Day 241

 

 

 

I heard loud noises coming from right next to me. Screeching sounds and booming beeps filled my eardrums. I tried to cover my ears but my arms wouldn’t move. I shot my eyes open to see I was strapped down. Doctors and nurses were surrounding me, I saw my friends outside my room. I looked right into Xander’s eyes. I saw a twinkle in them. Not a pleasant twinkle, but the glistening of a tear forming in the corner of his delicate eye.

 

“X-Xander…” I muttered as I looked around the room confusedly. He turned away from me and held his face in his palms. 

 

“Kevin you have to be still and calm. Your heart monitor went off the charts. Were you having a bad dream?” The doctor questioned.

 

My mind suddenly remembered what my dream-

 

My “nightmare” was about.

 

I was there, but I wasn’t. It was more like I was observing the scene in front of me. Kiseop was shopping in a store with his goofy grin. He bought the gift for me and wrapped it up there. He hopped in his car as he talked to himself.

 

“Kevin will love it, I just know so! Maybe now he’ll realize my feelings…”

 

With the memory of my nightmare flooding back I held in my tears as I continued to think of the rest.

 

The gift fell on the floor and he quickly leaned over to pick it up, but once he lifted his head back to the road…

 

*CRASH*

 

“NO! NO! PLEASE… COME BACK KISEOP! I’M SO SORRY!” I began thrashing and yelling in my bed. The doctors quickly inserted a needle into my neck to calm me. I soon lost consciousness

 

____

 

 

“He‘s waking up!” I heard someone say.

 

“Mm… what?” I murmured as I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. I looked around the room to see Xander, of course, along with Hoon, AJ, and Dongho. 

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”  They shouted. I had a tiny faux grin on my face. I definitely wasn’t in the mood for any celebration. 

 

They all gave me small hugs and kisses on the forehead to wish me a happy birthday. They celebrate me growing one year older. But it only made me realize I was one year closer to death.

 

After the celebratory mood calmed down the room went semi-quiet.

 

“Are you…are you alright Kev?” Dongho asked as he moved closer to me. He knelt down and took my hand as I smiled at him and nodded.

 

“I missed you,” I told him. He returned a smile and brought my hand close to him, sort of giving it a hug.

 

“We were so scared,” Hoon confessed. I gave a slight hum and the room went silent again. Leave it to Mir to change the atmosphere.

 

“MIRUE IS HERE. I BROUGHT GOODIES,” he shouted excitedly.

 

“Feeling okay Kevin? I brought you some snacks. Food here is pretty bleh right? Haha. Happy Birthday!”

 

“Yea…thanks,” I told him as I took his weird choice of food from his hands. I felt bad looking at him, I’ve always been so harsh and rude to him lately. My pride wasn’t allowing me to apologize for everything, at least not now.

 

Everyone ate their snacks in silence. I turned my head to see the monarch butterfly gift Kiseop had gotten me. I had to ask.

 

“How’s Kiseop?”

 

The room stayed dead. Nobody was talking. Nobody was chewing. It seemed almost as if nobody was even breathing.

 

“He won’t make it…Kevin,” Alexander finally admitted.

 

“He won’t make it or he didn’t make it?” I asked harshly.

 

“Kevin please…” AJ added.

 

“No! Tell me! Don’t I deserve to know? It’s MY fault after all,” I confessed. They all looked at me strangely.

 

“Kevin! It isn’t your fault! Why would you think that?”

 

“IF IT WASN’T FOR MY STUPID BIRTHDAY-”

 

“Enough Kevin…” Alexander said sternly. He walked over and put his hand on my shoulder.

 

“There is nobody to blame here. Kiseop…he fought for a long time. He’s still fighting Kevin! Just…believe he will be okay.”

 

“I can’t Alexander. I know he won’t make it. His body is too weak. I don’t want to hear anything about him. Because one day…he won’t be here anymore, and I’ll have to hear ty news AGAIN!” I was shouting now. I began to weep into my hands, the others silently crying to themselves. They all knew it was true. Hearing he wouldn’t make it once, then again…how long would this continue?

 

“Kevin…in the end, it will be your choice,” Hoon said gloomily.

 

“Wh-what do you mean by that?” I questioned, wiping away the liquid left over from my sobbing.

 

“Kiseop, he… if anything ever happened to him, he gave the choice to you…to pull the plug or not,” Alexander added.

 

Everyone stayed still. It took a moment for my mind to process Alexander’s statement.

 

“ME? GOD DAMN IT KISEOP… I DON’T WANT THIS! I DON’T WANT TO DECIDE YOUR OWN FATE YOU STUPID KID.” My wails could be heard from outside the room. People began giving us odd looks. 

 

“His…parents?” I asked when the tears died down.

 

“They passed away in an airplane crash. He never told you because he didn’t want to burden you,” Mir said.

 

“ing idiot…” I said as tears streamed down my pale cheeks. I tried to wipe them away, but the more I did the more fell.

 

“I don’t understand…” I said between sobs and hiccups. Kiseop trusted me with his life. But was he even really living anymore? Wasn’t he basically already dead? Causing pain to all of us by keeping him in that state… is something he wouldn’t want.

 

“You have forever to decide; don’t let it trouble you now,” Mir said as he continued to eat like nothing was wrong.

 

“WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU!?  OUR BEST FRIEND…HE’S GONE!” I couldn’t be calmed anymore. My machines were buzzing and whirring, causing commotion in the hospital room. My friends were scurrying over to try to help. It was no use. What did they care? They never gave a about anyone. Ever.

 

“Leave…” I said quietly.

 

“But Kevin-”

 

“LEAVE!” I shouted as loud as I could. They all hung their heads low, and singled out of the room.

 

“Kevin?” Alexander’s voice rung in my ears.

 

“You can’t dwell on this forever. Kiseop, he-”

 

“He wouldn’t want you to. He’d want you to focus on your own health. Just remember that,” with his last words he closed the door gingerly behind him. I picked up the pictures I had of Kiseop and the others by my bed and began to rip them. I shredded each and everyone as hot tears rolled down my face. 

 

“YOU STUPID, STUPID…” I panted heavily from loss of breath. The crying was too much for my lungs. I stopped in my tracks and just sat there. I rubbed my temples and hung my head in my hands. I picked up the last picture of Kiseop and myself and began to tear the corner.

 

“Stop it,” a strong voice said from the door.

 

“Get the hell away from me Ellison,” I scolded. I began to rip the picture but tough hands snatched it away.

 

“Grow up,” he said sternly as he tacked the photo to the wall.

 

“I came to give you this,” Eli said as he handed me a letter.

 

“Kiseop’s card to you for your birthday. It was at his house; he must have forgot it.”

 

“Get out…” I said in a tiny voice. Eli was eager to follow my instruction as he got off the bed and swiftly moved to the door.

 

“Kevin-”

 

“Please. Never come back. I can’t stand to see your face anymore,” I confessed softly.

 

He let out a sigh before he nodded and left. Would he listen? Would he take me seriously? He never cared about me. Mina this, Mina that…that’s all that mattered to him anymore. I was just a memory, a chapter in his life novel.

He has moved on; I’m forgotten and abandoned in Eli’s world. The next step is asking him, “Who is Kevin to you?”

 

His reply would simply be, “Who’s Kevin?”

 

I sighed at the thought and a tear formed in my eye. I ignored it and looked down at the cute little message.

 I opened the letter and began to read it aloud to myself.

 

_____

 

 

Dear Kev~

 

                I know how much you love monarch butterflies! I hope this gift is just what you want. I had a great time showing you new shows~ Have you been watching it? Tehehe ^.^

How was the book? Good right? It kind of reminded me of you~ You’re so strong and I know you’ll keep fighting! Recently there have been some events that made me realize something. I want you to know that… ever since we were younger, I’ve always felt more than friendship for you. I know how you feel about Ellison and…I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hope you realize that there is someone out there that really cares about you right now; someone who wants to be with you. Please, accept my feelings.

 

        Kevin I love you.

 

                      Happy Birthday~

 

                                                                                               From your best friend, Kiseop. <3

 

______

 

 

 

I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. Tears fell one by one onto the piece of paper. I didn’t want it to be ruined. I quickly set it on the table. I took another look at his gift.

 

“Do you…really feel that way about me? Was my dream…my nightmare…what really happened? It really is all my fault… oh god. What the hell am I supposed to do with you? You turned me down when we were younger, and now you confess? When it’s too late?! GOD DAMN YOU!” I huffed and held my chest as it began to heave from the stress and pain.

 

Everything hurt.

 

My chest, my arms, my head, my brain…

 

But the thing that hurt the most was my heart.

 

“I’m so sorry. So, SO sorry…can you ever forgive me…Kiseop?”

 

 

 

______

 

A/N

So...really long LONG break. No excuse I'm sorry T.T

So corny corn is corny; sorry to ruin the mood.

I'll be back writing whenever I can~

I've been super lazy and I was actually catching up on dramas and shows~

Anyways...

I love you readers, commenters, subbers...all of you <3

Continue to stay with me until the end~

Sorry for any mistakes (I think I got them all)

~ Parkkimi