When Donghae returns from Taiwan, Hyukjae's not at the airport to greet him. Hyukjae's body is. Or is it Eunhyuk's? Donghae doesn't know, and he's seriously scared right now. He thinks he hasn't felt so insecure and alone since his dad had died. 

"Hi, Donghae," Eunhyuk greets him. He briefly hugs Donghae in front of the other members, and some of their fans that waited at the airport terminal for Donghae's return cheers and snaps pictures. Donghae's tempted to tell them to shut up, please. 

***

"You hadn't called me since forever," Donghae starts.

Hyukjae says shortly, "I didn't see the point."

"I...I didn't talk to you as much because I wanted to socialize more with my coworkers! I still let you know that I was alright!"

Hyukjae humorlessly laughed. "Oh yeah? Through updating your twitter? The most personal information I heard about you was from Siwon."

***

"We need a break," Hyukjae tells Donghae a week after he returns. 

***

"Bro, you look awful," Shindong tells Donghae bluntly over the breakfast table. "And depressed."

"I'm not taking pills anymore," Donghae says dully. 

Heechul glares at Donghae. "Good. Since they didn't help much either. When you were taking pills, you still looked pretty unhappy. But I think you just looked more like an then and a little sick and depressed, and now you just look depressed and sick."

Donghae blinks. "Well, what do you suggest I do?"

"Let me punch Hyukjae in the face," Heechul says promptly. 

"That's kind of immature." Kyuhyun momentarily stops reading nerdy stuff on his phone. 

"ShutupKyuhyun," Heechul says for old time's sake. He then falls face-first into his bowl of soy milk and ginseng since a total of two hours of sleep over six days will get to anyone. Even Heechul.

***

"I always eat when I'm sad," Shindong tells Donghae. "Siwon works out. Leeteuk talks his problems away, or exercises with girls."

Donghae knows exactly what Shindong's really talking about when he referred to exercising with girls, but Donghae really can't stand the thought of being with someone else besides Hyukjae in that way right now. 

"He's completely avoiding me," Donghae whispered. "He doesn't even look at me or say hi when we pass each other now." When we do pass each other, Donghae thought. Hyukjae was rarely in the dorms now. Donghae kind of even wished Eunhyuk would stop to stay hello to him every now and then.

"You can see this as a good thing," Yesung butts in, trying to be helpful. "It's even healthier this way. Both of you can both find girls you really like, please your parents, and..."

"Yesungshutup," Kyuhyun says. For once, Heechul doesn't slap Kyuhyun for his impudence.

***

Eunhyuk's confident. He's funny, talented, and lovable. Eunhyuk doesn't feel any pain, and he's strong. Whenever a problem comes his way, he just laughs it off.   He can make it anyone love him, Hyukjae thought. Well, except for Donghae. And I don't think he really felt anything for me to begin with.

"You're really good, Kai." Eunhyuk tells a wide-eyed and slightly awkward trainee who Mr. Kim raves over.

The younger boy bashfully scratches his neck. "Thanks, brother." Kim Jong-in wonders if Eunhyuk ever felt weird from being called Eunhyuk at the start. It feels strange being called Kai when I was known as Jong-in for sixteen years. It's almost as if I'm a completely different person. 

Eunhyuk cuffs Kai. "Don't act surprised or embarrassed. When you're an idol, all kinds of get in your way. You have to always stand strong and be confident." He blanches. I hope I don't sound like Siwon  a preacher. 

Kai grins a little tentatively. "Should I have acted like I receive compliments all the time?"

***

"Your Chinese is horrible. Are you really that dumb? Third-graders can do better than this." "Your dancing isn't good enough." "Do you ever think you can debut like this?!" 

Hyukjae would've winced whenever he heard trainees being told these words. Now he just listens to the instructors' harsh comments with a stone face. They need to toughen up anyway. 

***

August 3rd, 2011. Mr. Simple.

SM proclaimed it to be the last installment of the "SJ Funky" era before Leeteuk entered the military. All of the Super Junior members are a little bit frightened from this statement.

"I know we haven't been getting on the best of terms lately," Sungmin said. "But I don't want to be thrown away like a rag doll after this."

"It feels like they're pushing us into early retirement."

Every member turns their heads in the direction the voice came from. Leeteuk part matter-of-factly, part sadly looked back at the annoyed, frightened, or depressed looks. "That's what some fansites and music reviewers are saying about this album."

***

Heechul enlists for his mandatory military service on the first of September.

***

Leeteuk's been more and more withdrawn lately. He's always considerably less happy and smiley in the dorms than on his variety show appearances, but Donghae notices Leeteuk's unhappiness is starting to reach a clinical level. I've been there, Donghae thought. 

***

Although Leeteuk can be an , he's always been a great leader. Donghae realizes this when he walks in on Leeteuk crying in SM's practice room one day. 

"I'm sorry for being so hard on you and Eunhyuk," Leeteuk apologized to Donghae, tears still streaming down his face as Donghae hugged Leeteuk, trying to calm him down. "I'm sorry if I ever let you down. I always tried to lead this group the best that I could, but I guess sometimes I'm just not good enough, right?" Leeteuk weeps even harder.

"You're the best boss, manager, and brother all of us could ever have," Donghae admitted honestly. And Leeteuk was right about some of the things he said before. If Eunhyuk and I admitted our relationship to the public, Super Junior would probably have been over a long time ago. And at least Super Junior lasted longer than Eunhyuk and I. 

***

Leeteuk starts spending more and more time at the dorms, and Donghae thinks that if he keeps it up, Leeteuk would be as reclusive as him pretty soon. 

It annoys Donghae that whenever Eunhyuk is in the dorms, Hyukjae never comes with him. And Eunhyuk's at least not completely ignoring me now, but he's talking to and hanging out with Kyuhyun a lot more.

"I wish sometimes that we can just go back to our trainee days," Leeteuk tells Donghae when they're the only two in the dorms again. "Although we had less, I think I felt happier then."

***

"Why did you tell Soo-Man about Eunhyuk and I?" Donghae asks Leeteuk.

Leeteuk doesn't even bother to tell Donghae that he forgot the honorary title for Head Soo-Man. "Just as a warning. I still wanted you two to be in the group, but I felt like it was just something he should know about."

Donghae lightly hits Leeteuk. "That was still pretty annoying. I wanted to punch you in the face when I got back from that."

Leeteuk blanches. My face is expensive. "Hey, I tried to make up for that, and I'm still trying."

Donghae smiles. I know. He remembers when Leeteuk suggested in a meeting that Soo-Man and SM should start giving their artists more artistic freedom in songwriting and composing. Although some of the higher-ups argued that most, if not all, of their hired singers didn't have enough songwriting ability to "make the best sales," Leeteuk managed to convince Soo-Man in the end. I really don't think Y, the song I wrote with Chance, would be on Mr. Simple if it wasn't for Leeteuk. Donghae feels so grateful towards Leeteuk right now that he envelops him in a Donghae-copyright hug. Leeteuk grumbles but hugs back. 

***

Donghae video calls Kibum, and realizes he's not looking too great either.

"Okay, I gained some weight," Kibum says, annoyed. "But you did, too, so back off."

"I look cuddlier. One of my fans called me fluffy," Donghae retorts. 

"Yeah, and another one broke into your hotel room and got a bloody nose from a security guard just so she could get your autograph."

Yeah, that did happen in China. "Well, so what if I'm not working out? I don't want to see Eunhyuk or Siwon."

"Bro, you and Eunhyuk should get over yourselves and just make up. Not talking to him seems really bad for you." Kibum rubs some stubble that's growing on his upper lip.

***

"Thanks." Donghae bro-hugs Youngsky, then Peter. "I really love this song."

Peter grins. "Who wouldn't?"

Youngsky thwacks Donghae good-naturedly. "Show them who's making a comeback."