Day 242

 

 

 

I awoke to a woman tending to bruises on my arms. How did these even get there? She began to wrap gauze around them and also tend to my needles and things, as usual. She was extra caring this time around, and it frustrated me.

 

“What is it?” I asked with a tint of anger. She simply hummed in response.

 

“Why are you being so kind?” I asked again, slightly irritated.

 

“I feel bad Kevin,” she confessed. I scoffed at her.

 

“I don’t want your pity. Don’t bring him up,” I replied as I lied back against my pillow once again. I sighed as I looked at the clock. 

 

*1:00PM*

 

“Has no one come to visit?” I questioned curiously as I turned back to face her.

 

“No,” she stated bluntly. 

 

“Hm…” I would be lying if I said I wasn’t just a bit angry. I wanted someone there for me, especially now, to get my mind off of the recent events.

 

“But just wait. Someone will show I’m sure,” she said with a smile as she left the room. I sat there for awhile just thinking. Thinking about everything and everyone and how miserable I really was. Why do I insist on continuing to live in such pain? All I am is depressed and worthless now. I can’t even do the simplest tasks for myself anymore. My thoughts were soon interrupted.

 

“Hello there! Have a nice rest? You’ve been sleeping for awhile, the nurse told me. Feeling okay?” Alexander seemed perkier than usual.

 

“Haha, yea I slept for quite some time. I’m feeling…as I always am,” I told him. He sighed at my answer. I guessed it wasn’t what he wanted to hear from me.

 

“You know…you need to be happy again. For me, hm? I miss the old you,” he admitted. 

 

“Yea? Well how am I supposed to do that when my best friend is dying, I’m dying, and the person I love doesn’t care about me?” I shot back. Alexander’s eyes spoke for him. I let out a long exhale and looked him in the eyes.

 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know where the old Kevin is right now,” I added. Xander’s face seemed to contort before growing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“Alright then. I’ll just have to deal with this Kevin for awhile,” he replied as he sat on the bed.

 

“Here. I saw it on the way here. You like these things right?” He handed me a small dumpling and I nodded. I ate it eagerly and he laughed at how stupid I was.

 

“You made a mess. There are crumbs literally everywhere! Jeez Kev, thought you’d be a little less animalistic in your eating habits,” he giggled and cleaned up the blanket for me.

 

“Thank you…” I said as I refused to look at him.

 

“What’s up?” He asked sincerely.

 

“I don’t know right now. I’m very confused and frustrated and-”

 

“HEY! HOW’S MY MAIN MAN KEVIN?” Mir yelled, bringing in Hoon and Aj with him.

 

“Hi guys,” I said back with little enthusiasm. Alexander glared at them but I just laughed and hit his shoulder.

 

“We can always talk some other time,” I said with a smile, which he gladly returned.

 

The rest of the time was spent complaining about people in stores that won’t move, or people in school/work that are mean and annoying and a bunch of things irrelevant to my life but I felt included and it felt…nice.

 

After a long time of talking and laughing we watched a movie together. In about the middle I just looked around at the people surrounding me. These people were there for me when others weren’t. They cared as much as they could and all I ever did was get mad when they couldn’t. I was selfish and rude, and I don’t know why they continue to stick by my side. I unconsciously started to cry and Alexander noticed. He whispered into my ear.

 

“What’s the matter? Is everything okay?”

 

I was a little choked up, “yea. Everything’s great. Everything’s just perfect.” I leaned in to hug him and he felt so warm, so comforting. The others looked at me confused and mouthed things to Alexander who was just as confused as them. I just giggled at them and sat back to continue to watch the movie. 

 

By the end everyone fell asleep and the nurses didn’t bother to wake them. I sat there looking at my friends…my family.

“I’m so sorry for any trouble I’ve caused you all. I can’t express the happiness you all bring me. I’m nothing but stuck up and inconsiderate, but yet you all come back anyways. It isn’t out of pity or sadness…but out of the love and kindness in your hearts. So thank you. Thank you for everything. I really love you guys. I really do.”

 

I clicked off the television, lied back, and began to fall asleep. Despite the loving people around me, it still felt like someone was missing, someone who I needed desperately.

 

____

 

A/N So hi.

No excuses I am so sorry.

I haven't felt up to writing recently and I'm sorry for that T.T

I feel bad that I don't update...ever.

I try as much as I can.

When summer comes around, you can bet your I'll be updating more

-Sorry for any mistakes-

and I sincerely love each and every one of you.

~Parkkimi