“Please eat this one so that at least you have strength on your taping. You haven’t eaten these past few days.” My manger told me worriedly as she gave me some bread.

“I’m not in a mood to eat.” I said weakly.

“Okay. If you really don’t want to it then tell me what you want to eat. I will prepare it.” She said still insisting me.

“I’m not hungry.” I said.

“Ha….then tell Unnie what really happened between you two? Just tell Unnie so that you will feel better.” She said to me caressing my hair.

“Telling you will not make him come back to me.” I said painfully.

“Not eating anything will not make him come back to you too.” She said and I just stared at her coldly.

“I’m sorry. I will just get your clothes. Wait here.” She said and leaved me.

“Unnie, I’m your fan! Please give me a sign!!” A girls surrounded me as my manager left me.

“Ow, sure. Thank you.” I said politely and signed their notebooks.

“I’m your fan too. Can you give us a sign?” Jiyong said and the girls around us screamed as they saw Jiyong and I just smiled at him.

“Oppa! Please give us sign too!!!” The girls screamed.

“Okay but you have to keep supporting her okay?” He said and gave them also a sign. As he finished giving the fans a sign and leaved, he sat across me.

“Our best actress is busy huh?” He said to me kiddingly.

“Ahaha. Kind the. But I guess you are also gaining popularity huh?” I said to him kiddingly too.

“I hope so but not busy as you not replying to my mail.” He said to me acting disappointedly.

“I’m really sorry.” I said feeling guilty. These past few days, I was scared of looking at my phone so I did not know he was mailing me.

“Congratulation.” He said to me sincerely.

“You already said that in the mail. At least I read that one. You are the first one who mailed me that.” I said and smiled and tried not to show my disappointment.

“You have taping?” He asked me.

“Yeah. Unnie is just getting my clothes. How about you? Why are you here?” I said.

“I just finished my appointment here. Then I guess I will watch you filming before I leave.” He said naughtily and I just smiled.

“Did you lose your weight? You look pale.” He said to me as he touched my face and I pulled back from his touch as I was surprised by his reaction.

“I…I’m sorry. I was just surprised.” I said looking down.

“Ah…no it’s okay. It’s my fault too. I’m sorry, I touched you suddenly.” He said awkwardly.

“______________ ah! Let’s get dress.” My manager called me.”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Ahm…I have to go now. Unnie is calling me. Hope you have great time watching the taping.” I said and leaved him. I touched my face where he touched me a while ago.

************************************************************************************************************************

“____________shi. What happened to your eyes? It’s really swollen.” The make-up artist said as she was doing my make-up. I looked at my face in the mirror, I looked wasted. It’s a good thing there is a make-up that can cover my swollen eyes.

“It’s just lack of sleep.” I explained and I looked at my manager and she just looked at me sadly and disappointedly because she knows that I’m lying. She knows the true reason. She knows that I’m crying every night in my room as our room was beside each other. She hears every night my sobs. She knows how helpless I am now.

“But you are not in the situation to complain because you are the woman of this year. You are beautiful, has a humble personalities, famous, rich and in the highest peak of your career. You already have everything.” The make-up artist said enviously as she keeps doing my make-up and I did not say anything because she doesn’t know thst I am starting to fall into my deepest peak of my life.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Okay! Let’s get started!!!” The director shouted as I stand by and so does the other staff. I also saw Jiyong standing beside my manager and cheered for me and I just smiled.

“Lights go to your position.” The light director said and the lights staff went nearer to me as it stings my eyes at first.

“Ready, camera action!!!” The director shouted.

“Okay…good…smile…keep smiling!!” The director said as the lights and the video camera surrounds me.

“Show me your sweet smile, come on!” The director said giving direction to me and I did my best. I always do my best at everything.

“Okay cut! Good!!! Change attire please.” The director said and the lights light off at the same time when I felt dizzy and stagger a little.

“_________shi are you okay?” The nearest staff asked me worriedly.

“I’m okay. Maybe the light was a bit strong.” I said and started to walk again when I felt my body became numb and everything went black. The last thing I heard was Jiyong’s voice.

************************************************************************************************************************

“What is she filming today?” Jiyong asked the manager curiously as he stood beside her.

“She is filming for a cosmetic commercial.” The manager explained.

“Fighting!!” Jiyong said as he noticed she looked at their position and she smiled back.

“Is she really okay? She really looks tired.” Jiyong asked worriedly to the manager.

“Wow. Jiyong shi really looks her well huh.” The manager said happily.

“Of course. I’m her fan.” He answered smilingly.

“Actually she is not eating properly recently.” The manager said worriedly and then they both heard a loud noise from the set.

“Omo!” The manager screamed in surprised and saw her lying on the ground and Jiyong hurriedly run towards her.

“____________shi!!!___________shi!!! Wake up!” Jiyong shouted shaking her body and tapping her cheeks but there was no response.

“I will call the ambulance.” The manager said panicky as she grabbed her phone.

“___________shi!! Can you hear me!?” Jiyong keep shouted at her.

************************************************************************************************************************

“No!!!!” She screamed suddenly while sleeping in the hospital’s bed and Jiyong who was still there and the manager was surprised.

“Please!! I will be good this time! Just don’t leave me Oppa! Please come back to me!!!!” She said still screaming as tears started to flow and her hand was searching for something when Jiyong held her hand.

“Oppa…I love you…” She said weakly as she hold tightly to Jiyong’s hand and didn’t speak anymore seems like she was calmed by Jiyong’s grip.

“Jiyong shi, she was just having a nightmare so don’t think deeply about what you heard.” The manager said to Jiyong who was with serious face.

“Jiyong shi.” The manager called him again.

“Ah! Don’t worry noonim. I understand.” He said and looked at her sadly.

“Please mail or even call me when she woke up.” Jiyong said as he was preparing to leave.

“But…we can’t let you involve with this. It’s her personal matter.” The manager said problematically.

“Please, just let me stay with her. I guess you are not stupid not to know my feelings to her.” Jiyong said frankly and the manager looked at him and just nodded weakly.

************************************************************************************************************************

I opened my eyes and white ceilings welcomed my sight.

“Are you awake now?” My manager asked me worriedly.

“Where am I?” I asked weakly.

“You are in the hospital. I told you to eat properly.” My manager said as she prepared a meal in front of me.

“I’m not hungry.” I said and closed my eyes.

“You should eat this. Jiyong shi make this porridge for you.” She said and I opened my eyes again to take a look at the porridge.

“Where is he?” I asked.

“He already left. He visits you these three days.” She explained and I did not say anything.

“You also notice that he likes you right?” She asked me.

“You also know that I still love him right?” I asked her back painfully.

“Forget about him. He doesn’t even show up here even the news already told that you fainted during the taping.” She said frankly, making me face the reality that I don’t want to face.

“Just eat this please and be thankful.” She said and I slowly eat the porridge.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Are you okay now?” Jiyong asked her worriedly as he sat beside her bed.

“Ung. Thank you for the porridge.” She said weakly and smiled.

“No problem. I can cook something again if you want to eat something.” He said and smiled back.

“Haha…” She laughed softly as her face looks painfully.

“__________shi?” He called her confusedly.

“You are doing the same mistake like me.” She said emotionless.

“What are you talking about?” He asked confusedly.

“Cooking something will not fill the loneliness we feel.” She said and he did not reply with surprise.

“I…I’m sorry.” She said realizing what she just said and suddenly Jiyong held her hand.

“I don’t know what happened to you but I will be here for you. No matter what.” Jiyong said sincerely and she did not answer and pulled back her hand.

“I’m sincere with my feeling. I will wait so please don’t push me away from you.” He said bravely.

“I’m okay.” She said looking away from him.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Just sit here, okay? I will get you water.” My manager told me as she helped me until my bed. I opened the T.V and saw myself in the news.

“___________shi was discharged this evening from the hospital. The actress fainted during her CF filming due to her busy schedule. During her confinement, many fans were worried and even gathered in front of the hospital to support her. Many famous celebrities were also visited during her confinement.” The reporter said and when I was going to change the channel when my hand froze.

“This evening, Micky Yoochun shi of DBSK was found in a café with the leader of the new y girl group after school Park Ga-hee shi spending time together. There was a rumor recently that the two goes up frequently and it seems that they are in an intimate relationship right now.” The reporter said and I saw the girl’s face. It was the girl that was with him when I last saw him.

“____________ah. This is your water.” My manager said and gave me the water. I grabbed the water and threw it to the T.V.

“____________ah.” My manger called my name worriedly.

“I hate you!!! I hate you!!!! I hate you!!!!” I shouted angrily as my tears filled my eyes and my heart was full of pain. My manager hugged me and caressed my back to calm me.

“I hate you…I love you…I still love you…” I said helplessly as I cried inside her arm.

************************************************************************************************************************

I was drinking alone in the bar, drinking whatever drink that the bartender offers to me. I cannot fall asleep anymore. I cannot stay anymore in my room. Staying alone will full my mind with him. I cannot forget him. I know I’m becoming paranoid but I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to get away from the reality.

“It seems like you have a problem.” A dangerous guy talked to me as I was finishing my drink.

“It’s none of your business.” I said and continued drinking.

“Ahahaha…it seems really deep.” He said mockingly.

“What do you know about me!? Tell me! What do you know about me!?” I said angrily and I can feel that I’m becoming dizzy.

“I know you’re an actress.” He said to me.

“So what!? Are you going to tell the press that I’m here drinking badly? Tell them. I’m not scared.” I said as I finished my drink and prepared to leave when he stopped me.

“No, I will not do that. But I know how to help you with your problem.” He said and smiled wickedly.

“Don’t fool around. You know nothing.” I said and started leave again when he stood in front of me.

“I know. I know many celebrities like you drinking to their death just to escape from their problem.” He said professionally and I looked at him suspiciously.

“I will offer you this.” He said and showed a small plastic with white powder inside.

“Are you kidding me? It’s a drug.” I said irritably.

“Yes. It is a drug but it is a magic powder that helps you escape from your problem.” He said and waves in front of me the plastic and I did not answer.

“Instead of drinking why don’t you use this? Just try once and if you don’t like it then don’t use it anymore. I’m offering you the best medicine.” He said and I stared at the plastic wavering.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Yah! What time did you go home last night!?” My manager yelled at me as I went out from my room, rubbing my head that is still aching because of drinking.

“What is my schedule today?” I asked her not answering her question.

“You are not even answering your phone. Did you know that Jiyong shi came here worriedly and called you many times but you did not answer it.” She said annoyingly.

“He should not waste time on me. Tell him he will not get anything from him.” I said coldly.

“Tell him personally. He is here.” She said and Jiyong appeared in front of us and my manager leaved us.

“What are you doing to yourself?” He asked me irritably.

“It’s none of your business. Don’t you have any work?” I said coldly and he went near me and caresses my hair to see my face clearly and I slapped his hand.

“Don’t touch me.” I said and turned away.

“Why are you doing this? You’re wasting everything.” He said disappointedly.

“So what if I waste everything? I worked for this money so I can spend it whatever I want.” I said.

“It’s not the money. It’s all about you!” He shouted at me irritably.

“Who are you to yell at me!? Who are you! Huh!?” I shouted back at him.

“Please…stop doing this to yourself. You are not only one affected when you are doing this to yourself! You are making worried your fans, manager and…and me! I’m worried for you.” He said as he stared at me sadly.

“I told you not waste your time with me! I don’t love you! I cannot love you back so stay away!!!” I shouted at him and he looked at me painfully.

“You have changed.” He said and leaved me in the room.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Unnie….I think I left my phone in the van. Can you get it for me?” I asked her weakly.

“Okay. Just wait here. It will be your next soon.” She said and tapped my shoulder before she left me. I sat there in front of the mirror for a while and grabbed my bag and get a small plastic.

“You have changed.” What Jiyong said a while ago echoed in my mind.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m tired of you. You know, your love to me is pressuring me.” What Yoochun told to me also echoed together in my mind.

“No…no…” I said to myself and I looked to the small plastic that I was holding.

************************************************************************************************************************

“Ready, Camera action!” The director shouted.

“Waahh! This is really the best!!!” The actor in front of me said happily as he ate the food in front of us.

“Really?? Really??” I asked him nervously.

“It’s the best!!” He said and showed me the thumb sign when suddenly his face becomes Yoochun’s face.

“Liar…” I whispered.

“What??” The actor asked with surprised.

“You are a liar!!!” I shouted and looked at him angrily.

“I…its true…” The actor said stuttered.

“Is that written in the script?” The people around us murmured confusedly.

“You are a liar!! You said cooking does not satisfy you! You even said that the maids can also do that!” I yelled at him.

“Cut cut cut cut!!!” The director shouted and my manager runs toward me.

“______________ah.” My manager called my name softly as she caresses my back.

“You’re a liar! You said my love is pressuring you and now you are smiling in front of me!” I yelled angrily.

“Sorry, sorry. She just needs a break.” My manager apologizes.

“I hate you!! I hate you!!!” I said and started hitting him and the stuff hurriedly stopped us.

“Is she crazy!?” The actor said angrily as he rubs his chin where I hit him.

“I’m really sorry.” My manager said lastly and escorted me to the van.

************************************************************************************************************************

I opened my eyes heavily and looked around and noticed that I was already in my room.

“What is wrong with you yesterday!? Why did you hit _______(actor’s name)?” My manager asked me confusedly.

“I hit ________shi? I did not hit him.” I said.

“You did! Yesterday when you were filming and then when I brought you to the van you fell asleep.” She explained and I think about what happened yesterday.

“I did not him. I hit Yoochun Oppa.” I said.

“What!? What are you talking about?” The manager asked me more confusedly this time.

“I told you. I hit Yoochun Oppa yesterday not ______shi.” I said and my manager rubs her forehead calming herself.

“Just go get dress for your work and we also need to apologize for him.” My manager said.

“I don’t want to go to work and I will not apologize for him. Besides I did not do anything wrong.” I said and lay back to my bed.

“What are you saying you don’t want to go to work!?” My manager asked me with surprised.

“I don’t want to work anymore. Just leave me alone.” I said.

“Are you crazy!? You are destroying your career!” She said and was astonished.

“What do you care!? You will leave me also any time soon! Like Yoochun Oppa did! Like Jiyong did! So just leave me alone now!” I yelled and pushed her away and she just looked at me disappointedly.

“Maybe with Yoochun shi yes but remember Jiyong did not leave you. You pushed him away like you are doing to me now.” She said sadly.

“Just go!” I said and pushed her out of the room. I just sat in front of the door helplessly and controlled my cry until I heard her leaving the house and cried loudly.

************************************************************************************************************************

I went to the bar and searched for a guy crazily and as I saw the guy that I was looking for I run to him and grabbed his clothes.

“Ow…you again.” He said to me with surprised.

“I need it. Give me some. I need it now. I’m having nightmare.” I said as my body shakes terribly.

“Ahahaha. I’m glad you like it.” He said to me mockingly as he looked at me head to feet.

“Give me! Hurry!!” I said as I tried to control my shaking body.

“But…this time it is not discounted.” He said as he gets a small plastic from his jacket.

“I will pay. I can pay for it. Just give me now!” I said and as soon as he gave me I leaved the bar hurriedly.

************************************************************************************************************************

“____________shi left her upcoming drama. It was reported that during the filming she hit the famous actor without the reason. She also rejected her all upcoming projects and the fans and the celebrities were all shocked by her sudden change of attitude. Her management was very apologized by their talent’s irresponsibility. Is it because the actress became the best actress now? Or…” The reporter was still reporting when Jiyong turned off the T.V.

“Hyung, do you know what really happened to her?” His group members asked him worriedly.

“I’m not sure.” Jiyong said and tried to continue on his dance steps when his phone vibrated.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Jiyong shi.” It was her manager.

“Yes, Noonim?” He said.

“Can you do me a favor?” She said.

“It depends on the favor. Ahaha.” He said joking around.

“You know, I left the apartment for almost 3 days now and I’m in my province.” She explained.

“Oh! Why?” He asked worriedly.

“I guess you already watched the news. The management asked me to have a break first and wait for her to calm but I’m still worried if she is doing fine.” She said worriedly.

“So…do you want me to go check her?” He said problematically.

“Yes…I know it’s hard for you but I don’t trust anyone. I know that you will not take advantage of her. You don’t need to assist her just please check her out.” She said pleadingly.

“….Okay. After the training I will go.” He said.

“Thank you! Thank you, Jiyong shi.” She said.

“Okay, take care also there.” He said and was going to cut when the manager stops him.

“Jiyong shi, you know that she is not a bad person. She didn’t mean to treat you like that. I just hope you still care about her and I believe nothing is impossible. Bye.” She said and hangs up the phone.

************************************************************************************************************************

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m tired of you. You know, your love to me is pressuring me. Do you think cooking and cleaning my house will satisfy me? My gosh! You are not a maid! You think that is the best way to take care of me but maids can also do that!” Yoochun yelled at me.

“I’m sorry please don’t leave me!” I pleaded and when I was about to touched him he disappeared.

“You have changed.” Jiyong said disappointedly and disappeared.

“No…” I said covering my ears.

“She is not even good in acting.” The actresses murmured and looked at me mockingly and disappeared again.

“No…no…” I said.

“Why she looks so pitiful?” The girl beside Yoochun said sarcastically.

“Don’t come back here anymore.” Yoochun said to me coldly.

“Please! I can’t live without you!” I said to him helplessly.

“Then don’t live anymore. You have nothing else to lose anymore.” He said mockingly and disappeared too in front of me and I was left behind in my dark room alone.

************************************************************************************************************************

Ding dong~

“Why she is not answering?” Jiyong said and rang the doorbell again but there was still no answer. The apartment security said she did not go out so she should be there and he can hear sound from the shower.

“You left me with no choice.” Jiyong said as he used the key that the manager asked from the apartment security to gave it to him in case that she will not open the door.

“__________shi? ____________shi?” Jiyong called her name as he entered the dark room. The place was wasted. There were empty bottles of wine in the living room and her clothes were scattered around. He went to her room and knocked the door before he entered.

“__________shi?” He called her but she was not there in the room and then he heard a noise from the shower room.

“Maybe she is taking a bath.” He said and started cleaning the room when a plastic fell from her clothes and picked it up. He looked closely at the plastic and tasted the white powder inside.

“Drugs?” He said with surprised and became worried of her and hurriedly went to the shower room.

“__________shi! Are you there? Are you taking shower? _________shi!” He shouted in front of the door but there was no response.

“If you will not answer me, I will break into inside okay!?” He shouted and waited for the response but there was still no response and break the door and went inside the shower room and there he saw her in the bath tub unconsciously with the pool of blood.

“Yah!!!_____________shi!!! Wake up!!” He said panicking as he hurriedly carried off her from the tub and get a towel and tied it to her bleeding wrist and called for ambulance.

“Jiyong shi…” She opened her eyes weakly.

“Yes, I’m here. Don’t fall asleep okay? Just stay with me.” He said worriedly as he wraps her with towels.

“I did not change…” She said weakly.

“Yes, you are right. You did not. I’m sorry.” He said controlling his tears from coming out.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” She said and slowly closed her eyes.

“Yah!! Don’t’ sleep!! I will not leave you again! Please wake up!!!” He said as he hugged her tightly.

*
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*End of Part V*

 

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