Bad Behavior
Chapter Fourteen (NOT FINAL)
Junhong POV

The year between sixteen and seventeen I had my heart ripped out several times over. I learned what it meant to truly love someone with every fiber of my being, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling by any means. With exasperating effort, I searched for a loophole, and attempted to escape another heart break. Daehyun came back into my life to aid me with this, though I resented him more than I ever had.

“Junhong, would you like to talk today?” he asked placidly. I curled deeper into my mattress, shoving away all else. He waited beside me, and my parents waited downstairs. Everyone waited for me, but they refused to make it easy on me. They apparently had come to think that over time I’d learn to just accept things as they were, that maybe I’d just fall out of love with Yongguk. I was a stubborn bull-headed boy who firmly believed them to be full of .

“Not with you,” I grumbled out. School had resumed but thus far no one had attempted to make me go. I could only imagine the sneers that Jiho and Kyung and their gang of goons had probably spent hours coming up with while waiting for my not-so-valiant return. I was perfectly happy in my bed (well, as happy as I would be so long as I slept and rose alone) and had no intentions of making this easy on anyone. For what reason did they deserve my cooperation when they so blatantly ignored my every hint and simple blatant requests?

Daehyun heaved a sigh as he sat beside my bed. “I understand that right now you’re feeling bad, but you need to understand…” I tuned him out after that, deciding that there was nothing more worth listening to. Instead I thought of plans, ploys, and plots to get around the imposed road block of Jongup and Himchan that sat between Yongguk and me. If I could get to him just once, I knew, we could think of something, we could make all this trouble go away. I just needed one night alone.

But Jongup wouldn’t let that happen. He was earnest with me, more so than even my parents. “I’m going out,” I told him one day as the leaves were changing color. He marched his short little legs right up to the front door and shook his head. I was in disbelief! Jongup had never once denied me, but he glowered up at me with eyes more steadfast that the wall than the door that he blocked.

“Go back to your room, you’re not going to see him.”

He was direct, and I guess I underestimated his intellect just a bit because he knew exactly what I was planning. I wanted to argue, but his eyes told me to listen. They were more tired than I had ever seen and it broke my already shattered heart. I loved Jongup—and I had for longer than I had even known Yongguk—but he still was second in priority to the man who had so effortlessly walked into my heart through his raspy voice and gummy smiles. Yongguk was everything to me.

What everyone failed to understand was that Yongguk was more than just some man to me. Yongguk represented everything I had always wanted:  Someone who genuinely cared about me. Over the months I had been in his arms I wasn’t told that my dreams were unrealistic, or told that I was ungrateful. That wasn’t to say he had never scolded me, but his stern voice was always laced with love. He became more than my lover, but he also took the position of a parental figure, and my best friend. Never once was Yongguk my boyfriend; he transcended that.

One night as Jongup came to my room to bring my dinner (I stayed pretty confined up there, avoiding my parents and Jieun in any way I could) I tried to explain this to him. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the recesses of my room, sitting him down on the window seat where I had loved in my youth. I sat with him, curling my long legs up in the tiny space and he looked at me with his usual lost and dazed look. For the first time in the past year I confessed my feelings for Yongguk to someone other than him.

I took a breath, and I told him everything.

I told him about how I had kissed his knuckles in secret, and I told him about how I snuck to his apartment, and how he had protected me from the school bullies twice over. I told Jongup that I liked boys and that Yongguk hadn’t minded. I explained my descent into him—not into love, but into Yongguk. I had fallen helplessly for him and now rested at his feet. I told him about how he took care of me when my father blew up, and the times he held me in the dark. I told him how long I had waited to kiss him, and how wonderful it had felt the first time.

I spilled my heart and soul to Jongup: the brother I had never had. I retold our story of running away, and all the things we had done together. I showed him the callouses on my hands and told him about our morning kisses and the stories Yongguk would write for me. I described my first time with no shame, detailing how sweet he had been, how gentle and understanding.

Before I was done, we were both crying.

Jongup held me tightly and I cried into his shoulder. “I love him hyung, I love him so much,” I sobbed and he rocked me from side to side.

“I know Junhong—but… But, you’re so young, nobody will believe that you know what it feels like to be in love,” he whispered, uttering the harsh truth. I wailed softly into his shirt and his entire body shook with mine. I knew love. Love was Yongguk, and Yongguk was my love. He was embedded so deeply in my heart that being away from him literally caused my chest to hurt.

“I can’t lose him Jongup—I just… I can’t. He’s everything to me. I gave up my money, my friends, I even gave up you, all of those important things, all for him. And for the first time I was happy. For once it wasn’t that my happiness came when you or him walked in the door and left when with you two as well, it was that I was always happy. My chest stopped hurting, hyung, but it hurts so much right now.”

I cried in his arms for a long time. The food, now forgotten, grew cold on my table and Jongup’s desserts were probably burned to a crisp, but he didn’t leave my side. I cried until I had no tears left and my entire body hurt from the reduced respiration. My eyes stung and Jongup wiped my face. I couldn’t read his eyes that day—there was something there, I was sure of that, but I couldn’t place it.

“You’ll make it through this,” he promised me in this bittersweet way that almost made me cry again. But there was nothing left besides an empty feeling in me. I nodded a bit and pulled out of his arms. He tried to follow me to the bed, but I fell so flatly onto the covers that even the aloof Jongup took the hint. I wasn’t ever going to be okay without Yongguk, and he knew it.

And so, I waited in silence, that being the last time I spoke until the trial.

Said trial came in December, making it a near two months without hearing Yongguk’s voice, or inhaling his scent. I grew as cold as the outdoors, as my heart froze over. The air around me was tense as the final day drew near. My mother and father tried to ask me how I felt, but I couldn’t even meet their eyes. I shut out everything in order to prepare myself for the heart wrenching day of decision.

We all dressed in nice suits and piled into my car, with the exclusion of my father. He had a meeting that morning and was going to meet us at the courthouse. Jieun and my mother sat on either side of me and Jongup drove. Their soft hands rubbed my shoulders, as if trying to warm my cold heart, but I only became sick from their perfumed touches. Quietly, I endured.

Yongguk was there ahead of us, and I saw him across the way. It was just the back of him, but I knew every inch of the man, and could even tell him from a distance. He was speaking with a short and fat man in a suit, one whom I assumed was his lawyer. Himchan met us at the metal detector, quickly taking note of where my eyes were glued. His face was grim and tired, and looked older than I remembered. It was as though he had aged two years instead of two months. Jongup stood off to the side, eyes down and not daring to get close to the blonde.

Himchan ushered us past Yongguk quickly, obviously to keep me from trying to steal a moment. Jieun held my arm, dragging me along, nails digging in just a bit as we passed him. I threw a glance over my shoulder, and my heart skipped a beat. Yongguk’s eyes were glued to me as well, and as our eyes met, a small smile spread across his lips. As if like magic, the ice barriers melted.

“Good luck!” I shouted suddenly, those being the first words I had said in months. It startled everyone, including loitering lawyers around reading their case files, judges rushing to get their morning coffee, and it especially startled Yongguk’s awkward looking legal aid. Jieun held me tighter and Himchan put an arm around my shoulders so I couldn’t look back anymore. But it was too late, I had already seen Yongguk’s mouth open, and I knew his deep chuckle more than anything.

My heart thumped in my chest as Himchan scolded me for the outburst in empty courtroom. I shrugged my shoulders. “We all know which side should win,” I told his obstinately, “The innocent should remain that way, but then again, you’re not an honest lawyer, are you?” I’m not sure why my mother didn’t scold me for my sharp tongue that day, but if I had to guess, she was probably too happy that my voice had returned to say a word. Jongup tensed up as I spat my words at an annoyed Himchan who expertly kept his cool.

“We all know which side will win, as well.”

Bitterly I glared at the lawyer as he coached us on the proper etiquette for being on the stand. He told me to look at the judge when I gave my answers, and I snorted. “You know where I’ll be looking.” Himchan gritted his teeth and continued, making sure I planned to uphold my promise of not detailing any of the physical abuse. Even then, when their seventeen-year-old son was about to go through a traumatic legal experience, the company still took priority.

We all took our seats on the bench and Himchan sat just ahead of us at a table. My father arrived barely before the trial began and took a seat beside him at the table. They whispered to each other, and I noticed a familiar silhouette being held at the doors. They waited until the last minute to bring Yongguk in, which was the work of strings being pulled, I was sure. My eyes were on him instantly, despite my cousin’s constant tugging on my arm while the lawyers set some ground rules.

The judge announced the case details and Himchan stood for his opening.

“In August of last year, Mr. and Mrs. Choi hired the defendant, Bang Yongguk as a tutor for their son. His duties were simple, and he amply completed them. Choi Junhong’s grades rose and his attitude improved. What his parents were unaware of, however, was that Bang Yongguk was meeting the boy outside of the tutoring sessions. He bought him gifts, and visited his school. Innocent at first, their meetings began to get out of hand.

The defendant developed nothing short of an obsession for the boy you see over there. He spoke about him constantly, and refused to listen to the reason of friends who warned him of where he was going. It was clear to everyone in their lives that things had gotten outrageous between this twenty-nine year old man, and the sixteen-year-old before you, and so his employment was terminated. Eventually the line was crossed. In late July, while staying with the Choi family as the fiancé of their niece. While their son’s best interest never left their mind, the Choi’s assumed that Mr. Bang was a changed man.”

His eyes connected with the jury members, narrow and intimidating.

“Clearly,” he said sternly, “This was not the case. No, instead of changing, it is plain to see that Bang Yongguk only became worse. He took the boy in a stolen car, with a pocket full of money that was given to the victim by his parents, and they set off for Busan. They had others lie and cover their tracks, and the defendant never once cared for what was left behind. He uprooted the boy selfishly, deceiving his young and underdeveloped mind, charming him into following after him.

Today, the Choi family is asking you, the jury, to find Bang Yongguk guilty—as he so clearly is—of kidnapping their only son, and hiding him away for months.”

Himchan delivered the speech so strongly that it was clear to see that the jury was already swayed in his direction. I gritted my teeth as he turned to return to the table. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and it was probably good that he didn’t. It took everything I had not to shout what a con-artist he was.

Yongguk’s lawyer was terrible in comparison. His voice shook and he stuttered. His points didn’t connect, and with wobbly legs he called his first witness. It was Jieun, and looking like a model she strode up, swearing herself in and taking a seat. Clearing his throat, the lawyer began his questioning.

“You’re the former wife of Mr. Bang, is that true?”

“It is.”

“And you were engaged to marry him a second time when this alleged marriage took place, is that correct?”

“…It is.”

“Then, is it fair to say that Mr. Bang’s character had improved enough in that year for you to accept a proposal?”

“He lied. He’s a dirty ert with a for my little cousin. He tricked me, just the same as he tricked Junhong.”

That set the pace for the whole trial. Our family lied straight through their teeth, and Yongguk’s timid lawyer refused to cut them off. Himchan was completely destroying him and I couldn’t do anything about. Yongguk was quiet and seemed relatively unbothered by this. We cycled through Jieun and both of my parents before Jongup was called to the stand. He was shaking with nerves and conflict, and couldn’t meet Himchan’s eyes during the direct examination.

“You spent time with the defendant on numerous occasions, is that true?”

“Ah… Yes.”

“And would you attest to Yongguk’s drinking problem that Ms. Song mentioned?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it a pro—”

“Yes or no, Mr. Moon.”

Jongup looked startled by Himchan’s cold cut off. He lowered his eyes.

“Yongguk would drink sometimes, y-yes.”

“Isn’t it true that Yongguk allowed Choi Junhong over several times, even spending the night?”

“Well, I know that he went over a couple of times, but—”

“Thank you, Mr. Moon. Now, would it be fair to speculate that the two may have had a ual relationship before the event upon the day they were found in Busan?”

Himchan had thrown that question in to be thrown out, I was sure of it, but Yongguk’s lawyer didn’t object. I let out a soft groan. I could have defended him better.

“No, it wouldn’t be fair to speculate that.”

Jongup’s strong reply threw Himchan off a bit, causing him to miss a tiny beat, that was just enough for Jongup to say something more.

“Yongguk never touched Junhong until the day they ran away, and he didn’t touch him in that way until they were found. Junhong confessed to me.”

A grin crossed my face, and Himchan quickly brought the case back to focus. He became harsher with Jongup, forcing him to admit to a slant, and badgering his own witness, but Jongup took it with lowered eyes. The cross had the potential to turn the case around but one cold glare from Himchan shut the poor lawyer up for the most part. He asked weak questions, and made little lead way, but finally, it was my turn.

Himchan called me as his witness, and I swore in. I sat up straight and faced him without fear like Jongup had.

“How old are you, Choi Junhong—may I call you Junhong?”

“Seventeen, and no you may not.”

Himchan’s eyebrows twitched, but he continued.

“Alright, Mr. Choi, can you please state for the court the difference in age between you and the defendant?”

“Twelve years.”

“And all this time were you considering the fact that the defendant was more than a decade older than you?”

“No, I was not.”

“Then, you were blinded by emotion?”

“I was fully aware of what I was doing, and what I was feeling, so no, I was not ‘blinded’ by emotion.”

“You were bullied at school, were you not?”

“Yes, I was.”

“And the defendant protected you from the school bullies once, is that correct?”

“Twice. He came to my side twice.”

“Then would I be possible that you were overwhelmed by these acts and not thinking clearly?”

“No, it’s not possible. I was more aware than ever at that time because I tried not to fall in love with him because of people like you.”

The judge warned me to watch myself and I nodded. We continued for a while, and he had difficulty pointing me in the direction he wanted. I negated everything. I had been quiet for months, just thinking about this day and how I would get my point across.

“You believe that you’re in love with the defendant?”

“I am in love with Bang Yongguk, yes.”

“Please restate your age for the court.”

“Seventeen.”

“No further questions, your honor.”

The condescended end to his questioning had me roaring mad, but I took a breath and continued through the cross.

“Has the defendant ever hurt you?”

“Never. He’s done nothing but protect me, truthfully. Even when I was rude to him, he took care of me.”

“And how did you come to love him?”

Himchan gave me a wary look as I thought about my answer. Finally, I responded, “I’ve always been different than my parents. I’ll never be a business man, and now I know that I’ll never fall into a material life. I was a spoiled brat when Yongguk came to tutor me. I thought I had the world in my hands, and truthfully it had been handed to me. But there was something our money couldn’t buy for me and that was acceptance. I’m gay,” I drew in a sharp breath, refusing to look at my father’s face, “Yongguk was the only person that has ever told me that was okay. He never made a pass for me. I pursued him. I fell for his smile and his kind nature. He’s so intelligent and wise. He came from nothing and became such a great professor. Everything my cousin has said has been her interpretation, but I know Yongguk better than she ever did, whether she was his wife or not.” There was an indignant scoff from the bench, and I was sure it was Jieun. Even so, I continued, “He’s caring and kind. He tried so hard to deny me. He tried to look out for me in that way, but I was stubborn. I waited for a year to make him mine, and his is mine. Whether we’re separated after today or not, he’s not going to ever love anyone else, and neither am I.”

My eyes drifted to the jury, who wore mixed expressions. “We might be twelve years apart, but hearts aren’t like trees. There’s no way to count the rings and decide how old they are. I’ve been given more love by our hired help than my own parents for years. I gave up, I grew cold, but he,” I connected eyes with Yongguk, “warmed me back up. I’ll go through my entire life holding him in my heart and he’ll always be the most inspiring man I’ve ever met.

That’s why I love Bang Yongguk.”

He smiled a smile that was more gum than teeth at me from across the courtroom, and I smiled back. For a moment the courthouse fell away and it was only us two, standing on one stage again. My heart felt at ease in that moment, and Himchan didn’t bother with a redirect, knowing I was too obstinate to give him anything to help him out. I took my seat back on the bench, steps lighter.

Finally, Yongguk was called to take his place. His lawyer questioned him first.

“Did you ever ually assault Choi Junhong?”

“Never.”

“Did you ever verbally or physical abuse him?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Your ex-wife alluded to your violent tendencies, what do you have to say about that?”

“I… was in a dark place when I was with Jieun-ah. I’m very sorry for the way I treated her, but there’s a different man sitting her today than the man that was her husband. I’ve changed a lot, and I do think it was for the better.”

“And your drinking?”

“I haven’t had a drop since the time I saw Junhong again. I didn’t feel as sad, and I didn’t feel the need to drink.”

“Do you love Choi Junhong?”

“Yes, I do. I love him very much.”

They continued in that way. Yongguk gave calm and gentle replies and I felt at ease. That is, until the aggressive Himchan took the floor.

“You’ve changed for the better, that’s what you said, right?”

“I’d say so, yes.”

“A year and half ago you were an established professor, property owner, and loving husband, and now you’re being tried for kidnapping. This is better?”

“I’m happy—genuinely and truly happy. There’s a sort of feeling that comes from loving and being loved, unconventional or not. It’s something money and status can’t get a person. Junhong gave that to me. It may be wrong, and I have been a selfish man, but given the choice I would love him all the same, and I’ll carry on after this day loving him as well.”

I didn’t understand why Himchan didn’t stop him then. He asked a yes or no question, but he let Yongguk speak his mind. I suppose that maybe I underestimated how much he cared for Yongguk. It hadn’t ever crossed my mind that he might be struggling with the prosecution of the man who had always been his best friend because Kim Himchan was as great an actor as he was a lawyer.

It wasn’t until I felt Jongup grab my hand and hold it tightly that I understood him. Himchan was a lot like me, when I thought about it. He had encased himself in ice to perform his duty, but that day, Yongguk melted him as well.

Himchan continued on, badgering him and turning the case around once more and finally the closing statements came. The defense lawyer’s statement was weak, and didn’t adjust to the proceedings in the court. Yongguk smiled softly, listening to his stuttering idiot of a legal advisor. His eyes drifted to me and my anxiety subsided. There was something about him, always so strong and resilient, that put me instantly at rest.

Himchan stood, and the case was his. That was clear to everyone. While we had been compelling, Himchan had been more intimidating and stern. Yongguk was going to be taken from me. The blonde man adjusted his suit jacket as he took the floor, his narrow eyes scanning the courtroom for a moment. They settled on me briefly and he began.

“Today you have heard testimony about the complicated relationship between Bang Yongguk and Choi Junhong. In July of this year the defendant took the minor away from his family, and hid him away to pursue a ual and romantic relationship. Anyone will argue that Choi Junhong is just a child and doesn’t understand the gravity of his words or actions. Many would say it’s clear that Bang Yongguk manipulated the boy in the expert way adults can.”

I winced as his words connected. The jury hung on every period, and there was a sudden pause. Jongup squeezed my hand as Himchan looked in our direction, and I realized that it hadn’t been me that he had been looking at all. His eyes flicked to Yongguk once and he continued.

“But Choi Junhong’s testimony would prove those people wrong. He was completely articulate—more so than many adults. No one can deny that the boy knows precisely where his feelings lie,” my father grew tense in front of me, and my mouth fell slightly open, “Kidnapping is defined as the forceful act of abducting a person, or coercing someone with malicious intent. Both of those prerequisites simply weren’t met in this case. Choi Junhong went willingly, and Bang Yongguk had no ill will toward the boy. If there was no age difference and they were man and woman this case wouldn’t even be considered.”

“But legally, Korea does not see age, and personal beliefs on what is normal and what is not cannot affect your decisions. You’re obligated by your responsibilities and unbiased judges of character and not as parents, spouses, or what have you. Leave your personal experience behind and judge based solely on the criteria that has been outlined for you.” My father rose, his chair screeching as he slammed his hands on the table.

“What are you doing?” he shouted.

“Sir, sit down,” the judge asserted, but my father did not. He was outraged, and the cameras were eating it up.

“Stop it right now, Kim Himchan!”

Himchan did no such thing. He ignored my father, and continued. “There are two people in this courtroom who are clearly in love. I’m not asking you to agree or believe in that, but to perform your duties as jury members without letting your beliefs corrupt the judgment.”

My father actually took a swing at Himchan as he was walking back, but it was easily sidestepped. The judge quieted the court and my father was pulled out by his arms by two large men. I sat in shock, and Yongguk was the same way. Hell, everyone was shocked. The jury was dismissed for discussion and the rest of us were granted freedom for the next hour.

Everyone, so confused, made no real moves to go anywhere except for Himchan who packed up his brief case, wordlessly approaching us. “Let’s go get coffee.” He didn’t direct the words at anyone, but Jongup rose in response. Something changed about Kim Himchan that day. There was a light in his eyes, even if his face was grim. They left the courtroom side by side, but the face Himchan grabbed Jongup’s hand while exiting didn’t escape anyone. I watched in disbelief and then looked to Yongguk, who was craning his neck to watch the same display.

We didn’t rush to each other or embrace, but we shared a smile then. A secret smile, one that no one else understood, and we didn’t words. Jieun and my mother took me to the cafeteria to get me a meal, and Yongguk stayed in the courtroom, waiting. The hour passed by so slowly I thought I’d go mad. My father wasn’t allowed anywhere near us, so it was just my mother, Jieun, and me all gathered around a tiny table. I heard laughing around the corner and I recognized it right away.

Jongup joined us again, leaving Himchan behind I was sure. He sheepishly sipped at some fancy coffee from a café down the street. My mother glared at him, but I welcomed him next to me. No one said anything more, and I ate my chips and drank my soda while tapping my feet on the floor. Himchan came to get us when it was time for court to reconvene, and I nearly sprinted up from the basement cafeteria. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating. My mother whispered something to Himchan, and I’m sure it was the dissolution of his employment. Even so, he strode up without falter, taking his seat.

We all sat as well, and my eyes were glued to the back of Yongguk’s head. As if unfazed by the event at hand, he was watching the outdoors where the snow had begun to fall softly. The judge cleared his throat and all eyes snapped to him—with the exclusion of Yongguk.

“Has the jury reached a verdict on the charge of kidnapping?” he asked. A man standing on a far side stood with a nod.

“We the jury, have found the defendant, Bang Yongguk, not guilty.”

The words seemed to be like syrup in my ears, seeping slowly into my brain. Beside me, tears were shed, and the reactions of the bystanders were mixed. Slowly, very slowly, so slowly that it was hardly moving at all, in fact, I looked at Yongguk. He stared back at me, completely bewildered. I shot out of my seat, and I ran to him. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

I threw myself into his arms, and it was over. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and held me as if tomorrow would never come. And maybe it wouldn’t. I kissed him without shame in front of everyone that day. Scandals didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

“I love you so much,” I told him, eyes becoming glossy. He smiled softly in return.

“I love you too, Jello. I love you so much.”

“So… What happens now?” I asked curiously. Yongguk’s eyes drifted past me to where my mother and Jieun sat, trying to hide their tears. They didn’t hold each other, and tried to look strong. I looked too, watching them as Jongup knelt beside them, attempting to soothe the women.

“I think hyung’s going to go away for a while,” he told me. My eyes shot to him.

“Where will you go?” I asked, voice becoming shaky.

“America, I think. It’s like you said, we’ll still be in love even if we’re far apart. There are people who need your love more than I do right now,” he told me gently. I expected those words to hurt more than anything, but instead they gently rolled over my skin, sinking in.

“Promise to love me still? You won’t look at other people, will you?” I drilled him suspiciously. He laughed his booming laugh, shaking his head.

“Not with an angel in my heart.”

“You’re cheesy, hyung.”

We both laughed then, even with tears in our eyes. He kissed me, slowly and lovingly, cupping my face and holding me close to him. I kissed back, pouring everything I had into that action. And just as simply as that, we parted ways. He met with Himchan at the door, and I returned to my family. I slipped my long arms around my mother’s shoulder, and looked at Jongup.

“I think I’ll stay.”

We parted ways that day. I didn’t see him off at the airport, nor did I ever even check to see if he made it to the airport. My mother left my father after that day too. We moved in with Jieun’s parents for a while instead, and the house was full of laughter. Hana, Jieun’s sister in law, had several bouncing children, and I saw my cousins again for the first time in a long time. For the first time, I had a family. It was bigger than most, and included Jongup and Himchan too, but a family nonetheless.

My heart rested in two places: in that home, and overseas wherever Yongguk traveled. Resting on his shoulders, my love for him never faded, not even for a second.

I owed him my everything, and I vowed the very day he left, to give him my everything again someday.