back to japan..and hell..reality

that weekend with kyuhyun and the rest of his hyungs proved to be crazy and well sweet, we were already back in japan and who knows when i'll see kyuhyun again, as much as i didnt want to admit it i was beginning to miss him...and that jerk didnt even bother to call me again!! 

'ria-san!!! ohayo!'

i turned around and saw sam with a pleasant smile on her face, she was back to normal after her sweet weekend with heechul at seoul, she lost their bet and was 'forced' to spend the rest of the weekend with him and his family.

i smiled and hugged her, she just got back from seoul 'you look genki sammie-san, did you finally get to enjoy seoul with your kim heechul?'

she pouted and stuck her tongue out 'dont say bad words please...that idiot, he told his parents im his girlfriend so he didnt have to marry someone else?!!! i wanted to kill him right then and there'

'ohh?? he did that? ' i asked 'hmm well...hehe just enjoy, i mean we know that you like him'

'duhh..he's a weirdo, i change my mind..and everywhere we go he smiles at girls??!! can you believe that jerk?! anyways lets forget about that walking disaster...how are you and kyuhyun-sama?'

i sighed as we walked towards the benches that lined the university grounds 'we havent talked for 2 weeks now...did heechul or yesung say anything? did you see him in seoul?'

she shook her head 'i only saw heechul, we didnt go to their dorm...' then she added 'what happened between you and kyuhyun-sama at their dorm?'

i blushed and looked at my feet and sighed again 'we..we-ahh kissed? it was unexpected sammie!'

'you what??!!' aia squealed as she hugged me...she appeared out of nowhere and looks like she was overjoyed about the news she just heard 'does that mean he loves you now?' she asked

i shook my head 'he hasnt called me for 2wks aia-san, is that a sign that he loves me? i think not...he was cold right after we kissed'

they both sat beside me and hugged me..it felt good having them around and once i was in familiar and loving arms, i let my tears fall..my tears of frustration, anger and longing...

'i shouldnt have let him kiss me..i shouldnt have let him come too close to me..i shouldnt have love him, its not right'  i mumbled in between sobs

'nothing is right or wrong when it comes to love ria-san' sammie whispered

'still..i shouldnt have love him...what we have is a business arrangement nothing more'

aia smiled at me and said 'things will get better ria-san you'll see'

i was hoping for the same, but its so hard to be as optimistic as they were...looks like my future would be bleak and it all started  when kyuhyun uttered the name 'haneul' when we kissed. i could have asked more..i could have wanted to ask him who haneul was but i stopped myself from doing that, i didnt have any right to ask him anything about his private life. i meant nothing to him, just like the kiss meant nothing to him as well...

i wish i didnt have to hurt..i wish i didnt have to marry him...

'damn you to hell and back cho kyuhyun!' i whispered 'and damn myself for letting you in my heart when i shouldnt have'

***

a bit short :) and a bit dramatic...