April 18

I locked myself in the music room the entire night. I literally broke down into silent sobs when I reached the room, ignoring the occasional bystander outside who stood outside to ask me if I was alright. I couldn’t answer them in fear that they’d hear me crying once I opened my mouth.

No matter how much  I wanted to, I couldn’t get myself to confront Taemin about the events of the day before. I couldn’t get myself to confront anyone. I was afraid that if they saw me, if I saw him, I’d start to break down again. And I couldn’t let him know the fact that I knew his secret, I didn’t want himto leave me. I wanted him to be by my side forever.

I wanted Taemin to love me forever.

But I knew for a fact that Taemin doesn’t love me anymore. I knew for a fact that Taemin fell out of love with me, and fell for someone else. A band mate, a brother, someone I could call my best friend. And not to mention that they probably ed after I left. Hah, . The very word that Taemin used to yell at me the day all this started.

I sighed as I struggled to get up from my lying position on the floor. I undoubtedly knew that I looked like right now from all the crying last night. I unlocked the door and decided to go take a shower. I took a clean towel and some clothes that I kept in here in case I was too busy composing to make it back to my room to change. I opened the door and made my way to the bathroom with my head faced down.

“Jonghyun-ah.”

I stopped in my tracks, but I didn’t dare look up to the person who had called me.

“Are you okay?” Onew asked worriedly.

“Yes, hyung. I’m just going to go take a shower.”

He didn’t say anything else and I thought that he’d be on his way to go do whatever he had to do. But as I took another step forward he decided to continue.

“You know that if there’s something bothering you, you can always come talk to me right?”

I know hyung, but how can I talk to you about this? How can I tell you that Taemin doesn’t love me anymore and I witnessed him being intimate with another man? Even I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget everything.

I nodded and continued my way towards the bathroom.

Once I got there, I undressed and stepped into the shower. The hot water scorched my skin, leaving red patches wherever it made contact. But I didn’t care, I didn’t feel the pain coming from the hot water. Instead, I felt immense pain coming from inside, somewhere deep within my chest where my heart used to be, as I replayed the words that continued to destroy my very being:

I love you too, Minho.

Over and over, those words cut me to the point that I could no longer feel. To the point where I didn’t know how to feel. I was so numb and out of it, that it had been nearly an hour since I started my shower.

I turned the shower off and step outside to dry myself and to put on some clothes. After doing so, I looked into the mirror to check if I looked ‘presentable’. My eyes were still a little swollen, but unnoticeable nonetheless.

I opened the door only to bump into the one person that I wanted to see the least today.

“Hey hyung, did you enjoy your shower? You were in  there for a while.”

“Minho”. I said with no emotions behind it. I made my way past him and continued down the hall till I made it safely to my bedroom. I fell carelessly onto my bed and stared at the empty white space above me. Physically and mentally exhausted, I fell into an easy, dreamless sleep.

I was woken up minutes later when I felt someone jostling my hair. I kept my eyes closed, hoping to fall back asleep.

“Stupid, you’re supposed to dry your hair before you go to sleep.”

This person continued to wipe my hair with a towel in an attempt to make it dry. It was quiet after that and the relaxing feeling of having my head rubbed was slowly throwing me back into the sea of unconsciousness. Just as I was about to fall in completely, the other spoke again.

“I’m worried about you Jonghyun. You’ve been so quiet lately, so distant. You used to speak to me whenever you had a problem, but now you’re just bottling it all up and crying till you fall asleep. How do I help you if you won’t open up to me?”

I felt a hand caress my hair and then my cheek.

“I’m hurt to see you like this.” Genuine sadness laced the deep, caring voice.

“Mianhe hyung.” I managed to croak out. I opened my eyes only to face his dark brown worried ones. I made an attempt to sit up, but was overcome by a sudden dizziness. I held my hand against my temple as my head fell back into my pillow.

“Jonghyun! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing hyung, I’m just feeling a little dizzy that’s all.”

“Nothing, my .” He rolled his eyes at me as he placed a hand against my forehead. “Jonghyun, you’re burning up!”

I closed my eyes, trying to get the room to stop spinning. I could feel Jinki jumping off the bed to search for Taemin. Taemin is last person I wanted to see at that moment.  I didn’t want him to see me so weak, so broken.

But before Taemin could make it into my room, a pair of hands pulled me back into pool of darkness.

[A/N]: I hope this update wasn't too bad. :D I really don't know why I like making them suffer so much. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love SHINee...I just love angst too. Thanks to those who've subscribed and commented and to all those silent readers out there!

Please subscribe and comment, I'll be updating again soon ^^

Oh, and please check out and subscribe to my new jongyu story, 'Stolen Innocence'! :)

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/213521/1/stolen-innocence-jonghyun-jongtae-jongyu-onew-shinee