I'm hopelessly in love with Yesung. I have been for the past year. I thought I had been doing a good job of hiding it, but I wasn't. All of the other members knew. Well, all but Yesung, unless he was playing dumb. Although, I'm pretty sure he was oblivious. I had tried to confess to him a couple times, but they had all been major fails. Once, about six months ago, we were all alone in the car after a photo shoot. I looked at my tired hyung and smiled. He smiled right back at me. His smile was so warm and made my heart beat a million miles a minute. I took a deep breath and just went for it. I closed my eyes and spilled everything I felt. When I was done, I heard nothing. I panicked thinking I had just ruined years of friendship. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw him there with his head hanging to the side, eyes shut and breathing slow and even. I slowly and carefully slid next to him, letting his head lay on my shoulder.

After that, the other members had admitted to knowing my secret. They even admitted that they hadn't let Yesung nap and to go straight to the car with me, to wait for them. I sighed in defeat, knowing they would stop at nothing to 'help' me. I loved my hyungs, but the seriously did not know the meaning of discreet. Anytime we played a game, Yesung and I were partners. We always ended up sitting together. Always. No matter what it was, planes, cars, rides, the couch. Even in interviews! They would sit us together and joke about us being a cute couple. Yesung would always joke right back and tell them not to tease his little 'Kibummy', which would always awaken the butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable though. Yesung, bless his innocent heart, had no clue how badly I wished they were right.

The second time I tried to confess was around two months after the first failed attempt. We were all in Japan for a series of concerts and we were all on this weird high after performing. Instead of having a full out party with random people and our managers, we decided to just hang out ourselves. Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun were doing some ridiculous dance and we were all watching amused. They had a few too many shots of soju. Suddenly a slow song came on and Eunhyuk and Kyu started slow dancing. Soon the rest of the members followed suit and of course Yesung and I were paired together. Yesung had no problem with this, but I felt awkward. It wasn't fair of them to do this. I felt terrible for having these feelings for my hyung, when he had no idea. He pulled me into an embrace and softly chuckled, but I could tell he was embarrassed. As one slow dance led to another, I noticed that we were the only two in the room. 

"Real subtle, guys.", I muttered to myself.

"Did you say something?", he asked me.

"Oh, no hyung. No I didn't.", I told him enjoying this time I had with him, unsure of when it might end.

"Did-did the other guys all leave?"

I chuckled at his late observation.

"Yes, hyung. They left somewhere during the first song."

"Oh, then-", he said starting to pull away, but I quickly pulled him closer and cut him off.

"No! I-I mean, can we just stay like this for a while longer? It's relaxing, don't you think?"

All he did was nod and I couldn't tell if it was because he didn't care, or if it was because he was uncomfortable. Either way I was happy. I was soaring above the planet, because this was the best gift they could have given us. Well, me. I had decided not to waste this opportunity. I held onto him a bit tighter and took a deep breath.

"Yesung-hyung, I-", I started to say until I was interrupted by all the guys running out shouting.

"HEECHUL THAT WAS DISGUSTING!!! I BREATHED THAT INTO MY LUNGS! I'M GONNA BE SICK!!", Kyuhyun came out shouting.

"Seriously, Heechul?!", Siwon asked.

"I think you should go to the doctor. You are seriously rotten, man.", Shindong said. 

Yesung must have realized that we were still dancing and jumped back. All the guys were digested by Heechul who had apparently farted in the room they were in, except Eunhyuk. He was currently giving Heechul a huge high-five and they were laughing. I looked over at Yesung who was watching everyone, with a smile on his face. At least these drunken fools could give me one thing; Yesungs smile. Even if the entire night came crashing down, because Heechul couldn't keep his gas to himself, at least I got to see that smile. I decided it was time to call it a night when Heechul started apologizing over and over for ruining my moment. This is definitely not how I wanted Yesung to find out my feelings for him.

Thinking back on the first two times I realized a reoccurring factor. The other members. Yea, they didn't mean to ruin the moment, but they always did. I know they were just trying to help, but it was time I just did this on my own. It was time he knew my feelings. Whether he accepted them or not, I needed to finally get this out. I had my plan and was ready to get it going. I was just crossing my fingers that none of the guys would catch on.

We all arrived at our dorm building after an exhausting day of rehearsal. I walked up to the elevator and contemplated just telling them all to just let me and Yesung ride alone, but again, I didn't want any of their 'help'. The doors opened and we all filed in. Again I thought about holding Yesung back and saying I didn't want to be crammed in the tiny elevator with a bunch of stinky men, but that was too obvious. I waited and watched the numbers on the elevator control panel light up with each floor we passed. Finally we reached the 7th floor and everyone walked out. Just as Yesung was about to get out, I pulled him back in and quickly closed the doors to the elevator and pushed the button for us to go up another 2 floors. As soon as we went up one floor, I hit the 'emergency stop' button and the elevator stopped.

"Kibum, what the hell is wrong with you?! Are you okay?", he asked me, with a panic in his eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine, I mean. No, I'm not.", I said, already feeling frustrated.

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me any-", he was saying, until I cut him off with my sudden out burst of:

"I'm in love with you, hyung. I have been for a while now. I've tried telling you, but we always got interrupted. I couldn't keep it in anymore. You needed to know. This was the only way I could think of, without the other members trying to help a-", it was his turn to cut me off.

"What do you mean help? They know? Everyone knew but me?", he asked, confusedly and I explained everything to him.

"I've been in love with you for a long time, Yesung-hyung. I will completely understand if you don't feel the same, but like I said, I couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. I don't want this to end our friendship. I just, I don't know. I just wanted to let you know. Maybe I'm being selfish, but there it is.", I finished, waiting for what felt like an eternity until he finally spoke.

"I wish you wouldn't have told me this now.", he said and I felt my heart drop. "I wish you would have told me when you first found out. I've been holding in the same feelings you were, Kibum. I love you too. I love you too, Kibum."

I looked at him in surprise and could feel my heart beating so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if it popped right out of my chest. He had tears in his eyes and I couldn't help but smile at him. I walked closer to him, slowly and reached my hand to his face, wiping away the tears that had fallen. I whispered another 'I love you' to him before leaning in for a small, tentative kiss on the lips. It was my first kiss and I couldn't imagine a kiss ever being as great as this one. Our lips moved in sync and Yesung wrapped his arms around me, while I held his face. We both pulled back when we needed to take a breather, but we kept our hold on one another. I rested my forehead on his and smiled at him. I took one hand away from his face and reached back to start up the elevator again and push our floors button. 

We kissed until the elevator dinged, letting us know we had reached our destiny and reluctantly pulled back from each other. I dropped my hand and quickly grabbed his hand in mine and intertwined our fingers. When the doors opened, I saw all the boys standing in front the elevator wearing party hats. I was confused. How did they know? I didn't tell anyone. I wrote down my plan and-

"Next time you should hide your secret plans a little better, Kibum.", Shindong said interrupting my thoughts.

Everyone started laughing and blowing little party horns. I was glad that I had finally settled everything and that it didn't blow up in my face. Yesung and I put on hats too and joined in on their little party. Suddenly everyone stopped cheering and started to chant, "KISS! KISS!".

I stopped laughing and looked at Yesung, worried he might be embarrassed, but he was already leaning in. I looked down at his face and smiled. I leaned right into him and kissed him, thinking this is the happiest I've ever been.  

---------------------------------------------------------

written by: sam

------------------------------------------------------------------