April 14


The next day, not only were things between Taemin and I not okay, but there was always an awkward tension whenever we’d be in the same room.

Everything appeared normal, but it most certainly did not feel normal. We were all in the living room relaxing before we left for our group photoshoot. I sat on the single couch pretending to read a magazine, secretly glancing at my boyfriend from time to time. I watched Taemin laughed effortlessly as he and Key, our diva,  had their own little tickle war on the couch.

We haven’t said anything about his sudden outburst yesterday, heck we haven’t conversed at all! Every time I find the opportunity to speak to him privately, he’d always have some excuse to escape. He’ll say that he ‘has to help Key do the laundry’ or that he’s ‘going to take a nap cause he’s tired’. It hurt me to see how much the one person that matters to me the most is avoiding me all together.

It just wasn’t fair.

He could speak normally, happily, with the other members. But when it comes to me, his own boyfriend, he decides that he wants to ignore my feelings, my entire existence. I’ve never hid anything from Taemin. I trusted him enough not to keep anything from him; every little problem I’d harbored in my heart, Taemin knew. He was the one that made that me promise to tell him everything, and that he’ll do the same, when we started dating. So then why couldn’t he trust me? Why couldn’t he tell me what was bothering him?

I knew right then and there that Taemin was hiding something from me. He was hiding something that was obviously hurting him, enough to have him yell at me, curse at me…hurt me.

But I couldn’t be mad at Taemin. The love I felt for him overpowered the anger that almost surfaced. Because I loved Taemin that much, I am capable of suppressing any other feeling - whether its hurt or fear.

I was pulled out of my train of thought when Jinki, our leader, popped his head into the room.

“You guys should go get ready. Its almost time to go”.

Key got up first, skipping out of the room and up the stairs to change. After Jinki left, I grabbed this chance to finally confront him. I put the magazine down on  the coffee table and looked up the other boy who sat there quietly.

“Tae,“ I started and he immediately stood up.

“I’m going to go change.”

Just as he was about to exit the room, I leaped off my chair and captured his wrist.

“Tae, we need to talk.”

“Hyung, we’re leaving soon and you know how long I take to get ready.”

He turned to look at me and gave me a smile that never reached his eyes. His eyes were dark, too dark. Dark enough to me in alive if I didn’t look away. I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts together.

“I don’t care, we need to talk.”

“Of what, hyung?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

I could see him stiffen and hesitate as he tried to conjure up an good answer, another lie that he hoped to trick me with.

“No hyung, what makes you think that?”

“You were crying yesterday…and you blew up on me.”

“I told you I wasn’t crying. It was just my allergies acting up.”

“Mhmm, and how do you explain you blowing up on me? I never knew the word ‘’ was in your vocabulary.”

 I could feel a sudden burst of anger as he continued to lie to me. I can’t believe that the boy I trusted the most could lie so easily, like it was an everyday natural thing to him. This made be wonder if everything he ever told me was a lie.

“Who says I couldn’t curse? I can say as many times as I want." He rolled his eyes at me and added with a hint of sarcasm, "who are you to judge me, you’re not my mother."

“But I’m your boyfriend Taemin!

“So what? Just because you’re my boyfriend doesn’t mean I can’t do whatever I want. You can’t control what I do or say, you don‘t know me! Stop making it look like you know me, because really Jonghyun, you don’t know anything about me.” He growled at me. I looked into his eyes again, but instead of seeing that dark nothingness, I saw genuine anger, fearlessness, and hate.

Who was this person? This person isn’t the adorable, loving boy he had grown to love and protect for the last two years. This person standing in front of him with his hand around his wrist was a complete stranger.

I was taken aback by his words. I didn’t know what to say and by the time I thought of something he pulled his wrist out of my grip and stormed off to his room.

I stood there, in the middle of the room in shock. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I didn’t even hear the words that being said to me when Jinki came back into the room.

“Jonghyun-ah,” he called out to me as he waved his hand in my face trying to get my attention.

“Jonghyun? Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t answer him. Because I, myself, did not know if I was okay.

“Jonghyun, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Crying? Hyung, I’m not cry-

And then I felt it. Big balls of tears began to stream down my eyes, passed my cheeks, only to hit the floor beneath us. The next this I knew I was wrapped in the arms of my hyung as he whispered comforting words into my ear. He rubbed small circles onto my back with one hand while he his other hand into my hair.

“Shh, it’s okay. Just let it out.”

That’s when I broke down into a mess of sobs in the arms of my hyung.

[A/N]: Somewhat longer chapter :D Errr, don't really know what to say down here. Please feel free to comment and subscribe! Feedback/intelligent criticism, love/hate please do share :) Thanks to those who have subscribed and to all those silent readers out there!

Annyeong,

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