It was after another week when I saw her again. By this time I already know her name and her diagnosis, the rumors and what was exactly written in her confidential files. Sandara Park 24, Obsessive-Compulsive disorder.

It was noted in her file that she developed OCD to cleanliness when she was 18 when she tried to scrub herself almost raw saying she was dirty. Later on, she’d take an hour bathing, another hour to answer the call of nature and about 10 minutes just washing her hands after touching something. She demands her things to be sterilized and refuses to sleep without a light on. And after that, she developed anorexia when she refuses to eat to avoid her bowel movement, which she considers dirty. She has been in and out of the hospital for the last 6 years.

I see the reason not to eat but I don’t know what triggered her aversion to dirt. She stays at the top suite, always dressed in white, in an all-white room with the furnishings all-white cleaned daily by professional cleaners. A side of the wall was all-glass allowing sunlight to filter in. She barely eats, only a nibble or a bite but the most she takes in are her meds, vitamins and water.

The others only know her as Dara, the bratty heiress so vain she became anorexic and so haughty she hates dirt. But I knew there was something more. So when I was assigned to do my daily rounds with her, I was almost excited.

As expected, she was far from what the rumors say about her. She didn’t speak crazy like the others I’m used to. She was very pleasant to talk to and was sensible. She even complimented me for my white shirt and coat.

She admitted to being used to being alone most of the time as she was an only child but she had cousins when she was younger. She hated the idea of living in a hospital but she loves her room, all white and sterile and filled with sunlight. She loved sunlight because she hated the dark, because darkness reminded her of dirty things. Sunlight made her feel safe. She knew she was sick and she needed help. She loved her family that was why she was doing this.

I told her that it’s okay to be alone as long as she’s not feeling lonely. I told her that living in the hospital is not that bad as most residents like myself, almost don’t get to go home during the course of our training and practically live at the hospital. I also told her that her room was nice but could use some color. And it was nice to know that she was aware of her sickness and that she wants to get well because she loves her family. Before I left, I told her I’ll be seeing her everyday to talk.

But what I didn’t say was that I knew she was hiding something. If she grew up with cousins where were they and why were they not visiting? And what the hell happened in the dark?

Notes about her throughout the years, did not contain this information about her aversion to darkness being related to her distaste of dirt. Although it stated that she had a falling out with her cousins when she was 18 mostly because she started having her OC episodes. I’m not sure if the residents before me were lazy or they were protecting her family or if Sandara never told them.

Either way, I know I’m not through getting to know her. To fix a problem, you have to get to its root. I was doing this so I can help her. Because someone as beautiful as her doesn’t belong in a cage no matter how pretty and clean it is.