly at him, but he never continued. His large hands guided my hips around to move me further into the crowd, shadowing us more from Onew and Joon’s sight. When we were near the middle of the dance floor, Minho’s arms s around my waist, pulling us closer together. His tall frame made it difficult for him, but he rested his chin on my shoulder anyways.

“Minho,” I argued, pushing against him lightly, “you are too tall.”

However, he didn’t let up; he persisted to hold me against his chest.

“Min-“

“Hey, Tae,” he said, catching my attention again. My heart wrenched. Why? Why do you keep calling me that?

I attempted to look at him, but his face was hidden behind mine. “Yes?”

“It’s… It’s weird,” he chuckled anxiously. I could hear the nervousness, the quiver in his voice. “I don’t know. I mean, I…” He paused to his lips again. Following soon after was a series of mumbles and grumbles that I couldn’t understand despite him speaking right next to my ear.

“Minho?”

His hands desperately clenched against my dress, holding me as close as possible. He grumbled something softly to himself before pulling away, only to lean forward and rest his forehead against mine. His glazed eyes stared into mine, and I could see the nervousness and affection swimming in his dark brown irises. He blinked once, twice, three times and his lips for good measure. 

"Taeyeon, I..." he started, drifting off slightly at the end. His eyes began to wander to the ground, but he quickly pulled himself back together. I felt his grip on my waist slacken and then tighten. His hands were shaking furiously, but neither of us really paid it any mind. Minho took a deep, shaky breath before staring at me with determination. "I think I like you."

My initial reaction was to deny everything. I shook my head feverishly after pushing Minho and I apart. My eyes were wide and I fought hard to catch my breath. "No," I gasped, feeling my heart flutter. "You...  I thought you liked Taemin." Minho, stop. 

Minho seemed shocked by the counter. His eyebrows lowered in solemn guilt. "I did." He shook his head and corrected himself. "I do! I'll always love Taemin. Always."

"Then?" I exclaimed, slapping away his hands that attempted to comfort me. My eyes began to well up with tears, and I fought to keep them down. Minho, please. Don't do this to me. "Then why are you confessing to me?"

"Look," Minho said, voice deepening in seriousness, "I do love Taemin; I won't deny it. But right now, I have no idea where he is, what he is doing, how he is, or even if he is alive. I'll always love him... but I like to believe that he wouldn't want me to suffer - he'd want me to move on. And so, yes, I love him." 

Minho took a step forward, closing the gap between us. He carefully cradled my face with his hands and brushed away the tear that suddenly escaped with his thumb. As his rough fingertip grazed my cheekbone, I felt a stream of tears follow soon after. He leaned in close so our faces were only inches apart and turned my head to make me look at him. The corners of his lips tipped into a smile, and his whole expression felt so tender and loving. "But I also like you, Taeyeon."

I refrained from arguing, feeling my heart and head hurt painfully. Because this was so hard. If he liked Taemin, then that was fine. But liking Taeyeon, the me now, was difficult. I hated that I had to continue lying to Minho, that I had to continue putting up this façade. Because right now, the boy I had been in love with was standing before me, confessing his feelings like I had done before. And I wasn't sure if I could do anything about it. 

"Minho," I whispered, unable to find my voice, as his head inched forward, bringing his lips closer to mine. With his lips slightly apart, I felt his hot breath against my lips and I them anxiously. When I looked up, I saw his eyes were hidden and closed. My hands, which were flat against his chest, habitually fisted his tuxedo jacket. I tipped my head to an angle as my eyes fluttered shut. Just… just let me saver this one moment.

Our lips barely grazed each other – we spent a minute just breathing against each other’s skin, enjoying the thought that we were sharing the same breath – when a round of gasps suddenly sounded. We instinctively pulled apart, separating to where there was a foot of space between us. I glanced around, but the large crowd of people that formerly surrounded us was gone. In fact, they had moved to shadow something else.

Minho looked to me inquiringly, and seconds later, we both rushed to see what the commotion was about. People forcefully tried to push us back, obviously entranced by the scene in front of them. However, Minho and I managed to shove our way through. As we entered the eye of the storm, I immediately noticed Nicole in complete shock – agape and eyes stained with tears. Minho suddenly nudged me with his elbow, calling for my attention, and I turned around in time to see Jonghyun harshly grab Key by his jacket and pull him into an intimate kiss.

-----

A/N: This update was long overdue, and I sincerely apologize for the major delay. I wish I could say that I'll be able to update more now that it is summer, but I have a summer job again along with internship, a potential trip to Japan, and college applications that need to be done. Therefore, I cannot and will not promise anything because I've probably disappointed you enough. I'M SO SORRY! However, I will definitely try my best!

For those of you who have twitters, I am using mine actively again, if you'd like to follow. It's mostly just news updates on SHINee, EXO, and stuff like that. I'm shameless... But whenever I am writing, I also post information on updates and whatnot. They are just little things like if I'm writing, how far I am, if I'm done, things like that. I don't really use my blog here on AFF, so that might be a nice for those who want to see how I'm doing. 

And if you guys want to leave sweet messages in my inbox on tumblr, then that's cool too <3

Additionally, I'd like to say hello to all my new subscribers! After my random feature, I gained a lot of new readers that I am absolutely thankful for. Every single "congratulations" that I received that faithful day (04/17/13 for those who don't know ;)) really pushed me to continue fighting with this story. I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much <3

And for everybody who has stuck with me from the very beginning, leetaemin32596 especially (I love you, bb), thank you! You guys are really what keep me going. I honestly don't think I'd be where I am without you guys. You're all my main source of happiness. Every comment, no matter how long or detailed it is, really makes a difference. I love you guys! <3

As a special gift, I'm currently writing a BTS chapter for the ball scene between Jonghyun and Key. I'm sure a lot of you are wondering what the just happened with them (or at least I am hoping you are), so you should expect that soon! 

Once again, thank you all so much. And I mean, you, you and especially you, the one behind the computer screen reading this silly little message. You are the best. <3

For those of you who are curious as to what everybody is wearing for this lovely evening: Taemin/Taeyeon, Onew, Minho, Joon, Key, Nicole, Jonghyun. <3

Thanks for reading, 

Jaclyn

meraki

[+chap]